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Private Thoughts
Chapter 2Zuko's Thoughts
I am not an author, so bear with me. However, I wanted to address a few issuesZuko woke up for the third that night in the Earth King's Palace in Ba Sing Se covered in a cold sweat. Uncle Iroh was under house arrest in a small set of rooms down the hall. He had emphasized clearly to Azula that she had to honor their laws, especially now that Ba Sing Se was legally Fire Nation soil. All nobles and members of the Royal family and the upper echelon of the clergy were to maintain some of their privileges until the passage of their sentences. The only occasion in which all their privileges were forfeit was upon conviction for treason. It had not come to that yet. The Fire Nation was an absolutist monarchy, yet his father needed the support of these classes and even the growing ranks of the war profiteering nouveau riche bourgeois they would take great offense to knowing that their privileges were in danger, regardless of nature of the charge. She had grudgingly agreed.
The first week he was very scared that Azula would turn on him and kill him. He was also very afraid that his father would never accept him back without the Avatar. He was walked, trained ate and slept in a heightened state of anxiety and alertness. He was also extremely depressed and somewhat remorseful. He feared for Uncle's life. He feared for his own. The guilt and the shame of betraying his Uncle, Katara, even the Avatar, was all consuming. He even threw up once in his room. His hands had been shaking and he felt faint. The fact that Azula truly needed him became clear to him by the end of the first week. The Earth sages temple dedicated to the Avatar within the Palace complex had seen the lights glow, signaling that the Avatar was still alive. Azula clearly did not want to owe her victory to the Dai Li nor to Mai and Ty Lee. They were also no match for the Avatar. He would live and he would go home.
As he stared up at the ceiling, he longed to have uncle by his side, as he always was when he had his nightmares. This time Uncle was not there to reassure him. There was no one there. He looked around and his eyes became accustomed to the darkness. The painting and the tapestries were exquisite. The bed was almost as big as his bed at home. Yet they were little comfort to him. The people he cared about were not there. "Mother, where are you?"" Uncle, I am sorry."" I will protect you."
Yet at the time, he had had no plan. He saw his chance and he took it. He had not been sure that his mother was in danger. He had not wanted to ruin Uncle's grand opening of the teashop. Yet he had planned to discuss it with him as soon as possible. It had been a very lucid dream. He had even had a false awakening, and had seen himself as the Avatar. Azula showed up and he took the opportunity, to reclaim his honor, his father's love and to find his mother before it was too late.
He pushed the finely embroidered comforter off his body and went to look out the window at the lights of the city laid out before him. The voice in his head willed himself to feel nothing and slowly, his heart hardened. He thought back to the last battle. How dare Katara question his actions! He yearned for her. He lusted for her. He wanted to be close to her, but he did not yet love her! He would not give up his country, his throne his father, even his sister, to join their band of peasants led by that whelp the Avatar. He would become cold. No woman would ever dare to tell him what to do. He would see to that.
The city was quiet in the pre dawn hours. As he looked out into the courtyard, he saw the reinforcements that had arrived yesterday mill about the barracks readying to go on patrol in the city. He left the day-to-day governance and intimidation to Azula and Long Feng. He did not plan to go on trial for war crimes at the end of this. He feigned disinterest until the captain of the battle group entered Azula's study." Your Highness, what should be done with prisoners?" Apparently, the surviving men of the Southern Water Tribe were in the dungeons. They had tried to enforce a naval blockade at the mouth of Chameleon Bay. The experience of the past failed attempts had led to the use of naval divers and minesweepers to defeat them. Zuko's face showed no emotion. With a nod of his head, he signaled to Azula that he needed to speak to her in private. Normally she would be incensed at the semblance of sharing command. However, she noticed the navy men showed great respect to the "war heroes" equally. News of their exploits would undoubtedly reach the Fire Nation public with the return of the ship sent to fetch supplies and carry the diplomatic pouches and private communiqués to her father and the ministers on the Council. It would be wise to assess Zuko's growing strength before striking. She also noted a bit of sexism on their part. He was a man who had spent almost three years at sea. She was a mere princess. She would disabuse them of their prejudices soon enough. Yet now was not the time. Zuko was useful. He had escaped her traps for four long months. He seemed to have some type of relationship with the Avatar and the Water Tribe girl. He would become useful in a way he could never imagine.
She signaled with a sweep of her hand that the captain should step into the reception area until summoned. "Yes Zuko". He was back in command and it showed. He was Zuko again. The rush returned. He looked her square in the eye. 'Azula, I'm sure you are aware that these men are from the tribe of the friends of the Avatar." Her tone remained matter of fact. "Yes, I am well aware. They will be executed forthwith, unless you have another suggestion." Zuko hoped his face remained cold and dispassionate. "The Earth Sages have reported that the Avatar is alive. Should these pitiful tribesmen be executed his rage will only intensify. I am sure our last altercation did nothing to endear him to us." Her eyes narrowed. "What are you suggesting brother?" He calmly continued. "It would be best to keep them alive..." Now she became incensed, yet she forced herself to reply, "I am well aware that the Avatar and his companions will attempt to liberate them and free the city from occupation as soon as they are able. Keeping these savages alive will make no difference once they are here. As you well know we are prepared for their return." Zuko forced himself to explain his plan. "Azula", he asked calmly, how many times have you seen the child in the Avatar State?" Now she lost patience. 'Only once, dear brother and am I to take it that you're questioning my authority or my abilities?" Her gaze became hard and threatening. He chooses to ignore that challenge. Leaning back calmly, he continued. "The child and the water bender will return with the intent to liberate the city and the tribesmen. Should you execute their tribesmen, he will kill you." She watched his body language intently. "He is a monk and a child dear brother. I hardly think I have to fear him". Ignoring her, he continued. "He has changed. Since he lost the bison, he has become harder, colder. You tried to kill him. Kill her relatives and he will kill you. It would be best to have the option to retreat. Should he become truly enraged, he may kill you." He saw a glimmer of fear behind her facade, which disappeared quickly. 'Very well, brother. You may go. Take the rest of the afternoon off. You may even take Uncle to the training arena. You do need to practice." He ignored the barb. "Very well, I need to speak to uncle about teaching me the advanced sets." He bowed and left.
He removed his new armor, changed into his workout gear and went to Uncle's room. Uncle barely spoke to him and with his Dai Li 'bodyguard' shadowing his every move; it did not matter much anyway. As he stepped out into the courtyard, he looked up and saw Azula watching.
He smiled tersely up at her and Uncle resignedly followed his example. In his thoughts, he heard the Blue Dragon hiss in Azula's sickeningly sweet voice, "Sleep. Just like mother! She would pay for what she did to his mother. They would return home and father would love him. At least he hoped that he would love him. He hoped that he would capture the Avatar and his father would restore his honor, his throne, and of course allow him to keep the Water Tribe girl as a concubine. He just had to keep alert and alive until then. He gave no thought to the feelings of neither the Avatar nor the Water Tribe girl. They would submit to his will. He did not need them. He did not need their love or friendship. Uncle watched him train aggressively and thought sadly, "That child needs a psychological healer. I can only try to keep him alive from now on. I can do no more until he accepts the help of others. I pray his mother is alive or else he will truly become like Ozai and beyond redemption. The Avatar and Water Tribe girl, her brother, and Toph need to return quickly before we lose him forever."
This is my contribution for now. Let us hope the new season returns soon. Take care.
