One

"And they lived happily ever after" is a phrase that is often used at the end of a fairy tale or some other account that is not real because actually no one ever lives happily ever after even at the end of a series of unfortunate events because often times other events will come along and cause more misery for you and those you care about.

A better phrase might be "And they lived happily for the time being" or perhaps "And they lived happily until a notorious villain came and burnt down one person's house and the other thought that they were dead so they chose to marry another individual who had been vying for her affections for quite some time and now she was truly happy and ready to go on a cruise not realizing that this trip would cause her to be stranded on an island for many years to come" but both of these phrases although realistic don't sound quite as wonderful as the one I mentioned at the outset of this story, but that is because usually the phrase "And they lived happily ever after" means that the fictional story has come to a close because the princess has kissed some amphibious creature or because she guessed the name of a funny little man correctly in order to save her firstborn child, but sadly this phrase can't be used in real life situations because in real life the story never comes to an end, unless of course you happen to die; and therefore at no point can it be said that the characters you are writing about lived happily ever after.

The reason, my dear reader; that I am starting this fifth unfortunate tale of the Baudelaires with this often used phrase is because whenever Violet, Sunny, Klaus and Beatrice leapt from the caboose of the In-Finite Express and rolled down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and well, they rolled quite a distance; into a forest that the rickety train had been traveling thru and they dusted off their clothes and watched Mister Dominic fade into the distance and then turned to the mysterious cloaked figure who had rescued them and had been assisting them during their jarring journey, a phrase which here means "The policy of the In-Finite Express hadn't turned out to be accurate whatsoever and I'm sure if you read the previous volume of this woeful chronicle than you are aware of all the frightening things that the Baudelaires had to handle while onboard the trudging train" and discovered that this cloaked individual was in fact their good friend Quigley Quagmire than the Baudelaires felt for once that they were happy.

This is not to say that they lived happily ever after though, for as I have already explained their story doesn't end here in the woods with Quigley, and even though I wish that it did and all five children ran off and never looked back; that is not how the story goes at all. After hugging their long lost friend and many tears, which for once were out of joy; their newfound comrade commented, "We should get to some shelter so that we can talk."

Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice eagerly followed Quigley into the deep dark forest that surrounded them on all sides and away from the noises of the train that was probably already derailing at this very moment. To this day it is unclear who survived the train and who didn't save for a few individuals that have shown up later quite alive, and the Baudelaires tried not to worry about everyone on board the carrier as they ran thru the woods and hoped that the warning that Klaus had given was more than enough for other people to choose to leap from the In-Finite Express before it met the point of no return.

Instead, the four siblings followed Quigley Quagmire thru the zigzagging woods until at last they arrived at a clearing that appeared to be a meadow. There in the center of the meadow stood an ancient structure that stood out among the dark and gloomy woods like a sore thumb.

The building was obviously a chapel of some sort, but it appeared that the steeple had fallen off and was lying on the front lawn where people used to enter and the front steps were overgrowing with the grass of the meadow, dandelions and sunflowers and marigolds were all around the aged cathedral and the entire construction was built out of emerald lumber much like the train that the children had just escaped from. Quigley stepped around the toppled steeple and opened the door for his friends and Klaus asked, "Was this a secret hideout of V.F.D.?" The dark haired, wide eyed seventeen year old nodded and explained, "That's right, Klaus. This is the Cathedral of the Alleged Virgin, one of the earliest secret hiding places of V.F.D."

The middle Baudelaire nodded and entered the ancient structure and with each step his feet made, the sound echoed in the large empty room. It was filled with pews that were also made of the same emerald lumber as the rest of the chapel and to the front of the building were a speaker's podium and a large pipe organ that took up most of the west wall. As Quigley closed the door to the cathedral behind them, the Baudelaire orphans took a moment to sit on the front pews and regain their strength since they had been running for quite some time.

Taking off the cloak that he had been wearing, the seventeen year old passed it to Violet and explained, "Just in case… it gets chilly around here." "Have you been here before?" Sunny asked.

"No, but whenever I was living at the house of Dr. Montgomery, this place was on a map that was in his study and it was said to be off the beaten path from an abandoned horseradish factory. It was the last place on the map and everything below it was marked with the initials 'WW'," Quigley explained and then added, "In the notes that Monty made he claimed that there was always a draft here in the Cathedral because of the way that it had been built, so that's why I say it might get chilly."

"Yfitnedi," Beatrice commented which probably meant, "Aren't there more pressing matters that we need to discuss rather than this old building?" or perhaps, "Violet please pass me the blanket because I am already cold and tired from all of the running we've done lately." As the eldest Baudelaire passed the blanket to her adopted sister, Klaus nodded toward Quigley and said, "Yes, the last we heard from you Kit Snicket told us that you had found your brother and sister aboard Hector's Vertical Floatation Device."

"And then some of the eagles that the fire-starting side of V.F.D. had trained attacked you and caused you to plummet to the watery depths of the ocean," Sunny added. "We thought you were all gone forever," Violet said as she shed a few extra tears, still unable to come to terms with the fact that Quigley was here standing in front of them. "So much happened on that frightful day, sometimes I try not to think about it," Quigley said as he sighed and sat down in front of his friends and said, "So Kit managed to escape?" "Yes, that's right. She washed ashore on the coastal shelf of the island we had been stranded on," Sunny explained.

"But she didn't survive," Klaus said sadly and explained, "The island's facilitator released the Medusoid Mycelium and Kit died shortly after giving birth to her daughter." Quigley stared down at the youngest member of the Baudelaire family and remarked, "I thought you had Kit's eyes, she looks very much like her father though." "Dewey is dead too," Violet said sadly, "He was harpooned by Count Olaf outside of the Hotel Denouement."

The boy shook his head and said, "This is very terrible news. Mister Snicket won't be happy at all to hear that his sister is now dead as well and he is the last living Snicket triplet."

"Yrots?" Beatrice asked, which probably meant, "Who is that you are referencing, Quigley?" or perhaps, "Where have you been for the last year?"

The dark haired wide-eyed youth sighed again and replied, "So much has happened since the fateful day that I was reunited with my brother and sister and then just as quickly, separated from them again." "Take your time, Quigley," Violet told him as she held his hand firmly. The boy had a haunted look as if the details were forever etched in his mind and he proclaimed, "The V.F.D. eagles destroyed the Vertical Floatation Device that Hector had fashioned and all of us that didn't fall to the ocean got onboard Kit's Vaporetto of Floating Detritus… Isadora, Duncan, Captain Widdershins and his stepdaughter clung to it for dear life as we endured a terrible storm and then saw in the shadows a large black figure rising from the water. I lost my grip on my sister's hand…"

Quigley paused to shed a few tears and then recomposed himself and proclaimed, "It looked like a whirlpool was sucking them into its maw, and Kit yelled out something as I was separated from her, both Duncan and I were trying to rescue Isadora; but by that time he too had been swept up in the whirlpool along with Hector and Captain Widdershins and his two stepchildren." "What happened after that?" Klaus asked.

"I yelled out to Kit, thinking that she had asked me something important but I never saw her again; I became trapped in the whirlpool as well and just as I thought that I would go under the sensation stopped. Some of the Vaporetto of Floating Detritus had already fallen apart and so I clung to it and tried to spot Kit somewhere in the water; but after a day of clinging to the books that had saved my life I knew that I had lost track of her," Quigley explained.

"It is odd that you didn't wash ashore on the coastal shelf like Kit," Sunny commented. "I probably would have, had not I been rescued first. The second day I was out to sea a boat came across me and I heard a girl's voice shout out. I was half conscious whenever they found me and couldn't move most of my body. The girl identified herself as Friday and told me to eat an apple she had just received from a rather large sea snake," he answered.

"The Incredibly Deadly Viper!" Klaus said in excitement. "Yes that's what I figured as well whenever she told me, so I chopped on the apple and then slipped into unconsciousness. Whenever I woke up, I remember that I was on a beach somewhere but the people who had rescued me were already gone," Quigley stated. "Ishmael and the other islanders must've abandoned you," Violet realized.

"Or maybe they died from the Medusoid Mycelium," Klaus suggested. "I don't know, I never even knew who they were until you just told me," the seventeen year old stated and then outside of the Cathedral of the Alleged Virgin, the five children heard the sound of an approaching storm and Quigley asked, "So you have been on the island this entire time?"

"Well not the entire time," Klaus answered, and the oldest orphan explained, "We chose to leave some time ago, to find out more about the world and then became members of V.F.D." "Ymene," Beatrice added, which probably met "And we've had trouble ever since because of Mister Dominic" or perhaps, "I am so glad that we are far away from Mister Dominic now."

"How did you come to be onboard that train?" Quigley asked. "We were going to ask you the same thing," Violet admitted. "We were given tickets by Doctor Sebald and told to head to the rendezvous, but we have no idea where that is," Klaus admitted. "And a man named Lemony supposedly bought the tickets for us," Sunny stated. "So then you met him?" Quigley asked eagerly. The Baudelaires exchanged glances and then answered, "Until recently we thought he was dead."

Violet pulled out from her pocket the quickly scrawled note that one of the members of Count Olaf's troupe had given her at the Ned H. Rirger Theater and explained, "The powder-faced woman gave us this." The note simply said:

Find Lemony

And then Quigley said, "So then some of Count Olaf's troupe were spies for V.F.D."

"I guess," Sunny said and then added, "Most of them are dead now because of Mister Dominic's villainous treachery." "How much do you know about him?" the middle Baudelaire wondered. The dark haired wide-eyed boy shrugged and said, "About as much as you do, I'm afraid. Mister Snicket never enjoyed talking about him. He said it was too sobering to reflect on something that could've been handled differently."

"How did you meet Mister Snicket?" Sunny asked. "I'm sorry, I failed to tell you the rest of my story; didn't I?" Quigley admitted and then yawned and said, "But it is getting rather late. Why don't we all rest and we can talk more in the morning?" Violet, Klaus, Beatrice and Sunny had forgotten entirely about what hour it was ever since they had escaped the In-Finite Express and met up with their long lost friend and even though none of the orphans realized it; they now saw that Quigley was right and that night was approaching. Beatrice yawned in agreement and said something which Sunny translated to say, "We could really use a break from the action anyway."

Violet covered herself and her adopted sister with the cloak that Quigley had been wearing as the seventeen year old boy went to the pipe organ and opened up a small trap door underneath the humongous musical instrument. Pulling out other blankets, Quigley Quagmire passed them to Klaus and to Sunny and then said, "We should take this opportunity to gather our strength, because tomorrow is going to be a busy day."

All of the Baudelaires were too tired and sleepy to argue any further about hearing the whole story and so each of them found a place to sleep on the pews in the Cathedral of the Alleged Virgin and Quigley slept near the podium as the rain continued to pour down and down onto the structure and its noise echoed thru the emerald lumber, lulling all five children into slumber.

And for once the Baudelaires did receive a good amount of sleep, away from dangerous villains such as the ones who were probably already leaping from the In-Finite Express and away from the mysteries that had plagued them since they'd left the island and away from all of their problems altogether for one single night. If there was ever a chapter in the history of the Baudelaire's unfortunate lives that I would recommend reading, and even that in itself is a stretch of the imagination; I would tell you to read this one and to go no further because the very next morning things would not turn out all right for anyone in the Cathedral of the Alleged Virgin.

Quigley was the first to awaken and roused the Baudelaires and once all five children were fully awake, Sunny commented, "Does this place have a kitchen?" "I'm afraid not, but don't worry; we'll be leaving shortly and hopefully finding some food," the seventeen year old answered. Violet yawned and rubbed her eyes as she stretched and commented, "Where are we going?"

"I think first we need to tell each other the rest of our stories," Klaus decided and then added, "We still don't know much about where Quigley has been and he doesn't know anything about our time at the Very Fine Dwelling, the Ned H. Rirger Theater or the Anxious Clown diner."

"Mister Snicket said he took you to Mister Poe some time ago and hoped that you had met some of the good members of V.F.D. who are already headed to the rendezvous," Quigley agreed and then stated, "But that is the future, and you were asking me about the past. Where was I?"

"You were going to tell us how you came to be onboard the In-Finite Express," Sunny told him. The haunted youth nodded as he recalled the details and said, "Whenever I woke up on that shore I immediately realized it was Briny Beach and for a moment I considered my options. I could try to build another boat and rescue my siblings, or stay on the mainland and hope that they could escape their terrible situation. But as I was trying to come to a decision, a taxi drove up to the beach and a man found me," Quigley explained and then added, "He told me to stop crying and that if I came with him I could save my family as well as the Baudelaires."

"Lemony?" Klaus guessed.

"He never told me his name as we drove out of the city limits and told me that the only reason he had stayed in the city was because he had learned thru telegrams that there had been an unfortunate event at sea. I wanted to ask him more, but he grew more troubled as we drove along and told me that he was already late enough," Quigley answered and then added, "We arrived at Lake Lachrymose where he opened the trunk of his cab and a woman got out and complained about how cramped it was and then I was told to wait in the car as the two of them talked in the Anxious Clown. Whenever he left the diner he put up a sign on the window telling everyone who saw it that it was for sale."

"I wonder if the woman was Sally Sebald?" Klaus asked. "I tried to ask him, but before I got the chance he invited me to be his assistant at the office he had recently purchased downtown and explained that if we were to prevent further wickedness in this world; that much investigating would need to be done," Quigley answered.

"So what happened then?" Violet asked. "We went to the office he had rented downtown and he said farewell and told me that he would keep in touch with me, and then drove off. That was quite some time ago; and I've not seen him since… although he has sent me several telegrams and other messages all in code," the dark haired wide-eyed boy answered. "So you've been helping him all of this time? What have you uncovered?" Klaus asked in anticipation.

"I spent the first few months trying to find clues as to what had happened to you and to my family and to Kit and the others, but sadly found nothing but misleading articles in The Daily Punctilio and I had been considering giving up entirely whenever Mister Snicket contacted me for the last time about a month ago, and informed me that he had finally made contact with you," Quigley answered.

The Baudelaires looked at one another in confusion and Violet remarked, "But we haven't met him."

"He didn't make it clear in his note whether or not he'd properly identified himself, but told me that he and the Duchess were planning a masquerade ball for the organization and that I needed to board the In-Finite Express as soon as possible, where he and other members of our group would join me. I had hoped to find you as well as Isadora and Duncan, but I guess instead we found Mister Dominic and those ghastly instructors from the Prufrock Preparatory School," Quigley answered.

"So you've been traveling and then spotted us onboard the train," Violet said with a nod. "I wish I could've gotten a chance to reveal myself, then maybe Mister Dominic wouldn't have gotten a chance to derail the train," Quigley Quagmire lamented. "Your maps were a good clue to help us," Klaus stated and then added, "Although the first one led us straight to Mister Dominic."

"I had hoped to meet you in the Lounge, but that villain got there first… and the second map I had hoped to meet you in the Restaurant but you'd met up with Thursday first," Quigley explained.

"You must've been wearing this cloak the entire time while you were on the train, and that's why we couldn't spot you," Sunny realized. "It was the only solution I could come up with so that our enemies didn't spot me either," Quigley answered and then sighed and said, "But what matters the most is that we have reunited."

Klaus had been listening thoughtfully to everything that their friend had told them and finally proclaimed, "So Mister Snicket is the one that is orchestrating this rendezvous, along with a Duchess?" "Mister Dominic mentioned a Duchess onboard the train," Sunny recalled.

"My research has told me that it is the Duchess of Winnipeg, who is a very close friend to the Snickets," Quigley answered. "I've never heard of her before," Violet admitted. "Don't worry, you'll get a chance to meet her personally very soon; because that is precisely where we are headed to! The Winnipeg Estate!" the seventeen year old boy exclaimed. "How will we get there before our enemies do?" Klaus asked.

"We don't even know where we are!" Sunny realized. "Then it is a good thing that we have a cartographer with us," Violet said with a slight smile toward Quigley. Quigley nodded and then explained, "I know precisely where we are, we're near to where I once lived."

"I wish we'd gotten a chance to visit the Quagmire mansion before it burned down," Sunny proclaimed. "It's not too far from where we are, but there is nothing but broken windows and broken hearts to be found there," Quigley said sadly and then proclaimed, "No we need to head due south."

"Where will we be heading to?" Klaus asked as he picked up Beatrice and the group left the chapel.

"According to the map I have of the Winnipeg Wastelands, if we head due south…" Quigley paused to check the direction of the sun and then answered, "We'll wind up at the sapphire mines my family owns."

Impressed? What further secrets will the Baudelaires unearth? Find out soon! Read and review please!