Eric paused a moment, standing in front of the glass door to the trace lab. He was a CSI, god damn it. He was supposed to see the details, the small things that everyone else missed. But no, somehow he had managed to miss crucial evidence. One that changed everything.
When Ryan Wolfe had stepped into the lab to take Speed's position Eric had felt only anger towards the younger man. Grief clouded the Russian-Cuban's mind—couldn't everyone else see that all that brat ex-patrol man wanted was to replace Speed? Speed who was good and dedicated; the last man that deserved to die in a stupid shooting. So Eric had never hesitated to let Ryan know how he wasn't Speed because somehow the longer he resisted accepting Ryan the longer Speed wasn't really dead, really gone.
But now, even that had been ripped from him. Eric looked at the picture in his hands again. Maybe if he looked enough times he wouldn't be holding a picture of his best friend and the man who replaced him holding each other and so obviously in love. Eric closed his eyes and counted to ten before looking back down at the photo. No such luck. Ryan was still sitting in Speed's lap, his arms around the older man's neck.
Eric sighed. What did a person even do in a situation like this? He had a feeling that apologizing to Ryan just wasn't going to cut it. But he had to do something. Gathering his courage, Eric walked into the trace lab.
Ryan didn't look up from the microscope he was peering into. He kept adjusting the magnification and making notes on the paper next to him. Eric cleared his throat to let the other man know he wasn't alone. Ryan didn't even twitch in acknowledgement.
"Wolfe?" Still nothing. Eric ran a hand over his face. "Look Wolfe," he started again. "I'm sorry, god, I don't even know what to say. I mean if I had known—but that shouldn't have meant anything. I was jerk, I know, but still, I lost my brother you know?" The younger man still ignored him, seemingly fully engrossed in the slide he was examining.
There had to be a way, Eric was sure of it, a way to repair his relationship with Wolfe. Problem was, he hadn't even known it was broken. "Ryan," Eric said softly. "I'm really sorry. I don't expect forgiveness or anything—hell I wouldn't forgive me if I were you—but…" he trailed off. What was the point? Ryan wouldn't even acknowledge that he was in the room with him.
Eric turned to leave, but a soft voice stopped him. "He died a month short of our seven year anniversary. The picture was an early anniversary gift he'd given me." Ryan was still looking down into the microscope as he spoke. "You know how I found out? Found out how my lover of almost a decade was killed? No one called me or came to tell me in person. No," he let out a harsh laugh, "I found out over my police scanner."
Eric didn't know what to say. He just stood there, rooted to the ground by Ryan's soft confessions. "Ryan, I—" his voice catching in his throat.
Ryan looked up from the microscope. Eric could now see the unshed tears and sorrow in the other man's eyes. How had he missed that all this time?
"I never got to see him after that, after the shooting. The last time was that morning, I said good bye and I love you. I didn't think it was going to be," Ryan's voce cracked, "the last time." He took a deep breath, controlling his emotions, before continuing. "And then I came here to work. I never wanted to be a CSI. Bet you didn't know that huh? I liked being on patrol, out there in the real world, trying to stop the bad before it happened. Speed used to say that this job was amazing. The ups more than made up for the downs. I knew he was good. I learned so much from just listening to him talk. So when they were looking for a new trace guy, I figured I would do it. Kinda like carrying on Speed's work. Plus, the people he worked with were supposed to be the best. He loved you guys, really loved you all. He never said a bad thing about this lab. I thought it would be comforting to work with people who lost what I had just lost."
Ryan stopped talking. For minutes he just stood there looking at Eric, trying to figure out what to say next. Eric for his part still didn't know what to say, what to do. Finally Ryan started talking again. His lips twisted into a bitter smile. "I was wrong about that one. Working with you, all of you…" he let the thought drift off. He shook his head, as if to clear the memories of the last year. "Whatever, it doesn't matter. I've got to get back to this." With that Ryan went back to looking at the slide under the microscope.
Eric knew a dismissal when he heard one. He walked to Ryan's work table and put the photo that had started all of this next to the other man. "Here. I figured you want it back. H and Calleigh saw it when you gave it to me by the way. They won't say anything, so you don't have to worry." He looked at Ryan, hoping to see some reaction. But Ryan was back to ignoring him.
Eric nodded his head. He had a feeling that this was what it was going to be like for some time to come. But that was ok, he could live with it. After all, in some way, he deserved it.
Silently, Eric walked out of the trace lab. It wasn't until after the other man had left and was well down the hallway that Ryan looked up. His eyes settled on the picture on the table, his lips turning up into a soft, sad smile. He traced the outline of Speed's face with his finger. He placed the picture back into his wallet and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, before looking back into the microscope.
Maybe, just maybe, things could start getting better.
