Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy...I only wish
Author's note: Thanks to all of you who've added my story to their favourites. My whole mailbox was full of e-mails ;-) I also would like to thank those readers who took the time to comment on the first chapter. Some of you were grossed out by Meredith taking her fetus out of the toilet bowl and burrying in in her back garden but as I was writing the chapter, I tried to put myself in her shoes. I'm almost sure it was what she would have done (remember the remains of her mom in her locker). Again...thanks to those who commented...it really means a lot. Please read the next chapter and let me know what you think of it. I've also written a part as Derek's point of view. Let me know if you like that.
Further I wish you all a nice day!
McJinx
Chapter 2
I flinch as Cristina presses a wet washcloth against the gash in my leg, and I'm still wondering why she hasn't asked anything about the scene, she witnessed in the back yard.
"How bad is it?" I ask, bracing myself for the worst.
"It's just a scratch…it's deep…but you don't need stitches," Cristina says while she cleans and covers my gash with a band aid.
"Thanks," I softly sigh.
"You're welcome!"
"Have you seen Derek this morning?" I ask quietly.
Cristina nods as she pulls me to my feet, "That's why I'm here. He's asked me to check up on you!"
"Why?" I ask hesitantly, "…You haven't told him about the baby…have you?"
"Of course not," Cristina remarks wryly, "…Derek's just worried because he knows you saw him get shot yesterday!"
"Of course…I'm sorry," I sigh wearily, trying to shrug off the dark cloud that has settled over me since yesterday. A faint smile flits briefly across Cristina's face, fading before I'm even certain it was there, as she says, "Go get changed…I'll drive you to the hospital. The Chief's expecting us!"
"Derek?"
"No…I mean…Chief Webber," Cristina hurries to say. "He's making an announcement around 10!"
…
As Cristina and I slowly make our way through the crowd that has gathered in front of the stairwell, we also notice some police detectives. Apparently they're still investigating the shooting.
"I hope they shot that bastard," I hear someone whisper as Richard slowly descends. A young intern lets out a nervous giggle, which echoes down the stairwell. Richard loudly clears his throat and the crowd grows silent, uneasy, for what is about to come…
"Yesterday…, Richard begins, "…Seattle Grace Mercy Hospital was under attack…Doctor Reed Adamson, Doctor Alex Karev, Nurse Marcia Parker, Security Officer John Terry, Nurse Mary Jo Walker, Doctor Charles Percy, Chief Derek Shepherd, Doctor Owen Hunt and Doctor Wayne Hart were all shot by Gary Clark, who held us accountable for his wife's death! Doctors Karev and Hunt were only superficially wounded and will recover fully…Chief Shepherd caught a bullet next to his heart but thanks to Doctor Cristina Yang, he's also expected to make a full recovery!" Richard paused for a moment, "…After his rampage, Mr. Clark wounded himself with a shot to the head and died later. Chief Shepherd has asked me to step in as temporary Chief and I've accepted," Richard slowly said, "The police are here with questions…so let's all cooperate and help them as good as we can. That's all people and now…let's take a moment to respectfully honor and remember our colleagues whose lives were taken yesterday!"
I close my eyes and a strange feeling overcomes me. I'm falling…falling through the air…the wind stroking my hair. It feels as if I'm flying but I know I'm still standing near the stairwell…Why am I flying? Gary Clark is dead. We're all safe…but why is it that I still feel like I'm falling?
I have a bad taste in my mouth and I think I'm going to throw up any second now. Feeling sick…sweat forms on my forehead, trickling down my nose, my cheeks. Am I ill? What's wrong with me?
I try to fight the nauseous feeling, put my hand in front of my mouth and open my eyes. My breathing is short and shallow and I feel like a smoker in his last minutes.
"Mere…are you OK?"
"Get me out of here?" I whisper.
Cristina doesn't say a word but instead, leads me out of the hospital. She stops in front of a wooden bench and I sit down.
I have to breathe. How do you breathe?
"Breathe through your nose…," I hear Cristina say.
Through my nose…she said through my nose. I can't stop my gasping. I have to try and fill my lungs with air.
"Breathe Meredith…in and out; in and out…slow even breaths!"
Cristina's voice comes from far away and I close my eyes again.
Breathe slowly. Calmly. In and out. Breathe.
My nostrils flare as I try to suck in air…my lungs need air…NOW! I cough and finally the oxygen travels to my lungs as I take in a deep breath. I slowly count to ten in my head and I feel how my heartbeat slows down and makes me feel calmer.
"You were having an anxiety attack," Cristina says as she hands me a bottle of water.
"I know." I wipe my clammy forehead with my shirtsleeve and take a gulp of water from the bottle.
"Are you OK now?" Cristina asks worriedly as she leans down and helps me up. I raise my head looking at her, "I didn't know it was this bad…He killed six people, Cristina…Six!"
"I know," Cristina says slowly. A surge of anger goes through me as I suddenly realize; Gary Clark didn't kill six people…he killed seven. I still would be pregnant if it hadn't been for him. I clench my fists and release my pain with a deafening scream.
"WOW…now my ears are ringing," Cristina remarks as she looks at me, "Feeling better now?"
I nod, "Take me to Derek!"
…
I stand in the doorway to Derek's private room, just watching him sleep. He seems so peaceful…so content. It's hard to believe that he almost died yesterday. Just the thought makes me shiver and I step inside his room, silently closing the door behind me. I move to his bedside and sit down on the edge of his bed. Derek stirs, probably sensing my presence.
"Hey," he whispers as he opens his eyes, his voice still a bit hoarse and weak.
"Hey," I softly reply, entwining my fingers with his. Derek smiles and struggles to sit up. I help him, not commenting on the pain that flashes in his eyes at the simple movement.
As he sits up, he softly says, "How are you holding up?"
I immediately start fighting the tears that are trying to escape my eyes. I try to smile but fail hopelessly. I shift uneasily under Derek's incredulous glare and look at the floor.
"I'm…OK," I softly manage to bring out.
"No…you're not," Derek says as he embraces me carefully, trying not to push too much pressure on the wound on his chest.
"Oh…Derek." A tear is rolling down my cheek. Derek notices it and brushes it away with his fingertip.
"Don't cry…I'm gonna be fine! Derek's hand touches my cheek and he uses his thumb to wipe away my tears. I bite down on my lip hard.
"I know…but I have to tell…you…something," I say, releasing more tears. Derek grasps the sides of my face in both his hands and stares at me intently. I shiver under his glare.
"What?" Derek says and my body heart feels like breaking apart. I close my eyes and swallow hard.
"Meredith…look at me?" Derek demands. His voice is low and my eyes flutter open, "What is it?"
I shake my head, unable to speak but the scream I suddenly let out, sounds as if I'm dying right at the spot.
"I was PREGNANT!"
"What?" I look up and the look in Derek's eyes has changed. He blinks, confused. "What do you mean…you were pregnant?" He stiffens, both eyes suddenly sharp. Why are we having this conversation right now?
Tears are rolling down my cheeks now as I softly whisper, "I found out yesterday…I meant to tell you but then…!"
"Oh…my…God," Derek whispers. The confusion melts from his face. His eyes are huge…his mouth open. "Oh…Meredith…"
Deep sobs are shaking my body when Derek cups my face in his hands…his strong, tender hands. He leans closer, eyes intense, reaching deep into mine, "OK…listen to me. Calm down and listen. Can you do that for me?"
Derek's voice is steady…soothing. Like rain. I feel a wave of nausea washing over me and I close my eyes but almost immediately, I open them again and look into Derek's.
"Mere…this is important, OK? Concentrate on what I'm saying to you…We're both alive. We both survived yesterday's terrible ordeal. You've carried my baby…and now it's gone! But Meredith…I love you. We will make it through this OK?"
Derek's words flow over me. I watch his lips move; his nice white teeth. I breathe…in and out…and then I nod my head in understanding. I lean my head against Derek's shoulder, trying to let his calm wash over me.
"Everything will be fine," he whispers in my ear. He bents closer to me and relaxes his features, giving me the warmest look I've ever seen. He looks into my eyes and squeezes my hand.
"Lie with me?"
I nod and lie down next to Derek and soon after I feel my eyes starting to droop. I feel the room spinning and I know I'm slipping into sleep. Instead of fighting it…I just let the dark curtain close across my eyes and slowly drift away…
I wake up surrounded by darkness, my heart aching in my chest. My wound is burning and I cough. Acid sears up my esophagus and I cough again. My eyes flutter open and I glance beside me. Meredith lies beside me and I tug a loose strand of hair from her face. She stirs and softly moans without waking up.
She was pregnant with my baby.
My thumb rubs absently over her soft cheek and I stare at her until my vision goes blurry, tears falling hot and wet upon her.
I have to be strong. I cannot break…not in front of her…
My bottom lip trembles and my head fills with curses…but they're useless because the person who's responsible for my…our pain, chose the easy way out.
I clench my teeth and feel the pain in my chest ignite and pull on my internal organs. I try to shift but my arms drop to my sides and I moan in pain from my muscles rejecting the sudden change in position.
"Derek?" Meredith says, almost in a whisper.
"I'm fine…just go back to sleep," I say, but my throat is dry and hoarse and my words must come out pathetic. Meredith props up on one elbow and looks at me.
"I've loved you from the moment, I've met you. Do you know that?" she asks softly while she starts stroking my hair.
"Meredith…please stop," I plea desperately, feeling tears well up in my eyes. I don't want her to see me like this.
She leans down and kisses me softly on the mouth and I can feel tears rolling down my cheeks before I start sobbing into her mouth. Her lips flutter gently over mine before she pulls back and looks down at me, "You're everything I've always wanted!"
I sob. I don't want to hear any of this. I can't…I have to be strong.
"Shhh Derek…Everything will be OK."
There is a long silence as we just look at each other. Meredith Grey; the only woman who'd ever had my heart.
My hand is trembling as I caress her cheek. She smiles and I smile back, only a little because it's all I can do without crying again.
"I love you," I whisper, my voice catching in my throat.
"I love you too," she tells me, wiping away one stray tear. She leans in to kiss my forehead. I close my eyes and slowly feel darkness coming to claim me again. My wife holds me, whispering she loves me as the world around me slowly disappears and I drift off to sleep…
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To be continued in chapter 3...
