Back at home, Iceland was tapping away at his keyboard. I know this because I was outside his window, sitting in his bushes, which was more comfortable than you'd think. I saw him get frustrated and practically rape the backspace button several times, to my great amusement. I considered filming his tantrums and posting them to youtube, but that would have to wait. I had my laptop with me so I could check my email and get a closer look at his profile, once he sent it to me.
Eventually, my laptop blurted "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!" pretty damn loudly, and I panicked and ran oto Iceland's front lawn. I had to stay as close to his house as possible, so I could mooch off of his wi-fi.
I saw an email entitled "Fine. Here it is."
I opened it. No text, just a link.
profile/iceland-loves-puffins12
Well, THAT username would DEFINITELY attract the ladies.
I clicked the link and was immediately taken to a very pink website, with Iceland's profile sitting right in the middle. There was a picture of him that looked suspiciously like his passport photo, and some information about him on the sidebar.
Interested in - Women, I guess, but really, I don't want a relationship right now.
Narrowing my eyes, I reopened my email and replyed to Iceland, making sweet love to the caps lock button in the process.
WRONG. EVERYTHING IS WRONG. TAKE A SEXY PICTURE AND SAY THE TYPE OF GIRLS YOU LIKE. DON'T ACT ALL COLD. ALSO, YOUR USERNAME IS HORRIBLE AND CREEPY.
Several minutes after pressing send, I got a response. I smirked, leaning up against the front of his house, and read his reply.
You can't force me to do anything. However, since you're so upset about it, I'll take a new photo and edit my description a bit. The username is staying, though.
Well, it was a start.
Knowing well that he always forgot to lock his door, I snuck into Iceland's house while I was waiting for updates to be made to his profile. I set my laptop down on the kitchen counter and grabbed a bag of licorice for a snack.
I made my way to his couch and sat down as quietly as was humanly possible.
I surfed the internet for a while, and then I saw a video that caught my eye.
"Little Asian boy does sexy dance"
I chuckled a little and played the video.
"MAH HUMPS, MAH HUMPS, MAH LUVLEY LADEE LUMPS!"
I had forgotten to turn the volume down. Pausing the video quickly, I hid behind the couch.
Iceland stormed out. "Mr. Puffin! Why are you playing such terrible music! YOU KNOW I ONLY LET YOU LISTEN TO JAZZ. IT'S FOR YOUR HEALTH!" He ran down the hallway, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I was safe for now, it seemed.
Now, to look at his profile...
