Eleven-year-old Lincoln Loud made it to the bathroom before anyone else. The house was still and quiet; he couldn't even hear any snoring.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Lincoln shut the door and went to the sink. He grinned at his reflection. When you have ten sisters, he thought, getting a hot shower doesn't happen often.

Still smiling, he stripped, hopped into the shower, and turned it on. He got the water just the way he liked it, and was reaching for his body wash when someone pounded on the door, startling him.

"Lincoln!" It was Lori, he oldest sister. She sounded pissed. Lincoln couldn't suppress a thrill of satisfaction. Lori almost always got the first shower of the day. By the time his turn came around, the water was tepid at best. Often it was ice cold.

"Early bird gets the worm," Lincoln said in a singsong voice, making sure he spoke loud enough to be heard over the hiss of water.

Lori hit the door again. "Hurry up!"

Instead of hurrying, Lincoln took his sweet time, washing every nook and cranny twice.

Another bang.

"I'm almost done!"

"Lincoln?" it was Leni this time, his second oldest sister. "Lincoln, I have to pee really bad. Can I come in?"

Lincoln's face crinkled. "No!"

"Please! I have to go really bad."

Lincoln sighed. "Alright."

Leni let out a happy eeee, and came in. "Thank you, Lincy!" she said. Lincoln plugged his ears with his fingers so he wouldn't hear her doing her business, and winced at the strange feeling of water in his ear canals.

When he heard the toilet flush, he waited a few moments, then poked his head through the curtain just in time to see Leni closing the bathroom door behind her. Alone, he cut the water, toweled off, and dressed in a fresh pair of jeans and a polo shirt. When he came out in a puff of steam, Lori was leaning against the wall, texting.

Lincoln sighed contentedly. "It's all yours, sis."

Lori sighed and went wordlessly into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. "Love you, too," Lincoln said. On his way back to his room, he met two of his sisters: Luan ducked out of her room and sprayed him with a seltzer bottle. The liquid stung his eyes. Blind, he let out a tiny scream and tripped over something.

"Ouch!"

It was Lisa, his second to youngest sister.

Luan was laughing.

"Have a nice trip?"

Groaning, Lincoln rolled off of Lisa and rubbed his eyes. When he opened them, the sunlight streaming into the hall hurt. Lisa, seemingly unperturbed, stood and dusted herself off.

"Yet again a victim of remedial comedy techniques," she sighed.

"That wasn't remedial," Luan said, "it was hilarious."

"Ninety years ago," Lisa said, and continued on her way.

"You okay, Linc?" Luan asked. Her voice was suddenly edged with concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Lincoln said and got to his feet.

Back in his room (which was in actuality a converted linen closet), Lincoln changed out of his wet shirt and into a new one. When you have ten sisters, he thought, dropping the soiled garment into his overflowing laundry basket, getting through the day without a wardrobe change is a miracle.

For a moment, he paused, certain that he had spoken aloud.

You gotta quit it.

He had developed the habit of talking to himself when he was a child. Before he was ten, he would do it out loud, and probably sounded crazy. Luckily, Lisa, who was a scientific genius, helped him break the habit.

"It's obviously a coping mechanism," she had said. "Your way to creating the attention you find lacking due to having to share affection with ten other people."

He figured she was right. When you have ten sisters, sometimes you get lost in the mix.

There! He did it again! At least this time he knew he didn't say it aloud.

Shaking his head, he went downstairs for breakfast.

As always in the Loud household, mealtimes were what some of the older kids on Xbox Live called a "clusterfuck." Breakfast, lunch, and dinners were veritable circuses, with everyone talking, laughing, joking, arguing, annoying one another, and generally acting like pigs. Today, Lynn and Lana, the two resident tomboys, were bickering over whether or not Lana could catch. So suddenly it took everyone by surprise, Lynn threw a balled up piece of paper at Lana's face: It struck, bounced off, and landed in the pitcher of orange juice dad had squeezed specifically for breakfast.

Everyone groaned.

"Nice going," Lori said.

"I'm not drinking that," Lola said haughtily.

"Way to make a splash," Luan said, and chuckled.

By the time it was over, Lincoln was on sensory overload. If he didn't get some fresh air soon, he'd scream.

After morning chores were finished, Lincoln hopped on his bike and rode over to his best friend Clyde's house. Clyde and his dads, however, weren't home. Lincoln didn't remember Clyde saying anything about a vacation or a day trip, so he shrugged and assumed he'd be home soon.

From Clyde's, he pedaled aimlessly across town, enjoying the sunshine. In ten days, school would start again, and he wouldn't be able to spend his days biking, playing video games, and hanging out with Clyde, which made him sad, but he liked school. He wasn't the best student in the world, but he did well enough, and had enough friends, that he actually enjoyed going.

Lincoln was so lost in thought that he didn't realize he had started across Main Street until the sound of shrieking brakes and a pounding horn assaulted him, driving his heart into his throat. He hit his own brakes and turned to the car that had almost hit him, his breath coming in short, hot gasps.

A man with bushy black hair and a narrow face stuck his head out the open driver side window. "Hey, dumbass, how 'bout you watch where you're going?"

Lincoln looked into the man's eyes, and shuddered. There was something in them that disturbed him.

Muttering "Sorry," Lincoln got back underway. When he looked back again, the car was gone.