A/N: I did more. I hope you are happy.

I forgot a disclaimer for this so, here ya are. If there are anymore updates, this disclaimer applies to all chapters cause I'm too lazy to write it out each time.

I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER.

There you are.

1. When Sirius swears I will not go up to him and ask, "Have you been drinking out of the toilet again?" It isn't nice.

2. I will not follow the school ghosts around whispering "I see dead people."

3. I will not throw Miss Norris out of the astronomy tower to see if she lands on her feet

4. I will not give the house elves vodka.

5. I will not hold a lighter to Snape's head in hopes the oil will ignite.

6. I will not tell Umbridge that she really needs to get laid.

7. I will not tell other students it is Hug your potions master day

8. I will not tell Snape he needs to go to his Happy Place.

9. When making a sleeping potion, I mustn't sing, "I wanna be sedated."

10. I will not attempt to seduce the basilisk.

11. I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order "Just to see what happens."

12. I will not put signs up around the school saying come to the dark side we have... Draco.

13. I will not tell Wormtail that his silver hand looks "groovy" nor will I encourage him to replace it with a muggle chainsaw

14. I must not spread rumors that Lucius Malfoy is, was, or ever will be known in Death Eater circles as "Dobby's Bitch"

15. I will stop using the astronomy tower to attempt to make contact with aliens.

16. I am not allowed to hire Aragog's children to spell out "Some Pig" in spiderweb over anyone's bed.

17. I will not speculate as to the anatomical possibilities

involved in the conception of Hagrid.

18. After the last unfortunate experience, I will not take the Hogwarts house-elves to see "Dumbo" as their Christmas treat. Furthermore, I will remember to put trampolines below the Astronomy Tower in case I momentarily overlook the first part of this resolution.

19. I will stop calling the Weasely twins 'Merry and Pippin'. I will also stop called Harry and Ron 'Frodo and Sam'. It's probably a good idea to stop calling Draco 'Legolas' too.

20. If I spike the Order's drinks the night after Harry's hearing, I will be forcibly ejected from the premises.

21. Sirius Black is not 'my bitch.'

22. Neither is Fred Weasely

23. Giving Professor Trelawney a magic eight ball is not nice.

24. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.

25. I will not attempt to breed a liger

26. Adding the name 'Bueller' to professor Binns' roster is not funny.

27. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.

28. I will not ask Voldemort why he doesn't have a cool scar.

29. It is also unadvisable to watch 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' with him. Same for the Hannibal Lector movies.

30. Or any other horror film, really.