A/N: So I was originally just going to make a one-shot out of this story, but then people started asking for more, and watching the episodes again I realized what great angst there was to explore…so yeah, going to try and continue through the episodes and see what I can find. Hopefully this won't be a terrible waste of your time! I don't own them, nor do I make any money off them. Much more talented people are responsible for these great characters.

Oh, and feedback = love! Spoilers for 3-18 "Sleight Out of Hand."

Stella held up the bloodied saw, looking at it in disgust. "Clearly this trick didn't work." She glanced over at Mac, waiting for some sort of reaction from him. She was disappointed when once again he was absorbed in nothing but the case at hand. He had been like that lately, more so since she had told him about the possibility of being infected with HIV. Mac was nothing if not intense when it came to his job and working to bring justice to those that broke the law, but Stella knew it was something more. Lately he had been on a whole other level of intensity. He was letting his work consume him. It was his defense mechanism; something he did when there were emotions battling inside him that he didn't know how to deal with. Rather than try to analyze them and sort them out, he tried to push them aside, working himself into the ground.

She sighed to herself as Mac directed her away from the crime scene to take the body back. That was another thing he had been doing quite often, separating them. He was her partner but it seemed as if they hardly worked a scene together for very long before he was either leaving to check on a lead with Don or sending her to take care of something. As she walked out the door, following the ME techs to the vehicle, she caught Don's eye as she shook her head. She wasn't the only one who had noticed the distance between the two first-grade detectives. Flack had asked her about it as well, but she had just shrugged, not sure how to voice her suspicions.

**********************************************************************

Later that evening Stella was sitting at her desk, again attempting to look up more information on HIV without being interrupted. As she scrolled down the computer screen her mind began to wander. Absent-mindedly she twirled the small flower Mac had given to her in her free hand. It wasn't a fake silk rose. It was the real deal. Where he got it from she hadn't a clue and since he wasn't going to spill his secret anytime soon she could only wonder. At the time she had wanted to wring his neck at his apparent lack of focus on what she was explaining regarding the case, but then when he turned to her, handing her the rose, there was something about the look in his eye, the warmth from his gaze that got to her and immediately all was forgiven. That connection that she had felt slipping away was back full force. Her conversation with Flack replayed over and over in her mind.

"It doesn't mean that they're not in love with someone else," Flack replied

"So what do I do?"

"That is up to you entirely Stell. It's your life, your future."

As she looked back at the computer screen and read the information on the screen she began to wonder just how much of a future she really had.

********************************************************************

It wasn't often that Stella found herself identifying with a criminal, but there was the occasional case that caused her to stop and wonder what she would have done if she had been put into a similar situation. Stella hoped that she would be the same person she is now, but what if the circumstances had been the same, would she react any differently? Luke Blade couldn't help the damage that had been done to him before he was even born. Given proper treatment he might have been able to grow up a normal life instead of where he was at now. But as Stella knew all too well, growing up in the system one didn't always have the luxury of being cared for, especially if there was already a problem to begin with.

"He bounced around the system for the next 15 years. In and out of institutions and foster homes, and most definitely harboring feelings of abandonment by his family." It was the fear of abandonment by Mac, her rock, that scared Stella the most. She loved him, no doubt about it. But really, if they never progressed past that stage in their relationship, she would be fine as long as he was in her life. But lately that foundation had grown weaker, and as she spoke about Luke, about how they both felt, she prayed that Mac would realize what was going on.

"Luke referred to his crew as his family. He's targeting those who betrayed him and violated his sacred trust."

Stella had hoped to catch Mac's eye, try to convey to him that she was struggling with the same feeling, but he was so caught up in his thought process that he once again missed it. Just as she was about to say something, Don burst in with news about the stolen truck. He caught Stella's forlorn look and gave her an apologetic look as they headed out to the vehicles.

The rest of the case passed in a blur as they reached the warehouse in the nick of time with Mac shooting the glass to save Luke's adopted mother. She watched on as Flack cuffed him while Mac comforted the shaken woman. He caught her eye for a moment, giving Stella a triumphant look, knowing another person had been saved by a monster, but all she could do was fake a smile and turn to walk away while her heart broke a little bit more.