A/N: Nice little one-shot. There's nothing else to write here. PMs, reviews, and emails later of what if, my brain says…yeah…but they have a point. I swear you all like winding me up to see where I go. Blame Dillwg and PeterOinNYC for this one. Ch 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck

What a difference twenty-four hours could make. Twenty-five through thirty-six hours ago, she still wasn't 100% sure what happened. That wasn't right, she knew, she just didn't know every detail. Broadstrokes, she was good. Daniel tried to kill her, Chuck saved her life. Daniel was dead. That she was good with, that she understood, the how….she didn't know everything, but she was sure Chuck would tell her, if she asked. She was sure there was some crazy reason that she couldn't comprehend why he knew to come to Paris.

She knew he wanted to, but he had been benched. She looked over at him. He was asleep on her bare right shoulder, her hand playing with his curls. He looked at peace. Many nights she had looked in on him during this assignment and he didn't look at peace…he looked troubled…like the weight of the world was bearing down on him. No, it wasn't the weight of the world, and she knew it. She sighed, both forlorn and happy at the same time. He had loved her for nearly as long as she had loved him and he was forced to be a part of a shared hell. The two of them were to be together, but not be together, while both of them wanted to be together.

She lay her head back against the pillow, chuckling to herself. So many mistakes. Both of them had made so many, but there was one, she hated herself for. There was one that crushed her and if it wasn't for Chuck she wasn't sure what would become of her. It was all his fault anyway. Since he came into her life…she stopped that line of thinking. He deserved to hear this. He deserved to understand what had happened. It would require many talks to get it all out, and they would have those, but he needed to realize part of this was soley on her. Soley on what Jack Burton had raised and made to believe to be true.

"Wow, I really hope it's not me your thinking about looking like that," Chuck said softly, pulling her out of her thoughts. She quickly shook her head. "Earlier you said we needed to talk more, I'm guessing that look has something to do with it?"

She pressed her lips against his curls. "You know how I was always trying to get you to understand you aren't defined by your past? Stanford, Jill, your parents leaving?" Chuck nodded. "There's a reason, it's my past."

Chuck sat up and looked at her, but he was quiet. He was giving her the space she needed to work this all out and get it out. "I've been molded to be something, and during that time, I lost me." She looked up at the ceiling, tears in her eyes, forcing herself to tell him. To trust the man she said she loved, and the man that she knew loved her. "I began to think all of the things that happened to me I deserved. I began to think all of the lives I took, the people I've been forced to con for either this job or helping dad, led me to Burbank. To show me what I could have."

"Sarah-"

"No, I need to tell this." She couldn't look at him, but she felt him nod. Tears began to fall down her cheeks. "Prague." She took a deep breath. "Prague was where I thought it would get as bad as it could get. Prague is where the man I love didn't choose me, or so I thought." She turned to him. "I get why you didn't do what you did, but what you didn't understand was, that only made it worse. I was going to be the reason you destroyed your life, one way or the other, and you didn't choose to take me with you."

Chuck's mouth dropped. "You didn't understand what I thought or was feeling at the time, and as usual, we…I…refused to talk about it. Because talking about it meant I had to face what I believed to be the truth again. I didn't deserve anything good." Chuck blinked, stunned. "You know after your red test, why I went to DC?" He shook his head. "It was what I thought I deserved." He shut his eyes. "You know I was never choosing between you and Daniel, I was choosing between what I thought I deserved and what I wanted, but that I might poison because I didn't deserve it."

He took her hand in his. He looked her in the eyes, his soft, understanding, compassionate. "And Sam…." She trailed off, wiping tears from first one eye and then the other. "God, Chuck, he didn't deserve to know, he shouldn't have gotten to know, but I had to see. I had to know. Could I feel anything with anyone?" She was silent a second and then a soft smile adorned her tear streaked features. "No, I couldn't," she said softly. "Only you. You should have gotten to know and no one else."

"I had no idea," Chuck said softly.

"I know," she said, wiping her eyes again. "And that's because I didn't want you to know. God, I need you to understand. I never didn't chose you, Chuck. I always choose protecting you, except sometimes I failed, and let you in, and I shouldn't have. I didn't think I was worthy, I thought I was poison. I thought all I would do is ruin your life, and the truth is, I don't, and you make mine better. You make my life so much better, but I didn't think I deserved you."

She blew out a breath. "So, when Prague happened, I was so hurt, I was so mad, I completely withdrew. I wanted you to find someone, because I thought it would end it. It would end me feeling things. Except it didn't. It made things worse. So I doubled down and found someone I was 'supposed' to be with. A spy. Because I couldn't be with you if you were a spy. In my head, and I'll admit, it is a bit flawed thinking." A slow smile being to play at his lips and she pointed at him. "If I was with you, and you were a spy, and not my Chuck, then it would kill me, because I would be reminded every, single, day….that I killed the man I loved. That the good guy I fell for when he said ballerinas were tall was dead, and there was this pod person with no emotions that took his place. But you didn't become a pod person with no emotions..what are you doing?" As she spoke the last sentence, Chuck began to move toward her, his eyes wild.

"Woman, you used pod people twice, correctly. I'm only human." She began to laugh and threw her arms around him. "Sarah, I love you," he said softly. "And, now, I understand so much more. Thank you for telling me."

"I'm going to tell you so much more, but as you can see, it's going to take some time."

"I've got the rest of my life," Chuck replied, as he began to kiss her. She gave him a look and he paused. "I'm-"

She put a finger on his lips. "Right now, one day at a time, together, okay?" He nodded. She gave him a grin. "But we both know, don't we?" Chuck nodded again. "Talk more later?" and then she kissed him.

A/N: Canon Sarah is…complicated. I truly believe she always chose Chuck, he just didn't understand how she did (and at times we didn't). He thoughts and feelings were conflicted so many times, but at the end of the day she protected him. It was only when they BOTH realized that each of them saw the other in this ridiculous light and they finally accepted each other, flaws and all (the hero worship each of them did to the other is so ridiculous some times) that they finally came together. This fic made me realize something without a shadow of a doubt. Those two kids are fine. They are together. I this was what you wanted or needed. Now I think it's done…until one of you says…but what it… (DON'T!)

DC