A/N - Insert standard disclaimer here: Not mine, Not… yadda, yadda, yadda.

OK, I know Lula wants to help and all but I am really not so sure about her fashion sense. Understated for her is not the same as for me. God only knows what she will pick out for me. I mostly wanted her along for company. In Jersey, shopping is a team sport.

The dress is spandex, that's no surprise but the rest is. It's black with a deep vee and spaghetti straps. There's this diamond shaped rhinestone medallion that sits right between my breasts at the point of the vee. The skirt flares at my waist and goes to 3 inches above my knees. It has these lacy cutouts in a deep fiery red that are only visible when the skirt twirls. There's no back to the dress just some thin straps that criss-cross holding the front in place. The dress, combined with some black silk and rhinestone FMP's is going to be perfect.

Sometimes Lula can surprise you, and this is definitely one of those times. It may be too understated for her, but there is nothing understated about this dress. It screams hot and sweaty sex on a dance floor. Are you sure you don't want to think about this for a minute? What's to think about? It's the perfect dress. Who'd a thunk Lula would be the one to find it. Are you sure you are ready for what this dress says you want? It's the perfect dancing dress. I couldn't ask for one better. What about the hot and sweaty sex part? Are you ready for that? You remember what happened last time.

"Yo, white girl. You just gonna stand there or what? Do you like the dress or do we got to look some more? The day ain't getting any younger." Thank god for Lula. That is definitely not a conversation I want to have with myself. But it is a conversation you need to have and soon. The sooner the better too. I am so not going there right now. I got to find shoes and under things and do the shower thing. I have too much to do. You're going wish you had this talk before the night is out. Not thinking about it, not doing it.

"What are you talking about? What conversation?" Oh crap. I really got to quit doing that.

"Nothing Lula. I'm just talking to myself. I'll take the dress. You were right it is perfect." You can't avoid it forever. Yes I can. "I think I have the perfect shoes at home. All we need to do now is head to Victoria's Secret."

"Well, then, let's get going. You got to find something super sexy. They probably have some of those pasty thingies there don't you think? 'Cause you can't be flashing your nips when you get all hot and bothered by Batman."

"Oh God. I don't think I can do this Lula. I really don't think I can." Shit. What am I going to do? Breathe… Breathe…

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. Where did that come from? I haven't thought of Robert Frost since college. Hmmm...

I guess you could say I took the road less traveled when I decided to become a Bounty hunter. It went against everyone's expectations. My Mom just assumed I would go to work at the button factory and find a husband so I could get about the business of making her grandchildren. That's what you do when you live in the 'Burg.

Deciding to end things with Joe and maybe see where this thing between Ranger and I goes is also a road less traveled. Bad boy Joe Morelli is still the easy route. We grew up in the same neighborhood, with similar expectations for our lives. Ranger is definitely not anything anyone would ever expect.

I have always wanted to do the unexpected. Nothing else seems to work for me. It's not always been easy. Hell, it hardly ever is, but boy is it ever satisfying. When I jumped off the garage roof and broke my arm, it wasn't easy but I finally felt like I was flying. At least until I landed. So, I'll just pretend that I am jumping off the garage roof; only this time there will be someone there to catch me. I can do this. I was born to do this.

"Girl, you need to quit talking to yourself. People gonna think you a little tetched in the head. Please tell me you are not gonna jump off the garage roof again." Oh well, most people already think I'm crazy. What's a few more?

"Lula everybody already thinks I'm crazy so what difference does it make if I talk to myself or not? As long as I don't answer myself I'm fine." No need to explain that what she heard was the answer and not the question.

"You know that's not true. Not everybody thinks you are crazy. The people who matter don't, and the ones who do? Well, fuck 'em." You gotta love Lula.

"What do you say we hit Victoria's Secret then head over to my place for pedicures and Margaritas? I need some moral support here. You can tell me all about your 21st birthday like you promised." That should keep me occupied and distracted.

"Whooee girl, I like the way you think. I think I am gonna give me one of them French pedicures. They kinda goes with everything." I think I might do one of those too. "Well get it in gear we ain't got all day. You don't want to keep the man waiting. He might change his mind."

"I don't think that will be a problem Lula. He asked me, remember?" Here goes nothing.

Now Lula did an exceptional job helping me find a dress. Even if it did raise questions I was not prepared to answer. Her lingerie choosing skills however… leave a lot to be desired. I have no idea how she found a crochless g-string with tiger stripes. I really, really don't want to know either.

From there we hit the liquor store for the essentials and then made our way to my apartment. While I was paying for the booze Lula decided to make a couple of phone calls. So now instead of just me and Lula it was a date prep party. In Jersey not only is shopping a team sport sometimes so was getting ready for a big date. The only thing bigger than a date with Ranger is a wedding, and I'm so not ready for that. I think I'm going to hyperventilate. Breathe… breathe…

Have I said I love my car? Well, I do. I just hope the gods up in car heaven take some pity on me. I'd really hate for anything to happen to it. I am going with the theory that since Ranger bought it everything will be fine. We won't think about the Boxter or the BMW or the… I said I wasn't going to think about it.

"So Lula, you gonna tell me or do I have to drag it out of you?" I really need something else to think about. I put the liquor on the counter and dropped some hamster kibbles is Rex' food dish. They didn't even warrant a wiggle. Some friend he is.

"Don't get you knickers in a twist. We got to wait for the other girls. I don't want to have to tell it twice. Connie and Mary Lou will be here by the time you get out of the shower. Anything good on the tube?"

I decided to take the phrase self-confidence starts from the skin out to a whole new level. I showered, shampooed, shaved, exfoliated, moisturized and gelled to within an inch of my life. I decided to let my hair air dry, since the gel would keep down the frizz.

Throwing on some sweats I found on my floor, I walked into my living room. Connie and Mare had made themselves at home and Lula was on the phone. Not sure I want to know what she has planned. You never know with her.

"I thought we were just going to do pedicures and margaritas? Who are you calling Lula?" She seems to have taken control and I don't know how to get it back.

"Well, seems to me that you need a major kick in the ass. Batman can be a little overwhelming so I called in the troops." Troops? What troops? "I called my delicious hunk of chocolateness to see if he knew what was planned. It seems your date is now a birthday party." I'm speechless. I got nothing.

"Uh… wha… huh?" Yup that is me. Just call me thesaurus girl.

"Seems like you could use some back up. So we done decided to invite ourselves along."

"Does Ranger know?" I don't know what to think. If he knows what does that mean for us? If he doesn't know how am I supposed to prevent him from sending all our friends to Uganda in a packing crate?

"Tank said that they was gonna spring it on him after y'all had your dinner. That gives us girls some time to get ready." This is so not good. Maybe I should think about care packages I could send with them, toiletries and stuff. Do they have Crest in Uganda? "Just sit yourself down there and let's get to the pedicures and margaritas."

"Steph, you're only allowed one but I think I'm gonna have about three. I still need Depends anytime I am around that man. He scares me to death." If Mare only knew. I think I need them for a completely different reason though. "Lula, what's this big story you said you had."

"Me and some girlfriends scrimped and saved for a fancy trip for my 21st. We decided to go to Disney World down in Florida. I wasn't always a 'ho, you know. That didn't happen for another couple of years." It's amazing what you can learn about people you thought you knew.

"We decided to go to that there water park Typhoon Lagoon. We had us a ball until they talked me into going on this damn slide they got that goes straight down something like 3 stories. If I'd a known I was gonna get me an enema outta the deal I'd a never done it." How do you tell a girlfriend when it is just too damn much information? I think I need another drink.

"Steph, just remember tonight is about love and romance." Thanks Mare, as if I wasn't nervous enough, she has to mention the 'L' word.

"I don't know. It's kinda hard to do love and romance in a crowd." Leave it to Connie to bring up the practicalities. "How about making it about a healthy dose of lust." That's not a whole lot better!

"They already got that in spades. Anyone with eyes can see that." Somebody shoot me. Just put me out of my misery. That's one thing about being the Bombshell Bounty Hunter that I absolutely hate. Everybody all up in my bidness as Lula says. Well, that and rolling in garbage. So much for a nice quiet dinner with Ranger. Hope he's having as much fun as I am…NOT.

"You guys, I'm right here. I really hate when you start talking about me like I'm invisible." Hopefully they didn't invite themselves to the whole evening. I would like a little time with Ranger to myself. "Did you say after dinner? Does that mean you all are only joining us at the club?"

"Tank said they were gonna surprise you after dinner." This is so not good. Tank is his best friend, you'd think he knew better. "He figured you needed a little help so he decided to play Cupid for the evening." This is going to end badly I can feel it.

"Has anyone seen my phone? I need to make a call." I gotta prepare Batman. There is no way I am going to let them sneak this on him.

"Oh no you don't. You are not going to give him a heads up. Tank wants to surprise him. What my man wants, my man gets." How do I break this to Lula? I guess Mary Lou and Connie decided to sit this one out. They look like they're at a tennis match. If I wasn't freaking out I'd think it was funny.

"I hope you're prepared to travel to Uganda in a packing crate then. You know Ranger will send the both of you to a third world country for trying to surprise him like this." I really need to give him a heads up. He is the only one I can think of that can get us out of their evil clutches.

"I think you put it in your bag. Here, why don't you go on into the other room so you can have some privacy? I'll just finish up my toes and make me another margarita. Take your time." Yeah, that's what I thought.

Taking my phone into the bedroom I flop onto my bed in my favorite position. With a deep breath I hit speed dial 1 and cross my fingers. When all is said and done they mean well.

"Yo."

"Yo yourself. Have you talked to Tank recently?" Might as well jump right in.

"No. Why?" Eloquent as usual.

"Well… he talked to Lula and decided to play Cupid. He invited himself and some of our friends along on our date. I have no idea what he hopes to accomplish. Seems to me it would have the opposite effect of what he is looking for."

"If I ever get my hands on him, Cupid is a dead man." Yup, this is going to end badly.

TBC…

Please don't forget to review. Y'all wouldn't want to see me in a padded cell for talking to myself now would you? Don't answer that.