It is like I am stuck. I am in my own world. There is so much going on but there is silence. It is silent. we, we are silent. I am waiting for the dream to be over. I am waiting for him to save me. I am waiting for him to save us. We live in this world where someone can say or do something to hurt you in the worst way possible but people forgive them like they did nothing, like it was nothing. Now tell me are we here to ust orgive the ones who hurt us or are we suppose to cut them out of or life, like they meant nothing to us? When someone finds the answer let me know because i am struggling. i have bcome a non-believer. I actually don't know what to believe in anymore. Someone tell me what is wrong and what is right and when you find the answer I will know what to believe in. But for now on let me live my lie.

Clare's POV

I wake up and I am on Eli's side of the bed, yet there is no Eli. It is okay though because I always expect him to leave. I am just waiting for him to leave for good. I just know that one day he is going to open the door to walk out and never come back and I just know one day he is going to leave me here with nothing but the unshattered heart he gave me in the first place. I need hope. I have an inch of hope though. Sometimes i see him and me laying on the couch watching tv and sometimes i see us going out on a couple's date. And in that moment everything is perfect. And in that moment I have something to believe in. I mean i love this man shouldn't I trust him beore I trust the sidewalk or handsoap. You don't trust someone who has once hurt you. It's kind of like riding your first bike and your parent says they won't let go but they do and you end up getting hurt so you never wan to ride on that bike with your parent again. It's that kind of hurt. but scraping your knee is much better than a shattered heart. Man, I love him.

I then feel the tears start to run down my face. I just lay there alone crying.

"Good morning sweetheart," i hear Eli say, but i don't respond. "how are you?" he questions me. I still stay silent. I hear his footsteps begin to approach the bed and curl up into a ball. My knees are at my chest as i close my eyes shut thinking of all the bad things going on in my head. He touches my forearm, and I wince. I then open my eyes to see the pain on his face. It hurts me to see him hurt but I still avoid his eye contact with me and turn over to face the wall. Eli then lays next to me in the bed, hands over his eyes, sighing."I need to know what's wrong Clare, please." he says weakly. The silence wil be the death of me so I take one big breathe and I mumble, "It's nothing." I lie but he notices my lie and sighs very heavily with a little of frustration. "I see you here crying and in pain Clare and I don't like it." I start to sob thinking of all the pain he is putting me through. He then grabs hold of me while I cry into his chest. He holds onto me so tight and for a second I feel like he is not gonna leave that he won't walk out on me but i being droven crazy. My cries quite down and i try to keep my breathing steady. He wipes my tear with his thumb but this time I don't cringe. This time i feel his warmth. He then brushes a strand of hair out of my face and puts it behind my ear.

"Tell me what you need." he tells me. I take a deep breath and I feel brave but numb at the same time. "love me." I tell him looking into his eyes with no regret. He chuckles and then I feel defeat. I feel like that was a laugh in the face like i just humiliated myself. I escape from his grip and roll out the bed. "nevermind." I say as I begin to leave the room. "Clare." I hear as I make my way down the hall. I sit on the living room couch with the television off while Eli stays upstairs.

This is the kind of quiet I talk about, the kind of silence that kills me, the kind of pain that you feel on a silent day but you are just scraming on the inside. There is no sense in being here, but I stay. I wonder and I bet Eli wonders why I stay also. I just lay there with my eyes close thinking of what just happened. I then open my eyes once I hear that i am acompanied in the room by someone else. He just sits on the other couch and it stays silent. There it goes again, the kind of silence I hate.

"Let me." I hear him say. He whispers it softly I can barely hear him. At this point he is staring at me and I look up from my lap and look at him and i se the dried up tears on his face and I see something different. i see past Eli the one who acts like he cars and then betrays me and hurts me and I seee past the cold-hearted Eli. Isee the Eli that has feelings the one that is willing to express the pain he is hiding. "Let me love you." he says. and I close my eyes for a second and in that moment I see that picture of us again but when I open my eyes again I see what I didnt want to see. I see that door opened, I ust see him leaving but when I blink he is still sitting on the couch infront of me. And there is nothing more that I want than to love someone that loves me back. His words pound in my head and instead of the image of our future all I see is the bad things happening, the arguments, him drinking, him leading me on, me crying.

My body takes over me and I walk. I walk to the front door and I open it and just sit back down. He just looks at me questioningly. "Tell me what you want, Eli. I see that door and I believe that you will one day walk outside that door and leave. I don't want to wait for that day to come. If it has to come let it be now. You mean the world to me but I can't just be friends with you. So Eli, tell me are you going to walk out that door like I know you are, or are you going to prove me wrong and sit here with me and watch a movie and hold me all night long?" and in that moment he gets up and walks to that door. or a while he just stands there looking at it and then he finally moves. and what he does brings tears to my eyes. He walks out that door and closes the door and in that moment my heart breaks. I just sit there crying but a minute later I hear a knock on the door . I slowly walk over to the door and open it. It is Eli just standing there. He than walks in and pushes my back to the wall, closing the door behind us, then more tears fall down. "Clare Edwards can I make love to you tonight?"