Over the following weeks, Marcus took the occasional translating job, passed on to him by Delenn. He was grateful for the few hours of work, both for the money and the distraction, but he didn't have the physical or mental energy for anything more rigorous. For the most part, he divided his time among walks in the Garden, reading books, physical therapy, and decadent naps.
It was both liberating and disorienting to have no responsibilities. On Arisia, he'd been involved in the family business and the endless details of the mining operation had absorbed his time and attention. Afterward, his life had been dedicated to fighting the Shadows. When he wasn't fighting, he was studying or training or organizing the other Rangers, a proposition not unlike running a business in some ways. At any rate, it was just as time consuming. But now? Without commitments or goals, Marcus found himself at a loss for what to do next.
Despite his best intentions, some of Marcus's indecision must have come through in his messages to Susan. In her most recent message, she had expressed concern about a change in him, though she hadn't been sure what prompted it. Marcus found himself unable to come up with a good answer. I'll think about it and get back to her, he decided. He rifled through his stack of well-worn books, selected a Sabatini, and lost himself in the French Revolution.
.
"Hello sir, how are you doing?"
"Good, Ivanova, it's good to hear from you. How are things at your end?"
"Going well. We just took on a new bunch of cadets and they're keeping things lively by tripping over their own feet. We'll have them in order by the end of the cruise."
Sheridan laughed. "I'm sure you will. So, is this a social call or a business call?"
"Social. I want to know what's going on with Marcus. He's holding out on me."
"What do you mean?"
"He was sending me messages once a week, sometimes more if he was particularly bored. Now it's down to every other week, and there's nothing about him in them. When I called him on it, he gave me that impossibly innocent face and told me he had no idea what I was talking about."
"A sure sign of guilt."
"We're going to be in your neighborhood shortly. I thought I'd take the opportunity to come out and kick his ass. But I figured I should call you for information before I did."
"Wanted to know how to aim your kicks?"
Ivanova grinned. "Something like that."
"Well, I don't think I've got anything to report."
"You haven't noticed anything?"
"Nothing to report."
"Okay, thanks."
.
"Stephen, how are you doing?"
"Fine, Susan, good to hear from you. It's been a while. How are things going?"
"Good, fine. How are things with you?"
"Great. So what's up?"
"Well, I was just wondering how things are going with Marcus."
"Marcus? Why do you ask?"
"I haven't heard from him recently. I was just curious."
"Oh, well, I'm sure if anything was going on, he'd have let you know."
"So … is anything going on?"
"Well, you know, doctor-patient confidentiality. I really can't discuss details of his case."
.
"Delenn, it's been a long time."
"It's good to hear from you, Susan. How are you doing?"
"Oh, fine. But, I was hoping you could help me out with something."
Delenn raised her eyebrows and looked helpful.
"You know Marcus better than anyone. Has he seemed … okay recently?"
"You are worried about him?"
"Well, it's just that I haven't heard from him lately. And he was calling me pretty regularly for a while there. I just wanted to make sure everything was all right."
"Well, I really couldn't say."
"You haven't seen him?"
"No, it's just that … I couldn't say."
"What do you mean, you can't say?"
Pause.
"Delenn, is everything all right with Marcus?"
Silence.
"Delenn?"
"I'm sorry, Susan, I … it's just that …you see, I can't discuss him with you. I promised."
"You promised? Promised who? Promised Marcus?"
Delenn gave her an apologetic smile.
"Did he say why?"
Delenn added a helpless little shrug to the apologetic smile.
"Did he by any chance also ask John and Stephen not to talk to me?"
Delenn added a hint of embarrassment to the helpless shrug and the apologetic smile.
"So, I don't suppose you could tell me if there's anyone who can talk to me?"
.
Delenn was not surprised to receive a second call later that day.
"Ambassador Delenn."
"Chief Allen. How can I help you?"
"I'm just calling to … thank you … for the experience I just had."
"I take it you received a call from Captain Ivanova."
"Indeed I did."
"I'm so glad you could help her. I was sure you'd be able to."
"I appreciate your confidence in me. And I would take it as a personal favor if, the next time the Captain goes on a fact-finding mission, you would give her someone else's name."
"Of course, Chief. Of course."
.
The door bleeped and Marcus looked up from his book in surprise. "Enter."
"Marcus."
"Susan! My God, you look great! Come in! I can't believe you're here! When did you get in?" Marcus rose to greet her and was brought up short by the look on her face.
"Don't 'Susan' me. You have a lot to answer for. What do you think you're doing, holding out on me? How come you didn't tell me what's going on? That you resigned? That you're living here?"
"I didn't think it was import—"
"The hell you didn't! You knew perfectly damn well I'd want to know!"
"You're right, I should have told you."
"And what do you think you're doing telling everyone not to talk to me? If I want information about you, you're damn well going to give it to me and so is everyone else."
"It was foolish of me."
"Damn right it was foolish of you! And now you've made me go to all the trouble of coming out here to kick your ass in person, except you're so damn skinny I'd probably hurt my foot. Do you think we brought you back from the dead so you could not take care of yourself?"
"I'm eating ... I'm getting stronger ..."
"Not enough! If I say you're too skinny, you're too skinny!"
"Yes, Ivanova."
"And don't just stand there agreeing with me when I'm yelling at you!"
"I'm ... sorry?"
.
"Dr. Franklin."
"Chief. What can I do for you?"
"I just wanted to let you know that Captain Ivanova arrived on station a couple hours ago."
"Great! Thanks for letting me know. I'll give her a call."
Allen grimaced. "You might want to wait a while. She went directly over to Marcus Cole's quarters when she got in."
"Ah. Should I get the cryo chamber ready again?"
"Probably a good idea."
.
"So how are you? How's the baby?"
Delenn smiled. "Doing well. Want to see him? He's asleep, but if we're quiet ..."
Ivanova followed her into the baby's room and cooed dutifully. They tiptoed back out. "He's adorable. And growing! I'm sure he was only half that size last time I saw him."
"He is," Sheridan said proudly. "Sit down, sit down, let's have dinner. Tell me about your trip in. And have you seen Marcus yet?"
"First thing."
"How did it go?"
"After I made it clear to him that he was completely bone-headed and he was never to do anything of the sort again, he was properly apologetic, so I gave him a reprieve for the time being."
Sheridan and Delenn exchanged glances. "I see. I'm glad to hear he survived."
Ivanova nodded. "I'll check in on him tomorrow to make sure he made it through the night. And to take him to lunch. He's awfully thin. I don't think he's eating right."
.
The next day, Marcus met her at the restaurant as directed.
"Feeling better today?" he inquired, after they had received their orders.
"Much."
"I really am sorry I shut you out."
"Just don't do it again."
"I won't," he promised. "It is good to see you," he added mildly.
"It's good to see you, too. How have you been, really?"
"Doing okay. Recuperation's going slow, but I keep making steady progress. Stephen says I'll likely get it all back, in time."
Susan bit her lip. "I never had a chance to thank you."
Marcus smiled. "You're welcome. And I think you already did thank me. You're the one who ordered me into cryo, weren't you?"
"I couldn't just let you go. Though if you ever do anything that dumb again, I will."
"I swear not to meddle with alien healing devices anymore."
"Glad to hear it. So how come you didn't want anyone talking to me?"
Marcus sighed. "It all seemed very ... complicated. It's been two years, for you. You had a new life already. And I still had to figure mine out."
"And have you? Figured it out, I mean?"
"No," he confessed. "I have no idea what comes next. I don't suppose you have any suggestions?"
"What do you want?"
Marcus froze and was silent for too long. "What I've always wanted," he finally admitted. "I'm just not sure what to do about it, now."
"Marcus—"
"Do you want to try some of the noodles?"
"Marcus—"
"They're really quite good."
"Marcus, let me talk. I owe you an apology. I wasn't fair to you. I'm sorry."
"You don't owe me anything."
"Yes I do. I ... took what you offered and didn't give you much in return."
Marcus chose his words with care. "Everything I offered, I wanted you to have. And I appreciated what you gave me. So we're even."
"It still doesn't seem very fair to me."
"In my experience, 'fairness' isn't really a good measure of human relationships. Susan, I don't have any regrets. About anything. Please don't second-guess yourself."
A long silence. "Maybe I will try the noodles."
"Here, help yourself."
.
That evening, Ivanova showed up at Sheridan and Delenn's door with a bottle of wine. After taking one look at her face, Delenn quickly excused herself, leaving her husband to handle their guest. Sheridan opened the bottle and poured out generous glasses.
"So, what's on your mind?"
"Marcus. What am I going to do about him?"
"Didn't you do enough already? I'm sure you've made your point. No need to give the poor man a relapse."
Ivanova glared at him, and Sheridan gave her a bland look in return.
"He's still in love with me."
"Susan, he loved you enough to die for you. That's not the sort of thing that disappears overnight. Not unless it turns to hate, and I don't see Marcus ever hating you."
"It might be easier if he did."
"Well, you could try being nasty to him and hope it drives him away."
Ivanova thought about a poster board and the Ottoman Empire. "Already tried that, remember? Failed spectacularly. What am I going to do, John?"
"I guess that depends on what you want. Which is the real problem here, isn't it?"
Susan grimaced and poured herself more wine. "I don't know what I want," she said.
Sheridan took a drink and regarded her steadily.
"Do you have any advice?" she prompted.
"Do you really want any?"
"Of course."
"Why? Your options are the same as they've always been."
She stared into her glass. "I'm not sure I'm the same as I've always been."
They drank in silence.
"A relationship with Marcus would be a terrible idea," she said finally.
"Mmm."
"I mean, all my relationships turn out terrible. And I don't know if he's ever had any relationships at all. It would be a lousy thing to do to him, get him involved in a terrible relationship like that. He'd probably be scarred for life."
"Probably."
"And the logistics would be impossible."
"Mmm."
"He's here, I'm off on the Titans. I'm only on station for a week."
"Very inconvenient."
"Long distance relationships are doomed from the start."
"Absolutely."
She finished off her drink and contemplated the empty bottle.
"So you're going to start something with him?"
"I didn't say that."
"If it's any consolation," Sheridan said, "I think you two are already in a relationship. How many other people would you have come all this way to yell at, just because they stopped calling you once a week?"
Ivanova looked pained. "I need more wine," she said. "Do you have any more wine around here?"
"Sure. Or, I've got some whiskey."
"Even better. Blot out this whole conversation."
"I'll go get it."
.
"Susan, are you all right?" Marcus asked, as Susan arrived late and somewhat haggard for their next lunch appointment.
"I've been better. I hit myself over the head with a bottle of whiskey."
"Ah." Marcus signaled the waiter. "Can we get a pitcher of water here? Thank you." He looked her over. "Any particular reason?"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time?"
"Can't argue with that." The water arrived and he poured her a glass. "Drink."
She obeyed, and he filled her glass again before filling his own.
"Did you at least have a good time? Keep drinking."
"Hard to remember."
"Well, that sounds promising, anyway."
"I talked to John last night."
"About what?"
"Us."
"Hmm. What about us, if I dare ask?"
"If we should get involved."
"Ah." He refilled her glass. "So did he argue for or against?"
"Neither. Mostly he just sat there and poured the whiskey."
"And how did you argue?"
"Both ways. I think. It's a little fuzzy. Do you still want to see me?"
"Not if it's going to drive you to drink."
Susan snorted. "I mean it. Are you still interested?"
Marcus hesitated. "Susan, yesterday, you were talking about owing me and today you're talking about getting involved. What is it you want?"
"I'm not sure. But John pointed out that I don't cross a dozen light-years to yell at just anyone."
Marcus smiled. "In that case, why don't we put the relationship question aside for a bit and just try a date? Do you think you'd feel up to an evening out?"
"As long as it doesn't involve alcohol."
"I think we can manage that."
.
Marcus sent Ivanova back to her quarters with instructions to take a nap. He spent the next few hours reviewing the possibilities and making preparations before taking a nap of his own. That evening, he called her half-an-hour before the appointed time. Susan, who had just stepped out of the shower, accepted the call on voice only.
"Marcus, what's up?"
"Just trying to make some final arrangements. You have a choice of activities this evening. We could go down to the Zocalo. There are some new restaurants that have opened up since you left. Alternatively, if you want some peace and quiet, we could go over to the Garden and wander around for a bit, maybe have a picnic. If you would prefer some entertainment, the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra is on tour. They're performing tonight at the Rotunda. What's your pleasure?"
"You can get tickets to the Orchestra?"
"I'll see you in thirty minutes."
