A/N: Beta'd by Caldera32 :)


Gwen had seen Merlin have a fit several times before, so she knew what to expect when a guard came to her with the message to attend the court physician immediately.

The maidservant arrived to find the main room empty, but that was no cause for alarm. Gaius would be upstairs with Merlin.

She opened the door to her friend's room quietly, and Gaius turned to greet her with a tired-looking smile. His charge was stretched out on the bed; sleeping peacefully with his jaw hanging open, dribbling on the pillow. Gwen felt her heart give a squeeze of sympathy for her friend. Exhaustion was etched in lines across his young face - though he seemed to be having pleasant dreams, which was a relief.

She had sat by his side after particularly bad seizures before, and sometimes he tossed and turned so restlessly she wasn't sure she'd even be able to determine if another fit had started.

"Thank you for coming." Gaius rose from the stool by Merlin's bedside, joints creaking after hours of being immobile. "I wouldn't have called for you – they weren't too bad, it's just he's had three already this evening, and..." he trailed off but Gwen understood. She placed a gentle hand on the old man's shoulder.

"It's fine; I'm glad to help. It's not normal for him to have so many at once though, is it?" Her brow creased in concern and Gaius shook his head, frowning.

"He's been working too hard. I should have been keeping a closer eye on him, made sure he was getting enough sleep, but with everything that's been going on –" He cut himself off with a sigh, again leaving the sentence unfinished. He didn't want to think about all that.

"Don't worry about it, Gaius. I'll keep an eye on him tonight."

"Thank you, Gwen," the physician replied, his tone full of gratitude. He did not need to remind her to call for him if anything happened – they had both done this before. Gwen would watch Merlin for signs of another seizure, and if anything worried her she would run for Gaius. In the morning they would make sure the manservant had a good breakfast before sending him off to Arthur.

Merlin having a seizure during the day was a rare occurrence, but Gwen always worried about what would happen if there wasn't someone there to help him. Gaius said the medicine he took, which kept the fits at bay most of the time, also helped to reduce their violence. The manservant had only had a few major seizures since coming to Camelot.

It had been one of these that Gwen had walked in on the day that she discovered her friend had epilepsy.

The day was drawing to a close, and Gwen was relieved. She had one more chore to do – cleaning the ornaments in the spare guest chamber to stop the dust from building up.

As she walked past the prince's chambers she heard a commotion. He was yelling about how that useless servant of his still hadn't brought his dinner and the maidservant winced, knowing Merlin would have a hard time when he finally delivered the food - though she sometimes thought Merlin brought it on himself. The rest of them managed to be punctual with meals, and they all had lists of chores to do. It was the sort of thing that would have gotten any of Arthur's previous manservants fired. Not that they hadn't all been fired anyway, for breathing too loudly or not polishing his armour to a satisfactory shine.

It was a miracle that Merlin had lasted this long – what was it, half a year now? – when his predecessors had been lucky to last a week.

The maidservant approached the guest chamber, wondering why the door had been left ajar when it was usually kept locked. She slipped the key back into her pocket, opening the door fully and walking in before shutting it behind her.

That was when she heard the noise, a choking sound and a repetitive thudding. Her eyes widened as she took in the elaborately embroidered bed cover which had been half dragged off sideways, a cushion resting on the edge. She couldn't fathom what could be making such a noise or where it could be coming from, but as she approached the bed to straighten the covers she saw a shape jerking on the floor on the far side of the bed. As Gwen rushed forward to help she saw a flash of red neckerchief and almost screamed in horror. It was Merlin.

At the time the maidservant had fancied herself in love with Merlin. It was sensible enough; he was beautiful in an awkward kind of way - with long limbs, high cheek bones, and bright blue eyes that sparkled in amusement when she made a joke - and he was good, and kind; quite possibly the most gentle man she had ever met. He was the prince's manservant; she was the princess's maidservant. It had made sense.

Gwen had been just about to call out for the guards, rushing to Merlin's side, when the jerking suddenly halted and Merlin fell limp. His eyelids fluttered, and then he noticed her. The warlock gazed up in confusion before suddenly sitting up in alarm; those pretty eyes bright not with amusement, but with fear. At first she didn't realise it was she he was scared of.

"It's alright, Merlin," she reassured him worriedly, wrapping an arm around his back when he started to fall towards the floor with a gasp. "You'll be fine. I'm going to send someone to get Gaius; if we just lay you back down–"

"No!" he cried, trying to break her hold on him. "Please, Gwen, you weren't supposed to see..." His eyes were wild with panic. It was frightening; she had never seen her friend so unsettled.

"Merlin," the maidservant said comfortingly, her voice soft though it wavered a little, "you had a fit."

Her friend slumped against the bed in exhaustion, taking a deep, unsteady breath and raking a hand through his hair, gripping it at the roots. "I know," he said at last. "That's why I came in here."

Gwen frowned in confusion and moved her other arm to support Merlin as he became heavier in her arms. "What do you mean?"

The warlock sighed and closed his eyes in defeat. For a moment Gwen thought he had passed out, and was about to shout for a guard when his eyes snapped open again. "I have epilepsy."

She sat silent, not understanding.

Merlin let out another long sigh. "It's a medical thing. It means I have seizures sometimes. They're not usually this bad, and I'm always okay afterwards, but I do get a bit tired."

Gwen's mouth hung open in shock. How had she not known? She was his friend- his best friend! And she wanted to be more than a friend...

"Gwen?" The manservant asked in a small voice, thick with exhaustion. "It doesn't make a difference. I'm still me; I'm still the same Merlin I was before - but you mustn't tell anyone. Promise me, Gwen; promise me you won't tell Arthur."

"Oh, Merlin." The maidservant exhaled, pulling him into a tight hug. "I promise. But why can't Arthur know? I'm sure he'd understand, and then you wouldn't have to hide..."

Her friend shook his head sadly. "He'd think I was weak."

There were tears in his eyes and, seeing that this was clearly upsetting Merlin, Gwen decided to change the subject. "How often do they happen? How often do you come in here?"

"Not often, most are smaller, less noticeable... Gwen?" He murmured, laying his head on her shoulder, "I'm tired."

And then Merlin fell asleep in her arms.

Sitting on the stool by her best friend's bed, Gwen smiled fondly at the memory. She had sat on the floor holding him for about an hour while he drooled on her shoulder just as he was drooling now. Gaius had found them; he had gone searching for Merlin after guessing what had happened.

Between them they got Merlin back to the physician's quarters and into his bed. That was the first night she had sat by his bedside in watch, and when he woke up they had a very long conversation.

At the time Gwen had thought her heart was going to burst with love for this brave, beautiful man. Since then, of course, she'd realised what it was truly like to be in love. Arthur had shown her that. The emotion she had felt for Merlin was no more than a crush combined with the concern of a friend.

But now, as she looked down at the man she thought of as a brother, she felt as though her heart would burst still. The incident had solidified their friendship; she understood what telling her had meant. She was the only person in Camelot, besides Gaius, who knew about Merlin's illness.

The maidservant wished that he would tell Arthur, but she understood now why he couldn't. The dangerous situations that the prince managed to get himself into... Merlin, the ever loyal servant and friend, wanted to be at his side. She almost laughed. The idea of Merlin protecting Arthur from a threat was, quite frankly, very amusing - but the man was clever, she'd give him that. She didn't doubt that those brains of his, hidden behind his silly smile, had gotten the pair out of more than one sticky situation. Though her Arthur would, naturally, always take the credit.

She silently cursed for allowing herself to call him hers. Arthur was not hers. He was a prince, she was a maidservant. It could never be.

Merlin turned over in his sleep, smacking his lips. Gwen reached out to hold his hand, smiling fondly. He didn't deserve to be ill like this, but she had made a promise to herself that very first night – a promise that he would never again have to suffer alone. It was a promise she was determined to keep.


Hey, thanks to the people who followed/favourited/reviewed this so far :D I was thinking of doing Arthur finding out next (I've written most of it already), but it'll be split into two parts because it's pretty long. After that it's up to you guys. What do you want to see? ;) Annie x