Author's Info: Here's part two of three, apossibly my favorite of the three to write. It's weird, knowing I wrote the last part a year ago and wrote these last two just yesterday and today. I hope you guys like it, and please comment. I want to know if I should more things like this in the future, or if I should stick to my usual writing style. Any suggestions are helpful, so long as they're constructive.
The "what"s: Listening to P!nk's Sober and thinking about how sad I would be if I ever found myself in this sort of situation. I'm surprised I'm capable of writing about this kind of stuff, considering I've never experienced anything like this before.
Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or Sober. Those are copyrighted by their respective owners. I do own the OC and the plot, but that's all. Hope you enjoy!
I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
Is it really possible that we've been together for over a year now? It's so hard for me to believe, yet I wouldn't trade this feeling for the world. He's my best friend, my confidant, my true love, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him. I know it may not be obvious to most people—our relationship is a quiet one, and we don't need to constantly show the world to know how we feel about each other. It's obvious enough in the way we laugh and smile when we're together. Anyone who knows us knows that's a miracle in itself.
I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the morning
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home
It's not as though it was completely our choice to keep our relationship low key, though. Our head of the family, Akito, doesn't exactly know about us, and we'd prefer to keep it that way as long as possible. At least, I thought I wanted to keep it a secret. It's hard, though, when you spend so much time with him. You see, I'm studying to be a doctor, and he's not only really easy to get along with, but he also happens to be the doctor for the inner family. I help him in his practice; right now it's strictly small things, but I hope I can later become a partner of his. As part of my duties, I help take care of Akito, which can be rather time-intensive as he gets sick often. He has quite the temper, so I've gotten my share of cuts and bruises, but he depends on me and claims he enjoys my company. It's hard to spend time with my prince when I'm busy tending to him, but I don't dare make him angry; Akito is a very dangerous enemy.
Aahh, the sun is blinding
I stayed up again
I'm spending the day with my beloved prince, and I can't wait for school to get out. It's been a while since he and I have been alone together. It's hard, finding time; we don't want to be detected. Akito hates finding out things through other people, and we can't afford to have others notice. Sure, Shigure, Hatori, and a few others know, but they know what will happen if Akito finds out. They protect us, and they do what they can to give us what little time we have. I can't even begin to thank them for everything they've done for me.
Oohh, I am finding
That's not the way I want my story to end
I keep finding myself drifting to those same thoughts. Why can I push them away? I know what will happen if I tell Akito about myself and Yuki; he would never allow the two of us to be together, but I can't help it. I feel like all of this is a lie so long as I have to hide it. I feel like he's not truly mine to have, like he'll forever be out of my reach and I'm only wishing for something I was never allowed to have. I push the thought away, but it always comes back. I don't get frightened easily, but this terrifies me. I'm frightened the nagging feeling just might be right, and that I may just be holding onto a wonderful dream.
I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
We went out today. It wasn't anything grand, but I prefer it this way. It's in the little things he does that I know he loves me. I don't need anything grand, and I never did. All we ever needed was to know someone loved us for who we were, and we have that in each other. We went for a walk in the nearby park and just talked. It was another of those conversations, one where you can talk about absolutely nothing and everything at the same time. Just thinking about it makes me smile. I've never laughed so hard with anyone else, and I've never been so happy to call him my boyfriend. He's everything I've ever wanted in a person and so much more. He truly is a prince, and I can't even begin to describe how many times he's come to my rescue.
No pain
Inside
You're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?
We walked back to Shigure's together, holding hands the whole time. I was supposed to go back to Hatori's right after, but Tohru asked me to stay for dinner. I felt guilty about saying no to her, so I agreed to stay. While we waited, I followed him to his room and we just sat together and soon I felt his soft lips against mine. Even though it hurt, knowing I could never be held by him, I knew I wanted him. I accepted him for who he was, curse and all. He must have been thinking about it too, because he whispered in my ear, "I hate this. I don't care what you say; it's a curse. I can't ever hold you, and I can never break these chains."
I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence...
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
I wanted to tell him it would be alright. I wanted to tell him everything would get better, would resolve itself in the end, but I knew that would be a lie. I had been looking for any way to break the curse. Sometimes Rin and I would spend hours together trying to find a solution. There was never anything. Everything we had ever tried ended in failure. I never told him about any of this; I knew it would only depress him. It depressed me too. I wanted to save him from this, but I knew I didn't have the power. I was weak. "Yuki, it's okay. You're going to be free one day, I just know it. You can't ever give up hope. The day you give up is the day it truly becomes impossible."
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
When I won't remember, save your breath, 'cause what's the use?
I knew he was going to argue with me over it, which is why I was glad Tohru entered and interrupted. We followed her down and ate, and then it was time for me to go. He kissed me as I got ready to leave, but I could tell he was still dwelling on it. I kissed him once again and told him everything would be okay. His eyes said everything as I turned to leave, and I knew that I would just have to try again. I would find a way to break his chains . . . one day.
Aahh, the night is calling
And it whispers to me softly, "come and play"
I got back to Hatori's to find him looking at me anxiously. I apologized for being late and that Tohru had asked that I stay for dinner. Normally that would calm him, but it didn't this time. He told me Akito had asked for me, and that I was to see him immediately. I blanched, realizing exactly why he was so nervous. Akito would ask what had kept me, and no one had a good explanation. That's when I came to a conclusion: I would tell Akito about my feelings for Yuki. It would be a long shot, I knew, but Akito said he accepted me. Maybe he would accept us, and then I could finally find a way to at least lengthen the chain around my beloved's neck. It was worth the risk, and I was willing to suffer the consequences for it.
Aahh, I am falling
And if I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame
I spent my entire way to Akito's room trying to figure out the best way to approach this. Akito's temper was something I had to avoid at all costs, for everyone's sake. I refused to risk getting anyone else involved, just in case. Akito did not like it when he was not the first person to know such things, and it was for the best to let him think no one else knew about my feelings yet, not even Yuki. Akito's life is short, and if making him feel important was what it took to make agree, then I was willing to do so. I took a deep breath and entered the room, ready to face whatever was to happen.
I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
His greeting was casual. He told me he had hoped to see me sooner, since I was only to be at Shigure's for a short while. When I told him I was invited to dinner, he seemed displeased, but there was as of yet no sign of his temper. As I began to check his vitals, he conversed with me casually, first about school, and then about how Shigure and the others were. Eventually he asked about Yuki and how he was doing there. I told him he was doing well, and that he was enjoying school. I decided that would be the best time to take the plunge, so I admitted there was something I wanted to talk about with him, something that had to deal with Yuki. He looked at me with interest and told me to speak. I took a deep breath and said the words I had always been so afraid to say aloud: "Akito, I-I think I've fallen in love with him."
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
For a few moments he just stared at me, but then he started laughing. He laughed for a few more minutes before fixing his cold gaze on me. That's when it happened; the very anger I had been dreading burst from him in full force. He swung his fist at me full force, knocking me down to the ground. I felt my head collide and became disoriented. He placed his foot on my chest and started screaming at me, applying pressure as he did. "How dare you fall in love with Yuki! Who do you think you are, huh? Who told you that you were allowed to fall in love? You're nothing, a nobody! You never will be anyone! You may be a Sohma, but you'll never be one of us! You'll never become part of this family!"
I'm comin' down
Comin' down
Comin' down
I don't know how long it went on for. All I know is that someone burst into the room just as I blacked out. I was unconscious for days and had four broken ribs and bruising all over my chest and my face. It wasn't until a few days after I awoke that I found out that it had been Shigure and Hatori who saved me from Akito's wrath. Apparently Shigure had a bad feeling and decided to come out to the Sohma compound. When he heard Hatori say I was at the main house, they both decided it would be best to check up on me. That's when they found Akito still screaming. They also told me that when Hatori managed to get me away from Akito, he began screaming that he would have his revenge on me. I knew exactly what he meant when he said that: he was going to hurt the man I loved. He was going to condemn him to that life of misery once again, and it would be my fault.
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
I wasn't allowed to leave for a few weeks. Hatori kept a close eye on me; he knew I was going to try and warn my prince of what had happened, but I guess that was unnecessary. When I didn't come to school a few days later, he showed up at Hatori's demanding to see me. I had still been unconscious, but he promised he'd come back. I didn't see him until I was well enough to walk around Hatori's house without supervision. When I did see him, Akito's words came rushing back to me, and I fled. I couldn't bear to face him, not knowing what I had done.
Looking for myself . . . Sober
I managed to avoid him for a few weeks. I would pretend to be exhausted whenever he would come to see me. I knew he was there, and I could hear him talking to me. A few times I even heard him start crying. He kept asking me why I had run from him when I saw him, and why I never answered any of his calls. I wanted to tell him everything, but I was scared. I knew that if I told him he'd confront Akito, and Akito would put him back in that "room." He had finally gotten some freedom from Akito, and I refused to be the one that brought him back to that god-forsaken place.
Comin' down
Comin' down
Comin' down
It became harder and harder to avoid him when I was finally allowed to return to school. It was killing me inside, but I couldn't risk it. Still, I knew I couldn't avoid him forever. He would catch up to me eventually, and that eventuality came sooner than I'd liked. I'd only been back for two weeks, and I needed to see Shigure, since he had told me he needed to talk to me and that it was important. He was supposed to be gone at a student council meeting, so I had thought I was safe, but he was waiting for me as I left the house. He refused to let me go without getting answers from me. He wanted to know what had happened and why I was suddenly avoiding him. I couldn't lie, but I couldn't tell him the truth, either. It was do or die, and I had to choose quickly.
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
I told him everything that I felt he had needed to know. I told him that I had been late to a meeting with Akito, and that I had said something to set off his temper, but I never answered his questions about what it was that had set him off. I couldn't bring this upon him; I didn't want him to feel as though it was his fault. I was the one who had been foolish, and I was the one who had to pay for my mistakes. I knew then I had to talk to Akito one last time. I had to protect the man I loved at all costs, and I meant all costs.
Looking for myself . . . Sober
Right after I left him, I went to see Akito. He had been expecting me; he knew I was going to come to him eventually. He knew I was going to try and protect my precious prince, and he had been looking forward to it. I knew he was going to make it hurt, and I knew I would be lucky if there were any way for me to save him from that torture. In desperation, I did something I had sworn I would never do again: I got down on my knees and I begged. I begged for him to spare my beloved, and that I would do whatever he wanted in return. He smirked and told me there was one thing I could do that would make him reconsider. I didn't hesitate; I told him I would do it. With that, he bent over and whispered in my ear, "Leave, and never return to the Sohmas ever again."
When it's good, then it's good, it's so good, 'till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I could feel my heart breaking as he pulled away, a triumphant smirk on his face. There was no other option; I had to leave if I wanted to save him. I would never be able to see him again. It was the only way to protect him, and I had promised I would do whatever it took. There wasn't any hesitation in my choice. I would have chosen it all over again. I looked up at him and said, "Alright, I'll leave. Just please don't hurt him. He had nothing to do with this. It's all my fault."
I have heard myself cry
Never again
Broken down in agony
And just trying to find a friend
I returned to Hatori's and, for the first time in years, broke down completely. Hatori knew immediately what had happened. He asked me what Akito had subjected as my punishment, and froze when I told him I had to leave as soon as I possibly could. He asked me where I could possibly go; I had no one left who would take me in outside the Sohmas, and I was cut off from them forever. I told him I would return to America. Even if they had left me, there were others there who might take me in, and at least that way I was far away, too far for him to run after me and too far to be of any consequence to Akito. Hatori understood completely, and asked me if I wanted to have my memories erased. I told him no; no matter how painful this was, I never wanted to forget the memories I had with him. I never wanted to forget the feelings we had shared. I knew Hatori would understand.
I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
The next day I had booked my flight. I would leave in exactly one week. Until then, I had to act as if nothing had happened. I talked to him, laughed with him, even kissed him a few times, and every time it broke my heart yet again. I never wanted to leave him, and I wished I could have the entire week to spend with him. The week passed far too quickly, and I was facing my last day with him. I wanted to make the most of it. I wanted to tell him everything I had never been able to say, but every time the words caught in my throat and tears threatened to spill.
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
My last minutes with him are etched in my mind, and I know that I will never forget them. We were alone again—Shigure's parting gift to me—and I knew the time was coming for me to say goodbye. He spoke to me about the future, and how he hoped that one day we could build that future I had always talked about, the future he had always dreamed of. It took every ounce of strength and self-control to not cry, but I managed to smile. I kissed him with more passion and love than I had ever had the courage to before and smiled to him before whispering, "I hope so too. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you, Yuki Sohma." The words could never have been truer than they were in that moment, even though I knew they could never come true. Dreams were made to be broken, after all.
I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
I had everything packed and ready to go that night. I left no traces of my ever having been there. Everything that would have been left behind was already taken care of. I would leave the next day, and it would be as if I had never existed. Hatori came into my room and sat with me. It was the first time he and I had ever really talked about what had happened with Kanna, even though I had heard the entire story from Shigure and Ayame. He told me he was proud of me, and that he would miss me when I went off to America. It was the first time he had ever been truly emotional with me, and it took me by surprise. I won't forget his last words before I went to sleep: "You did the right thing. I'm proud of you for making that choice, even though it hurts that much. Good luck with your new life; I hope you find happiness in America."
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
As I got onto the plane, I took one last look at the place I was leaving behind. Maybe, one day, I would be able to return to this place, and maybe, one day, I would be able to see him again. I don't know if he'd ever forgive me for what I was about to do, but I took courage from Hatori's words. I had done the right thing. I had saved him, at the cost of everything I held dear, and I would do it all over again. I loved him far too much to see him hurt anymore because of me. He would be able to move on, and I could take heart in the possibility of seeing him again one day. Who knows, maybe, in that distant future, I could be with him yet again, and the heartache I was suffering from would be as if it had never existed. Until then, goodbye my love. I hope that one day you can know the truth, and you can know I did all of this for you. I love you.
How do I feel this good sober?
