Thanks for encouraging me! Never thought someone would read that :) Next time try to post a longer one.

Time flew and somehow Brittany disappeared out of my head. We did not see each other anymore. Holidays and university break came in between. Thought about her once in a while. I had a few girl crushes though. Not that I wanted a relationship. I've never been in a real relationship to be honest. I don't know how to manage this because I am always busy. Sure, I like to go to a club and hang myself on a nice body. Mostly boys. Yeah, there is the thing about my sexuality. It confuses the shit outta me. I always felt a strange attraction towards girls. It felt nice. Horrible part was getting over them. So fucking painful, because I gave so much of myself away and no one ever knew. The more I think about me liking boys or girls or both the more confused I get, so I just don't think about it at all. Let it be.

I had a crush on Quinn. We got along since the first week at the faculty. I thought she was pretty, somewhat sexy. Even took her to the cinema and paid for tickets because I knew „Expendables 2" was not Quinn's favorite type of movies, and I didn't want her spending money on things she didn't like.

I liked her a lot, but my body was not attracted to her body. Confusi-ing. I just wanted to be near her but not on her. I like to hug. In my life I met only one person who likes to hug as much as I like but let's tell that story later maybe. Another crush, another pain. The one on Quinn wore out eventually but we stayed friends. She saved my ass.

April 2013

First day of class after the long winter break. I hoped I signed up for all the important ones. Organizing timetable drives me nuts sometimes. So many things to keep in mind, the way every major or minor is structured is so unnecessarily complicated. Tuesday was surprisingly a short day. So I got home in the early afternoon and took a nap. The sound of an incoming message woke me up.

Quinn: Where the hell are you?! Why didn't you sing up for the excursion-class? Everyone is here!

Huh? The fuck is she talking about?!

Me: The fuck are you talking about?

Quinn: We have to take this one. It's only offered in the 4th semester, otherwise you'll have to wait another year and delay your graduation.

Shit. Yeah, I remembered. Fuck, I hoped the deadline for signing up is not over yet.

Me: Oh shit, u r right, yeah gonna be there next time, fuck. THANK YOU!

Quinn was totally my hero. I was lucky, I got in. Dragged myself to the classroom next Tuesday. Saw a familiar sexy back in black. Waitaminute. Graduate students are attending too. What kind of seminar is this again? Excursion, as in going on a trip. Altogether for 12 days in September. To Pompeii, Italy. Puurrrfect.

I sat down next to Quinn, thanked her many times for the reminder and kick in the ass. I am always surprised when people care about me like that. Literally, I don't expect anything from anyone. Assume the worst actually. I couldn't deal with how grateful I felt towards Quinn. Needed to do something immediately to pay her back. No idea what though. She said it's fine, I didn't have to. I will never think a mean thought of you Quinn, for sure.

My eyes fell on Brittany. She sat on the right side, one row ahead of me, looking at her phone. I've never seen her with her hair down. This time was no exception. Always a ponytail little longer than shoulder length. On sunny days she wore sunglasses on her head. Seeing her again after a long period of time brought back all the little things I liked so much about this girl. The way she smirked while chatting on the phone, the way she scratched her nose. Adorable. Brittany seemed to be not a talkative person in real life. Always quiet, also during a class. She only spoke to people when she needed to, I thought. Some random chit-chat was not for her. She mostly kept to herself. Other graduate students seemed to like her but were also kinda distant. Did that have something to do with her positions in committees or what? I couldn't tell. I had a weird feeling about that, rather negative.