"Please, Ma'am. Listen. He was jumping. I caught him but I'm not sure he won't go back. He's still there in his head."
"Sonny?" How does she know me? Who is she? Who is he? His heart is beating behind my hands and I can't move or it will fall and shatter. He's recoiling under me. I can't save him.
I look at the woman and she says "You look like Justin. We're headed to meet him at my mother's summer-house." "Marlena?" She's my mother's friend. We're about to celebrate the new year with her, and her daughter and son-in-law are coming. And her kids. I thought small children. Is he her son? He fits in my arms and I don't want to let him go.
He's still looking at her and she's still looking at me. I want her to stop. I want her to answer him.
"Yes, I'm Sonny. We are expecting you there. I came here to run before the night. Your mother is cooking and so is mine. Where is your husband? And your kids?" She puts her hand on the car hood. Her rings are making the metal vibrate and sing. She looks at me, with pleading eyes "Take care of him, please. I can't. I have to think."
And she goes back in her car. I'm shouting. He's yelling, well he's trying too. His voice is gone and I need him to calm down and follow me. "Come in my car. Your grandma's waiting for you. She'll help you." I look in his eyes and he looks like he's drowning. He's passing in my arms, this fragile soul and there's nothing I can do...
I carry him to my car and open the door. There it is. My flask. There's not much whiskey left. Alex has used the car this summer. I know it's there but I never touched it. I have a bad history with whiskey. When I was in Scotland...
No time to think about that. I open the lid and his mouth. His head jerks back and he fights me. That's good, he's coming back. I force him to drink all that's left. He's coughing and spitting. I have to struggle not to let him leap and run back.
She's left. There's nothing. I'm disappearing and he won't let me. He's fighting for me and he says her name again. Marlena. Will she manage? Will she replace her. Will she reach to him?
I'm feeling my body again, and the alcohol is burning my throat. I try and stop him and he's hurting me. Why won't he let go? Who is he?The car door is open, so there's light. He's got brown hair and he's Justin's son. I trust Justin. Can I trust him?
I stop moving and his hands are soft again. He's pushing me inside, on the seats. I'm getting them wet. I shouldn't. I try to get out and he doesn't let me go. Why? Doesn't he know that my heart hurts? That I can't live like that anymore? That I'm too weak?
He's driving and I'm falling asleep. Where will we go? Will I wake up? I need to drink more, I need to forget. I need my Mommy.
"Dad! You're there?" A tall man wearing a very classy suit comes at the door. "Oh, you must be Sonny. I'm EJ, Sami's husband. You haven't seen another car on the way? I'm very worried..."
He will do. I don't know whose side he's on. I don't know what's the problem. But I send him in and ask him to come back. When he does, we carry him. He's heavy. He can't be, he's too frail. He'll break soon. "Are you crying Sonny?" Am I? We've reached a couch. His grandmother is there. She's embracing him, whispering to him. I can't move.
"Sonny, I was getting worried! You see EJ, it's not that late. I'm sure Sami and Will will show up!"
He turns to my mom and points to the couch "Will is here and he looks broken. What happened?" Why is he asking her? Oh, he's talking to me. He sounds pissed. What can I say?
"I saw her. She drove in her car, I don't know where to. She didn't want to speak to Will. She looked angry and sad." EJ closes his eyes. My mom looks lost. I'm shivering.
The tub is small and old. It feels like heaven. I've been asked not to use too much water, Will will need it. But a little later. He's too cold now. The doctor on the phone said we must warm him up first. I come back in the room and he's still trembling. Marlena has her phone to her ear. She's nodding. I kneel down and take his socks off. Marlena frowns and tenses but then I take his feet in my hand and between my thigh, to warm them up slowly and she smiles.
The doctor says it's good, I have to go on. Bring him my own warmth, little by little. I cuddle against him, my stranger, my broken bird. His fingers are less cold now. Marlena goes in the back to prepare another bath.
EJ is talking on the phone. He sounds mighty pissed but he doesn't shout "He's your son Lucas! How could you reject him? He's between life and death now and it's your own damn fault." Then he pinches his lips as he listen to his cell. "I don't know where she is. She doesn't pick up... Yes, you do that... I'll give you updates on Will..."
Will is in the bath now. My mom has fixed me a snack and a hot chocolate. Marlena comes for a minute, to make coffee for him. "Marlena, do you know what happened? What are they all fighting about?" She turns to me "He's gay."
I look at Mom. We open our eyes in incomprehension. She loves me and so does Dad. They know it's a part of me and they think it's a good thing. They're proud. I'll protect him, I have too.
