Chapter 2: A Simple Case of Oh My Kami!

"You all right, Captain?" asked Renji, looking up from his paperwork.

Byakuya glanced back at him out of the corner of one curious gray eye and frowned.

"Am I all right?" he repeated softly, "Of course I'm all right. I'm fine, Abarai. What made you think I wasn't?"

"Well," said the redhead, leaning his face on one hand, "For one thing, you got here later than me this morning. For another, you haven't touched your tea. For a third, you've been in and out of your quarters three times this morning and I know I heard you throw up once. And to top it all off, in case you hadn't noticed, you're shedding sakura petals."

"Sh-shedding…petals?" Byakuya said, looking down.

He blinked in surprise and leaned down to pick up one of the petals. The surface was soft and the petal seemed like a real one.

"Is this some kind of a joke?" he asked reprovingly, "I don't have time for your nonsense, Abarai."

He picked up the fallen petals and dropped them in the wastebasket, then returned to his work. The room fell silent again, except for the occasional sound of one of them shifting in his seat or clearing his throat. Byakuya finished the last of the reports and began looking over the training schedule. A question occurred to him and he looked up at Renji.

"Did you meet with the new recruits?" he asked.

"Um, actually, that's next week," said Renji, "This week is the exhibition at the academy."

"Oh…that's right," sighed the noble, wondering how he had forgotten.

He frowned down at the papers in front of him, then was distracted by something fluttering to the floor.

"Captain?" Renji said, staring.

Byakuya caught his breath softly as he looked down at himself and realized that his reiatsu was glowing a soft pink around him and a few more petals were drifting down to the floor.

"Okay, Captain, if this is a joke, it's a really good one. But if it's not, I'm getting kinda freaked out. Maybe you should go over and get checked out at the fourth division…"

"Don't be ridiculous, Abarai," the noble said, forcibly reining in the flow of reiatsu until the petals stopped dropping, "I just became distracted."

He glanced at the clock, then stood, picking up his zanpakutou.

"Come Renji, it is time for our training."

Renji looked up at him, looking like he wanted to say something, but not knowing how to speak his mind without getting Byakuya any more peeved at him than he already was. He sighed softly and reached for Zabimaru.

"Hai, Captain."

They walked out to the training grounds side by side, Byakuya looking as serene and aloof as usual and Renji stealing glances at him and wondering if he had been imagining things before. They entered the grounds and took their stances, then Byakuya began with his senka. Renji blocked it without hesitation and the two fell to a flurry of strikes and blocks, swift flash steps and small bursts of kido. Renji frowned as pretty pink petals continued the drift down from Byakuya's body as they fought. He dared not say anything while the fight was going on. Byakuya always demanded perfect concentration and he knew better than to slack off, but as their flash steps became faster, the strikes harder and the kido more powerful, worry made Renji nervous…and his nervousness gave Byakuya an opening to release his shikai.

"Scatter, Senbonzakura."

Renji knew Byakuya's attacks better than anyone. And he knew from the moment that the noble gave the command that something wasn't right. He stood staring as the wave of petals descended on him and struck his body all over. Byakuya made a sound of distress, then caught himself as he realized that Renji was standing, unhurt and surrounded by a pile of real sakura petals. He recalled his sword, then walked forward until he stood in front of Renji, who was chest deep in the pile of blossoms.

"What is kami's name…?" Byakuya mused.

"Captain," said Renji, sure that Byakuya would have to listen now, "I think I'd better take you to the fourth division. Something is really not right with you."

"Don't be ridiculous, Renji," Byakuya began, then his face went deathly pale and he swayed ominously.

"Captain? Are you all right? Captain?"

The noble's legs gave way and Renji caught him as he fell.

"That's not good…" the redhead said, lifting his captain into his arms, "Well, I guess it's good you can't object to being taken to the fourth now."

He flash stepped back into the division office and out the front of the building, then turned and ran several blocks down to the fourth division, speaking soft assurances as he went. He wasn't sure if Byakuya heard or not, but it made him feel somewhat better to say the words.

"Almost there, Captain. They'll get right to the bottom of this. I'm sure it's nothing, like you said, ne? Just hang in there…"

He ran into the building and slid to a stop at the front desk.

"Oh!" exclaimed Isane Kotetsu, "What happened to Captain Kuchiki?"

"Well, I'm not really sure," said Renji, "He was acting kind of peculiar this morning. He overslept and was late to work, first off."

Isane's eyes widened.

"Captain Kuchiki is never late…ever!"

"Yeah, weird, huh?" Renji went on, "Then he seemed restless and like he wasn't feeling well."

"Come this way," the healer said, leading him down the hall and into an examination room.

"Anyway, he didn't drink his tea and he was especially quiet. And he kept going to the bathroom…and I heard him throw up once. But the strangest thing was the petals!"

"Petals?" queried Isane, "What petals?"

"Oh…well, he was shedding petals like his shikai all morning. And when we went to spar on the training grounds, his sword fired regular soft petals at me…no blades, just petals!"

"That does sound very strange."

"Yeah, I was asking if he felt okay, because he went all pale, and then he just collapsed and I caught him."

"Well, he's lucky he didn't add a bump on the head to his medical issues," the healer said, leaning over the noble, "Could I ask you to assist me in undressing him?"

"Wh-what?" asked Renji, blushing.

"Come now, Vice Captain," Isane said reprovingly, "You are his vice captain. He trusts you. Go ahead."

Renji bit his lips nervously and wanted to object, but Isane slipped out of the room to go and find Captain Unohana. The redhead took a white yukata from the peg next to the bed and then leaned over Byakuya and tugged on the tie at his waist. The noble's eyes flew open and looked up at Renji, then flared with anger.

"What in kami's name are you doing?" he snapped, "How dare you!"

"I'm sorry, Captain! I'm sorry!" Renji insisted, blushing furiously, "It was Isane Kotetsu who made me do it! She insisted on it so that you could be examined and she…"

"Get out!" the noble snapped, "I'll do it myself."

"B-but, you just fainted…"

"Get OUT!" Byakuya yelled, an explosion of fluttering blossoms swirling around him.

Renji fled the room, leaving Byakuya staring at the petals as they drifted to the floor.

"What?" he panted, dragging himself to his feet and placing a hand over his oddly racing heart.

He quickly changed and was about to climb back onto the examination table, when a sudden wave of nausea passed over him and he ran into the bathroom and fell to his knees, retching. He threw up, then panted dizzily for a few moments, threw up again, then collapsed onto the bathroom floor, too sick to be embarrassed. The door opened into the examination room and Captain Unohana walked in. Not seeing Byakuya, but seeing his clothes on the peg, she looked towards the bathroom and gasped in surprise as she spotted him lying on the floor.

"Captain Kuchiki," she said, flash stepping into the bathroom and dropping to her knees beside him, "Captain Kuchiki, can you hear me?"

The sixth division captain gave a soft, incoherent moan, but clasped her arm as she helped him to his feet and back onto the examination table. She looked around the room, frowning at the sight of the fallen sakura petals.

"Captain," she queried, "Is there something wrong with your zanpakutou?"

"No," said Byakuya, "Senbonzakura is fine and does not know why there is an anomaly with my shikai. He said this morning that there was an odd, unfamiliar reiatsu echo inside me. Perhaps that is what caused my shikai to go wrong."

"Perhaps," said the fourth division captain, "but I will seal away your powers until we know more about what is happening. It is really a matter of safety."

"Of course," Byakuya agreed, lying down on his back and watching as the other captain slipped the reiatsu suppressing band on his wrist.

Immediately, Byakuya's face went deathly white and he lost consciousness.

"Captain Kuchiki?" Captain Unohana said, shaking him gently, "Captain?"

Thinking the seal might have affected him oddly, she took it from his wrist. After a few moments, the noble stirred, groaned thickly and rolled to his feet, dashing into the bathroom and throwing up again. Captain Unohana shook her head sympathetically and helped him back to bed.

"Lie still now," she told him, "Drink this. It will help settle your stomach. I will take some blood and reiatsu samples and run some tests to find out what is going on."

Byakuya simply groaned and closed his eyes. Captain Unohana gazed at him sympathetically and quietly induced sleep. She quickly drew his blood and took samples of his reiatsu, then sent them with a courier to the twelfth division for full testing. She returned to the room to find that he was lying on his side and sleeping comfortably.

"Vice Captain Abarai?" she said to the redhead standing outside the door, "It is safe to come back in now. He is sleeping. Will you stay with him until I get back?"

"Y-yeah," said Renji, looking unnerved, "I guess if he's out cold, he can't be pissed at me…"

"Do not worry about that," the healer said sweetly, "I think Captain Kuchiki was just very out of sorts because he is feeling so ill."

"Yeah…I guess," Renji said, sitting down in a chair next to Byakuya's bed.

The healer left and Renji sat quietly next to his sleeping captain, stealing glances at him as he slept, but mostly just looking out the window and worrying about what could be wrong. Byakuya was still and quiet except for the soft sounds of his breathing. He slept for just over two hours with Renji at his side, then his eyes blinked opened and he groaned uncomfortably.

"R-renji," he moaned, "I need to…but…oh…I feel awful."

"You want me to get Captain Unohana again?" Renji asked, looking sympathetic.

"N-no, I just need to get to…"

He broke off, his face going white again and Renji barely had time to lift the trashcan up before the noble threw up again.

"You look really awful, Captain," Renji sighed, shaking his head, "Sick as a dog."

Byakuya frowned at him.

"I feel worse."

Captain Unohana walked through the door as Renji too the trashcan out of the room, then returned. The healer studied the chart in her hand, a curious look in her eyes.

"Captain Kuchiki," she said solemnly, "Are you content to have Vice Captain Abarai stay or do you want privacy to discuss your test results?"

"Oh," Byakuya groaned, "Renji can stay. Just tell me what to do so I can stop throwing up."

"Well," said the healer, "The tests I ran came back mostly normal, but there was an oddity in the blood work, so I had additional tests run. That is why it took so long to get the results. But I know now what is making you so ill."

"Yes?" Byakuya said, brushing several errant strands of hair out of his eyes and looking up at her.

"Your vice captain said that you mentioned that Senbonzakura had sensed an odd reiatsu echo inside you."

"Yes," Byakuya said, nodding, "but he didn't seem to think that it was dangerous."

"It isn't dangerous, but it is part of what is throwing everything off."

"I see, but what is wrong with me?"

"You were a prisoner in Las Noches about three months ago, ne?" the healer asked.

"Yes," said Byakuya, "Captain Unohana, you do not think that they…"

"Is there any time when you were unconscious or that you cannot account for?" the healer asked.

"Actually, yes," Byakuya admitted, "I was rendered unconscious before I was moved from the cellblock and taken to the room where Captain Zaraki and I were forced to engage in a fight."

"I see," said Captain Unohana, looking worried, "Well, it seems that your captors decided to play some kind of very wicked game with you."

"What?" asked Byakuya, his heart pounding oddly.

"Come again?" asked Renji, "They did what to him?"

"They seem to have placed a reiatsu chamber inside of you and then forced genetic material and reiatsu into the chamber, resulting in the development of an infant inside your abdomen."

"What?" gasped Byakuya, sitting up too fast and holding his midsection, "What did you say?"

Captain Unohana sighed.

"Simply put, you are pregnant, Captain Kuchiki."

"What the hell?" gasped Renji, "Those bastards!"

"Oh…" groaned Byakuya, his eyes nearly crossing as he took in the information, "Oh…oh…"

"I think the word you're looking for is shit," Renji said sympathetically.

All at once, realization struck the noble and he jumped to his feet and grabbed his sword.

"I'LL KILL HIM!" he cried, harmless petals exploding out of his glowing body.

"Captain Kuchiki!" the healer said firmly, "You must lie down or I will have to sedate you. Your body is not handling your condition well and I have to stabilize you before you can leave. And in any case, you cannot go running to Las Noches to attack Sousuke Aizen all by yourself."

"I didn't mean him, I meant…"

All at once, Captain Zaraki's voice sounded in the lobby area.

"I told you idiots I'm fine! I don't know why you always drag me here! Now get your hands off of me or I'll…"

"I'LL KILL THAT BASTARD!" Byakuya yelled, more petals fluttering down from his body.

He burst out of the room and into the lobby with Captain Unohana on his heels and a stunned Renji Abarai following close behind. Captain Zaraki heard Byakuya's voice rise up in a frighteningly feral roar as the Kuchiki clan leader flash stepped towards him, slashing at the other captain. Zaraki's sword appeared out of nowhere and crossed the nobles, leaving the two nose to nose. The eleventh division captain stared at the lovely, enraged face of his colleague from the sixth and smiled.

"Hello Kuchiki," he laughed, "You wanting to spar?"

"Shut up, you foul, hairy, disgusting son of a bitch!" howled the noble, "I'll kill you!"

Zaraki laughed harder and absorbed the next several slashes.

"Captains, you must stop this!" ordered Captain Unohana, "There is to be no brawling in my division!"

"BUT THAT SON OF A BITCH GOT ME PREGNANT!" yelled Byakuya, belatedly realizing how many people were in the lobby, staring at the two of them.

The room went deadly silent and everyone continued to stare in shock.

"Well, Kuchiki," chuckled Zaraki, "I guess we all know whose ass isn't cherry now, ne?"

"You…" gasped the noble, staggering, "I…hate you!"

He tried to swing his sword, but dropped it and collapsed into Zaraki's surprised arms. The eleventh division captain looked at all of the staring eyes and smiled widely.

"Damn…he's pretty when he's mad, ne?"

He lifted the unconscious noble and carried him back to the examination room, followed by a frowning Captain Unohana and a sputtering Renji Abarai.

"But…you mean you and Captain…? In Las Noches, you…?"

"I'll make it easy for you," Zaraki said shortly, "They set us up and messed with us so we had sex in front of them. Yeah, I fucked your captain, but it wasn't my fault. I wasn't trying to screw him. I was trying to kill him."

"Well, now the two of you are going to have a baby," said Captain Unohana, "I think I will give him a sedative and keep him here for the night. He seemed quite distraught."

"Distraught?" repeated Renji, "To me, it looked like he was killing mad!"

"In any case, he will need to be stabilized and calmed down. I will release him tomorrow."

She glared at the eleventh division captain.

"It is not good for your baby if Captain Kuchiki encounters stress. You are to refrain from antagonizing him!" she said sternly.

"Lady, I antagonize Kuchiki by living. The man hates me. He just said so."

"Well, for the sake of your child, you are going to have to control yourself."

"Huh…" muttered Zaraki and turning towards the door, "Like that's gonna happen."

"Wait," said Captain Unohana, "I need to give you his release instructions."

"Forget it," said Zaraki, "I'm staying clear of that nut case noble princess until he's back in his right mind…and in a body I can beat senseless."

He walked out of the room and the door slammed behind him. Captain Unohana looked from the unconscious captain to his befuddled vice captain.

"I think that since Captain Zaraki is being so uncooperative, perhaps your captain will need your help," she suggested.

"Uh…okay, yeah…sure," said Renji, "But ah…is he going to be that pissed again when he wakes up?"

The healer shook her head.

"I think he might be worse…"