Tilly resisted the urge to speak as she and Captain Pike made their way down the crowded corridor. It felt like the walk of shame, though few people noticed, or even cared beyond the fact that the Captain was around. Tilly wanted to speak – to say something clever in her defense, but what? Even on her best day, her thoughts were a mesh of 'sorry' and 'ums'. Michael was right. She should have quit while she was ahead.
Tilly and the Captain entered the lift alone, which provided the Ensign some relief. No music. No distractions. No witnesses! It was just the two of them now.
"Captain – sir," she said fidgeting. "I ... I should have checked the ship's protocols … or rather – I should have known them, or at least I should have known to check them. If it helps, tonight began as a small thing, which became a big thing and before I knew it, it was a great big thing! But I never … I never meant for it to be that much of a thing."
Baffled, Pike regarded Tilly's less than elegant explanation with a hearty grin.
"Captains aren't born knowing the rules – Ensign, but we do make some attempt to learn them. I wouldn't worry too much about it, not tonight anyway. Hopefully, Mr. Saru will overlook this little infraction, if it ever graces his ears."
Tilly's face became screwy.
"Do you mean to say that you're not going to tell him, sir?"
"I don't plan on telling him anything. I wasn't there to officiate. I was only curious. It also doesn't hurt that I agree with Burnham. The crew had earned the right to let their hair down, but I didn't want that to result in a black mark on your record. Rules are rules and right now, you need to observe them all! Do you understand?"
Tilly's face bloomed with gratitude. All she heard was that the Captain wasn't going to report her! Before she could stop herself, the redhead lunged forward and wrapped her arms around him, placing her head firmly against his chest.
"Thank you!" she said squeezing.
Pike stiffness was matched only by his wide-eyed surprise. Tilly did not let go right away. In her inebriated state, hugging her Captain while he stood erect and confused seemed perfectly normal.
"Tilly?"
Seconds later.
"Ensign Tilly."
Sylvia gradually opened her eyes. Her dreamy smile relented when she suddenly realized what she was doing.
"Oh … oh, I … um," she said, breaking away as if the Captain had just caught fire. "I'm sorry, sir – so sorry! That was completely inappropriate!"
Pike's expression was frozen somewhere between charmed and bewildered. He tried not to read too much into it. She was obviously tipsy, possibly even drunk – but with Tilly, he couldn't be sure. She always sounded off-center.
Nodding, he quickly recovered with, "It's okay. I get it," while smoothing the crease in his uniform. "I understand that you're relieved but try not to get your hopes up! There were a lot of crewmen there tonight. Someone is bound to say something."
Tilly beamed. She had such an amazing Captain, so much better than Lorca. He was kind and noble, yet relatable. Not at all stuck up or hooked on his rank. It also didn't hurt that he was so deliciously packaged. It was the first thing she noticed about him when they met. Of course, she wasn't supposed to see it, or let on that she thought it, but her Captain was beautiful – deliciously so. And he was right. She was relieved! She was relieved to know that he wasn't the type to turn someone in over an innocent mistake. This showed in her face as the doors reopened and they exited together.
"My quarters are this way," she said. "But I can make it from here if you'd rather go now."
"I told Burnham that I would escort you back, and escort you I shall! So, lead the way Ensign."
"Are you attempting to be chivalrous, Captain?"
Pike found himself chuckling yet again. It was almost impossible to resist the charm of an awkward redhead with pretty doe-like eyes. But it was exactly that, those feelings that made his rank a lonely one. The sense of duty and responsibility he felt towards his crew took precedence. It had too. He was her Captain, an honor he greatly respected, but Tilly had a way of making him feel as if the laugher went deeper than casual amusement.
"Chivalry was popular among certain classes of men centuries ago. That is, men who viewed women as inferior, or in need of their protection. I certainly do not view you as inferior, or in need of my protection, Tilly. I just don't want Burnham or someone to find you passed out in the corridor!"
Tilly snorted. She wasn't that far gone.
Moments later, Pike reached Tilly's quarters. He paused at the door, reluctant to enter. It was time that he retired. As fascinating as his subordinate was, this was the point at which they parted ways.
"Good night," he said, placing his hands behind his back. "Get some rest."
Tilly accepted the Captain's goodbye with discreet hesitation. She didn't want him to leave. Just having him there made her feel better. She didn't know why exactly. It just did. Of course, he had no reason to stay. She couldn't even justify asking him inside! What did they even have in common?
As Pike began to turn away, Tilly's voice stopped him.
"I …" she started.
Captain Pike looked back. Tilly was on the verge of saying something, but she was coming up short. He merely assumed the alcohol was fueling her confusion and he was partly correct.
"I …" she tried again. "I just wanted to thank you for being so – so understanding. You're great that way. You really are! And I'm not the only one who thinks so! Everyone really likes you, sir."
Pike's dimples became more noticeable the more Tilly spoke. For the next minute or two, she talked only of how different he was from Lorca and how much everyone liked and respected him. Admittedly, it was good to hear. He had certain reservations when he came aboard. He thought that earning their trust was going to be an uphill battle, but it seemed that he was winning the good fight. It touched him to know that the crew thought so fondly of him.
"I'm not sure what to say," he confessed. "I appreciate hearing that, Tilly. Captains don't always have the luxury of knowing."
Tilly bit her lip, resisting the voice inside her head. The Captain was looking at her in that way – that unassuming, yet confident way. She couldn't be sure if it was the tequila or not, but something inside of her was screaming for more. More conversation. More connection. More time. Just more!
"Someday when you're Captain, you'll understand how much that means," he finished.
And just like that – the connection snapped, forcing Tilly to drop her head. She had serious doubts on whether she would ever make Captain.
"Captain?" she scoffed. "Well, let's just say – that's a long way off, if it ever happens. I'm not you, sir. I'm not a lot of things actually."
For the first time that night, Pike seemed displeased. He saw that Tilly was beating herself up over something, but he didn't know her history. He couldn't be sure why someone with so much potential, had so much doubt riding on their success.
"Why would you say that?" he asked.
Tilly closed her eyes, banishing what she saw as judgment from her sight. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to feel sorry for herself. More importantly, she didn't want to do it in front of him – her Captain. He was one of those types – admired, brave, a future legend in the making! She was pretty sure he never struggled to speak up, to be seen, or finish first. If anything, he was the mascot for millions of would-be officers itching to make a name for themselves! Had her mother had him for a child instead of a twitchy little daughter, she would've undoubtedly been proud beyond words.
"I don't know what I'm saying," she answered, eyes still closed. "Just ignore me."
When Tilly lifted her head and opened her eyes, she found Pike glaring down genuinely puzzled. It was easy to see that he didn't believe her, but he wasn't comfortable pressing the issue. There was something else there too. It looked remarkably like admiration. Tilly felt herself melt just a little.
"It will happen," said Pike, sounding firmer than he had all night. "Command isn't just about being in-charge, Tilly. It's about believing you deserve to be in the chair because you have the best interests of everyone at heart. And yes, you have a heart, which is how I know you will succeed someday. Of course, you will need to learn basic ship protocols before that happens, but you will succeed."
There was a moment of silence between the two. Neither could have guessed what the other was thinking or feeling. As for Tilly, she was quickly coming undone. The dam inside was cracking! Within moments, it broke completely.
"I really, really wish you were someone else right now!" she gushed.
Captain Pike adopted a confused look. What?
"I mean, my God! You're … you're just so fricking perfect! You're just so beautiful and brilliant … sweet and funny … Captains aren't supposed to be sweet and funny, but you are! How do you do it? You're like a respect magnet! You … you just draw people in with your pretty smile and that insane thing you do that makes people feel instantly good around you! Did they teach you that at the Academy? Is that where you learned how to be so amazing? I must have missed that class! I suck at amazing. I just wish you were someone else – ANYONE else! That way I could invite you inside and bang the – "
As if struck by freeze-lightening, Tilly felt everything come to a screeching halt.
Oh, fuck.
Pike's mouth became unhinged somewhere around beautiful, but the look in his eyes surpassed shock when the term bang slipped from the redhead's lips.
Tilly shook her head repeatedly as if denying everything, yet nothing. She opened her mouth to speak, but there was nothing she trusted herself to say. She had warped straight into a brick wall!
With as much dignity as she could muster, she croaked, "Goodnight, Captain."
Blinking still, Pike made no attempt to stop the brightly colored Ensign as she disappeared into her quarters.
