Iruka glanced warily at the clock. Fifteen minutes until the end of his shift and he couldn't stop fidgeting. Of course that had a lot to do with Tsunade standing in the doorway behind him, her foot tapping out a faint staccato as she waited. Waited for him, to be exact. He wasn't sure how much she knew, or how much Genma and the others had told her. Not that it wasn't damn obvious. Iruka bit his lip to stop from cursing.

He was an idiot. A complete, fucking idiot. Why did he keep falling for the same stupid shit over and over again? And it always ended like this. Well, not exactly like this. The repair bill for his apartment was going to be slightly larger than normal. He wondered if she knew... she always knew. The carpenters had probably given her an itemized list of every wall that was dented, every door off its hinges. He'd hidden the bruises on his wrists, but his face... there was nothing he could do about his face.

The tapping stopped. Iruka pinched the bridge of his nose. At least he hadn't had to deal with Maki yet today. The string of jounin and chuunin that had been following him all day might have had something to do with that.

"Iruka-sensei," Tsunade's voice came from right behind him, "may I have a word with you in my office?"

"Of course, Hokage-sama."

Iruka stood, eyes downcast, and followed Tsunade to her office. Wood scraped on wood. Tsunade's fingers danced on the edge of the chair until Iruka sat. He couldn't hide his wince.

Tsunade leaned back in her chair and stared. "What happened?"

He leaned forward, putting a little distance between the back of the chair and his bruises. "It's not-"

"Iruka," Tsunade cut him off, her eyebrow arching. "Don't give me excuses that it's not Makitomo's fault. By your version, it's never their fault. Just tell me what happened."

This must be what his students felt like. He sighed. "We... argued. I think he might have been a little drunk and he... got mad. I left after he started to cool off."

"You missed the part about being thrown into furniture and raped."

Iruka paled, subconsciously tugging his sleeves down. "I... he didn't..."

"Don't lie to me!"

His jaw snapped shut. "It wasn't as bad as that," he whispered. "He hurt me, but I don't think he meant to go that far." He kept his eyes down. If he looked up... he wasn't sure what kind of expression Tsunade would have. He didn't want to know. The last thing he wanted was another person pitying him.

"No offense, Iruka, but you're not exactly impartial in all of this. I've had numerous reports of what happened. Your neighbors heard the fight. Genma and the others saw the bruises. The carpenters assessed the damage." Tsunade's voice dropped slightly. Hearing the pity was almost as bad as seeing it. "Whether or not you think it was bad, I cannot tolerate this kind of behavior in one of Konoha's ninja."

"But..." He still felt like somehow it was his fault.

Tsunade sighed. "Iruka, how many times do we have to go through this? You know I won't think any less of you for what happened. No decent ninja would." The front legs of her chair hit the floor with a loud thud. "But this... habit of yours... I know you don't intend it, just bad luck really, but... Iruka, look at me."

Slowly, Iruka looked up. There was that pity, tainting the line of Tsunade's mouth and practically pouring from her eyes.

"Somehow, this has to stop. You have friends, Iruka. Trust them. I don't care if you have to resort to a background check on every guy you even think of sleeping with. Or, better yet, fight back. I know you can. You could be a jounin in your own right if you had the ambition for it, and yet you let them-"

"Stop it!" He was shaking. He wasn't quite sure when it'd started, or how to get it to stop. "Please. I know. I know that I'm a stupid idiot when it comes to falling in love and somehow I seem to keep getting it wrong, but I don't know how to get it right. Makimoto was great, really great and then all of a sudden he goes mad as soon as he finds out he's not the first guy I've ever slept with. I thought he knew. I didn't even do anything wrong and yet somehow I hurt him." Iruka stood, placing both his hands flat on the Hokage's desk. "How am I supposed to predict that!? And Andou before him, how was I supposed to know he was going to get some weird notion that I was cheating on him with Anko? I mean, if I'm being fucked by a guy, with a long history of being a bottom, how does that equate to suddenly taking an interest in sleeping with women?"

He belatedly realized that he'd started shouting. Tsunade leaned forward slightly, their faces bare inches apart.

"I don't care how much you love the bastard. Next time your lover drops off the deep end, he'd better be the one in need of medical attention, not you."

"But, I can't fight someone I-"

"No excuses. You're a ninja, dammit. Act like one."

Iruka sank back into his chair. He wasn't sure what to say. This strange confidence the Hokage had in his fighting ability was almost worse than the pity. At least the pity he'd had practice dealing with. "Y-yes, Hokage-sama." What if he couldn't defend himself? Would he be facing disappointment the next time Tsunade called him into her office?

Tsunade settled back into her chair and crossed her arms. "You're dismissed."

"Y-yes."

The chair almost tipped over as he stood. Iruka hastily caught it, setting it upright before quickly leaving. Tsunade didn't understand what she was asking of him. It wasn't that simple. There was a huge difference between fighting someone for a mission and fighting someone he actually cared about. It'd be the same if he suddenly had to spar with Raidou or Azuma. Friend or lover, it just wasn't in him to harm them.

Iruka wished, not for the first time, that love was a simpler thing.


Kakashi turned the page of his book and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible. It wasn't strange for a jounin to be hanging out near the Mission Room. Not strange at all. Okay, so maybe a little strange, since the Mission Room was closed which meant he wasn't waiting for a mission, he was waiting for a person and... Dammit, he was being obvious.

He closed his book with a snap. The novel disappeared into his uniform as he glanced around. There were food stalls still open, but if he was already eating then that kind of ruined the point of asking Iruka to dinner because then he'd have eaten twice and while he was pretty sure his stomach could hold that much food, that would give Iruka a reason to say no out of politeness sake. Which meant he was left with either standing around and being so obvious about his intentions that the entire village would have it figured out in under an hour and then Iruka would know, or... or he could go buy... something.

His options: bookstore, weapons shop, or groceries. Kakashi chose the grocer and very deliberately started examining tomatoes, occasionally squeezing one to test the ripeness.

Iruka was certainly taking a while.

A shadow fell over Kakashi. He looked up, smiling behind his mask as Juniaki Toumo glared at him, the burly former-ANBU's muscles not at all concealed by the thin t-shirt he wore.

"Are you here to buy something or are you so hard-pressed for a date that you've settled for molesting produce?"

Kakashi was very glad his mask hid the look of surprise on his face. He had the feeling he was about to be thrown out of the shop if he didn't explain himself very fast. Toumo had been ANBU. He'd understand.

Glancing quickly side to side to make sure there was no one in earshot, Kakashi leaned forward. "I'm waiting for Iruka-sensei."

Toumo's demeanor changed instantly. The man actually smiled, something Kakashi was fairly certain he'd never seen before.

"Well, in that case, you should be over here with the kiwi. He likes those." Kakashi was propelled quite forcibly towards the fresh fruits. A shopping basket was shoved in his hands.

"I... um... thank you?"

Toumo clapped him on the shoulder, nearly knocking Kakashi into a stand of oranges. He'd have to keep in mind never to piss off Toumo. The man could have probably broken a few ribs just by hugging him too hard.

"Not a problem. I hear that Makitomo fellow's heading out of town soon."

Kakashi frowned slightly. Was he the only one in town that didn't pay attention to Iruka-sensei's love life? "That's what Raidou said."

Toumo just nodded and absently wiped off a shelf with the corner of his apron. "Never did like that kid too much." Kakashi refrained from pointing out that Makitomo wasn't that much younger than Toumo. "But Iruka," Toumo smiled again, white teeth flashing, "he's quite the catch. Comes by here a few times a week, sometimes just to say hi. Ah, if only I were younger..."

Kakashi wasn't quite certain he wanted to picture Iruka and Toumo together. That thought was just... weird. "I see," he said instead and picked up a kiwi, squeezing the fruit lightly. It seemed fresh. "So... kiwi?"

The shopkeeper gave him a quick once-over before nodding slightly. "Aye. Do you cook?"

"Um... a bit." He knew enough to feed himself on more than just instant noodles and rice, though he couldn't really remember the last time he'd actually gone to any sort of effort over it.

Kakashi suddenly found himself with two bags full of groceries, a slightly lighter wallet, and a hastily scribbled recipe on the back of his receipt. Toumo's timing was apparently perfect. Iruka was just stepping out of the Academy as Kakashi finished paying. Toumo shoved him out of the grocer's shop hard enough that he almost lost a couple kiwis down the street.

"Oh, Iruka-sensei, fancy running into you here." Kakashi put on his brightest smile as he stumbled upright.

Iruka was staring at him, his face a strange blend of emotion running from surprised to terrified.

Kakashi forced his grin wider and held up his grocery bags. "Would you like to join me for dinner? I seem to have bought a bit too much, but Toumo started talking about this pasta dish that sounded good and then... well, you can see what happened..."

He could almost see the thoughts running through Iruka's head. The chuunin hesitated, glancing between the bags in Kakashi's hand and the shopkeeper behind him. "I..."

"I promise not to burn anything."

Iruka's shoulders visibly relaxed. Kakashi would have to remember that phrase, as it seemed to be the key to switching himself from threatening jounin to non-threatening unskilled chef in Iruka's eyes.

"I... I guess. If I'm not imposing."

"No, no," Kakashi gestured in the vague direction of his apartment with a plastic bag. He started walking that way and Iruka followed. "You're helping me, really. I hate seeing food go to waste, and I have this problem where I tend to forget about leftovers and then they start growing in my fridge and occasionally they steal a few kunai and..." Iruka was looking at him as if he'd turned green and said he liked to wear dresses. He shrugged. Jounin were known for being somewhat insane. "Breakfast can be quite a battle some mornings."

"I can imagine." Was that a smile tugging at the corner of the teacher's lips? Mission cheer Iruka up, underway.

His first thought was to ask Iruka if he was feeling better. That thought was quickly discarded. The last thing Iruka probably wanted was to be reminded of Makitomo. He settled for a safer question.

"How are classes going? Got any more little Naruto's running around?"

Iruka groaned. "Thankfully, no. He's one of a kind, though there is Konohamaru and his friends, but they've started to behave at least a little bit after Naruto talked to them a few months ago."

Kakashi laughed at that. He could just imagine what Naruto must have said to them. "Well, Naruto practically worships you, and Konohamaru worships Naruto so it fits, I guess."

"I almost wish Naruto hadn't spoken to them. Konohamaru's misbehaving was somewhat easier to deal with than walking into the classroom to find thirty-two apples on my desk."

"At least you had a good supply of apples for a while." He tried to picture how many apples that would be... and how they would have stacked that many on a desk.

Iruka's smile turned rueful. "I appreciated the thought, but it was my birthday and they thought that was how old I was."

He winced. "Oh." How in the world had the brats come up with that number? Iruka looked like he was barely out of his teens sometimes.

They'd reached Kakashi's neighborhood, a fairly quiet part of town that housed high-ranking jounin and more than a few ANBU, though only a handful of people knew that. Lights shone in a few windows, but for the most part the buildings were dark, their inhabitants off on missions or simply out having fun while they had the chance.

"This is it."

Kakashi preceded Iruka up the stairs, shifting the bags into one hand as he dug out his keys. A few muttered words disarmed the traps around the door.

"Pardon the mess. I haven't really been around much recently."

"Ah." Iruka toed off his shoes at the entrance and glanced around with obvious interest. The apartment was dark, a bit of light shining through the curtains in his kitchen to make out vague furniture-like shapes.

"Here." Groceries shifted as Kakashi flipped on the light switch and kicked the door closed at the same time. His shoes hit the wall with a dull thud.

"Is there anything I can-" Iruka's words cut off as Kakashi pulled down his mask. He smiled at Iruka on his way into the kitchen. Strangely, Iruka blushed.

"No, just have a seat while I get dinner started." Kakashi's back was to Iruka as he set down the groceries but he could hear Iruka landing on the couch with a soft thud. Half the fun of wearing a mask all the time was the strange reactions he got whenever he went without.

He remembered the fruit as he was emptying one of the bags. Kakashi picked up one of the brown fruit and turned.

"Kiwi?"

The look of surprise on Iruka's face was more than worth the price of dinner.