AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hi there, thanks for taking the time to read.
Malzateb this is for you, I already had this part ready so that's why I'm updating so soon but the next chapters will be slower to update, so here is Chapter 2…enjoy and don't get too depressed/frustrated, I sort of did when I wrote it.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Walking Dead or its characters
Apologies in advance for any spelling and grammatical errors.
Anything in Italics are thoughts
The Journey
Chapter 2
Present time…
Rick wipes the steam off the mirror and takes hold of his razor ready to wipe it across his cheeks. He stares blankly at his reflection, he didn't look like the man he used to be. He felt old and tired and angry all the time. He was turning into an old, angry man way before his time. He places the razor on his cheek ready to glide it along but his mind goes to someplace else not in this bathroom, it was like his body was here but he wasn't actually there with it. Every morning it was the same for the past eighteen months, that same feeling in his stomach like somebody was putting a knife into his gut and twisting it until he couldn't breathe or was it because he was holding his breath and only allows the oxygen in when he feels light headed and then he drops the razor making a smashing noise as it hits the tiled floor and blood drips into the sink with the water running and a moment later the door flies open.
"Dad! - MOM! DAD'S HURT HIMSELF! COME QUICK!" Carl comes running back into the bathroom and Rick just stares down at his blood oblivious to Carl.
"Dad its ok, mom's coming, you're gonna be ok" the little boy says reassuringly.
Carl is grabbing toilet paper and he climbs on top of the toilet seat and starts to pat the blood off of Rick's face. Rick turns his face and looks at his now ten year old boy. He had inherited his instincts and was starting to look more like him as the days go by and he wished right now, his son was nothing like him, he deserved to be a better man not a weak pathetic man like him, what he has become, a former shadow of himself, pining for a woman who he turned his back on and giving into the demands of the woman he now resented. In those past eighteen months his son has had to grow up faster than he should have and he could pick up on a meaning of a look, a shrug and the end of an argument left up in the air. A kid should not have to deal with grown ups fighting, it should be the other way round.
The ultimatum Lori had given him eighteen months ago still repeats on loop in his mind and telling Beth it was over, that he was going back to the wife he was divorcing who was carrying his child killed him especially when he said the words out loud to her when he'd promised her a full life together and the moment when he saw the colour in Beth's face drain away, he knew it was all over and they walked away in opposite directions, out of each other's lives away from the dreams they dreamt together. He had to suppress everything in him not to turn around and pull her back to him and tell her not to leave him. Beth knew about Lori and she knew about what happened that night between them. It happened before him and Beth were physically involved and became a couple but now there was a baby! In 5 months a baby will change everything!
Beth was young and now single, she had dreams that she could accomplish and they'd now have to be without him, she was stronger than him, he was a fool to think that they'd get their happily ever after, that was fairy tales, he had been living a fairy tale with Beth, it was always going to be too good to be true. He lost all faith just when he started to believe again.
His eyelids blink towards Carl and he knew he'd have to snap out and be a father that his son needed him to be, he knew he was never going to be a husband again but he just didn't have the strength to forget Beth, she was there and gone in an instant and in that instant, he must have left with her because he certainly was not there when his son was reassuring him everything was ok, everything will be fine "it'll all be ok dad!" and he wanted to shout at Carl, tell him to stop talking nonsense that nothing is ok, everything is wrong, if it was right, then Beth would be there with him. He felt like the worst possible parent in the world, he was thinking about someone he couldn't have and the people he had, he wasn't thinking about them. Carl and Judith needed him and he needed Beth, how twisted is he, he thought?
Lori comes running into the bathroom leaving the gate open at the top of the stairs.
"Rick! baby you're bleeding!" Lori runs over and grabs hold of Rick's shoulders and all he can do is pick up her hands, pull them away and drop them to her own side and he turns to Carl.
"Carl, buddy, I'm ok, I hadn't fully woken up, I'm sorry if I scared you. Go get ready otherwise you're gonna be late for school. We're leaving in thirty minutes, go son." Rick turns Carl around and pats him on the head and Carl does as he is told looking at Lori concerned and then back at Rick over his shoulder who's smiling at him to hurry up.
Lori grabs more toilet paper and starts cleaning the blood from the floor. She was scrubbing with force, taking out her frustrations on the floor. She leans over and throws the paper down the toilet and flushes it and she stands up face to face with Rick.
"When are you going to stop, it's gettin' really tiring?" She breathes at him "We need you back, I need you back!" she looks straight into his eyes hoping he'll see the love she has for him.
"I'm here, like you wanted, what more do you want, you won, you got what you wanted, all is ok in Lori World!" Rick responds pokerfaced and Lori gets angry and tears threaten to fall and she hits him on the chest.
"I need you back, I need the old Rick Grimes back, you haven't touched me since Judith was conceived, you don't look at me like I'm the only woman in the world, I need you Rick, god, can't you see, I love you and somewhere deep down I know you still love me!" She starts hitting him on the face, neck, chest and then Rick grabs her wrists and swings her around and pushes her up against the wall. Something comes over him, a side of him only Lori can make appear, the hatred evident in his eyes not the kind eyes that had been with him all his life until everything went wrong and he'd become stuck.
"You remember how Judith was conceived, ha, because I'm still trying to remember!" Rick was angry with himself for allowing it to happen, he wasn't even sure if it had happened, they just woke up in bed together. Lori should have been in with Carl in his spare room when they had come over that night when Carl had an asthma attack, Rick himself had just got in and was recovering from the Office Christmas Party, it wasn't a night for him to have Carl and Lori knew that he had been convinced to go to the party by Shane and Shane was going to make sure Rick had a great night drinking.
When he woke up the following morning, Lori was lying naked in bed entangled up with him and when he looked under the covers, so was he and so was his semen covering the sheets. Last time he knew Lori was on the pill but whether she had been the last six months since they separated he wasn't sure. He remembers jumping out of bed and throwing up in the toilet, not sure which was the cause, the hangover or the fact he'd been stupid enough to get hung-over, let Lori stay in his apartment when he should have sent her and Carl home, he was intoxicated out of his head and sometime during the night she climbed into his bed and they'd had sex. He had started to see Beth having fallen for her and she agreed, they had a few dates and their relationship was just fresh and new and this happened.
"I needed you and you turned your back on me. Marriage is about giving and sharing and I couldn't share you with her, you kept saying her name when we were together – how do you think that makes me feel?" Lori screams and Rick puts a hand over her mouth to shut her up.
"We had broken up, we were over, you had moved on before I left and I was trying to move on with Beth. You remember, how do I even know if Judith is mine, she might be some other guys and I'm just the muppet now raising her?" Rick spits back and he feels guilty for saying that, he loved Judith but he couldn't get to grips with anything, he never wanted a paternity test either because if she wasn't his, it'll be another person taken away from him that he loved, Lori was using Carl and Judith to her advantage, it was either them or Beth and he had picked his kids.
"Judith is yours, she's ours, everything that happened before, let's forget it, wipe the slate clean and start afresh, we're better together, we have history, Rick, let's give it another go?" Lori goes to kiss Rick but he leans back away.
Baby Judith has mastered standing, stooping and squatting moving from one piece of furniture to the next for support no longer needing support to be held by a grown up, she had it sussed out and was taking adventures all over the house and she reaches the long white corridor they call the landing. She crawls over and stands up holding the banister using her hands to reach and walk over until she gets to the end of the stairs and her eyes light up, the gate is open and she can go down the stairs her mommy and daddy carry her up and down on. She concentrates and moves her chubby feet on to the top step and then she goes to take another and Rick frustrated looks to the side and his heart nearly stops, he sees Judith and Lori is pulling him not letting go, Rick pushes Lori with force and runs to Judith who takes the plunge losing her footing doesn't like the feeling and begins to cry. Rick barely grabs her baby grow and pulls her up in time and buries her into his neck rubbing her back hugging her tightly, he could feel his throat dry up and he was gulping for air.
"Daddy's got you, daddy's got you, shushh baby, I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry!" he stifles a sob and Lori rushes to take Judith but Rick dodges her out the way.
"No!" Rick shouts and he points to the stairs "Keep that damn gate shut at all times!" Rick gives Lori a cold look and walks off with Judith to his bedroom and shuts the door shushing and kissing her head.
He sits down on his bed, holding her hands whilst she stands on his legs wobbling and smiling laughing. This was knew to her, he didn't spend enough time with her playing, the stuff he used to do when Carl was a baby and he could see she liked it and he could see how much he had wronged her.
"Judy, I'm sorry, I never meant what I said, your my baby girl, you're my girl!" he pulls her to him and he kisses her left cheek "I won't let anything bad happen to you, it's you, me and Carl, come here princess!" and he pulls her to him and kisses her right cheek and she giggles touching his stubbles.
Rick walks with Carl through the school gates and seeing an empty bench he sits down and calls Carl over to take a seat beside him. Carl thought he was imagining things, when things went bad his dad started spending less time with him, he would drop him off wishing him a good day and then he'd go to work. Today was different, he had forgotten that his dad used to hang out with him until the bell rang. He hesitates at first but seeing how sad and sorry his dad looked, he sits down next to him and they watch the other children playing tag.
"I'm sorry Carl for everything" Rick looks down at his shoes.
"It's ok dad, you're stressed, I get it" Carl replies.
"No, my behaviour is inexcusable and I hope one day you'll forgive me. I just need some time to sort some stuff out. My head is all over the place and I need to figure things out, otherwise, I'm just going to turn into an old resentful man." Rick says looking at Carl.
"You're not old dad, your way younger than Duane's dad, he's forty!"
Rick laughs at that "Don't let Morgan hear you say that" he sighs "I'm fast approaching, got another five years to go but I haven't been acting like a grown up have I? He asks Carl.
Carl shrugs his shoulder, he didn't know what to say. They sit there in silence and Carl takes the bullet and asks what's been on his mind and never had the courage to ask and as Rick's talking he might as well, he can always just yell and they'll go back to small talk.
"Who's Beth?" Carl looked scared to ask as when his mom mentioned Beth's name, Rick would become sad and tell her never to say her name again.
Rick freezes and then looks at Carl, he knew Carl wasn't stupid and he did have an idea that he had met someone when him and Lori broke up. He had seen some of Beth's things scattered around his apartment and some of her clothes in his closet when he was looking for toys to play with when he would visit.
"She was someone special to me" he replies.
"You miss her?" Carl asks and Rick nods a yes.
"Where is she?" Carl asks looking up at him.
"I don't know, hopefully living her life and being happy" Rick swallows looking up at the sun in the cold sky.
"Do you love her?" Carl asks playing with is hands.
Rick looks over at Carl startled and he runs his hand down his face, was he that readable? He thinks before answering. If Carl knew that he was in love with Beth, then maybe he'll know he's not in love with Lori. Carl wasn't a naïve little kid, he knew about his and Lori's separation and he wouldn't be able to make excuses, it'll just complicates things more.
"If I was to say yes, would you be angry?"
Carl shrugs his shoulders but then shakes his head no.
"Yes" he says looking in front at the children playing "but it doesn't matter anymore."
"You should be with who you love not who you think you should be with. I don't want you to be unhappy anymore and I don't want mom to be unhappy anymore and you don't love each other, maybe you should be with Beth, she makes you happy and maybe mom will find someone else too." Carl says looking up at his dad, he didn't like the way his dad was nowadays, he was always standing tall and proud now he was slumping and just sad.
Rick pulls him into a hug and kisses his head. If Carl can be this strong, then he's going to have to be a lot stronger.
"I got you and Judy, I love you guys too."
The bell goes and Carl and Rick both stand and Carl hugs Rick and he wraps his arms around his shoulders and gives him a squeeze. He missed this.
"I'm going to take you and Judy to the fare this weekend, she hasn't been yet, it'll be nice for her and we'll go on the big wheel and see if we can see our house from up there like we used to?" Rick proposes.
"And get candyfloss?" Carl beams.
"And ice-cream!" Rick winks.
"Judy's gonna love it!" Carl squeezes back.
Carl hugs Rick and letting go when his friends call him and he runs over to them telling them what he's doing this weekend and he can hear the chitter chatter as they file in one by one and Carl waves before the door shuts.
Rick sits there smiling and he thinks about what Carl had said. He gets up to leave as he goes he hears someone calling a name.
"Beth!"
His eyes snap up and he turns looking around wildly and it's Shane speaking to another woman, not his Beth. Shane introduces Beth as a new teacher who's joined the school who he met outside The Tea Room. Both names familiar to him and he smiles along listening to how they met and he thinks back to how he met Beth. He'll never forget how she made him feel in those 15 minutes of meeting.
Flashback
Rick hurries into the shop and shuts the door. He peeps through the door's net curtain and then steps back trying go unnoticed "he'll never come looking in here!" he thought. Seeing his partner scratching his head, looking around confused and stalking off in the opposite direction, does he step back and slump into the empty stool sighing in relief to be left alone.
Feeling eyes staring at him, he takes a side glance to see a girl he's never seen before with long blonde braided hair and piercing blue eyes watching him amusingly. She's leaning on both elbows with her hands joined together steadying her chin looking straight at him, he wonders how long she's been watching him, hopefully not the whole time he had jumped into the shop.
"Hello" he watches her glossy lips move and she doesn't move to get up, just waiting for him to reply and that amused smile on her face and twinkle in her eye remains.
"Hello" he answers back taking off his hat and putting it on the table not moving his gaze from hers.
"What game are you playin?" She asks
"Excuse me?" Rick answers back confused narrowing his eyes not understanding
"I've been watchin' you since you literally ran from your patrol car which is down the street" she nods her head in the direction of the end of the street which is clear as day from where they were sitting "and…from what it looks like, your either on a stake out and I didn't get the memo that you'll be using The Tea Room as your cover base or I'm guessing your tryin' to get away from Forest Gump over there whose not doing such a good job if you are actually on a stake out?" she says entertained.
"Oh - she saw me!" his internal self-answered and he looks away embarrassed, nothing around here goes by undetected "I'm such an Idiot".
They can hear his colleague outside calling out "RICK!" from a distance and they see that he's running down the street looking side to side and Rick bursts out laughing, harder than he has in a long time so much so his throat starts to hurt and he feels a laughing cough coming on and a glass of water is handed to him. He takes a greedy gulp and wipes his eyes. He manages to regain his composure and he hears a "Shushh!" being hissed directed to him from one of the ladies siting around on the comfy chairs which looked like was a group meeting going on in the corner of The Tea Room.
"I beg your pardon Ladies, sorry to interrupt your meeting" he nods and turns around in his stool so he's facing forward. He grabs a serviette, wipes his face and shakes his head to get the last of his laugh out. He clears his throat.
"Yea, I was trying to get some thinkin' space to myself and no matter how much I love him, he gets on my nerves when he doesn't shut up, I forget my own thoughts from his pushin' their way into mine. You could say I have boundary issues and he pushes me closer to the edge each time." He says pinching the bridge of his nose. Shane seemed to be hyperactive today on caffeine he's drunk at the station and wouldn't shut up.
"Life would be kinda borin' without them but I know what you mean!" she smiles thinking about her older brother who used to walk around like her bodyguard and constantly asking whether she was ok, who upset her, does somebody need a knuckle sandwich and she giggles thinking of him running down the street calling out for her just like the officer's partner was doing and she hiding from him, a tiny snort comes out with her giggles and Rick looks up thinking it was the cutest noise he's heard in a long time and he sees her covering her mouth still leaning there blushing pink and he laughs "she has a sense of humour, she can laugh at herself!" he thinks, Lori would have stormed off humiliated and he goes back to his low-spirited self. Beth noticing the sudden change clears her throat.
"I'm Beth Greene, pleasure to meet you" she holds out her hand trying to avoid any possible teasing of her little snort as embarrassing as it was.
"Rick Grimes, the pleasures all mine" his mouth turns up at the corners as he meant it.
"Would you like somethin' to eat or drink before he finds you? Beth asks
"No, he'll never find me. He won't venture into The Tea Room, risk bumping into an ex, ex's mother or grandmother and there's nothin' here apart from cake to entice him in" Rick says playing with the sugar shaker.
Beth straightens up to her full length and puts her hands on her hips smirking down to him, she would make him smile and forget about whatever he's thinking about which doesn't seem healthy if those lines appear deeper by every passing second.
"Hmmm, so what you're saying is, I wouldn't be able to entice Forest Gump into The Tea Room?"
Rick's mouth opens and he looks up away from the sugar shaker in his hands as realises he may have said the wrong thing, his attempt to save himself doesn't work out so well either "what's wrong with you?" he reprimands himself.
"I didn't mean…I'm sure you can…your very enticing…you're a really pretty girl…I didn't mean it the way it came out…this place usually has mature women come in and your young and if he…any man would want to…you could entice me in with your…I better shut up before I offend you more than I already have…can we start again?" he asks apologetically and Beth nods for him to try to again.
She was having fun, it was a slow afternoon and things just got pretty interesting plus she's never spoken so freely with a guy where the banter just rolls off each other in a long while, he's not boring her and he's not trying too hard or shamelessly flirting, he's really sweet getting tongue-tied, she's never had that effect on anyone before. The past years she's grown up and meeting people on the road, she's become more sociable and interacting and it seemed easy with the officer. He surely has a line of women falling for him, she could tell and for some reason and she does not know why she does this, she felt ashamed of herself, she steals a look at his finger and there was no wedding ring but that doesn't mean anything, he probably doesn't wear one but he looks like the type who would?
"I'm Rick Grimes, I'm one of the deputies from the King County Sheriff's Department and Forest Gump is my partner. I don't usually come into The Tea Room as I never had reason to and as the hostess is very kind and delightful" he leans in "very welcoming, I would definitely consider coming here more often and it will probably be the only place I will get any peace and relaxation if I'm forgiven. I would love a slice of your Peacon Pie and a large coffee." He breathes hoping he hadn't offended her and was finally forgiven for earlier.
"Not bad - good save!" she nods "I'm Beth Greene, I work here at The Tea Room and on Fridays and Saturday nights, you'll find me playing at The Lounge, you should drop by when your not playing cops and robbers and you're always welcome in here, Forest Gump is too but if you want this your secret hiding place, you can come hide and hang out any time, there are pretty interesting people in here" Beth replies nodding towards the group of ladies and Rick takes a look to the elder women of the town and a couple of mom's from Carl's school.
"You should join them, they've got pretty good stories to tell, they don't bite, go on, I'm sure they'd like a chat with the nice officer?" Beth says whilst moving around making coffee.
For some reason he gets up and goes over and they eagerly talk to him and then pass him a book that is on the book list of reading material for the month. One of the women passes it to Rick and he take a look at it and Beth could see a deep red blush climbing up the back of his neck and she could only wonder what his face looked like from the front.
A minute later he's back in his seat she puts his coffee and slice of pie in front of him with speed and ease, "enjoy!" she takes a look at his face and holds in her laughter "everything ok deputy?" She's standing in front of him one arm across her waist and the other playing with the bottom of her lip.
"Fifty..Shades..of..Grey! – that is the book Mrs Smith and Mrs Webster, wives of Judge Smith and Mayor Webster are reading, I am honestly and truly shocked. Shouldn't they be reading something like Jayne Eyre or Pride and Prejudice?"
"Told you, they're interesting ladies and they're goin' to watch the movie version when it comes out in the pictures, there's apparently talks of a movie to be made!" Beth has gone pink from watching his response to that extra information.
Rick all but spits his coffee out his mouth at this new information. He grabs a napkin and starts to clean his spittle. Shane had raved about it so he knew how graphic the film would be and to think the sweet little women he helps across the road and with their groceries know about the erotic book of naughtiness had him trying hard to suppress the urge to fall on the floor laughing, what was going on in here, he thought.
"Is there something in the cakes that I should know about" he says crouching down forking through his pie playfully "I'm on duty and if I'm caught high, I'll be in trouble…this place is not what I thought it was!" Rick says looking around amused, he had learnt a lot of valuable information tiptoeing into The Tea Room. Really amused, now if he needed anything rushed through court or a notice to be looked at, he knew where to go. He probably wouldn't be able to look at Judge Smith or Major Webster in the same way, he'll be thinking of them strapped to beds with handcuffs and blindfolds and whips and he shudders at the images.
Beth laughs shrugging her shoulders and goes over to the ladies calling her over and he watches her reflection in the mirror as she moves and sits down on one of the arm rests talking to the women and they all laugh glancing his way and he puts some pie into his mouth looking in the opposite direction.
She comes back with a tray filled with cups and saucers and empties it into the dishwasher and Rick watches whilst he sips his coffee. She makes another pot of tea and is cutting slices of cake and he watches as she does her work. The silence was nice and every so often when Beth looked up, she'd shyly smile at him. After serving the group their hundredth cups of teas, she comes back to see Rick had eaten his pie and was ready to leave.
"You want me to pour your drink to go, shame to waste it and you miss out on it?" Beth jokes and gets out a plain takeaway cup and pours it in before he can refuse and hands it over.
"Thanks, how much do I owe?" he asks still smiling and getting his wallet out, he was sure his jaw was going to fall off from all the smiling and laughing, he'd have to try and find an excuse to explain to Shane why he was rubbing his jaw for the rest of the shift.
"$3.00 and the pie's on me for the entertainment" Beth says putting the receipt in front of him.
Rick smiles and pulls out a $20.00 bill and hands it over to Beth.
"That's all I've got and is to go towards the Ladies Tea Club bill" he says and looks up to her "It was a pleasure to meet you Beth and welcome to King County, I hope to see you around more often."
Rick takes his cup and picks up his hat giving Beth a wide smile and she can see his beautiful white teeth and he looked happier than before he had come in, his tired lines were replaced with smile lines, it was quite infectious that she could only mirror the same back to him.
"Afternoon Ladies and enjoy your books" he nods and the women giggle their goodbyes and then he's gone shutting the door behind him and Beth walks up to the window watching him speak into his radio and then she sees Shane shrugging his shoulders as if asking where was he and then Shane's pointing at Rick's takeaway cup asking where he got it and Rick points towards the Diner way down the other side of the street and Beth laughs at his trickery. He gets into the car and before he does, he glances towards The Tea Room and seeing Beth he gives her one of those Rick Grimes head tilts that she can only tilt her head back at him.
Rick fastens his seat belt, takes a sip of his coffee putting it into the holder and puts the car in gear. A call comes through the radio and he acknowledges it and takes one last look at The Tea Room before driving away.
"C'mon Forest Gump let's go catch some baddies!" Rick says with a hidden smirk and Shane looks at him.
"Hey, man, that's mean!" Shane says crossing his arms.
Rick remembers Beth calling Shane - Forest Gump, he leans his elbow on the open window and covers his mouth whilst he manoeuvres the car towards the other flashing lights up the hill in the near distance.
End of Flashback
"EARTH TO RICK!" Shane is snapping his fingers in front of his face "You ok to grab the Peacon Pie and come over and we'll watch Forest Gump? You really need a night off from Lori and the kids, just us guys, we don't have fun anymore!" Shane asks a second time that night.
"Yeah, sure, I'll grab the Pie." Rick mutters quietly
"Alright! Great - get it from that special place that you used to get from ages ago, that was pretty damn fantastic Pie! never tasted Pie so good, kinda hard to forget when nothing compares!" Shane says leaning back in his seat.
"Yeah" Rick says looking into the wing mirror at The Tea Room as they drive by remembering the cherished times he spent there with Beth, nothing was the same when she left.
To be continued….
