Second chapter for you guys! I really hope you enjoy this chapter. I love writing this story.
I end up going with Alex to the school tonight. I don't know why. I didn't want to go to a club with Herc and Laf. They have never said that they are dating, but it is pretty obvious.
Anyway, I don't want to be the third wheel, and them ending up ditching me. Plus, I didn't want to stay at home by myself because I am going to do something stupid. I am going to get drunk, or high, or fucking hurt myself. I have a history for self-harm. It isn't about the self-hate or comfort anymore –it is more about the obsession. It feels weird not going a day without doing anything like that.
"So, why are these kids staying late?" I ask, as Alex and I walk through the halls.
"They have some concert," Alex says. "Afterwards parents are going to the classes and talking with the teachers. I have the clean up the gym and some other shit."
"I still can't picture you as a janitor."
"Even with my rolling cart of cleaning supplies?" Alex says referring to the cart he is rolling and the blue, jean jumpsuit.
"I can't see you as the guy that everyone knows and that you know everyone."
"Well, look around." Alex stops at the gym doors. I peep through the window and see chairs set up with adults, some children and annoyed looking teenagers. I look and see children on the stage, acting.
"How long do we have to stay here?" I ask.
"You don't have to stay here at all," Alex looks down at his watch. "If you are staying with me it will probably still take an hour and a half."
"Okay." I walk over and go sit on the heater.
Alex walks over to me and smiles. "Do you wanna do something to pass the time?"
I can't help, but smile and blush. I nod slightly, and Alex smiles. I jump off the heater and Alex grabs the cart. He pushes it into a dead-end hall.
We start walking straight ahead. We stop near the end of the hall, and Alex. opens a door.
"It's an old music room," Alex says, switching the lights on. "They used it as a French class for a little while, but now it just sits here when they need it. I like coming in here. It has a calm...vibe to it."
"I like it too, but could you turn off the lights?" I ask. "Sometimes florescent lighting gives me headaches."
"S-sure." Alex turns the lights off, and puts his phone light on for a second. We walk over to the one steps and sit down. Alex turns the light off, and we sit in the dark.
"This is nice." I say after a couple minutes.
"I told you," Alex whispers. Alex puts his hand on mine. I don't know why he is so touchy with me lately. I know that sounds weird, but I swear that we are touchy like friends are. He is just being weird now. "I like that you are fine with physical contact. I like being able to have this friendship." Did he just read my mind?
"I have noticed that you only really do this with me." I reply.
"You are the person that I trust the most. I only actually touch people when I am close to them."
I look down and lace our fingers together. Alex puts a piece of my hair behind my ear. I look up at him, and we both smile.
"C-can I hug you?" I ask.
"Yeah, sure," Alex says. I wrap my arms around him, and press my face to his shoulder. "Always and forever." Alex rests his chin on my shoulder. "Why did you ask if you could hug me?"
"I wanted to make sure you were okay with it."
"No, no, I want to know why you wanted to hug me."
Why should I answer this? Why does he want to know this? I sigh. "I don't want to be alone. I want you to stay with me."
"You are not alone. I will always stay with you."
I just start crying. Alex squeezes me tighter, and I curl up to him.
"I don't want to hurt myself again." I whisper.
"What did you say?" Alex asks.
I sniffle, and let go of Alex. I rub my face with my arm. "N-nothing." I can't believe that I haven't told him about my self-harm yet. I don't know why. Maybe it is because I don't want him to hate me.
Alex pulls me in again and rubs my back. I have stopped crying, but I hold onto Alex's shirt, and keep my face pressed to his chest.
An hour goes by quickly after that. We stay silent most of the time. Alex tries asking me some questions, but I don't answer.
We walk into the gym and Alex starts cleaning. I sit down in a chair and start scratching my right arm. Soon there is a big red mark and my arm stings, but I don't stop. I don't care.
The next thing I know, Alex is beside me. He grabs my hand and stops me scratching. "Don't," he says. "You are too important."
I nod slightly, but my hand goes back to my arm and starts scratching. Alex sighs and sits next to me. He takes my hand and holds it. This-this somehow seems to calm me. I don't pay attention to the pain I want to feel right now.
"I want to know why you started crying earlier." Alex whispers.
I just stare ahead. I don't want to say anything.
"You are going to have to answer me soon," Alex lets go of my hand and puts it on my leg. "You can't keep this hidden forever."
I have kept the secret of my self-harm for years. Why couldn't I do this? This is actually going to be pretty easy.
After about half an hour Alex is done with cleaning and we head home. I try to just go to bed, but that doesn't work. You see, when four people live in an apartment and there are only three bedrooms, two of you are going to have to share. Alex and I share a room. At least we have separate beds.
I walk into the bedroom and Alex is sitting on the edge of his bed. He is holding a black tank top.
"Are you going to put that on?" I ask.
Alex looks up at me. "Of course," he looks back down at the shirt. "I was just wondering if I should wear this one." Alex stands up and slips the shirt on. He closes the drawer, then lies down in his bed.
I flick off the light and climb into my bed. I stare up at the ceiling, and put my hands on my chest.
You guys are great. I am glad that my shitty writing is getting somewhere. Love you guys! Please R&R!
