Disclaimer: See chapter one.

Hey! Welcome to the first (second, technically) chapter of Let's Piss off Tasuki! I'm doing it four scenes this chapter, and maybe for all the chapters. Maybe not.

Warnings for this chappy: Ok, even the title has Tasuki in it, you really think there would be no bad language in it?

Flip off your fans, make 'em cheer

Try to look sincere

Anger is today's fashion so sing another song about

Bashing someone's head in.

Anyone who can guess that song get's a mention in the next chappy! Yay!

Notes for this chapter:

1. If it says (Classic!) next to it, that means it gets used alot in other people's fics.

2. Sak'e is a kind of liquor. Kinda like beer...but ancienty-er. It's Tasuki's favorite thing to drink.

3. UtoFG stands for Universe of the Four Gods.

4. Notes 2 and three I put in for people who didn't know that stuff and you. You know who you.

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Number One: Shove him in a lake. (Classic!)

Miaka crouched behind a bush, stalking her prey. Tasuki was out on his daily walk, and Miaka's eyes hadn't left his spikey orange head since he left the palace. She took a deep breath as he looked around, pulled out his tessen, and started 'training'. I'll leave the meaning of 'training' in that sentence up to your imagination.

Being the retard Miaka is, as soon as his back was turned, she charged at full speed. The bandit landed in a large lake with a loud splash that sent all the birds and nearby villagers that suffered from paranoia screaming and running. Standing at the edge of the lake, Miaka smiled contentedly as Tasuki fought to keep above the water. And failed. His motionless body sunk slowly to the bottom. Miaka turned around, and immediately the bandit surfaced. Glaring, he whispered "Rekka Shinen" as quietly but powerfully as he could. Miaka fell to the ground, burnt to a crisp.

Tasuki climbed out of the water and walked over to where Miaka lay unconscious. Red faced, he reared his foot back and got ready-

"DON'T." A stern voice ordered out of nowhere. Grumbling, he walked back to the palace to dry off.

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Number Two: "No more sak'e for you mister!" (Classic!)

It was Friday night. The seishi were throwing a 'HELL YEAH!' party for absolutely no reason. The palace dining room was full of laughter and talking and food and really bad dancing and Amiboshi playing his flute with an evil look in his eye and- oh wait, that was Suboshi? Oh, ok. And all kinds of crap that people do at parties in Konan.

"And- and then he- he said 'Oh really?' and I was all 'No!'" Nuriko gasped for air as he finished telling his story to his seishi companions, who all burst out laughing.

"I can't b'lieve ya did th't! Oh my God! Oh my God! I can't breathe!" Tasuki shouted, also laughing like crazy. Panting, he poured himself a glass of cool sak'e and let it pour into his mouth. Out of nowhere, the half-full glass was knocked from his grasp. Feeling a deep sense of loss, the bandit lunged forward and attacked the person nearest him, who just happened to be Tamahome.

"Dude! Back off!"

"Give it back!" Tasuki yelled from atop his friend's head.

"I didn't take it, Godammit!"

Tasuki pulled back and looked around. Feeling on the brink of tears, he squeaked, "Somebody took my drink."

Everybody stared. Everybody blinked. Once, twice, three times. Tasuki's facial features all of a sudden switched to anger and he pulled out his tessen.

"WHO TOOK IT?!" When nobody answered, he clenched his teeth and shouted "REKKA SHINEN!" then ran out of the room.

Everybody else, however, was covered in 3 layers of burnt skin and stuck in place.

Holding the stolen glass of sak'e behind his back, Chichiri leaned over to Hotohori.

"We're gonna need to do something about that stupid tessen no da."

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Number Three: Hide his tessen (Classic!)

Tasuki stumbled into his room and onto his bed, drunk. He had run into the kitchen after the evening's events, where the cook gladly gave the tempermental bandit a whole bottle of his precious sak'e. Wouldn't you?

Outisde in the hall, Chiriko and Chichiri were deciding what to do next.

"Where would I put it though no da?" The monk asked.

"Where is the last place he would look?" The genius replied. Chichiri smirked.

"Ok no da. I'm goin' in." He crept into the snoring bandit's room on his tiptoes, leaving the door open incase he needed to bolt, which was likely. Lucky for him, though, Tasuki was lying on his bed face down. He gently unstrapped the tessen and hid it in the one place he knew Tasuki would never even think to look.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0 The next morning...

Tasuki woke up and clutched his throbbing head. He trudged into the closest bathroom, pulled a clean rag off a shelf, and got it wet. Planning to make a home-made heating pad for his head, he reached for the tessen that should've been hanging on his back. Feeling a deep sense of loss, the bandit lunged forward attacked the person nearest him, who just happened to be Tamahome.

"Dude! Back off!"

"Give it back!" Tasuki yelled from atop his friend's head.

"I didn't take it, Godammit!"

Tasuki pulled off and screamed so loud that it echoed throughout the whole country, "WHERE THA FUCK IS MY TESSEN?!?!"

And somewhere amidst the rotting mess under Tasuki's bed the tessen sat, collecting dust.

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Number Four: Insist Nuriko is his fiancee.

"Why do I have to do it?" Nuriko whined.

"Because you would piss him off the most! And you're the only one of us that can act. Well, besides Chichiri and Hotohori and Tamahome and Mitsukake and Chiriko. But you're the best!" Miaka whispered. Nuriko made an 'are you kidding me?' face at the young girl's comment. Chichiri walked over, shoved a ring into Miaka's hand, and whispered, "T-Minus 2 minutes no da." Miaka thanked him and rushed him away. Nuriko made another 'are you kidding me?' face.

"What is this? Some kind of conspiracy?" He asked, not expecting an answer.

Miaka blinked. "Yes," She stated. "Didn't we tell you?"

"We? Who all is helping?"

Miaka blinked again. "Everybody. Well, everybody except Tasuki. Shh! Here he comes! Now hurry up and put on the ring!"

Nuriko rolled his eyes and put the diamond ring on his left ring finger.

"You remember the plan, right?" He nodded his head. As soon as Tasuki turned the corner, Nuriko took a deep breath. When the bandit was about twenty paces away, clearly looking for his missing tessen, Nuriko squealed loudly and jumped onto his back, wrapping his legs around Tasuki's waist and his arms around his neck.

"Hihihihihi! Whatcha doin' baby?" He squealed again. The bandit screamed and jumped, the force of the movement knocking Nuriko off.

"Ouuuch! What was that for?" The purple-haired seishi asked in a preppy/girly/whiny voice.

"WHAT THA HELL?!" Tasuki was clutching his chest and panting heavily. "YA SCARED THA SHIT OUTTA ME!"

Nuriko put a finger to his chin and twisted his face into the most innocent look he could manage. "Why are being so mean to me Tasuki-chan?"

Looking confused, the flame-haired seishi stomped over to his friend and reached out to help him up. The latter accepted the gesture and hugged him tightly.

"Oooh I love you I love you I love you I love you!" Tasuki shoved him off.

"WHAT THA FUCK?!"

Nuriko twisted his face into the innocent look again. "Don't you remember last night?"

The bandit shook his head slowly. Nuriko sat on the ground cross-legged and buried his face in his hands.

"I can't believe you forgot that you proposed to me! How could you do this to me?" He sobbed.

"WHAT THA FUCK?!" Tasuki repeated, louder now.

"Well you did! And you said you loved me and always wanted to be with me and...and..." Nuriko tried to remember what else he was supposed to say. Miaka's voice whispered it from the shadows. He smirked into his hands as he said it aloud.

"And we like totally made out! Naked!"

"WHAT THA FUCK?!" Tasuki screamed so loud that citizens in Kutou turned in the direction of Konan. "Damn Tasuki. Needs to learn how to be quiet," Nakago shook his head and continued shampooing his purty blonde hair with his strawberry scented color-safe shampoo. "Rubber ducky, you're the one..."

Tasuki had jumped about three feet in the air, then landed on his butt. He crawled backwards as Nuriko advanced on him.

"Don't you remember? Don't you?"

He bumped into the wall and swore. HOW FREAKIN' TYPICAL! NO FREAKIN' TESSEN! He thought. Nuriko grabbed his shoulders and pulled him up into a tight, nearly bone crushing hug. It probably did crush one of his bones, actually.

"I don't care what you say! I wuv you so much!" And now...for the grand finale...Nuriko grabbed Tasuki's cheeks and gave him a quick kiss straight on the lips.

Tasuki's screaming could be heard throughout all of the UotFG world, Miaka's world, and Mars.

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