September 2015 Tel Aviv, Israel

Another four attempted murders. In eight days. Last Monday someone attacked her in the mall with a knife while she was shopping groceries, the following day three men followed her trough the old town and tried to kidnapp her. She knew she was being watched since months but she changed her location every few days and thought that she would finally be a safe at least for a while. On Saturday they wired her car and this morning a sniper shot directly into her bedroom.

Someone was desperately trying to kill her.

Ziva could barely remember how she and Tali could come out alive.

Now she sat in her fathers old office, waiting for Orli. She was the first person to know about her pregnancy, it felt awkward, what made her feel so distanced from her when Eli was alive was now what connected them both. She had to say, it was advantageous to have the head of Mossad as friend and Orli was the only person Ziva could truly trust.

Tali sat on her lap playing with Zivas hair. Her daughter was the only thing she had left after she lost everyone she loved. Almost losing her as well shocked her more than she could admit. Being a mother changed her perspective on life, she was a different person than she was when she left NCIS. She wasn't the old Ziva anymore, not the badass Mossad ninja as Tony used to call her. She was broken and vulnerable.

Ziva hated herself for what she did to Tony, she lied to him her entire life, thinking it was the right thing. Not letting him too close to her because she knew she could not give him what he deserved. She loved him since the beginning, it took her a while to truly realise it was way more than what she felt for anyone before.

Tony was different.

She didn't know how to express her feelings so she tried to suppress and hide them.

It was the thing she most regretted it her life, she knew she couldn't be without him and still she let him fade away.

„Shalom"

Orli came in and smiled. Ziva took Tali off her lap and hugged her. She asked for Mossads help as a very last option, she didn't have enough resources to protect herself and her daughter. She knew their solutions wont be something she likely agreed with but there was no other way, maybe they finally had some intel on what was going on.

After Ziva told Orli everything she knew, which was not a lot, her crime scene investigation skills were a little rusty, Orli sent a confidential team out to the small house she was staying.. She moved back to Tel Aviv just a a few months ago because she could not longer stay at her old location, there was a major security leak, someone inside Mossad who always knew her current lodgings, planned attacks on her or passed the informations to someone who did.

Beersheba was a beautiful place, Ziva loved it there, it made her feel closer to her sister and her mother but she didn't feel like she could quite fit in. After Tali was born people would judge her for raising her daughter alone, someone must've seen her at the airport when she said goodbye to Tony. Word travels fast in a small town like Beersheba and people knew her family. The Davids, a respected and wealthy family. It was not imaginable for them that the daughter of Eli David would have a child with an American. They didn't say anything to her, but Ziva overheard them talking about the irresponsible American white guy who left her alone with a baby. She started hating to live there, and finally felt like she could give Tony and her a new chance , she was even ready to face her old life for him. She already booked flights to Washington D.C. when the first attack started. It was a casual Thursday, Ziva and Tali were at a cafe with Tamar, a friend she knew since she was little, when suddenly a black van without any number plates appeared on the other side of the street. Zivas trained crime investigator eye spotted the vehicle and watched it suspiciously standing there. When she left Ziva took an extra round on her way home to see if it was tailing her. It was. She drove three times trough the city centre until she could make sure the van lost her, then went home just to see that it was waiting in front of her house. Without hesitation she turned around and drove directly to Tel Aviv. She knew how many people wanted her dead and if it was one year earlier she would've gone back to figure things out but with her daughter she had a whole new sense of Responsibility.

" this has to be handled very discretely "

Orli said while making a cute face to distract Tali. Ziva looked down at her little girl, she had been trough way too much already and she couldn't even walk ten meters without falling on he noise.

She knew the odds where high that there was a mole, Mossad was in a critical situation since Orli became the new director and people were angry that she didn't fulfill the promises Zivas father gave them. She was the perfect target.

" you have to go off the grid for a while "

Orlis face was now very serious and focused on Ziva.

She knew she would not be happy about Mossads ideas but she would do whatever it took to protect her girl.

" What about Tali"

Ziva sighed. She knew wherever she would go, there would still be a lot of danger. She also had an idea where this conversation was going. She would probably never see her daughter again if she wanted to keep her safe. Orli seemed to be able to read her thoughts.

„ Maybe you should consider sending her to her father, think about what's best for her."

Orli wasn't surprised when Ziva told him the baby was Tonys. She seemed to understand why she decided not to go with him and she really seemed to know that she did it out of pure love to him and lacking self acceptance from her side.

" He would not be..."

What was he? Scared of children for sure. She already disturbed his life enough, the countless times he almost gave up his career for saving her were one point but the other point was that she gave him nothing but pain and now he should throw his life away for a child of a woman who broke his heart?

" excited "

She said, trying to keep it simple. She certainly did not like how things between them ended up and she could not forgive herself for what's she had done.

" That boy loves you Ziva, he'd do everything for you"

Orli took her hand and squeezed it.

Yes he did. She knew he did but she realised too late. He was willing to give up everything for her and she pushed him away, worried she could hurt him.

" okay"

The next months everything was planned perfectly, Ziva knew that Mossad always was prepared for everything but she never seen it being done so quiet and discretely. Zivas only thing to do was to keep her life as normal as possible, which was driving her crazy. Orli promised to bring Tali personally to Tony, making sure that she would be safe.

Only four people knew about the mission. Orli, Adam Eshel and Noa Mizrah, a young but hardcore officer. Ziva was not quite happy working with Adam, he made her feel even worse about Tony. She regretted every second, every mistake she made and she would give up everything just for some more time with Tony.

Adams reaction was somewhere between surprise, jealousy and disappointment.

She was now more used to the situation, Adam was really understanding or at least he did a good job to act like he was. The plan was strategically perfect but there was so much that could go wrong.They planned to fake her death and while the chaos went off Ziva would have enough time to escape. There would be no record of the whole mission since Orli still believed the source came from inside Mossad.

Orli promised her that as soon as the danger was gone she could go to Tony and Tali, which was her only motivation. Tali. She wasn't sure what she would've done the past three years if Tali wasn't there. She would probably still be drowning in the regrets and guilt she felt towards everyone. Tony. Her father. Gibbs. Deena.

Ari and Talia. Literally every person that meant something to her.

Tali gave her a distraction and a reason to build up a life again. She wanted to tell Tony about her but she wanted a clear state of mind first. Their relationship failed because they both didn't know what they wanted and they both didn't have an idea how to handle their own feelings. She was ready. Ready to go back to Tony, ready to give him a chance to forgive her but now it seemed so far away.

" it's time "

Orli stood up and slowly walked towards the couch Ziva was sitting on.

The day was here. She was used to losing people she loved, but the pain never changed. It was like someone pulled out a piece of her heart each time and Tali was the last piece she had left. Ziva thought a lot about some old NCIS cases lately and felt an inner desire to go back to her secret workspace and relive all the memories she had. Especially agent Michelle Lee was stuck in her head. She leaked highly sensitive information to protect her daughter but then died before she could reunite with her.

It felt like this was the end of her life. This was it.

She sat down next to Tali who was playing with her favourite stuffed animal and had no idea what was going on. She hugged the little girl, softer and longer than usual. Then she pulled something out of her bag and gave it to the confused little girl. The framed picture she gave her showed Tony and her in Paris, one of Zivas favourite memories with him. She often talked about Tony when she was alone with Tali and told her some of the funny stories she could remember experiencing with Tony.

" Ima needs to go away for a while but Abba is going to take very good care of you" she whispered and her eyes filled with tears. Tali reflected Zivas sadness and started sobbing. She hugged her daughter again, wiped away her tears, said:

" its going to be fine. Ima loves you very very much"

and then kissed her on her forehead before she turned around and left.