That's Why - Schuldich

[That's Why]

Schuldich

I avoid the blood on the tiled floor as I step in. Brad doesn't like blood in his car.

I'm supposed to collect Farfarello because he must be enjoying himself too much again and forgot the time. How typical. I stand in the doorway and watch as he immerses a finger into the increasingly large puddle of fresh blood. What is he thinking right now?

I close my eyes and tune myself to his wavelength.

Oh no, you're not all powerful. You must know it too - after all, you have lost an eye. You know you need your blood to live, but you're too good at living in your little dreams. 'If you're happier that way.'

Gently I release his mind. I could have delved deeper, but there is no point anyway, so why bother. As he follows me out I hook a finger to his leather collar, half dragging him along. If I don't do that, you know, he might just wander away again. Farfarello is well, not hard to control if you know the trick, but if you don't, you'll find yourself running in circles chasing after him.

'Farfarello, hurry up.'

Brad sounds annoyed but really, he isn't. All he wants is for all of us to get home and have some rest, but you can't expect him to voice these things out loud. He just isn't that kind of person. Resting my elbow at the door and my chin on an open palm, I look out at the fast moving scenery as I tap myself into his thoughts.

I reach a barrier and stay there. After a while, Brad makes a conscious decision to let me in.

Thank you.

Nagi worn himself out again. Do you think there's something bothering him?

I shake my head, knowing that Brad is watching me out of the corners of his eyes.

I don't want him to affect our performance in the next assignment.

Oh now, Brad, don't say that, you know you just care. Unable to help myself, I let out a chuckle. He knows me. He knows what I'm thinking. And he doesn't try to justify himself.

Check him out for me, Schuldich.

Okay okay. If I'm not tired as I am now, I'd probably force you to say 'please' before helping you out, but anyway. I turn around. Look, Nagi is sleeping on Farfarello's shoulder! How adorable! If only I have a camera with me!

'I wonder what he dreams about.'

I am sucked into the swirl of Nagi's dream. Flashes of his early years in Schwarz, his occasional confusions over himself as a being, his basic respect for each one of us... that's about all there is. Nothing to worry about at all. Nagi is normal. It is the one he's leaning on that I want to know about.

'Do you ever dream, Farfie?

'Do I?'

'I'm asking you.' Duh.

'I live in my dream.'

Of course you do, but that's not what I just asked. Never mind, one cannot expect too much from Farfarello. He lives in his own world.

But ah, what was I doing? Oh yeah, seeing if Nagi is okay. Of course he is. 'He's dreaming about his earlier years.'

That's the answer Brad needed. He tells me to sit down now and relax for the rest of the way home. Yes, doing that much mind reading at a time can strain me a little, but I don't really mind. Must be the maschoist in me. Brad is always very careful and watching over me so that I don't hurt myself. It sometimes makes me want to glomp him and tell him how lovely he really is.

But hey, that is something I only do to Farfarello. One cannot really do the same thing to Brad Crawford.

You see, Farfarello is simple, in a sense, as long as you understand the kind of realm he lives in. If you know the right buttons to press, you'll just see how cool he is. You might say that is the case for everyone, but you are so wrong. Brad Crawford has no buttons for pressing. He is just him and that's all he is. Believe me.

Nagi, on the other hand, is a person with many layers within himself. There're many Nagis that make up this Nagi sleeping at the back. The Nagi that wishes to belong, the Nagi that wants to love, the Nagi that desires destruction... Nagis that even Nagi doesn't know about or refuses to acknowledge.

Brad is a bit like Nagi, I agree with Farfarello on this. But Brad is in touch of every side of himself. He juggles them around as it pleases him, but always put the cool-calm-collected, aka the Crawford everyone knows, on the surface. I much prefer Brad, the real person underneath, but if he doesn't pretend to be so cool, then he gets boring, I guess.

What? Oh me?

I'm just me. What can I say? There's only one thing I ever want to do and I'm doing it right now and I'm a happy man. A mind reader never reads his own mind or think about himself, my love. I'm only interested in the others. What about me? Schwarz will take care of me, there's never anything I need to worry about, seriously.

That's why, as you already know, I like Schwarz.

[end]