The on-call room gently comes into focus as someone nudges me awake.
"I talked to Mark," she says, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," she echoes, biting her lip like she always does when she doesn't want to tell me something, "He said I could go."
"That's great! How many days do we have?"
"That's the thing…he said I could go."
I sit up, rubbing my eyes. Her face becomes clearer, I can make out the frown lines on her forehead.
"What do you mean?"
"He said you were the head of neuro. That he couldn't let the head of neuro have a few days off because he doesn't have anybody to cover you while you're gone."
"But you're an intern," I protest, "the hospital's supposed to own you. I'm an attending, which means I'm supposed to own the hospital."
She crawls into my lap, cupping my chin. Her short, layered hair doesn't even reach her shoulders.
"I'm really sorry, Derek. It's just…I have to go. I have to see my kids-"she breaks off noticing my expression and laughing lightly, "Not my kids, the kids I taught at the high school."
"How long?"
"Just a week. A very short, abrupt week. You won't even notice I'm gone."
"You're going alone?"
She bites her lip again, looking up for a second before meeting my eyes. I sit up straighter, tensing. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know.
"That's the thing…he doesn't have a replacement for you because…because he needs someone to run the hospital while he's gone."
"While he's gone," I repeat, struggling to put two and two together and wondering why she had to wake me up to tell me this. I'd much rather deal with this back at the trailer, instead of at the hospital. The hospital where there's only a floor separating Mark and I.
"Yeah. See, he left behind a lot of people in New York…when he moved to Seattle. So, he wants to go back to visit."
"What about Addison?"
"She's going to stay here. She has a case that she needs to monitor over the next few days."
I silently unfold myself from the bed, giving her a glare before moving to the door and throwing it open. I let it slam behind me, leaving her to scramble after me.
"Derek-"she starts from somewhere behind me.
"Stop. You want to go to New York with Mark, Mark of all people while Addison and I stay here, waiting for you two to come back and tell us that you two made a mistake and slept together. You don't get to say 'Derek' right now."
"But-"
"You don't get to say 'but' either. You don't get to say anything to me right now. Right now I'm working."
"You did the same to us," she mutters under her breathe, so low that I almost don't hear. I keep walking, leaving her standing alone in the middle of the hallway while the nurses point and shake their heads.
Her words follow me, though. They haunt me in the hallways, making me wonder how I could make her feel worse than what she's making me feel right now. Making me wonder how I could make her feel like that and have her still give me a chance.
A half-hour later, after I discover that I'm too distracted to work, and I stumble into another, empty on call room, this time locking the door.
--
"So you're really going. Regardless of what I say."
She's just stepped out of her car, joining me on the steps where I'm nursing my third beer.
"I'm really going. Regardless of what you say."
"Because I slept with Addison."
She rolls her eyes, "You really think this is about getting back at you? This is about me going to New York. This is about me missing my coworkers and the kids I used to teach."
I sigh, bringing the bottle up to my lips again. I'm sure that my eyes have started to glaze over from the alcohol.
"I guess I can't stop you."
"It'll help if you can accept this," she says hesitantly, laying a hand on my knee and gently prying the bottle from between my fingers.
"I can't accept this. There's too much…baggage between Mark and I…"
"I won't be falling into bed with him anytime soon," she assures, "I'm pregnant. We're having a baby."
My face stays blank, "Which is part of the reason I can't understand why you can't just be happy."
"I am happy."
"No, you're not. You're running to New York because you're missing something here with me."
"I'm not missing anything. I'm just…"She trails off, looking thoughtful for a moment, like she's just figured out what to say, "I made ties. You make ties when you're in one place for two years, just like I've made ties here with you; and if you can't respect me trying to keep those ties strong, then how can you respect me trying to keep my ties in Seattle strong?"
I don't answer her, although I know I probably should. Instead, I get up, feeling my knees creak under the effort. I go into the trailer; leaving her alone again.
AN: I know, I know. That was mean. Review!!!
