Kokichi Ouma was smiling.

Yes, smiling. Not the kind of sadistic smirk that he would often shoot at passersbys to stop them from bothering him. Not the kind of smile that he wore on his face to hide his true emotions. His smile was real, genuine, and one-hundred and ten percent authentic. It felt weird to have such a pure smile gracing his features, but he found himself embracing it, staring down at his phone as he read over his last text sent to Saihara.

Me: Goodnight, Saihara-chan~!

"Yo, what's with the smile? Did ya finally get laid?" asked Iruma, shoving fries into her greasy mouth and tempting a peek at Kokichi's phone. Kokichi shut it off, stuck his tongue out at her, and put up his middle finger.

"Fuck off, Iruma. Don't you have any other shitheads you can bother with your gross moaning? Kiiboy looks pretty jealous~!"

Iruma spluttered, "h-hey! Who're you callin' gross? I bet you don't even wash after jacking it!"

"You're annoying. Is that all you think about?"

Kokichi didn't particularly like Iruma. She was brass, loud, and an absolute hellspawn. That being said, she was fun to mess with. It would take a good number of fingers to count how many times he had almost been entertained by her presence. Not that he'd ever admit that. He sighed, stole a glance at his phone, and turned to her again. "Weeeellll, looks like that's my cue! Gotta blast!"

Kokichi hopped up from his seat and grabbed his lunch tray, intent on heading right over to the trash bin and dumping it all right in. See, that was his intention. He really didn't expect to run into Rantaro Amami as soon as he'd turned around. And he really didn't purposely spill his entire lunch tray on him. Honest!

"Ah, look Amami-chan, you ruined my lunch."

Amami sighed, grabbed a napkin from his shirt pocket, and started wiping down the front of his uniform. Up close, Kokichi could see the flecks of eyeliner and mascara in his eyelashes.

"And you ruined my uniform. Don't we both suck?"

"Cock!" interjected Iruma from behind the two, giggling and snorting at her own ill-timed joke. Kokichi ignored her.

"Is that any way to talk to your supreme leader?"

"Supreme leader?"

"Yeppers! I'm actually controlling every little single action in your life from the shadows! You know the Illuminati? Yeah, that's me!" Kokichi rocked on the balls of his feet and shifted, moving just an inch back from Amami, who was still wiping down the remnants of Kokichi's milk from his shirt. "The proper response would be to bow. Don't worry, I'll forgive you this time!"

"Thanks." Amami stole a glance at Kokichi and Iruma's table, glanced back at Kokichi, and pointed just left to the chair Kokichi had just gotten up from. "Is that seat taken?"

"Yup!"

"Oh, really?" Despite Kokichi's answer, Amami went ahead and sat right down at the table. He reached forward to grab a fistful of napkins from the center and continued to wipe himself down, placing the dirtied napkins down just next to him.

"Hey, I said that was taken!"

Amami shrugged, "that was a lie, right?" He gestured between the two, "you two are only ever sitting by yourselves."

"W-What the fuck is that supposed to mean-"

"Woah, Amami-chan! You're super smart! I swear, you're almost as smart as my cat!" Kokichi dumped his tray on the table right next to theirs, strode up to Amami, and sat down right next to him. "Hey, hey, are you a furry?"

"Ha, can't say I am."

"Ah, damn."

oOo

"Hey, Shuichi, look!" Kaede nudged Shuichi with the butt of her palm. When Shuichi turned to look, she was pointing right at Rantaro Amami, a glow in her eyes and a question on her lips. "He's sitting with Ouma-kun and Iruma-san. Do you think they're friends?"

Shuichi shrugged and sighed, fiddling around with his spork and poking it into his hamburger. "I dunno. Maybe." That was a lie. Shuichi had never once seen Ouma interacting with Amami, much less seen Amami chatting with Iruma. Ouma had never mentioned him in their text conversations, either. Granted he hadn't mentioned Iruma, but given the little bits and pieces that he's heard of their conversations he's not sure he wants Ouma to talk to him about Iruma.

"Hm… this is important evidence, Shuichi! It could tell us a bit more about his personality!"

"Whoopie."

"Shuichi!" Kaede hit his shoulder. With a start, Shuichi turned to stare at her, rubbing his shoulder painfully. For such a kind person she packed quite the punch. "Are you even taking this seriously? This is my love life at stake!"

Kaede once again reaffirming her incessant crush on Amami struck him straight in the heart. With a hiss, he clenched his chest, turning away from Kaede to stare at a single spot in the table. If only he still wore his hat.

"Oh, are you thinking about your crush again? You can just tell me who it is! I'll even help matchmake you two!"

"No, I really don't think you would, Kaede."

"C'mon, Shuichi! You know me better than that! I'd do anything for my friend!" Kaede twisted the knife a little deeper. If he had been in a different state of mind, he might've even been of the belief that Kaede actually knew about his crush on her and was purposefully friendzoning him. That being said, Kaede was nothing if not kind-hearted. Logically, he knew his paranoia was meaningless.

"Y-Yeah," Shuichi's voice was an octave higher than usual. With a cough, he said, "y-you can figure it out for yourself, Kaede."

"Boo!"

oOo

That night, Shuichi found himself continuing his nightly routine: texting Kokichi Ouma.

Me: hey, you up?

Kokichi Ouma: I'm always up for you, Sai-ha-ra-chan~! 3

Shuichi felt a blush rise to his cheeks. He's bluffing, he reminded himself, just ignore it.

Me: right. what are you doing

Kokichi Ouma: Watching hardcore porn. What about you?

Me: nothing. texting you

Shuichi almost hit send. With a frown, he looked over his own text, dissecting each and every single one of the three words there. The last sentence sounded a bit flirty, didn't it? Would Ouma take it the wrong way? They were both guys. There was nothing to take the wrong way, right?

Just when Shuichi was about to hit backspace and rewrite his entire text, his thumb pressed the send button. With a start, Shuichi frantically tapped his screen. Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit-

*Sent*

"Shit!"

Shuichi bit his bottom lip, bringing his bare knees up to his chest and rocking back and forth on his bum. This was bad. The text itself wasn't horrible, but Ouma was known for blowing things out of proportion. For all he knew, tomorrow the entire school might be abuzz with the knowledge that Shuichi hit on the Kokichi Ouma! His reputation would be ruined!

Kokichi Ouma: Oh wow. Great deduction, Shulock Holmes.

Of course, his anxiety-ridden mind was playing tricks on him again. Of course it was.

Kokichi Ouma: Or are you just hiding what you're actually doing? C'mon, you can tell me the genre. I won't bite ;-)

Me: what genre?

Me: also i hate that winky face. it looks weird

Kokichi Ouma: I'm hurt! To think that… you would really… *sniffle, sniffle*... insult my winky face... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *sniffle, sniffle*

Me: please no

Kokichi Ouma: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHAHAWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

Me: this was a mistake

Kokichi Ouma: And now you're calling me a MISTAKE? AJKWJFKJAWJO

Me: bye

Kokichi Ouma: Wait no come back.

oOo

Kokichi was in class lobbing spitballs at the back of Shinguji's head, wondering how long it would take the effeminate man to notice that he had about a dozen or so spit-filled pieces of paper tangled in his hair. Honestly, he was getting bored. Maybe he could practice his aim with the teacher instead… or Harukawa, but he wasn't completely sure that he wanted to get strangled that particular day. Maybe tomorrow.

Amami leaned over to Kokichi. "Shouldn't you be paying attention?"

Kokichi scoffed, "paying attention? No thanks. This is more fun." For emphasis, he chewed up another spitball and shot it at Shinguji. No dice. The man still paid avid attention to the teacher, writing down each and every word that spilled out of the woman's mouth. Just what he got for messing with him in history class.

"Don't we have a unit test next week?"

"Yeah, and?"

"... alright then." Amami sighed and leaned back in his chair. Despite his lecture, Kokichi didn't see a single sentence written down on his page. He wasn't even taking notes!

Kokichi growled, chewed up a spitball, and shot it at Amami. As though anticipating this reaction, Amami leaned forward at just that moment to look into his backpack, completely screwing up Kokichi's aim and launching it instead at a random unsuspecting civilian.

It hit Maki Harukawa.

Shit.

oOo

"Did you really have to hit him, Maki?"

"He's a brat, he got what was coming to him."

"Yeah, but…" Kaede sighed, leaning her head on her palm and staring at Ouma's table. Currently only Amami and Iruma were sat there, an open gap between them where Ouma would normally sit. Last Shuichi saw of Ouma, he had been nursing a black eye and running to the nurse's office. He must still be there.

He fiddled with his phone.

Maybe he should text him?

"Hey bro, what's up?" Kaito leaned forward, peering deep into Shuichi's eyes. His normally confident demeanor had faded into something more soft, more genuine, and Shuichi felt as though Kaito's palm was directly touching his heart. His heart beat softly.

Shuichi forced a smile onto his face, "nothing. I'm just a bit worried."

"Worried?" Maki furrowed her eyebrows. "About Ouma? He's like a cockroach, he'll bounce back in no time."

"Yeah, I suppose." Under the table, Shuichi typed out a text, prayed that in his blinded state he had managed to type it out correctly, and clicked send.

Me: hey, ar ou oay?

The notification was instant. His friends jumped at the loud ping that suddenly erupted from underneath the table. With a timid grin, Shuichi lifted his phone into plain view and read Ouma's response.

Kokichi Ouma: Are *you* okay?

Before Shuichi could even think of a response, another message had been sent. Shuichi lowered his volume.

Kokichi Ouma: Why do you care? Aren't you friends with Maki-baby?

Me: yeah, but you're my friend too

A few minutes passed. In the meantime, Shuichi calmly tapped his phone. As the gap between the last message increased, he found his palms growing sweaty. He tapped his phone again in rhythms. One, two, three… one, two, three… no response.

"Shuichi? Are you okay?" Kaede had turned to him. She tilted her head just so, and Shuichi might've dared to call it cute if he didn't detect the concern in her eyes.

"Yeah. I'm doing fine." He couldn't look at her. He caused her to feel concern for him.

He picked up his phone and typed out another message.

Me: are we friends?

Ouma never responded. A few minutes later, he came back into the cafeteria, sat down between Amami and Iruma, and looked at his phone. He didn't reply to Shuichi.

oOo

Kokichi sat still in bed at three in the morning, swinging his feet in front of the opening under his bed, just asking for a monster to drag him under and eat him alive.

He stared at his text.

Me: Yes.

He could not say yes. No way, no how. Absolutely not. That'd be asking for rejection. Kokichi didn't have a lack of self-preservation. He knew when to call it quits. His chances with Shuichi were slim to none. He knew that. Everyone knew that. Saihara was just being an idiot and expected that Kokichi would want to be friends with him! Ha, as if!

… yeah, he knows when he's lying.

Me: No.

No, no, no, he couldn't say that either! That'd break poor Shuichi's heart when all he wanted was a friend!

Like he cares about that!

His thumb hovered over the send button.

Yeah, no. Not gonna happen. He deleted the text.

Me: Maybe?

Wow, way to sound indecisive.

Me: I love you, have my babies 3

As if.

Me: Are you gay or no homo?

Blegh.

He couldn't do this!

Without deleting the text, he flung his blackberry face down onto his pillow and lied down on his back, kicking his legs spastically and letting out a note that was much too high for a normal highschool boy to make.

He heard a ping. Kokichi's heart skipped a beat.

Saihara-chan~! 3: uh

Saihara-chan~! 3: what

Oh, okay. Of course, that makes perfect sense. Of course it'd be just his luck to accidentally send a text asking Saihara if he was gay. Good luck digging yourself out of this one, Kokichi.

Me: Jokes!

Me: Nishishi, I got you so good!

Me: It must suck to be so gullible Saihara-chan!

He was really laying it on thick. Kokichi's heart pounded in tandem with the speed of his fingers. His brow sweated. He could feel his muscles clench and unclench, unsure of their own emotions. He hadn't given Saihara much time to respond, but every second felt way too long. Kokichi gulped.

Saihara responded.

Saihara-chan~! 3: well to answer your question, no im not gay

Saihara-chan~! 3: are you?

Yes.

Me: No!

Saihara-chan~! 3: alright then

Saihara-chan~! 3: this is a weird conversation

Saihara-chan~! 3: im going to bed

Saihara-chan~! 3: hope your eye feels better. night

Kokichi touched his still-swollen eye. It was hot and firm and painful. He felt the same joy that he had felt when Saihara had first inquired about his eye: pure, complete joy.

Then he was centered back to reality, because Saihara had just confirmed what he had already known: there was no way in hell that the two of them could end up together. Saihara wasn't even gay.

(... he could be bi.)

Kokichi chose not to delude himself.

He laid back in bed, flung his phone onto the far end of his bed, and pulled the covers over himself.

oOo

"... what about Maki?"

"Huh?"

"Is she your secret crush?"

Kaede was holding a notepad, had a brown fedora planted firmly on her head, and had a pen tucked neatly behind her ear despite holding another pen in her palm, like she was some old-time detective from a spy movie. Right when he had gotten into his first class of the day, Kaede had stormed up to him all decked up, like she was on a secret mission. "Well, according to my research…" she flashed the notepad at Shuichi, barely gave him a couple seconds to read a couple names other than "Miu Iruma" and "Himiko Yumeno", and then turned it around again, "there are only a couple girls left in this school that you could possibly have a crush on. The one who you interact most with is Maki."

"Yeah, but Kaito likes Maki."

"I know that, but I'm narrowing down my deductions, Shuichi!"

He gave her a deadpan look. "No. I don't like Maki."

She hummed, nodded, and crossed out a name on her notepad. She squinted and peered at the list of names, gasped, and looked frantically at Shuichi and another person in the classroom. Her head alternated between them so fast that Shuichi didn't even have time to catch the other person she was looking at. "... Chabashira-san?"

"Chabashira's a lesbian, Kaede!"

"I don't know!"

Shuichi gave a deep, diaphragm expanding sigh, rubbed his forehead, and tried to ebb away the growing headache. "No. I don't like Chabashira-san."

"Alright, that's another one-" Kaede stopped mid-crossing out, lips drawn into a soft o shape and her cheeks scrunched up. Her naturally rosy complexion was completely done away with, traded instead with a completely pale exterior. She looked at Shuichi, gulped, then looked back down at the notepad.

"W-What is it?" Internally, Shuichi tossed and screamed and flailed. She knew! Kaede knew that he liked her!

"Uh… nothing, it's just…" she closed her notepad, "something doesn't add up. I'm gonna have to think over a few things." Kaede took off her fedora and dropped it off on on Kirumi's desk, who then proceeded to flatten it and stuff it into a plastic zip-lock bag. Kaede sat down at her desk.

Shit on my dick.

oOo

"So Amami, do the curtains match the drapes?"

"My hair is green. What do you think?"

Kokichi idly watched Amami and Iruma's conversation, chiming in every once in a while with a quip of his own. Amami had taken to sitting with the duo the past couple days; for what reasons, nobody knows, but it's like he fit right in. Kokichi certainly wasn't complaining, he was much better company than Iruma.

From the corner of his eye, he spotted Saihara entering the cafeteria alone, then proceed to sit at a lunch table completely and utterly alone, not even attempting to go up to gather a lunch tray. That was odd. Usually he sat with the three-muskaidiots.

Kokichi turned away with a huff. It was useless thinking about it. Not like it was his problem.

(When nobody was looking, he stole another glance at Saihara. He was staring at his phone.)

"So you're meaning to tell me ya don't dye down there?"

"... is that normal?"

"Well you're like super metro! That's your whole thing!"

"Sorry."

"I could dye down there for you, you know…"

"Uh, no thanks…"

Kokichi glanced at his phone. Maybe Saihara was texting him? No, he wasn't typing.

Ah, shoot. He needs to stop thinking about this! Saihara doesn't like him!

(When Saihara picked up his phone and began typing, Kokichi's heart skipped a beat. The back of his neck stuck up in anticipation and his legs shook. Finally!)

"What about you, Cockichi?" Iruma leaned towards him, pushing her breasts together and leaning just low enough where he got a full shot of her cleavage. Kokichi gagged in his mouth.

"Like I'd ever tell a dumb slut like you."

"Ah! You said it!" Iruma gave such an ungodly moan that if Kokichi didn't know any better he would've said the table shook.

Kokichi gave Amami a sly smile and leaned closer to him, "hey~! Amami-chan~! Wanna switch seats?"

"Sure." Kokichi made to get up, only to fall short once he felt a sharp vibration on his lap. With a barely restrained squeal, he looked at Saihara's latest text.

Saihara-chan~! 3: are you busy?

"The fuck? You're texting Shithara?" In his excitement, Kokichi had failed to notice Iruma leaning over to snag a peek at his phone. For whatever reason, her words angered him. She said it as though he should be ashamed of texting Saihara. What the hell did she know?

Kokichi fully jumped up from his seat, bouncing around Amami and sitting right where he formerly did. "Shut the fuck up, you bitch! Mind your own damn business!"

"Calm down, Ouma-kun, she was just asking a question." Amami held his hands in between the two, a plactating kindness in the way he curved his eyes and a soothing nature to his silky voice. Kokichi immediately felt his mood dissipate, but like hell he'd show that.

"Yeah, whatever." He typed out a response to Saihara, then turned to Iruma. "Don't look at my personal business, got it?"

"W-Whatever… sorry."

Me: No.

Saihara-chan~! 3: can you talk to me?

At that, Kokichi was confused. Saihara hadn't really asked him for permission to talk before, they just did. He stole another peek at Saihara. He was still staring at his phone, rocking his leg gently as he waited for Kokichi to respond. At his regular table, Akamatsu, Momota, and Harukawa were seated. Maybe they had a falling out?

Me: Oooh, asking for permission~! You know all of my weak points, Saihara-chan~!

Saihara-chan~! 3: haha… yeah

Saihara-chan~! 3: im a jack of all trades

Kokichi Ouma smiled. From his peripheral, he saw Shuichi Saihara also smile.

Me: Oh, so you're not just a detective! I knew you were lying about your talent!

Saihara-chan~! 3: not lying, bending the truth

Saihara-chan~! 3: lying's your thing

Kokichi tapped the screen. He wanted to be Saihara's friend. He wanted to trust him. He wanted to be vulnerable with him. Kokichi Ouma was never vulnerable. Despite every rational thought in his head screaming for him not to dive too deep, not to fall too hard, Kokichi grinned and felt his heart go aflutter.

With shaking fingers, he sent a text.

Me: By the way, to your last question…

Me: … yes.

oOo

Kaede: hy… can we meet in the libry?

Shit. This was the moment. Shuichi was about to get rejected, melt into a puddle, and cry away his sorrows by locking himself in his room and eating tanks and tanks of ice cream and watching some random K-drama where love actually ends up working out for the protagonist.

Me: sure

Kaede: ill be there in 5 :)

… a smiley face?

Kaede was about to reject Shuichi and she sent him a smiley face?

Maybe she was just trying to reassure him. God, she's probably known about his crush for months and-!

He tapped his leg. One, two, three… one, two, three…

He looked in his bathroom mirror, straightening his hair with the palm of his hand and trying (and failing) to flatten his ahoge. Maybe if he used some gel…

What's the point? I'm going to get rejected anyways.

He tugged on his pants, picked up his long forgotten hat, and hurried to the library.

oOo

When Shuichi arrived, Kaede was already there, seated in the far right of the library. A weird, disconcerting smile was on her face. She gestured to the empty seat just next to her and waved him over, a bundle of papers in her hands.

Uh.

Shuichi glided over to her, weaving between tables and the few Hope's Peak students that actually studied. He sat down, Kaede's eyes never leaving him and that same, creepy smile never losing dissipating. "... what's up?"

Kaede placed the papers in her hands face down, tapping them with the tip of her nail. The smile never left her face.

"... Kaede?"

"... so, I've been thinking about it," she begun, chewing her bottom lip between her teeth, "and it all makes sense."

"... what makes sense?"

"I know you wear eyeliner, Shuichi!" Kaede turns to him, places a hand on his fist, and gazes deeply into his eyes. Shuichi feels a deep, red blush scorch his face. She's touching my hand! Maybe she isn't going to reject me! As far-fetched as it was, Shuichi felt himself grin in anticipation. (Although he was still a bit confused about the eyeliner part…) "You've been dealing with this for so long… I can't even imagine how hard it must've been…" she took her free hand, the one tapping the papers, and placed it over her chest. Her voice rang with unbridled sincerity and hope, like she was giving a motivational speech to a group of uninspired, tortured artists. "So you don't have to hide anymore."

Shuichi leaned forward and turned his hand around to fit into Kaede's. When she didn't let go, he internally screamed. "So… you accept me?"

"Of course I do, Shuichi! I love you!"

Woah. That was fast, but he could work with that!

"I mean, how could I ever reject you for your sexual orientation?"

Wait.

No.

"You know, I thought it didn't make sense that you didn't like pretty much every girl in the school. Hell, the only one I didn't ask you about was myself!" Shuichi died. "But then I began thinking, and I realized that you never specified the gender of your crush! I was just so blinded that I was only thinking in straight terms… I can't imagine how uncomfortable that must've been for you…"

Oh it was uncomfortable, but not for that reason.

"And then I realized… you're a really feminine person, you know? You always understood my feelings, and you wear makeup, and I've never heard you talk about girls in a pervy way!" Something about all three of those statements didn't sit well with Shuichi.

"W-Well I don't think that's a really good qualifier-"

"So you can be honest with me, Shuichi…" Kaede clenched his hand harder and stared right into Shuichi's golden eyes. She took a deep breath, let it out, and said, "are you gay?"

If Shuichi were to look back on this exact moment one year from now, he would've done a lot of things differently. The thing is, a lot of good came from Kaede's misunderstanding. The other thing is, a lot, and he means a lot, of bad came from it. If future Shuichi would use one word to describe the next couple months, it would be something along the lines of...

… clusterfuck.

Yes, it was a complete and utter shitshow.

Except present Shuichi isn't blessed with the wisdom and knowledge of future Shuichi. Present Shuichi is a stupid, hormonal teenager who is desperately trying to keep his crush on his best friend hidden. Present Shuichi wasn't aware that the next couple months wouldn't just be hell for him, but also for Kokichi, Kaede, Miu, Rantaro, and practically every other single goddamn person at Hope's Peak Academy.

Shuichi opened his mouth, squeezed Kaede's hand, and said, "yes. I'm gay."