A/N: hey guys! Thanks for the love on the first chapter, I really enjoy hearing all of your feedback! This story is a nice break from my other, as it isn't so dark! With that being said, look out for a new chapter of show me within the next few days!
Enjoy!
ooo
When Shelby went to bed the night before, she was feeling light and happy, picturing Rachel's face until she fell asleep.
She awoke feeling the complete opposite. It was as if reality had come crashing down on her while she was blissfully sleeping, dreaming of her beautiful daughter, who wasn't really hers to dream of. She awoke with a dread filled stomach knowing that she couldn't just barge into the girls life. First there was the contract. Both Hiram and LeRoy had been so adamant about it, she knew there was no way they would suddenly void it. Secondly, she didn't want to confuse Rachel. Hell, she didn't even know if Rachel wanted her in her life. The young version of herself had seemed so confused last night. And lastly, the one that really got Shelby, she didn't know how in the fuck to be a mom.
Sure, being a mom was something she had always dreamed of after Rachel. But now that she had suddenly come face to face with her daughter, she realized she had absolutely no idea what she was doing. Whenever she would think of Rachel, she pictured that perfect little baby she had birthed. But last night she was face to face with a thirteen year old. And that scared Shelby.
Shelby jumped when her phone rang, effectively pulling her out of the pity party she was throwing herself. "Hello?" She said, not even bothering to check the caller ID.
"Shelby?"
Shelby's heart sank when she heard her best friend's voice. She knew that voice. Something was wrong.
"April? What's wrong?"
There was a deafening silence on the other end of the line before April finally spoke. "Shelby, it's Rachel. She went home this morning."
"What! Why? You guys just got here yesterday! I thought you were staying for a week? Is she sick? Is she hurt?" Shelby asked, overcome with a sense of worry that she's never felt before.
April sighed heavily. "Shelby, she called her dads last night and told them about what happened. They showed up this morning to bring her home."
Shelby's heart started racing. "Why? Oh my god, April, I could get in serious trouble! They have to know that I didn't go looking for her, it was an accident" Shelby rambled.
"Hey, Hey. Calm down." Her friend said soothingly. "I told them what happened, and honestly Shelbs, they weren't mad at all. They were just a little bit shocked and just thought it would be best to take Rachel home where she can sort through her emotions privately."
Shelby's heart clenched when April said the word home. She wanted Rachel to have a home with her.
"Do you think they'll let me see her?" Shelby sniffed.
"Oh Shelly, I don't know."
That was all Shelby needed to hear before she let her tears fall.
Just as quickly as Rachel was brought into her life, she was quickly snatched away for a second time.
ooo
Rachel sat silently in the back of the car, replaying the events of last night over and over in her head, stewing in anger.
"You both lied to me!" She spat. "She has a picture with the both of you, and you swore to me you had no pictures of her!"
Her father, Hiram, turned around from the passenger seat. "You watch your tone, Rachel Barbra. I told you we would discuss this when we get home."
"No!" Rachel yelled. "I'm not going to wait until we get home so you two can send me to my room while you try and decide what you want to say to me." She seethed. "I want to talk about it now!"
"What's there to talk about, Rachel!" Hiram yelled, finally losing his cool. "So, you figured out who your birth mother was. You know who she is. What more is there to possibly discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe the possibility of me being able to form a relationship with her!" Rachel screamed.
"Enough!" LeRoy boomed from the driver's seat. "Both of you, that is enough. I don't want to hear another word from either of you until we're home."
Hiram and Rachel both crossed their arms and pouted in the same manner, neither speaking a word until they pulled into the driveway.
"Rachel. Take your bag to your room and then we want you at the kitchen table." Hiram said, much more calmly then he had been earlier.
Rachel didn't say anything, choosing to grab her bag and slam the car door dramatically. She stomped the entire way up to her room for added effect.
It wasn't until she shut her bedroom door that she finally let her shoulder slump and a few tears make her way down her face. She was so confused. Her father's had always told her that they only ever saw her surrogate mother at doctors appointments, but the picture in Shelby's dressing room told a different story. Why would they lie to her? Why wouldn't they ever tell her information that she asked? And why didn't Shelby want her?
Rachel's mind was racing with unanswered questions when LeRoy called for her from the bottom of the steps. "I'm coming." She yelled. Quickly grabbing the scrap piece of paper Shelby had given her the night before and tucking it safely in her nightstand.
Rachel made her way down the steps and saw that both of her father's were waiting for her at the kitchen table. She slowly made her way to a chair before hesitantly sitting across from them, waiting for one of them to speak.
"Well, sweetie, you said you wanted to talk, so let's hear what you have to say." Hiram said softly.
Rachel sighed and bit down on her bottom lip to keep it from trembling. "I don't understand why you lied to me. You've always made it seem like you only knew that my mom was beautiful and could sing, that you didn't know her beyond that, but you did."
"Honey, it wasn't easy for us either, Shelby was our friend for almost a year. It was hard watching her go after you were born." LeRoy said dejectedly.
"Then why did she go?" Rachel sniffed. "If everyone got along so well, why did she have to go." Rachel asked starting to cry. "I love you both so much and I don't want you think that I don't. But sometimes I really wished I had a mom. Someone I can go to with my questions about periods and boys. Who I can talk to when you two are fighting." She said, noting the guilty looks the two men gave each other. "I think about her all the time. Did she not want me? Did she not love me? Is that why she left?" Rachel cried.
Hiram and LeRoy shared a look with each other, seemingly having a silent conversation before Hiram nodded and LeRoy spoke. "Shelby loved you very, very much Rachel. So much, that your father and I started to worry that she might try and keep you from us or change her mind and try and get full custody. We realize now we were being completely ridiculous with our fears." He added the last part quickly, almost as if he was trying to convince himself. "Rachel, we were selfish, and we wanted a baby all to ourselves so badly." He sighed. "We had Shelby sign a contract before she became pregnant with you. It stated that she couldn't contact you until you had turned eighteen, and she had to sign over all parental rights." He said.
Rachel felt like the wind had been knocked out of her, her vision was blinded with tears. "All this time?" She asked. "All this time that I've been asking for just a shred of information about my mom, you've been lying to me." She cried, quickly standing up from her chair.
"Honey!" Hiram exclaimed, quickly getting up and wrapping Rachel in his arms. "We only did it because we love you so much." He said.
Rachel shook her head furiously, pushing away from her father. "No." She said, finally freeing herself from his embrace. "I have to call her. I have to hear for myself, I need to know." Rachel said, not making any sense to anyone but herself. "I need to know if she wanted me. If she wants me."
LeRoy stood up quickly. "Why?" He asked, the hurt evident in his voice. "What if she does want you? Are you just going to up and leave your father and I?"
"LeRoy!" Hiram hissed. "Honey, what your father is trying to say, it's been thirteen years since she had you. And, like you said, she just made her big break on broadway. Maybe it's not a good idea to call her."
"Why?" Rachel yelled. "Just because she's on broadway now, and has missed out on thirteen years of my life because of you, doesn't mean she doesn't want me anymore!" She said, spinning on her heel and marching towards the steps. "Don't bother me for the rest of the night!"
Hiram and LeRoy sat down dejectedly.
"What are we going to do?" LeRoy asked.
"I have no fucking clue." Hiram said.
ooo
Shelby was getting her makeup touched up during intermission, smiling, despite how she felt on the inside. It may only be their second performance in front of an audience, but her and the cast were killing it. This show was going to be special.
She finally was finished getting her green makeup touched up and noticed she still had about ten minutes to kill. She pulled out her phone to look up Rachel's MySpace for the hundredth time that day when she noticed she had a voicemail from a number she didn't have saved. But Shelby knew who it was, it was a 419 area code, meaning the call was from Ohio. Meaning she had a voicemail from Rachel.
Shelby internally battled with herself about whether or not if she should listen to it now, or after finishing the show, before finally deciding if she waited until after, her head wouldn't be where it needed to be. So she clicked play.
"Uhm. Hi. Mo- Shelby. It's Rachel. Uhm I just called because I spoke with my dads and they told me about the contract and everything. And I just needed to know if you loved me even though you gave me away? If you ever wanted me? I know this probably sounds childish and I'm coming off blunt, but I just, it's something I need to hear for myself from you. I've spent my whole life thinking about what it would be like to know my mom, I guess I just want to know if it's reciprocated? I don't know. Okay. Call me back, if you want. Bye."
Shelby's eyes filled with tears the second Rachel started speaking. Her heart broke for her daughter who sounded so unsure, so insecure, so vulnerable. She hated that Rachel doubted her love for her.
Shelby quickly opened her messages and wrote a short text, she couldn't call her daughter right now, but she didn't want Rachel to think she was ignoring her.
In intermission, will call after the show.
She sent it and internally debated with herself before sending one more.
Xo.
ooo
Rachel stared at the two texts for what felt like hours. She was such an idiot, how could she forget her mom, no, Shelby would be on stage. She was already screwing this up.
Rachel glanced at the clock on her nightstand and sighed out in frustration, she had at least another hour before Shelby would even be finished performing. And that wasn't including current call or taking off her makeup.
Rachel glanced around her room and her eyes landed on her laptop. She smiled in delight, knowing exactly what she wanted to do to kill time.
An hour later, and Rachel was enthralled with her computer screen. Even though this was Shelby's first broadway show, the internet still had tons of information on her. Including pictures, interviews, even YouTube clips of her singing in some of her off broadway work. Rachel wasn't going to lie, she was impressed. Shelby could sing, and she was surprised it had taken her so long to make it to the top.
Rachel was so sucked into her computer and absorbing as much information as she could about Shelby, that she almost screamed when her phone rang, effectively bursting the bubble she was in.
Her heart rate only increased speed when she realized that her phone ringing meant that it was most likely Shelby calling her back. Rachel let it ring three times before answering with shaky hands.
"Hello?" Rachel said, her face blushing at the squeakiness of her voice.
"Hi." Shelby said, her voice calming all of Rachel's nerves.
"Hi." Rachel breathed out. Not sure how to start the conversation.
"So. I got your voicemail." Shelby said, taking the lead. Rachel held her breath, waiting for what she was going to say next. "Rachel, I want you to know that I have always wanted you. And I have loved you since the first second I heard your little heartbeat. If I could have, I would have always been a part of your life. Leaving you behind, it wasn't what I wanted." Shelby said, causing Rachel's eyes to well. "But I don't regret it. Your father's both love you endlessly, and they gave you a better life than I ever could have. I was only twenty two, Rach. I could barely afford to feed myself, let alone a baby."
"I understand." Rachel said meekly.
"But that doesn't mean I loved you any less." Shelby added forecelly. "I thought about you everyday from the second you were born. I was even thinking about you five minutes before I met you."
"Really?" Rachel asked, perking up.
"Really." Shelby confirmed.
Rachel sighed, afraid to say what she was about to ask. "So, now what?"
She heard Shelby sigh dejectedly and felt her heart sink. "I don't know, kiddo. There's not really much I can do. I signed a contract and I-"
"But my dads know you didn't break it!" Rachel interrupted. "And they can't keep us apart now that I know about you."
"I'm afraid they can, Rachel. The contract was very clear on what they wanted."
"Let me talk to them." Rachel cried. "Please. I need a mom. I need you."
Shelby was silent for nearly a minute before speaking. "This isn't going to work, Rachel. I already know I'm going to get my hopes up only for them to come crashing back down. I can't lose you for a second time, the first time nearly killed me." Shelby said detachedly. "I am so sorry, Rachel."
Rachel didn't even realize she was crying until a tear landed on her leg. "Please." She begged, not caring how desperate she sounded. "Please. Let me talk to them."
But it was useless. Shelby had already hung up the phone.
ooo
Shelby was on her second glass of wine when her phone rang. Shelby didn't want to answer it, but she knew she had to. It could be a number of people ranging from her director to her driver. Shelby didn't want to be responsible, but she knew she had to.
She picked up her phone and nearly dropped it when she saw Hiram Berry's name flashing across the screen.
Fuck.
"Hello?" She said, trying to sound confident, but coming off as hesitant.
"Shelly? Is that you?"
Shelby smiled fondly at the nickname Hiram Berry had given her all those years ago.
"Hey Hiram." She said softly. No matter how bad she wanted too, she couldn't hate the Berry men. Shelby knew what she was signing up for when she signed that contract. She couldn't blame them, resent them? Yes. But not blame. They were good guys. And she missed them.
"Well, you did it. You made it." He said with a light chuckle.
She smiled. "Ya, I guess I did."
There was a pause and Hiram started again. "Look, there's really no easy way to have this conversation, I guess. But there are things that need to be said."
Shelby braced herself for the inevitable chewing out that was to come.
"First and foremost, I want you to know that LeRoy and I aren't mad at you. We know that it was a complete freak accident that your path crossed with Rachel's." He said, causing Shelby to raise her eyebrows in surprise. "I don't know they extent of how much you guys talked that night, or what you all talked about on the phone a couple hours ago, and to be honest, I don't want to know." He sighed. "But what I do know is that it just took LeRoy and I nearly an hour to calm Rachel down enough to get her to bed." Shelby's stomach filled with guilt. "Shelby, Rachel has always asked questions about you growing up. And with everyone question she asked LeRoy and I contemplated more and more whether or not we made the right decision to completely cut you out of her life. We just never knew how to reach out, we were too proud."
Shelby felt her heart flutter, but quickly reminded herself she couldn't get her hopes up. "What are you saying?"
"What I'm saying is some things, a girl can only learn from her mother." He said pausing. "And if you want to get to know Rachel and be a part of her life, LeRoy and I both agreed we would terminate that contract, if that's something you want."
Shelby felt her heart burst, of course she wanted Rachel in her life. "Yes. Yes I want that more than anything." She said earnestly.
"I need you to be one hundredth percent on this Shelby." Hiram said sternly. "Because if you come in her life and suddenly decide it's too much, it will break that girls heart. She's fragile. She feels everything so deeply."
Shelby was offended that Hiram thought of her as someone to abandon her own child. And chalked it up to papa bear protecting his young.
"I'm positive, Hiram. I want to be a part of her life. I would never walk away from her." Shelby said, despite her fears of motherhood.
"Okay." Hiram said, his light tone coming back. "We will sit down with Rachel tomorrow and have her call you afterwards if that's okay? We just want to see how she's feeling about everything and make sure she's on board."
"Yeah, yeah of course." Shelby said, her mind racing a mile a minute. "Hiram, I just started this show, we only opened two days ago. We're going to have to figure out a-"
"Shelby, Shelby, Hey." He said, cutting her off. "We don't have to figure it all out now." He said soothingly. "How about this, tomorrow after we talk to Rachel, I'll have her call you and then after you guys chat she can put you on a speaker phone and we can try and figure out a couple dates that work for you to visit or vice versa. We will figure it out, I promise. LeRoy and I will be flexible, we know you just started Wicked. We only ask Rachel doesn't miss too much school. Okay?"
"Okay." Shelby agreed easily, the tension leaving her body. "Thank you." She said. Hoping Hiram knew what she was saying thank you for.
"We'll talk to you tomorrow, Shelly." He said. Shelby could hear the smile in his voice. "Oh, and Shell?"
"Yes?"
"It's good to have you back." He said earnestly.
"You too, Hiram."
ooo
Rachel sat across the table from her father's the next morning, eyes red and puffy still from the previous night. She didn't understand why her fathers insisted she get out of bed. Didn't they know she wanted to wallow in self pity all day? She even had to go back to school tomorrow even though the rest of her classmates were still on their trip to New York, and she was not happy.
"Rachel, Daddy and I have something we'd like to talk to you about." Her father, LeRoy said.
Rachel huffed out a response and didn't look up from her cereal.
"We've been thinking, Rae. We think it was a mistake to keep Shelby out of your life." Hiram said softly.
Rachel's head shot up at her daddy's words. "Does this mean what I think it does?" She asked, her voice laced with hope.
LeRoy gave her a half hearted smile before reaching over and grabbing one of Rachel's hands, causing Hiram to do the same. "Yes, Rachel. If you want Shelby to be apart of your life, we aren't going to stand in the way of that. We've done that long enough."
Rachel shot up from her seat and squealed, running around the table to throw both of her arms around her daddies. "Thank you so much." She said, trying not to cry. "I love you both."
"We love you too, sweetie." Hiram said, kissing her on the forehead. "Now why don't you go upstairs and call Shelby? I'm sure she's probably waiting for your call."
Rachel barely had time to respond before bounding up the steps two at a time, racing to get to her phone to call Shelby.
It wasn't until Rachel had the phone in her hands that the gravity of the situation really hit her. What was she supposed to say when she called Shelby? 'Hey mom, what's up?' Didn't exactly work for this situation seeing as she went thirteen years without knowing her mother. Rachel was also scared. Shelby was beautiful, and sure of herself. She was becoming a successful broadway star. And Rachel was a loser, with hardly any friends who constantly was picked on every single day. She didn't want Shelby to know she was a loser. What if it made her change her mind?
Rachel pushed all the thoughts out of her head and forced herself to dial Shelby's number, holding her breath as she did so.
The line only rang twice before Shelby's gentle voice breezed through the phone. "Hi baby."
Rachel instantly turned into a sobbing mess at the sound of her mother calling her baby.
"Rachel?" Shelby questioned frantically. "What's wrong?"
Rachel sniffed rather loudly before replying. "I'm just so happy, but I'm also sad, and I still have so many questions and I'm just confused. But I'm happy." She said through hiccups.
"I know this is all probably really confusing for you Rachel, but your dads and I will answer any questions that you have and we will be here for you." Shelby said firmly.
"When can I see you?" Rachel asked timidly.
Shelby sighed, afraid of this question. "Well, Honey. Your father's and I are going to sit down and try to figure out a schedule that works. But I'm thinking probably thanksgiving when I have some time off from the show. How does that sound?"
Rachel's heart dropped. Thanksgiving? That was almost four weeks away! She didn't want to wait the long. "I actually had an idea, if it's okay with you?"
Once Rachel heard Shelby readily agree, she knew getting her dads on board would be a piece of cake.
ooo
The next morning found Shelby waiting eagerly at the airport. She was thankful that she wasn't too famous yet, so no one would recognize her. This was a moment Shelby wanted to keep private for many reasons. Mainly, it was her first time getting to spend time with her daughter and she wanted it to be special. But Shelby also hadn't told anyone else about Rachel, her family included. She wanted Rachel all to herself at the moment.
Rachel told her on the phone yesterday that she wanted to come and stay with her for four days in the City. Before Shelby even had a chance to shut her down, Rachel made the point that she was technically already supposed to be in the city with the rest of her classmates, so her absences from school would already be covered. Shelby agreed saying she could come and stay with her but only if her dads said yes. She couldn't believe how easily they agreed.
So here she was waiting not so patiently, for her daughter to get off the plane. She was just about to text Rachel again when she finally saw her mini me emerge from the crowd, eyes roaming around the airport, until they finally locked onto Shelby's.
Rachel started moving as soon as they had locked eyes, and Shelby swore it was like the slow-motion reunion she always wanted. She felt Rachel throw herself into her arms and she greedily scooped her up, not ever wanting to let go. Shelby felt tears prick her eyes as she finally held her daughter close to her. Something she had longed for for thirteen years. She finally felt complete.
After a few moments, Shelby finally put Rachel's feet back on the ground and the two separated, Shelby suddenly felt nervous.
She grabbed Rachel's hand and quickly spun on her heel, heading towards the parking garage.
"Come on. Let's go home." She said, hoping that calling her apartment their home didn't make Rachel uncomfortable.
Shelby suddenly found herself second guessing everything. She didn't know what she could or couldn't say. She didn't want to say anything to make her uncomfortable, but she also didn't want to hold back. There was so much she wanted to say to Rachel.
Shelby shot a quick glance and her daughter and smiled when she saw the girl was beaming, her smile was contagious and Shelby found herself smiling too as they climbed into the car.
There first few minutes passed by silently, and Shelby couldn't help but laugh at Rachel eagerly looking out the window, soaking in all the sights, before turning to her suddenly, breaking the silence.
"So. We should probably talk about all of this." The girl said confidently. "Get the hard stuff out of the way now so we can enjoy our short amount of time together."
Shelby blinked in surprise. Rachel was blunt for only thirteen years old, and much more sure of herself than Shelby, who wasn't ready to dive right into the hard stuff.
"O-okay." She stuttered stupidly.
She watched as Rachel sat up straighter and started nervously wringing her hands. "I've been teased a lot for not having a mom. Kids always tell me that you gave me away because I was so annoying, or ugly, and no one would want me as their daughter."
Shelby felt her heart break at her daughter's words. "That couldn't be farther from the truth, Rachel." She said sternly.
But Rachel continued on like she didn't even hear Shelby. "Both dad and daddy used to always tell that they wanted a baby so bad, and that a beautiful woman came and helped them make their dreams come true. They told me my mom was smart, and beautiful, and just as talented as I am." Rachel said, turning to face Shelby. "I guess I just want to know what your version of the story is."
Shelby smiled at how the Berry men had described her. They really had been such great friends all throughout her pregnancy. She did miss them, but nowhere near as much as she missed her daughter.
"Well," Shelby said, not sure how to start. "I always wanted to be on broadway. And once I graduated college, I didn't have enough money yet to go to New York. Your dad's had put an advertisement in the paper about needing a surrogate, and the pay was enough to last me for two years in New York." Shelby said fastly, afraid if she stopped she wouldn't be able to finish the story. "I never wanted kids so I didn't think it would be that big of a deal." Shelby said, regretting her choice of words as soon as she saw the hurt flash across Rachel's face. "That changed at the first doctor appointment, Rachel. The second I heard your little heartbeat, I fell so madly in love. I cried that whole night, and then met with a lawyer the next day." Shelby said, tentatively reaching over the grab her daughter's hand. Smiling when she didn't pull away. "I met with multiple lawyers, but there was nothing I could do. So I had you, I cried for an entire day, and then I left for New York. I threw myself into work and have thought about you everyday since."
Shelby studied the girls face, and watched as she battled with the thoughts running through her head. "So you always wanted me?" She asked hopefully. "You've always missed me? And loved me?" She asked the last part quietly, almost as if she was afraid to hear her mother's answer.
"Always, baby. Always." Shelby said with as much conviction as she could.
She watched as Rachel's face broke out into a beaming grin and felt Rachel hold her hand a little tighter. Shelby squeezed back and smiled.
Maybe this wouldn't be as hard as she thought.
ooo
A/N: the next chapter we will finally be diving into Shelby and Rachel getting to spend time together! I hope you all enjoyed!
