K, the long awaited finale to Betrayals is finally here!
Many thanks to my wonderful editor, Stayce, for picking through yet another story of mine, and helping me make it shine.
As always, I own nothing!!!
And warnings: Expect anything. ANYTHING.
And I come sooner in the alphabet, rather than later. So don't think this won't be a Babe fic, because B definitely comes before C J
ENDINGS (sequel to Betrayals)
I flipped the folder closed and arched backwards in my chair, stretching my spine. I had sat down as soon as I got home, and not moved until now, when I finished reading it all. My mind was numb, and I wasn't sure if that was from the volume of information it took in, or from self-preservation. I wasn't sure that I ever wanted to truly digest, and acknowledge, some of what I'd just read.
I always thought that the phrase "curiosity killed the cat" was kind of silly. But now, I had to admit I saw the point in it. Sometimes we're better off not knowing, even if we want to. Sometimes, sating curiosity kills the heart. Mine ached, and my head pounded with the overwhelming urge to cry, but the tears just wouldn't fall. I had to get my head together before I went back to Ranger's.
I opened the folder and leafed through it again, just glancing this time. I had to smile at the beginning - juvenile delinquent Ranger was so punk, and so what I could see him as. Present-day Ranger wasn't much different, except that he had managed to figure out his definition of morally right. His taste in cars hadn't changed much. I grinned down at the picture of the loudly decorated racing Lamborghini he had stolen as a fourteen year old. He had been caught drag racing it on the outskirts of Newark. I wondered if I could convince him to take me somewhere secluded and test out the Turbo.
I continued to flip pages, barely glancing at most. They were unsurprising, just records of his time in the army, incident reports, training reports, medals won, evaluations. Mostly they just proved what I already knew: Ranger was shrewd, sharp, cunning, and phenomenally intelligent. It was no wonder he made it into Special Forces. I closed the folder before getting too far into his time with the Rangers. It was in this section that the darkest stuff lurked, and I didn't have the heart or stomach to read it again. About Ranger putting a gun to his own team member's head and pulling the trigger. I assumed that was the time he had, essentially, euthanized him before he suffered any more. And later... A second team member. That one made my stomach lurch. That one could have made me question Ranger's integrity, except that Tank had been with him on both missions. And Tank was still with him today. Except Tank is like him a small voice nagged me.
I shook my head. It didn't matter. I loved Ranger before I knew all of this. And it was all there even when I didn't know it. It was still a part of him, the only difference was my knowledge of it. And it would only affect how I saw him, and thought of him, if I let it. Denial was, in fact, my best friend. And I was going to use it, I decided. Ranger's past didn't matter. But, I knew from his behavior when he sent me home with the folder, that he truly believed it would. Of course he would believe me when I told him otherwise... But was there a way to make sure he knew, without a doubt, how little this information really mattered?
Except it does matter. That small voice came back. And I had to admit, the folder sitting in front of me did matter. But if I was truly honest with myself, it wasn't because of the content. It was because he trusted me with the content. And I knew, without a doubt, that I had to give that back to him. I toyed with the edge of the folder while I tried to figure out how I could do it. It didn't take long before an idea came to me. I rooted through my cupboards and gathered everything I needed, dropping it all into my bag. Then I grabbed my keys, bag, and the folder and headed out of my apartment with a quick goodbye to Rex.
The clock in the Turbo read 3:19 when I drove into the parking garage on Haywood. Ranger wouldn't still be up, but I figured if I left everything by the sideboard and crawled into bed with him, we'd wake together and I would show him. And we could talk. And things would be ok. But I knew, deep down, that it was more than that. I needed to be near him, to touch him, to remind myself that he was who I thought he was, not who the papers claimed he was.
This time I didn't hesitate in the car, but rode to the seventh floor, then silently unlocked and opened the door just enough to squeeze through. I was hoping I wouldn't wake Ranger up; I didn't want to disturb him. I shut the door with the barest whisper of noise, and then stood in the doorway, letting my eyes adjust to darkness. As they did, shadowy objects started to stand out. I carefully placed the folder and my keys on the sideboard, and set my bag on the floor. I straightened and took a couple of steps forward, towards the bedroom. As I did, my eyes scanned the room, looking for anything out of place that I risked stumbling over.
The slightest light from the street trickled in through the windows, casting the room in a very faint glow. One ray illuminated the shadowy form of someone, slouched in an armchair. Ranger. I changed my planned course and headed towards him.
"Hey." I said softly as I came up beside him. He didn't look up at me, just flexed his thumb, causing the half empty beer bottle in his hands to swing slightly. There were four empties and a full bottle on the table beside him. "I thought you'd be in bed." I stepped in front of him.
"Don't feel obligated to stay on my account." He murmured, bringing the bottle to his lips and downing the last half in one swallow. He reached out and set the bottle down, grabbing the full one and popping the top off before resting it on his knee. His gaze was fixed on the wall across from him, and it never wavered.
"I had no intentions of leaving." I told him.
He looked at me then, with one eyebrow raised. "You just routinely drop by at 3am?" He took a long swallow from the new bottle, and looked away, back at the spot on the wall.
"Three thirty, actually." And no...It was Ranger who routinely dropped in, in the middle of the night. "I..." I didn't really know how to explain why I came in the middle of the night. "I wanted to be here." I took a breath, gathering myself. Okay, Stephanie, it's now or never. "Why would you think I'd change?"
"Not many people are willing to accept something ugly, Babe." He said softly, without looking at me. "You read it. Ugly doesn't even begin to describe some of it."
"The things I won't want to know." I whispered, repeating what he had told me after Mama Macaroni's funeral. I reached out in the dark, and touched his cheek. "That file doesn't matter to me. Those things made you who you are. And maybe...if you weren't you...I wouldn't love you as much as I do." I took the bottle away from him as he raised it to his lips again, placing it gently on the table beside him.
"Stephanie." He warned. I pressed a finger to his lips and shushed him, then carefully climbed into his lap, straddling his legs, facing him. I leaned forward, wrapped my arms around him, and pressed my forehead against his.
"I love you. Nothing changes that."
His arms came around me, holding me tightly against him. He didn't say anything, though, just held me, running his hands down my back, pressing me against him, his face buried in my hair.
"You know..." I said quietly a few minutes later, when it became clear he wasn't going to say anything. "It's not like you enjoyed killing people. You did what you had to, and you did what was right. It doesn't mean you enjoyed it."
"Don't kid yourself." Ranger laughed, his voice harsh and cold. "There were times I took distinct pleasure in the kill."
I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed, moving myself back so I could look into his face. "Look me in the eye and tell me that. Look me square in the eye, and tell me, honestly, that you enjoyed killing members of your own team."
"The first time, I didn't. Lorenzo was Lester's brother. He was a damned good soldier. But I was glad I could help him escape a more painful death."
"What about the second time?" I asked.
Ranger pressed me forward, tucking me back against him. "I enjoyed that one." He said quietly. "We had been found out, and shit hit the fan. We were ambushed. I made it away, barely. I was alone. Met up with Tank again a few days later. Then Fido found us. Later that night, I caught him transmitting our location to the enemy. I took great pleasure in slitting his throat." He said. I could feel that he held back, sparing me the details of just how much he enjoyed it. "I enjoyed Abruzzi, too." He added.
"An eye for an eye." I shrugged. "I can't find it in me to feel badly, when Abruzzi would have killed me." I only felt badly that Ranger had had to do something so drastic for me.
"Babe." He said softly.
I buried my face in his neck again. "Someday I'll figure out how you can ESP like that." I murmured, and then kissed his neck where his pulse beat, sure and steady. His arms tightened around me and I relaxed into him, breathing in the scent that was Bulgari mixed with Ranger, a unique combination that had an effect on me I couldn't even describe. We stayed that way for a while, maybe ten minutes, maybe twenty, as he rubbed circles on my back and nuzzled into my hair, resting his head on mine.
Finally, I decided that maybe it was time. I wiggled my way loose, and slid off of his lap. My first stop was his office, where I grabbed his metal wastebasket. He went to speak as I walked back to him, but I pressed my fingers to his lips with a soft "shhhh," then took his hand in mine, tugging him out of the chair. He followed me willingly to the front door, where I grabbed my bag and the folder. I laced his fingers firmly with mine, and then led him out of the apartment, and to the stairwell.
We climbed to the roof, hand in hand, in silence. I led him to the center of the rooftop, and sat down with the wastebasket. Ranger stood over me, arms crossed, waiting. I dug through my bag, coming up with a lighter. Then I opened the folder and extracted the first sheet of paper, Ranger's juvenile record. I showed it to him in the dim light, even though he couldn't read it. He reached for it and I snatched it away, crumpling it into a ball before flicking the lighter and holding it to the flame. As the paper caught fire, I dropped it into the wastebasket and lifted the next sheet off of the stack in the folder, crumpling it and setting it on fire also. I repeated this pattern, page after page while Ranger stood over me, watching in silence, until over half the folder was in the basket, and a roaring fire was going. I added a few more pages for good measure, and turned back to my bag. I pulled out a package of marshmallows and a couple of roasting forks. After skewering two marshmallows on each fork, I passed one up to Ranger, and held mine over the trash can. He just stood there for a minute, before sitting down next to me, his thigh pressed against mine, and held his fork over the dancing flames
By the time we finished eating those first marshmallows, the fire was almost out so I added the rest of the file. This time, Ranger passed them to me as I lit each one on fire and let it fall into the wastebasket. He looked at me in what appeared to be amusement when I handed him two more marshmallows, and we loaded up our forks once again.
I took great pleasure in eating my marshmallows. I was kind of sad that there wasn't enough fire to roast even more. Then suddenly Ranger was holding a marshmallow to my lips. I turned my head to look at him, intent on telling him those were his, and he had already consumed enough beer that the temple might as well be on vacation. Instead, he took advantage and slipped the marshmallow partway into my mouth before covering it with his, kissing me tenderly, gently, sharing the marshmallow with me. It was, without a doubt, the best marshmallow I'd ever eaten. Without breaking the kiss he took the fork out of my hand and placed both down beside us. His hand came back to frame my face as he deepened the kiss, the last embers of the fire glowing still in the wastebasket. His thumb stroked my cheek as his tongue danced with mine, stroking tenderly, as if he was memorizing my mouth with his. Finally, he broke the kiss and leaned forward, burying his face in my hair. We were both breathing erratically. Somewhere in the proceedings I had crawled into his lap, and I could feel his heart beating against my breast.
"Come to bed with me." He whispered. I couldn't find my voice, so I only nodded. That was enough of an acquiescence, though. Ranger helped me to my feet, gathered our stuff, then wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me against him as we made our way back down to the seventh floor.
Everything got dumped on the floor by the sideboard, as Ranger pulled me into him and claimed my lips once again. My hands were under his shirt, caressing him, feeling the heat of his skin against mine. And I wanted more of it. I tugged on his shirt, and was pulling it up to get rid of it when Ranger's hands circled my wrists, stopping me. His fingers laced with mine and he pulled my hands away, bringing them to his lips and kissing each palm before looking down into my face, his expression serious.
"Last Chance, Babe. Are you sure this is what you want? There will be no walking away in the morning."
"Thank God." I murmured, as I tried to free my hands. I was still focusing mostly on getting his shirt off.
"Stephanie." He said, squeezing my hands gently. "I'm serious. It's all or nothing; I'm not taking what I can get and watching you go back to Morelli. Do you want this?"
"I seem to remember..." I started, tugging my hands free and succeeding this time. "That it was you who sent me back to Morelli last time." I pushed a step back from him and saw the regret flash in his eyes. I wasn't sure if it was regret over what he had done, or over the fact that he thought maybe I was walking out of here now. "And if I wanted what Morelli was offering, I'd be at his house right now."
He looked at me a long moment, then trailed a finger down my cheek, sending a rush through my entire body. "Do you want what I can offer?" He asked, his voice soft.
In answer, I reached down and pulled my shirt over my head. As it fell to the floor, I heard Ranger suck in a breath. I reached for him, then, pulling his shirt up again. This time, he helped me slide it over his head, and I pressed myself up against him, wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his neck. "I love you." I whispered. He growled low in his throat, and gently tipped my chin up with two fingers before claiming my mouth again. The kiss was hard and hot, and hungry. And then he was lifting me, carrying me, without ever breaking away from my lips. My hands had wound their way behind his head, pressing him to me, as I tried to get as close to him as possible.
Then he stopped moving, and was laying me on the bed... And I realized I had no idea how we got there. He reached underneath me, his fingers skimming along my spine before he unhooked my bra. He slid it off, then leaned over me, running his hands up my sides from my waist to my shoulders, his fingers splayed so they ran over my stomach and breasts. His hands framed my face as he trailed butterfly kisses over my forehead, cheeks, eyes, nose, jaw line... I was fuzzy on the details, but pretty sure he didn't miss a spot, before he came back to my lips for another searing kiss.
When he finally broke the kiss he immediately moved his attention to my breasts, and I arched against him. That was the last thing I could consciously remember. The next time I surfaced to reality we were both naked, and Ranger was slowly pressing into me. "Mine." He whispered, his gaze riveted on mine.
"Yours." I agreed on a gasp.
"I love you." He said against my lips, then slid home in one definitive movement. I moaned and arched against him as he claimed my lips again. And then I was lost.
We laid together in a tangle of limbs, afterwards. Ranger had rolled onto his back, taking me with him so that I was plastered on top of him. His arms were tight around me, and his one hand was rubbing gentle circles across my back.
"I guess this is it, huh?" I said sadly into his neck.
"What do you mean?" He asked. I felt his pulse jump slightly, and burrowed deeper into his neck, kissing the spot where it had leapt against my cheek.
"It's the end of the Man of Mystery." I sighed. I was kind of heartbroken about that. It had been...a constant in our relationship.
"Endings bring beginnings, Babe." He said as he rolled us so I was underneath him, then cradled my face in his hands and looked down into my eyes, his expression filled with tenderness and something I never thought I'd see in his eyes. "This is ours."
