AUTHOR'S THIRD NOTE
I'm trying to post quickly for a change because this fic is taking up my whole life and I just can't have it that way while I'm writing my masters dissertation! Here is the second part and we're still in the morgue. When does the suffering stop…?
2.
Why does the beating stop?
Not because of John's own will
It's possible but incomprehensible
What if the aim actually was to kill?
The floor is grey and clean
The disinfection does no good
Against the smell of sickening iron
The stench of your own spilled blood
You raise your head so slowly
Trying to meet the gaze of your friend
Even though you fear what it'll tell you
Showing you what's left in the end
John's eyes are only cold
So much colder than the floor
You don't tremble because of pain
No, everything else hurts so much more
The hatred, the loathing
You've always known anyhow
That you're dirt, worthless, a freak
But never been more reminded than now
John turns around
He walks away and leaves
Not even glancing back a single time
It's over, he no longer believes
You know what's coming next
There's no more time left to flee
It's now that it finally frightens you
Please, come back... John, don't leave me!
Why are your eyes so damp?
Is it only the exhaustion and ache?
You're so tired, just don't understand
Why should you even bother to stay awake?
And finally your eyes blackens
Darkness takes over your gaze
Takes you away from all the anguish
To a better time and a better place
Back to the beginning
Before your deadly fall
When you were young and the days simple
When life was laughing together against Mrs Hudson's wall
Maybe you should stay there?
Well, what's left if you restart?
You have already died anyway
Who can survive someone burning your heart?
Mary gave you a case
She begged you to save your friend
What if you could just rewrite one moment?
Mary, you should have let me die instead
AUTHOR'S FOURTH NOTE
It's something about Sherlock's drug addled inner monologue desperately begging John not to leave him, even after what just happened, which makes my heart clench every time I've been reading it when writing. I've been considering if it was too out of character but on the other hand, do I think he was scared? Well, obviously because I think he knew that he had overdone it, that he was losing control of the situation. I don't think he believed that John could actually do what he did to him. Yes, in a way he had it coming, in a way it might even have been part of his plan but it still doesn't take away the fact that it probably was the worst moment of his adult life.
So yeah, that's my thoughts on it. What's yours and what did you think about this part?
The next part will be up within a few days tops. Hours if we're lucky.
Again, thank you!
