The elevator ride to deck 1 seemed to take an eternity. Miranda leaned against the wall and covered her face with her hand. She'd been preparing for this moment, but now that it was here, her resolve was weakening.
The week since the attack on the Collector base had been a blur of activity. The Normandy had barely held together during the jump back to the Omega 4 relay and was in need of serious repairs. They could forget about any help from the Council – the reinstatement of Shepard's Spectre status had already been more than they expected. They had contacted Councilman Anderson to try to smooth things over with the Alliance, but that would take time. Jacob had some contacts from his time as a Corsair who could help, but it would take a few more days to arrange everything. In the meantime, they were making what repairs they could and trying to keep a low profile.
And there was her sister to think about. Miranda's resignation from Cerberus had no doubt put her in danger. Her stepmother had just taken a high-profile position at a prestigious university, so the Illusive Man probably wouldn't risk going after Oriana – yet. Shepard had called in a favor with Admiral Hackett and had an Alliance special ops team sent to keep an eye on her, but it was only a matter of time before Cerberus made a move – or worse, gave Oriana's identity to her father.
Finally, the elevator doors slid open. For a moment, she hesitated. None of her past assignments had been as difficult as what she was about to do. I have to do this, she thought. He'll find out either way… and he deserves to hear it from me. I owe him that much. Miranda summoned her courage and knocked on the door of the captain's cabin.
"It's open" called a voice from inside.
"Commander, do you have a minute?" she asked as she stepped through the doorway.
Shepard looked up from his desk. "You're still calling me Commander? Even in private?" he said with a grin.
She tried to hide her smile, but failed. "You ass."
He put down the datapad he'd been examining for the better part of an hour and stood as she approached. The scans of the Collector base could wait. He reached out and took Miranda's hands in his.
"I never properly thanked you for saving me… on the platform. I thought I was dead" she said quietly. She cringed, remembering the fear she felt as she slid down towards the abyss.
Shepard pulled her into an embrace and held her tightly. "You don't need to thank me. There's no way I was going to lose you."
He continued to hold her close. Miranda closed her eyes. She wanted nothing more than to stay there in his arms, but she knew that she couldn't… not today. She gently pulled away and placed her hands on his chest. "There's something I need to tell you… something important. I want this to work… and that means I can't keep secrets from you."
She took a seat on the couch, and Shepard sat next to her. I've never seen her look this vulnerable, he thought. He could see the pain in her eyes, and he would have done anything to take it away. He gently squeezed her hand, trying to reassure her.
"You can tell me anything, Miranda. You know that."
A tear ran down her cheek. "The massacre on Akuze… Cerberus was responsible for that. They were conducting research on the thresher maws." Not knowing how to continue, she waited for his reaction.
Shepard's grip on her hand tightened. For a long moment, he said nothing.
"I suspected as much" he said at last. Seeing the surprise on her face, he continued. "Two years ago, I ran into a member of my old squad, Corporal Toombs, on Ontarom. He said that Cerberus was behind the ambush, and he had proof. He told me they'd held him prisoner… tortured him… conducted experiments on him. He… I had to kill him before I could learn more. He had a man at gunpoint and I couldn't talk him down." He paused, trying to control his emotions. "He was my friend, but he was… so far gone I didn't know if he was telling the truth."
Miranda had been completely unprepared for this revelation. She was unable to fight back her tears any longer.
"I was there, Shepard. I was part of the Cerberus observation team. I didn't know they planned to lure Alliance soldiers into a trap. I wanted to warn them… warn you… but our orders were to let your team land. They targeted you personally. He targeted you."
Shepard sat in stunned silence, unable to move, his face frozen in shock. Miranda was almost sobbing now. "They ordered us to leave you. I tried to protest when they picked up Toombs, but they wouldn't listen. I could have stopped it… I should have stopped it. My loyalty to Cerberus blinded me."
She futilely searched for something to make it right… something to take away the hurt etched into his face. "I'm sorry" was all she could manage.
A part of Shepard refused to believe what he had just heard… that the woman he loved was involved in the most horrific experience of his life. A thousand thoughts raced through his head, but he could barely make sense of them. He heard the panicked screams of his men… he saw Toombs' face as he pulled the trigger to end his friend's life… he remember the agony of watching his entire platoon die.
He let go of her hand and stood. He tried to find something to say… but the memories he'd buried were flooding to the surface. If he spoke, it would be in anger. He turned to leave.
"Shepard, wait" Miranda pleaded with him, but he exited the room without a word.
She buried her face in her hands and, for the first time since she ran from her father, cried uncontrollably.
