The day before had been bad enough, this one didn't need any help in making his week even more awful.
Ignoring his better judgement (which was telling him to retire right then and there) he went to the hospital and met the Mayor, who promptly dragged him quite literally towards what appeared to be the employee's lounge.
Taking in the man's raised gray eyebrow, the Mayor reassured the Warden that the hospital staff had given them permission.
The Warden stared blankly as the Mayor knocked on the closed door and it subsequently opened just barely a crack.
"Password?" the voice inside asked dryly.
The Warden stared at the Mayor, then the door, then the Mayor again. "Passwo-" he began incredulously, starting to turn to leave. He didn't have time for this. The Mayor grabbed a hold of his arm instead.
Leaning conspiratorially towards the crack in the door, the Mayor whispered, "Doughnuts."
The Warden barely fought off the urge to strangle the little man in front of him as the door slowly opened. They stepped inside and were greeted by the sight of Chief Quimby of the Metro City Police sitting on the far side of the room, looking embarrassed. Holding the door open was Bernard, the Metro Man Museum curator, expert on all things Megamind and subsequently Metro Man as well.
"Welcome to the party," the be-speckled man dead-panned, his half lidded stare perfectly matching his bored expression.
The Mayor hurried in, trying to be stealthy while humming his own theme music, and promptly tripped over a chair, crashed into a table and ended up on his back, rolling back and forth like a turtle on its shell.
The Warden stared at the downed Mayor emotionlessly, briefly contemplating helping him up. Instead, he turned to Bernard as the crazy-haired man shut the door behind them. "How in the hell did you get roped into this stupidity, Bernard? I thought you had a better head on your shoulders than that," the Warden demanded, gesturing to Quimby - who made a noise of protest at being included in "this stupidity" - and the Mayor.
Bernard pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose and shrugged. "It's entertaining," he said dryly, looking anything but entertained.
The Warden sighed and stared the other men down. "All right, what is this about?"
Quimby helped the Mayor to his feet and the four of them sat down at one of the wobbly tables in the lounge. The police chief regarded the Warden gravely and opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the whir of the vending machine.
They all looked over to slowly watch as the Mayor's new purchased snack was vended and dropped to the bottom. The little man took the bag of chips from the drop area and turned to face them. "...What?" he questioned defensively. "It helps me think!"
The Warden closed his eyes for a long moment and Quimby did his best not to react outwardly. Bernard was... well, Bernard, and his expression didn't change.
Quimby shook his head and began to speak once more. "The truth of the matter, Warden, is that-"
CRACKLE SQUEAK CRACKLE CRACK POP went the Mayor's potato chip bag as he opened it.
A long silence followed, only punctuated by the CRUNCH CRUNCH of the Mayor eating the chips intently as he looked between them all. "Well?" he asked, crumbs falling from his mouth. "Aren't you going to tell them?" CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH.
Suddenly Quimby's hand shot out, grabbed the bag out of the Mayor's hands, and threw it across the room. The bag sailed sadly through the air and landed on the floor with a soft noise, already half empty. What chips were left spilled out and onto the floor.
The Mayor jumped, looked at Quimby with fear, then looked back at the fallen bag and stared at it mournfully.
The silence that fell upon the small room lasted a bit longer than the previous bout, but finally Quimby cleared his throat again. "All right. As to what happened..." he started, glancing over at the Mayor, expecting another interruption. The Mayor only sat there, mourning the chips that had never had a chance to be eaten.
Deciding that he wasn't going to be interrupted again, Quimby continued. "It is very, very important that we keep this information between the four of us and a select few. If the public were to find out about this, there would be chaos. We need Mr. Bernard's help, and we need your insight, Warden."
"...My insight," the Warden repeated, raising an eyebrow.
Quimby shifted in his chair and leaned forward anxiously, clasping his hands together and setting them on the table. "Yes, you see... ...Yesterday afternoon, Metro Man collapsed."
As Quimby outlined the entirety of situation to him, the Warden's expression grew more and more unimpressed. He was concerned to be sure, but mostly annoyed by the fact that no one in power seemed to have taken any real action. His eyebrow remained high in the air as Quimby finished, "And... we need you to tell us what you think Megamind would do while he's out, without Metro Man to stop him."
Before the Warden could formulate a reply, the Mayor, who had been biting at his knuckles, immediately interjected with, "Will he turn us into PIGGIES?"
Bernard sighed.
The Warden turned and stared at the Mayor. After a moment, he rolled his eyes before flatly stating, "Yes. And then he'll eat you for breakfast."
The Mayor squeaked, his hands raising to his mouth in horror. "O-oh, goodness gracious!" he despaired with a wail.
The Warden inwardly bemoaned the lack of intelligence in the city's elected officials. "He doesn't know how to turn you into a pig, you idiot," he tried to explain.
Bernard, enjoying himself immensely but definitely not showing it, glanced ominously over the rims of his glasses. "...As far as we know," he said seriously.
The Mayor let out a whimper and then yelped as he fell over in his chair while trying to get away from Bernard's dooming stare.
The Warden went with it, giving up for the time being on having any serious discussion about what to do next. "Or, you could end up as a chicken dinner, instead."
With a sob, the Mayor cowered behind his fallen chair.
Chief Quimby wondered when everyone had gone insane. ...Oh, right. Their invulnerable hero was unconscious in the hospital and his nemesis was running loose out in the city.
Damn.
Ace Reporter Roxanne Ritchi, supposed girlfriend of Metro Man and Megamind's usual designated kidnapping victim, stepped out of the KMCP8 News van at the top of a tall hill at the end of a long dirt road. Armed only with her trusty personal, yet professional quality, camera (all the better to catch Megamind at his worst), and her Nosy Reporter Skills, she approached an old, squat, dirty red and white building.
The paint on the door was peeling and some of it tried to get under her nails as she pushed it open. She walked into the dimly lit one-room school house, moving towards the hidden lever that opened the trap door to the secret bunker underneath. She had only been there once before, but she had made sure to remember exactly where everything was, just in case.
As she stepped down the narrow staircase and opened yet another door to a long hallway, Roxanne started to wonder what exactly she thought she would find.
Did he somehow just lose track of time? Sleep through it? Get distracted playing with that guitar collection of his? It wasn't like him to just forget an important date, or even to be late for anything. She knew the 'family emergency' excuse was a lie, but what else could possibly be so important that he wouldn't show up to the dedication to his own museum?
Especially since he had to have known that Megamind would show up. He would never have left the city defenseless against the villain like that.
Opening the final door to the hero's main hall, she rolled her eyes at the sheer luxury of the set up and decorations. It was actually quite nice, but the worst part of it, really, was that nearly all of it was of his own likeness. She could understand old capes and costumes, but really? Busts of yourself? Paintings? She was also pretty sure one of the many rugs in one of the many rooms had a giant picture of his face on it.
She knew that many of the items were gifts from adoring citizens who wished to show him how much they appreciated him saving them all the time (she figured that even after the museum's opening he'd still be getting gifts), but in all honesty, he didn't have to show them off so much when only he would see them.
After having her mental observation, she remembered why she was there. Roxanne moved about the room, looking for any sign of him. She called for him a couple of times and received no response.
Taking a few more steps as she glanced around, she bumped into something. She looked down and noticed a glass of water on the coffee table. Bending at her waist, she leaned in to inspect it closer. The glass was completely full, to the brim. In fact, a bit of the water seemed to have spilled out the top, probably from ice cubes that had melted. A cursory touch of the glass found it to be completely room temperature. It was definitely not recent.
What had been so important that he had just... left this glass out? Even if he had been out all day saving the city he wouldn't have just left the glass out when he got back. The reporter sighed and straightened up. He wasn't here... She checked every room just in case. Sure enough, there wasn't any sign of him.
Blowing her bangs out of her face, Roxanne set her jaw and marched back out the door, down the hallway, and through the rest of the secret passage, until she was out in the school house proper again.
As she walked purposefully towards the door, the sunlight coming in the window reflected from something and she turned to see what had caught her eye. It was a photograph sitting framed on one of the small children's tables. She hadn't noticed it the last time she was here...
She picked up the frame and realized that it only had a very thin coating of dust on the glass, which meant that someone had dusted it recently. Her brow furrowed as she inspected it. It was a photograph of a group of children- the one in the center was almost assuredly a young Wayne Scott. She knew that grin anywhere, although the smile he'd given as a child was more sincerely happy than some of the ones he gave these days.
Then, her eyes looked over the photo from left to right and she froze for a moment. There, standing and... smiling awkwardly, even hesitantly, holding a strange looking fish in a sphere of water in his arms, was an incredibly thin, large-headed blue boy in an orange jumpsuit.
This was Megamind as a child, she realized, staring at the photo. They went to school together? Apparently.
There was something about this class picture that gave her a bad feeling, and it took her a moment to figure out what it was: The little blue boy was completely separated from the rest of the group. Roxanne stared at the photo for a long moment before she remembered what she should be focusing on.
She set the frame back down where she had found it and hurried out the door, back to the news van.
The Brain Bots were at a loss. They had put extra wax on the invisible car about seven times, cleaned up the lair even more times than that, done all the usual adjustments to various and assorted evil devices, and the day had only just begun.
Usually by this point they would have been given orders to start working on the next big project, or Daddy would have begun to play with them, or Metro Man would have crashed the party, or Minion would be instructing them on how they were going to break Daddy out of jail this time.
But everything was not as it should be and it was very distressing to their little programs.
Daddy was furiously pacing back and forth across the lair, and had been for quite some time. He kept muttering to himself and throwing his arms into the air, gesturing wildly. When he had started arguing with himself aloud, however, their little circuits told them that it was probably time to worry.
"-kind of self respecting Super Hero just doesn't show up to his own museum dedication? SO UNPROFESSIONAL!" Megamind exclaimed, tossing his arms in the air once again in indignation. "How dare he make a fool out of me like that!"
The Brain Bots weren't entirely sure, but they suspected that he'd started to repeat himself again.
"-still isn't back yet! I've been broadcasting that blasted signal for hours now, and he STILL HASN'T RESPONDED!" he screamed out, kicking one of the various buckets sitting around the lair. He had assumed it was one of the ones full of water for washing the invisible car, but this one happened to be full of nuts and bolts.
Minion was not expecting to find his boss hopping around on one foot when he stepped into the room. The little genius was holding the other foot, shouting intelligibly about something, and seemed to be referring to a bucket as Metro Man.
The fish glanced to the side to see the Brain Bots watching their Daddy, confused. Looking back to his boss he slowly leaned towards Smurfette, who was closest to him. "...I think Daddy's gone crazy," he whispered conspiratorially.
Smurfette bowg'd her agreement.
"Stupid Metro Man!" Megamind howled as he continued to hop around. Finally regaining himself, he gave the bucket another kick for good measure, this time with the heel of his boot. When it sailed across the floor and spilled its contents all about, Megamind laughed triumphantly and stuck a finger out imperiously. "IN YOUR FACE!"
He yelped as the hundreds of Brain Bots in the room swarmed down, bowging excitedly and chomping up the little pieces of metal. Breakfast time!
Minion continued to stare as Megamind scrambled out of the way and promptly tripped over another bucket. He ended up face first on the floor, with soapy water smelling of lemon pooling around him. He gave a shriek and rolled around as the liquid got in his eyes.
The fish sighed and glanced down at the breakfast he had prepared that was sitting in his hand. This was not a job for mere pancakes. This called for the big guns. A double- no... triple hot fudge sundae.
Turning on his heel, he marched with purpose back to the kitchen.
After wiping the soapy water out of his eyes, and calling for a towel, Megamind went back to his pacing. Only this time he squelched with every step that he took.
"Okay, okay. Focus. So what if he's gone? That's a good thing! Right? Right!" he asked himself, shrugging and nodding a bit enthusiastically. The Brain Bots that were scattered along the floor continued watching him, eating their breakfast like popcorn.
"I know! I'll..." he said, eyes lighting up with excitement, stopping in his tracks and dripping on the floor. With a cry, he pronounced, "I'll take over the CITY!
"I mean, with Mr. Goody Two-Shoes out of the way, I can have everything I want! And there's no one here to stop me!" he announced, striking a triumphant pose, almost slipping on the wet floor. He yelped and flailed his arms before he finally regained his balance.
Sobered by his Near Death Experience, he frowned. "But... that... That wouldn't be any fun," he said, shoulders slumping. "I mean... taking over the city would be fun. It would be so much fun!" He clenched his hands, the gloves squeaking. "...But I didn't win. It- it would almost be an empty victory."
The genius sighed, trudging his way over to his Devilishly Evil Rolly Chair. "I didn't beat him, I didn't-" He paused mid step, before slowly sinking down into the leather seat. "I didn't do anything."
He turned in his seat and pouted at the monitors before him, slouching low, his cheek pressing against his propped up fist. Most of the screens were only of static, but there was one that steadily remained showing the red X in the real observatory.
Megamind stared at that one displaying monitor silently.
Ranting and raving was a defense mechanism for him, because when he stopped and just sat down, well, his large brain did what it did best.
He thought. Hard. About a lot of things. And when his brain fixated on something it was hard to steer it in another direction. The most prominent conclusion that he kept coming to was how... useless he felt. What else did he have to do if Metro Man wasn't going to stop him?
This was the best opportunity he'd ever had to carry out all sorts of villainous schemes! They- they had it all... yet, they had nothing...
When Minion returned with a very large bowl of ice cream (six scoops of chocolate, three of vanilla, two of strawberry, with assorted nuts, cookie chunks, and generously drowned in hot fudge and caramel, with three cherries on top) in his hands, he found Megamind sulking instead of ranting. Oh, dear...
He sighed, walked over to the little genius, and offered the bowl. It took Megamind a moment before he returned from his thoughts and noticed the delicious looking sundae being held at his eye level.
"Ooooh, Minion!" he gushed, snatching the ice cream from the fish's metal hands. "You always know how to make me feel better!"
"Yes, Sir," Minion said, muttering a quiet "I try" before asking, "What was it that's left you upset, Sir?"
Megamind exclaimed something around the spoon in his mouth, but Minion couldn't make out what it was.
"...Don't talk with your mouth full, Sir," Minion admonished.
"I'll talk with my mouth full if I want to!" Megamind declared, pointing his spoon at the fish, only it came out more as "I'll talk wiff my mouff full ifff I wan' do!"
Minion sighed and shook his head. "So, again. What has you upset this time, Sir?"
Megamind raised his index finger imperiously. "Stupid Metro Man!" he declared as nuts and crumbs spilled from his lips.
"Ah, of course, Sir. 'Stupid' Metro Man... What'd he do this time?" Minion sighed.
"Not show up!" the genius sputtered as he chowed down on sundae.
"So, what he did was... not do anything at all," Minion said slowly to clarify.
"...Yes!" Megamind agreed emphatically, continuing to stuff his face. "Exactly! If he had just shown up like he was supposed to then everything would be fine! I wouldn't have had to let Miss Ritchi go, or let those... soft headed groupies of his off the hook either!
"There would have been Terror and Mayhem and it would have been Awesome!" the genius said, getting more emotional with each word. "But he had to go and... and spoil it all!" he said with a huff, throwing his arms out in an even more juvenile manner than usual and half tossed himself back in his chair, narrowly avoiding losing his spoon and tipping the bowl down into his lap.
Minion gave him a long Look, crossed his robotic arms, and demanded, "...Sir, did you go to bed?"
The spoon very tellingly paused halfway to Megamind's mouth. "...yes?"
"Sir..." the fish said suspiciously.
"...maybe," Megamind grunted.
"...Sir," Minion said with great disapproval in his voice.
Megamind slumped low in his seat, the spoon drooping down into the bowl. "...no," he muttered.
Minion's expression and tone softened. "Why didn't you go to sleep? You know it makes you a little... well you know," the fish finished with a vague, crazy fin gesture, his robotic hand mimicking the movement.
"...I couldn't sleep," the genius sulked, swaying back and forth in the chair.
"-Why didn't you wake me up?" Minion asked in alarm, swimming around frantically in his bowl. "I could have fixed you something to eat, or could have helped with whatever it-"
Megamind shook his head, looking down at the floor, slouching further into his chair. "I don't even know why I couldn't sleep. You couldn't have fixed it... No reason for us both to be tired... It's just... Him. I don't..."
"-Sir..." Minion began again, his brow creasing in concern.
"I mean... He's gone, right? If he was going to come back anytime soon he would have done it already. I should... I should be happy," he said, rubbing his face. To Minion's dismay, he leaned over and set the bowl of half-eaten sundae onto the console in front of him. The spoon handle shifted sadly downward.
The genius flopped back in his chair. "This is... this is what we've been working toward, right?"
"Yes, Sir, defeating Metro Man," Minion confirmed, not sure where this was going.
"But that's the problem. We didn't- I didn't beat him, he just... disappeared," the genius said, flapping his arms a little in dismay.
"-Still, Sir, isn't it still... the end result we wanted?" Minion asked, growing more confused. Had he missed a memo? That was still what they wanted, right?
"I... I thought so, but... then why do I feel so... mellonkally?" the villain sighed, leaning his head back, gazing at the screen of the empty observatory once more.
"Mell-on-kally...?" Minion mouthed, confused.
"Unhappy," Megamind murmured, tilting the chair back as he shifted his gaze upward.
Minion didn't know what to say. This was unprecedented.
Then, an idea came to him. "Well... hey, why don't we go kidnap Miss Ritchi, Sir? That always seems to cheer you up!"
Megamind paused and he really started to like that idea. He could kidnap Roxanne. They'd get her and bring her to the lair and... then what? "...Good idea, Minion," he said, turning in his chair to face the monitors again, slouching. "But what would we do then? It'd be like before... just... letting her go." He waved his hand lightly. "Nothing would come of it..."
Minion stared at him, honestly worried. He'd never seen his friend so upset before.
"Minion, what am I without a hero?" he groaned, putting his face in his hands.
"What- why, Sir, you're an incredibly handsome criminal genius! What do you mean?" the fish protested. "There are all sorts of other things for you to do."
"But that's just it...! I'm a criminal genius. What... what's the point if there's no challenge? No planning around super powers or trying to come up with ways to destroy the indestructible man who would get in your way?" the villain despaired, his voice cracking.
"-Sir," Minion began, then his eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Sir- are you crying, Sir?"
"No!" Megamind denied, curling his legs into his chair, scooting it around so Minion couldn't see his face.
Minion stared at his turned back for a long moment before wordlessly extending a robotic arm across the room, plucking a tissue from a tissue box at one of the consoles.
He brought his arm back around and curved it around to hold out the tissue in his robotic hand to his friend in a way that his back could still be turned.
Megamind looked up at the tissue and snatched it down quickly, mumbling something that may possibly, perhaps, maybe have been a "thank you" before blowing his nose into it noisily.
Minion waited patiently as Megamind sniffled and ended up twisting the poor piece of tissue up.
When he thought he was done, Minion spoke up again. "-Well, Sir, why don't you figure out... a... a hobby?"
"A- a hobby?" Megamind asked, his voice warbling pathetically.
Minion nodded, eager to get his friend out of this rare, depressed state. "Yes, Sir. A hobby. Something that maybe you can do if Metro Man has another Family Emergency or something else comes up. Something non-villainous, just to pass the time."
Megamind stared at him, clutching at the demolished tissue in his hands. "Is that... even possible?"
"Oh, yes, Sir. Of course, Sir. You can do anything if you put your mind to it. You are a Super Genius after all, not just a criminal one."
Megamind's eyes widened slowly. "I've never thought of it like that before... I mean I know I can do anything. But..." he trailed off and then his eyes lit up. "I could...I could have a hobby!"
"Yes, Sir, that's what I said," Minion acknowledged slowly, nodding.
"I could... I could take up a recreational activity!" Megamind began, starting off on a more positive tangent. "Like... like..." he started to trail off, unsure. "Quick! Minion! Give me a recreational activity!"
"... Sewing?" Minion suggested. Megamind made a face.
"I was thinking something more... well, not more evil, something more... interesting?"
Minion rolled his eyes upward, thinking. "...Golf?"
"Minion!" his boss whined at the uninspired suggestions.
Then, suddenly, Megamind leapt to his feet.
"Minion! That's a brilliant idea!"
Minion blinked. "Wait. Golf?"
Megamind looked at him. "What? NO! WATERSKIING," he beamed, excited. "Taking up a new hobby is a GREAT idea! ...I'm glad that I thought of it!"
Minion sighed and shook his head, smiling despite the brush off of his contribution. At least the Boss was on his way to being back to normal. That's all that really mattered, in the end.
Hopefully everything else would soon go back to normal, as well.
Since the hero wasn't at home, that meant that Roxanne was going to have to trace Metro Man's steps through the last few days.
The last time she had seen him had been three days prior, on Monday, when she had interviewed him about the upcoming museum opening. That seemed like the best place to start.
And so, with great zeal, she snooped.
According to some police officers she ran into at a coffee shop, the hero had stopped a car chase not half an hour after his interview had ended. Regulars at a nearby park placed him later on that evening stopping a bank robbery, and a girl at the coffee shop that the hero visited occasionally said that late that night he had ordered his usual at the 24-hour drive-through and then flew off "that way", which Roxanne found was actually to the north west of town, which meant that he had headed home.
Whatever had happened to cause him to disappear, happened between Tuesday morning and Wednesday morning before the dedication.
She looked down at her notebook and crossed Monday off at the top of her timeline of events. Under "11:53pm Coffee Shop Drive-Through" she wrote, "Tuesday."
The reporter frowned to herself and shut the notebook with a snap.
From other various and assorted "interviews," Roxanne found out that on Tuesday, Metro Man had stopped three attempted burglaries, five car accidents, and prevented two buildings from burning down all before 10:00am.
Then later on there had apparently been some sort of disturbance involving a guy causing an explosion of some kind. No one knew anything else about it. And no one had seen what happened. The most interesting thing was that no one had seen Metro Man after that.
Roxanne frowned as she headed to the police station to get the details, since Metro Man had taken care of the problem, of course. Although, she didn't know whether that was fact or just assumption. To tell the truth, Roxanne was starting to get... worried. It wasn't like Wayne to just disappear like this. Even if he had, he would have told her. They weren't dating like everyone assumed, but they were good friends.
In fact, they were pretty much the only friends each other had at this point in their lives.
It wasn't that Roxanne didn't have friends, she had quite a few, really. They just... didn't live in Metro City.
Any woman in or outside of work who approached her ended up steering the topic of the conversation to be about Metro Man and her supposed relationship with him, and whether or not his eyes really shined like a thousand stars. And any man who approached her, with the exception of Hal, wanted to know the exact same thing as the women did.
The people who wouldn't want to know those things? They stayed as far away from her as possible. Who would dare hit on the girlfriend of Metro Man? Who would risk the possibility of Megamind attacking them on a date in order to kidnap their girlfriend? Yeah. No one.
Which wasn't such a big deal, she told herself, because she was an independent woman. It was just frustrating that even if she wanted to date someone (which admittedly she didn't want to do at the moment since most of the Average Citizens of Metro City didn't seem to be firing on all cylinders), she couldn't date anyone. It was so frustrating.
Her real friends were the sort of people with whom she could hold a real conversation with and they all lived out of State. And with getting kidnapped practically every week and all, well, it was really hard to make plans to meet up with people these days.
She supposed that she could count Hal as a friend, but she was a tad iffy on that. He was her cameraman, and a damn good one at that, but he was more like... a nerdy little brother? That didn't sound right either. She didn't dislike him, she liked him well enough as a person, but she certainly didn't like him like him, and sometimes he came off as a teensy bit creepy, and he meant well but... Thinking about Hal gave her a headache.
Her life had become an endless cycle of Report, Get Kidnapped, Get Rescued, Interview, Wash, Rinse, Repeat. In fact, it was getting pretty old. If she wasn't so worried about Wayne she'd take her vacation time right then and there since Megamind didn't seem to want to kidnap her without Metro Man around.
Metro Man. Wayne Scott. Roxanne knew he had even fewer friends than she did. He had thousands upon thousands of adoring fans, but no... friends. He'd told her as much in an off-the-record, not-really-an-interview, interview. He had her and, well, if you counted Megamind, which Wayne did, that made two friends, three if you stretched it to encompass Minion as well.
This just drove home the fact that something must have happened for him to leave without any of the three knowing where he went, but she didn't have any idea what could have happened.
She'd never had to worry about him before. Who worried about Metro Man? He was... well, he was Metro Man. She knew it sounded stupid and naiive, but he had the power of flight, invulnerability, laser vision, super strength, super hearing, and super smell for crying out loud. What was there to worry about?
With a sigh, Roxanne pushed open the door to the police station and walked up to the front desk. "Excuse me, I need to speak with Chief Quimby, please," she said politely.
Without looking up the officer said, "I'm sorry, the Chief isn't here at the moment. He's overseeing an important investigation-"
"-Are you guys seriously just going to sit here?" someone exclaimed incredulously and when Roxanne turned to look, she was greeted with a surprising sight. "You're the police. You're supposed to, you know, go save people and stuff!" a handcuffed Hal was complaining to an officer who appeared to be doing some paperwork next to him.
"Hal?" Roxanne blurted incredulously.
The red head looked up in surprise. "-Roxanne!"
The entire room, which had been totally disinterested before, looked up.
"Oh, Miss Ritchi, we're so glad that you're safe," said the officer who had all but ignored her before.
"-Would you people stop saying that to me?" Roxanne demanded. "I'm fine. Why has everyone I've talked to today asked me that?"
The officer looked taken aback. "W-well, it's just that you were captured by Megamind, Miss Ritchi."
The reporter blinked and then frowned. "...Right," she said plainly. "Well, I'm fine, thank you."
The officer shifted awkwardly and took that, correctly so, as a dismissal and sat back down at the front desk.
Roxanne sighed. She was so used to getting rescued that it was normal for her to be out and about the next day. But she had to remind herself that this time Megamind had let her go. And he had done it for all intents and purposes secretly, since no one else had been around and he hadn't had the monitors on. That still honestly surprised her. It just hadn't occurred to her that people would have thought Megamind really would have harmed her since, well, he never would. She knew that. But then again, Metro Man always played up the assumption that he would. Megamind did too.
"Don't panic, Roxy!" Wayne would cry dramatically.
Roxanne would try to explain that she was not, in fact, panicking. Because Megamind didn't scare her. Because Megamind wouldn't actually hurt her.
No one else saw that though.
Roxanne was the only one who got to see behind the scenes. The only one besides Metro Man who realized that weapons were positioned too far away from her to actually hurt her, or notice that if the rescue would start to push the time limit during a battle, that Minion would adjust the timer on whatever doomsday device happened to be ticking at the time back so that nothing actually would happen to her.
While she saw a villain whose plans never worked and who never actually did any person harm because all he was focused on was Metro Man, everyone else saw an evil, deadly criminal and they were just so lucky that he was thwarted every time because Metro Man Was Awesome.
With another sigh, Roxanne made her way over to where her cameraman was sitting, still handcuffed. With an exasperated noise she leaned on the desk. "Hal," she began, giving him a Look. "What did you do?"
Hal straightened up in his seat. "I didn't do anything! Except try to rescue you."
The police officer rolled his eyes and looked up at Roxanne. "He was caught vandalizing the abandoned observatory."
"I was launching my frontal assault!" Hal protested.
"Throwing rocks at it," the police officer corrected.
"Well I had to throw rocks at it to find the secret entrance!" Hal tried to explain.
"There was a door, Mr. Stewart," the officer said with annoyance.
"That's the way he wants you to go in. It's got all the booby traps and stuff." Hal explained before giving the officer a look of disgust. "Don't you watch any TV? That's like. A rule of super villains."
"There was nothing in there," came the testy response of the officer as if he had tried to explain this to Hal before.
"Well of course there wasn't!" Hal said, glancing at Roxanne to make sure she heard him. "There were like, fifty ninjas and I had to beat 'em all up. And they were like... cryin' and stuff. And while I was doing that, he escaped!"
"...Right," the man said, turning in his seat to go back to writing the cameraman up.
The red head glowered and slouched in his seat.
Roxanne groaned softly in frustration but it melted into more of a fondly annoyed shake of her head. "Ah, excuse me, officer," she began.
"Yes, Miss Ritchi?" the man asked as he looked up at her with a smile.
"He... really doesn't mean any harm and I'm sure that he was trying to rescue me," she began slowly. "Especially since the police obviously weren't going to do anything about it," she ended, giving the man an ominous "Oh Man The Press Will Go Nuts With This Story If You Don't Do What I Want" look.
The officer swallowed, a bit terrified. "Ah, right, of course Miss Ritchi," he said, un-cuffing Hal.
Roxanne smiled sweetly at the officer then turned. "Come on, Hal," she said and headed to the front door.
As they headed down the steps, Hal thanked her. "That was so awesome, Roxy. I mean getting me out of being arrested. That was really cool."
The reporter shook her head with a bit of another eye roll. "Only because you were throwing rocks at an empty building. If you do anything actually bad, I'm not bailing you out. The law is the law."
"...Says the girl who sneaks around to get scoops," Hal said suspiciously.
"That's different. I'm a reporter," she explained. "And I don't sneak, I investigate. And I never go anywhere I'm not allowed to go."
"Oh, no of course not," Hal agreed. "Just the places that don't have 'do not trespass' signs. Even if there's an eight foot tall fence."
Roxanne's eyes narrowed and she stopped walking, putting a hand on her hip. "Do you want me to have you arrested again?"
"-I mean. You never even come close to bending the line of the law, Rox-aroo," he said hastily. "In fact, you stick to it so well you end up making it a uh... uh... a concave line of the law!"
"Quit while you're ahead, Hal," Roxanne deadpanned.
He quickly shut up.
Roxanne sighed and ran a hand through her bangs as she headed over towards the news van. "I forgot to ask about that incident..." she muttered to herself. "But I heard from those other officers that the Chief took over the case so I need to find him. And what's with this... important investigation bull? Something's going on around here..."
Hal glanced over at her. "...You're doing that talking to yourself thing again, Roxy."
Roxanne blinked and actually felt her face flush slightly with embarrassment. "Jail, Hal," she threatened, but at this point they both knew she didn't mean it.
Hal rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. -You said you were lookin' for the police Chief dude?"
Roxanne blinked and stopped with her hand on the handle of the driver's side door. "...Yes. Do you know something?"
"Well," Hal started as he got into the van on the other side. "I totally heard that one jerk officer talking on the phone to the chief. I know because he kept saying 'Chief'," Hal said with confidence.
Roxanne nodded slowly, not about to discourage him from remembering with a sarcastic comment, turning the key to start the van. "And?"
"Well I was over by the desk phone, right? So I saw the caller ID. It said Metro General, so I think Chief Quimby's at the hospital," he explained.
Roxanne's eyes widened slowly and she stared at him. "Hal, you're the best!"
He looked over at her, genuinely surprised. "I am?" he asked before coughing and doing his best to look suave and serious. He only really ended up looking constipated. "I mean, of course I am," he said, lowering his voice.
Pulling on her seat-belt, Roxanne's eyes sparked with renewed determination. She was going to get to the bottom of this.
Hal kept glancing between Roxanne's face and the floor of the car. "So, uh, since I'm the best, what does that- WHOA!" he yelped as Roxanne stepped on the gas. Hard. He rolled back out of the passenger seat and into the back with all the equipment as Roxanne tore down the road towards the hospital.
She was so close to figuring this out, she could feel it.
