Some, and I hope most of the things I write will re-assure you of how very much I love you, and despite my initial reservations about marriage (not just to you but the concept in general), how overjoyed I am to be your wife.
You are the love of my life, Edward.
My one and only, my true love, and my soul's mate.
I love you… forever and a day.
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Despite my misgivings initially about you, and most of those were inspired by Jessica though I'm sure you already knew that, I knew from the first day I walked into Forks High that if I couldn't be with you, that I at least wanted to get to know you; perhaps even to be your friend. It makes no sense, well it made no sense then, but I almost hated you on that first day in Biology. When you covered your nose and mouth, I instantly thought that maybe I had forgotten to shower. I knew it couldn't have been that, because I distinctly remembered skipping breakfast so I could have an extra long shower. Actually, I slept in and didn't have time to make breakfast; hence the reason for the decision to not gave breakfast over showering. Don't you think about yelling at me for this later, Edward. It was four years ago, and I didn't even know you then. Now of course, I know that the scent of my blood had overwhelmed you and, being the gentleman you are, you were trying to resist the urge to kill me. Thanks for that, by the way. I greatly appreciate you not killing me. Don't roll your eyes at me either, Edward.
I'll admit that when I did the research into the Quileute legends I was shocked. I wasn't afraid, but I was definitely shocked. I knew that there was something different about you from the first day I saw you; something about you was drawing me in, and it was exciting, overpowering and it took my breath away. I didn't know why but I was so very attracted to you in a primal almost animalistic way.
I dreamt about you often, as I found out you were witness to over those few months. When you left to go 'hiking' as you told me with your family, I missed you. I didn't know why, but I did. I now realize that it was because I was falling head over heels in love with you. I didn't plan on it, but it is what it is and I'm so very glad that I did.
When you took me to your meadow, Edward, I had never seen anything so beautiful in all my life. No, I don't mean the flowers and grass, though it was very picturesque. Seeing your pale skin sparkle in the sunlight was like nothing I'd ever seen before. The heat from the sun reflecting off your cold frame caused steam to rise off your skin, and I had never been amazed by anyone so much in my life. The look you gave me when I told you how beautiful you were made me so sad. You always tell me that I'm beautiful, and that once you saw me that you never wanted to look at another woman again. Edward, if you expect me to believe that, then you must as well. You can hear everyone's thoughts, and you must know that you are a beautiful man – and I know that this is true –in every sense of the word. I was amazed when I saw your skin sparkle that day in the meadow. I wasn't shocked by it… surprised, possibly, but not terrified the way you had expected me to be. I know that you wanted me to be afraid of you, to stay away from you. You told me that you were the world's most dangerous predator – that everything about you drew me in… your voice, your face, even your smell. How could I resist the way your skin sparkled in the sunlight? You are beautiful, Edward – please believe me.
In my human days, when we were first learning about each other, and while you were trying to frighten me away from you and failing miserably I might add, it meant so much to me that you would stay with me at night. Though some people might find it odd, I found it very endearing that you would stay with me and comfort me when I had had a bad dream, and more times than I can remember, I fell asleep while you were humming my lullaby. I didn't know at the time that it was written for me – that of course came after I was introduced to your family for the first time, officially. I can't believe that Esme and Carlisle went to so much trouble to make me feel welcome in their home. I had felt weird meeting them – not because I would be around vampires – I knew that you would never let anyone hurt me. I was more afraid that they wouldn't approve of me – that they would ridicule you for being 'interested' in a human. I knew, as soon as I met Esme, that I had no reason to fear. I felt so calm after meeting her and Carlisle (other than at the hospital after you saved me from death the first time) that I knew I would never have to be afraid being around anyone from your family. Rosalie I wasn't sure of yet, but I felt safe that you would protect me from any verbal onslaught that she could bring.
I was so excited that you wanted to bring me to play baseball with your family, that you wanted to include me in as much of your life as possible. I remember telling Charlie that you were outside, and that you wanted to meet him – officially. I can only imagine what was going through his mind when you told him that I was going to play baseball with you. You'll have to tell me what he was thinking later tonight when I see you.
I remember being greeted by Esme by her warm smile, as her chilly arms wrapped around me telling me to be the umpire, and to call them like I saw them. When Alice yelled for us to stop, I could not see my seven favorite people, I saw seven statues. All of you were still, looking beyond the trees. I knew that you could all run fast, but I had never seen seven people gather around me faster than you all had. I was panicking, because I didn't know what was going on – I felt like I was being swarmed (but by people I loved). When I could finally see through the clearing the three figures walking towards us, I knew what was happening, I could see the fear in your perfect eyes.
When James turned to me, I had never seen such anger in you. I had heard you growl before, when you had stopped those disgusting lowlifes from doing what they were planning on doing in Port Angeles, but this was something different. This was something territorial, something that I had thought that I would never see in my life. At that moment, Edward, I was afraid. The first time, being almost constantly surrounded by vampires (albeit vegetarians) and I'm frightened at the fact that you were all coming to my defense. I even amaze myself sometimes at my own irony.
I knew that Charlie would be in danger, and I insisted that we devise some type of scheme to keep him safe. The look in his eyes, Edward, when I told him what I did… I never want to hurt anyone like that ever again. It killed me to see him in pain like that, and to know that I caused it made me hurt like I never have been hurt before. I know that it had to be done to protect him, and believe me, if there had been any other way I would have been all over it. I knew that you knew what you were talking about, and that you had more experience with this kind of situation – dealing with other vampires – so I trusted you. It was one of the smartest decisions I had made in my life. You protected me, Edward. Despite what I know you feel, you feel that you put me in harms way, but Edward I would face an endless number of James' if that's what it took to be with you.
After we arrived in Phoenix, after getting to the hotel I received the call. I sneaked past Jasper and Alice, knowing that I couldn't endanger Renee any further. Alice had seen a vision about the ballet studio, and I knew that I would end up there. I went to Renee's house to try and find her, but when I arrived I got the call from James where he instructed me to go to my old ballet studio. I knew that Alice would know where I was, as she had the vision and knew where to find me. I never thought that Renee wouldn't be there, and I felt so betrayed. Edward, I had never wanted to see you so badly in my life. I kept your face in my mind as I mentally went through my self defense steps. Thank god Charlie had given me the pepper spray. I sprayed James in the face, giving me a few moments to attempt to run away from him. Being me, I thought that I could out run him. As you know, I was mistaken. He wanted me to tell you to avenge me, and I didn't want that, Edward. I didn't want you to be the monster you feared you were because of me. I didn't want to have you become something that frightened you, and therefore, would frighten me.
I knew, however, that you were there when I heard you land on the floor. I couldn't turn to see you because of the pain I was in, but I knew it was you. I was shocked watching you fight James; I had never seen you so intense before, so ready to kill to defend me. As amazed as I was, Edward, I will admit that I was scared. I was scared – not for me, but I was scared for you… I was scared that he would hurt you that he would take the one thing away from me that I had wanted more than anything in my life.
If I could have helped you at all Edward, I want you to know that I would have.
When he bit into my arm, I had never felt pain as excruciating as this pain was. I knew what was happening, and as much as I wanted to be like you and your incredible family, I had truly wanted you to make my change. I looked around the room and saw your brothers, Alice and Carlisle and I knew that your backup had arrived. I remember telling you that my arm was burning, and you looked and saw the bite mark. I heard you say to Carlisle that it was the venom, and he explained that the only way to stop the change from happening was to suck the venom out. I don't remember much about the rest of my time there only that you were afraid that you wouldn't be able to stop. I could see that you were afraid, and that you wanted to know what the other options were. I looked up at you, my love, willing you to do what you felt was necessary. I was hoping that I could reassure you through my eyes that I trusted you. Carlisle was there to help you, and I heard you say that you would make it all go away.
I believed you, Edward. I felt your cool hands on my wrist and felt your lips against my skin. The instant I felt a rush in my arm, I knew that I would be alright. I felt my body relax as your lips caressed my arm, my pulse slowed and my body felt like it was sinking into the floor as I watched you struggle. I wanted to help you, but I felt so calm… so sleepy…
I remember waking in the hospital and seeing my mother directly in front of my face. My first waking thought was of you, my incredible Edward. Renee told me that you were sleeping, that you never left and were constantly keeping watch over me. I smiled inside, knowing that you had been doing just this for the past few months in my room. She told me about what had happened at your 'hotel', and I realized that this sounded like me – so I went along with the story. I could feel you watching me as we talked, and you immediately closed your eyes as she left the room so it looked as though you were still sleeping.
Edward, you almost broke my heart when you told me you wanted me to move to Jacksonville. I never again want to be where you aren't, Edward, and I had hoped you realized that. After everything that we had been through, you wanted me to leave you. I couldn't leave you, Edward. I WOULDN'T leave you. If we went our separate ways it would have killed me, and in retrospect, it almost did. The sound of your smoldering voice thrills me to no end, and the smile that graces your face warms me on the coldest of days.
You picked me up for the prom a few days later, having never left my side for more than twenty minutes at a time. You kept watch over me day and night, not wanting any harm to befall your fragile human. You are the best protector, Edward. Thank you for that. Dancing with you at prom was not as dreadful as I had anticipated it would be. Not the dancing with you part, but dancing in general. I guess it just all depends on how amazing a partner you have. I wanted you to change me, Edward. I wanted nothing more than to be with you forever. Of course, I have that now and I could not be happier to be able to have you for the rest of our lives. Knowing now, how difficult it was for you to stop, how agonizing it had been for you to be near me because of my scent, it must have been difficult for you to be so close to changing me and resist. I was waiting to feel the pain of the bite – I was ready to welcome it. Instead, feeling the coolness of your lips touch my skin so very delicately… it was an experience I will never forget. The way you held me so close that night, it was as if you didn't want to let me go.
I would have been happy to stay that way forever, Edward. But I'm so happy that we are the way we are now. We wouldn't have all that we have, and we wouldn't have shared it together. You are my everything – never, EVER forget that.
I love you my one and only, forever.
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Note: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer, nor do I own any of her amazing characters. I just take them out to play every once in a while.
I'd really like to know what you thought of this... if I should continue. Please review and let me know what you think!
