Can't Buy Me Love - Chapter 2:

Chapter Summary: The morning after, and then Hiccup bags a Night Fury a month later.

Warnings: Awkwardness, and a whole lot of it

Spoilers: None

Characters: Hiccup, Ruffnut, Stoick, Gobber, Toothless, Tuffnut, Snotlout, Astrid, Fishlegs

Word Count: ~4,079

Notes: Super proud of how I handled this chapter and of how quickly I finished it. Yaaaay.


Hiccup woke up the next morning in a daze. His vision was blurred and uneven, the sunlight drifting into the room only making it much worse. He rolled onto his stomach and buried his face into his pillow; of the many things that Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III was, a morning person was definitely not one of them. He turned his head and blinked rapidly, trying to focus his vision on the wall. His room, as per usual.

Suddenly, he remembered.

He's married. He has a wife. Ruffnut is his wife.

He is then painfully aware of the other presence in his bed. He lifted his head and peered at the other person in his bed, the first thing he noticed being the waves of blonde hair sprouting from her head. Ruffnut was well-known for her hair and her weapon-like form of styling them (they had always reminded him of bolas), yet he had never had such a close look at it. It looked well taken care of, soft and smooth. It was the only thing that distinguished her from her brother, as well as the only thing that was even remotely feminine about her.

He settled down onto his side and examined her; now that he was seeing her up close and personal, she really wasn't all she seemed to be. Her face was angular with a pointed chin, her jaw line soft, which was another thing that distinguished her from her brother. Tiny freckles dotted her cheekbones and over the bridge of her nose, reminding him that both of them were still so young. Dark, thick eyelashes fanned out over her cheekbones and her bangs slipped down over her eye.

They were still so young. Not even sixteen and they were married.

Sure, there had been many cases where twelve year olds have been married off, sometimes to much older men, but Hiccup couldn't help but think that he was much too young to be married. Hiccup couldn't help but wonder why marriage had to happen so early in life, or at all. Why couldn't marriage just simply be arranged when they aren't young and unprepared? Why couldn't the young people decide for themselves who they will marry?

Hiccup sighed and shifted onto his back, causing the blankets to slip further down and expose his chest. His bare chest. He was naked.

That must mean that Ruffnut…

Hiccup blushed deeply when his thoughts wandered into dirty territory. Gods, the consummation had been embarrassing, as expected. His father had told him beforehand that consummations were always like that, but he simply couldn't shake off the fact that his and Ruffnut's family had seen them naked and watched them have intercourse.

He didn't want to think about it. Instead he crept out of bed and put some clothes on, then carefully climbed back onto the bed with his sketchbook and began to put the finishing touches on his new invention. It was a contraption that would throw bolas with twice the amount of power than a regular Viking. This was definitely going to bag him a dragon and earn him some respect.

It was about a half hour later when Ruffnut finally woke up. She stirred and rolled onto her back, stretching and working out the kinks - Hiccup definitely heard her spine crack a few times. Her hand wandered up to rub at her eyes, then run through her messy locks to push the strands out of her face. Her blue eyes scanned the room slowly, realization dawning on her face before her head snapped towards him.

"Morning," Hiccup mumbled feebly, averting his eyes.

"Morning," she replied. She reached up to scratch her shoulder, causing the blanket to slip down and expose her bare shoulder. She paused before exhaling. "I'm naked."

"Yes, I'd say so," Hiccup said, trying to keep his attention on his layout of the invention.

She looked at him with annoyed expectation. "Do you mind?"

"Huh?"

"Get me some clothes, dimwit."

"Oh, uh, okay then." Hiccup snapped the sketchbook shut and stood up to look through the wardrobe that had been added to the room. "Did you want anything specific?"

"The long blue tunic and the green pants, I guess," Ruffnut received the clothes and stood up to get dressed. Her hair thankfully covered everything as far as Hiccup could see, but he still blushed and looked away. He sat back down on the bed and crossed his legs, not even looking up when Ruffnut made her way to the wardrobe and rummaging through it.

She pulled out a leather belt that she fastened around her waist, as well as a thin fleece vest that she tugged on with a little difficulty because of her hair. A pair of leather knee-length boots completed the outfit.

She was wearing married woman clothes – sophisticated and good-quality, but easy to maneuver in for fighting and training.

Ruffnut sat down on the bed and tucked a leg under her knee, a hairbrush in her hand. She began to brush it through the soft locks, taking her time in getting rid of the knots. When she finished, she began to part it for her braids.

Hiccup couldn't help but stare at her skilled fingers as they moved swiftly, without a single loose strand or fold out of place. It was a long process, but the fishtail braid came out perfectly, and now hung over her shoulder.

"You're good at that," Hiccup muttered.

Ruffnut looked surprised at his compliment. "Uh, thanks."

The two sat in silence. Hiccup tapped his charcoal pencil against the page, trying to decide if he should say anything. Ruffnut bit her lip as she drummed her fingernails against the bedframe.

"Now what?" Ruffnut inquired.

Hiccup shrugged, shaking his head. "I have no clue."

Beat.

"Look, I know you don't like me and all, but if this is going to work out for both of us, we need to talk about all…this. Right?"

Ruffnut sighed. "Yeah, I guess."

Hiccup closed his sketchbook and put it aside. "This is going to be incredibly awkward for both of us if we don't settle things once and for all."

Ruffnut nodded in agreement. "So, um, do you wanna go first?"

"Sure," Hiccup crossed his legs. "Uh, to be honest, you scared the living Hel out of me. You still do, sort of. I never hated you, not really, but I tried to avoid you as much as possible. You have a nasty right hook. But I really want this to work. I want you to be safe and happy because you deserve it. I don't want you to hate me or anything. I just – you get what I'm trying to say, right? I just want this to work."

Ruffnut nodded. "Thanks, that's…really nice of you to say. But I never hated you."

Hiccup's eyes widened. "You didn't? Not even a little bit?"

She shook her head. "I didn't even know you other than the fact that you're a smartass who breaks things a lot. I mean, who am I to judge, right?"

"T-Then why did you pick on me all the time?"

"I do that to everyone," Ruffnut pointed out. "I treat everyone exactly the same; with hostility and a fantastic touch of violence, unless you're Tuffnut. So yeah, I never hated you; I just treat you like I treat everyone. Case closed."

Hiccup couldn't even believe he was hearing this coming from Ruffnut Thorston's mouth.

"I want this to work out too, strangely. If I'm going to spend the rest of my life married to you, then we might as well make it as easy as possible."

She smiled genuinely, and he smiled back as well. He had expected her to hide a knife under her pillow and kill him in his sleep, but instead she's smiling and being quite civil with him. This was going so much better than expected.


The first month passed without any problems. The first week after the wedding, Hiccup had received five punches to the arm from Ruffnut's brothers, which were bruised terribly. He and Ruffnut had received endless congratulations that irritated Hiccup, and they clearly irritated her too. Though they never spoke too often, they were civil with each other. Hiccup spent most of his time working on his inventions in the smithy, and Ruffnut either spent it with her twin or training with Astrid. At night, they would occasionally make small talk before bed, and Hiccup would always secretly watch her undo her hair and brush it out. It wasn't perfect, not even close, but it was better than Ruffnut being hostile and rude to him and him spilling out a sarcastic comment that would make her angry and knock him out. It was better this way.

One night, Hiccup was sitting at the table with his sketchbook in his lap, making idle doodles as Ruffnut sharpened her spear in front of the fire. They didn't say anything until Ruffnut turned around to look at him.

"Hiccup?"

He raised his head. "Yeah?"

"Um…" She placed her spear down, biting her lip in discomfort. "You know, one day…one day, the adults expect us to have kids. And I just…I don't even know. This is what they expect us to do and I don't think either of us will be able to survive the awkwardness of having sex again, you know? I don't even know if I'm able to have kids in general, I mean, my hips are pretty narrow."

Hiccup averted his eyes to ensure that he didn't look at her hips. "I-I never thought about that."

She hummed. "Me too."

"Well…I'm sure they'd understand. Like, we're still way too young to have kids, and we have a few years to get everything sorted out. Don't worry about it." He gave her a reassuring smile that made her smile hesitantly.

"It's just…the thought of having kids kinda freaks me out. I'm way too skinny to have them, my sister-in-law almost died when she gave birth."

"Hey, she almost died. Come on, you were born and raised on an island with the harshest winters and even harsher people. I mean, this is Berk; it's twelve days north of Hopeless and few degrees south of Freezing-to-Death. It's located solidly on the Meridian of Misery. Our village; in a word, sturdy. It's been here for seven generations and yet every single building is new. We have fishing, hunting, and a charming view of the sunsets…the only problems are the pests." A series of shouts erupted from outside the house, and Hiccup stood up to take a look. "You see, most places have mice of mosquitos, we have –"

When he opened the door, a Monstrous Nightmare was barreling straight towards him. He yelped and shut the door to avoid being burnt to a crisp, flames escaping through all sides of the door. "Dragons." He breathed. "Dragon attack!"

Ruffnut sprang up from her seat and tugged her vest on. "I've got fire patrol. Try not to break the village, yeah?"

Hiccup laughed sarcastically. "Oh, I'll do my absolute best."

"Good," she cackled. "See you later!"

Hiccup ran out right after her, ducking and dodging the adults and the incoming dragons, all the while ignoring the shouts directed towards him, telling him to go back inside. He never paid them any mind. Why would he need to? It was his duty to work in the forge, after all. Everyone, even his own father, seem to forget.

His father yanked him back by his vest and held him like a lioness held her cubs. "What is he doing out?! What are you doing out?!"

"The forge, Dad, I tell you this every single dragon raid that you catch me outside."

"Where's Ruffnut?"

"Fire patrol."

Stoick nodded in understanding. "Get inside before you break something."

Hiccup rolled his eyes and saluted. "Thanks Dad, love you too."

When he arrived at the forge, Gobber was already hammering away at a sword. "Oh, nice o' you to join the party; I thought you'd have been carried off."

"Wha – who, me? Nah, come on, I'm way too muscular for their taste," he said as he hauled Gobber's mace attachment and hung it on the wall. "They wouldn't know what to do with all this." He gestured to his limp and unsatisfactory biceps.

"Well, they need toothpicks, don't they?" Gobber asked cheekily.

Hiccup snorted, then moved to throw the counter doors open to accept weapons from warriors. It was difficult and tiresome, but he was used to it by now. As he worked, he heard the oh-so-familiar sound of Astrid giving out orders. Poking his head out the window, he scanned for the fire patrol.

Ah, there they were.

Fishlegs, Snotlout, Astrid, Ruffnut and Tuffnut. Everyone was there.

One day, Hiccup thought to himself as he watched them go by. One day, I'll be there too. Once I'm capable of holding a bucket of water without falling on my face.

His newest invention could very well be his ticket into a higher rank. A contraption that shoots bolas at great distances so he, and everyone else who is incapable of fighting, won't have to. It would surely earn him some respect and approval around here. And when Gobber left the forge to help out, Hiccup saw his chance and took it gratefully.

Time to bag a dragon.


He finally bagged that dragon, a Night Fury. But he also managed to get chased by a Monstrous Nightmare and had to be save by his father once again, and the entire village saw the whole thing. That included his wife, brothers-in-law, father-in-law, and the fire patrol.

How embarrassing.

When his father was finally finished ranting at him, he gestured to Gobber. "Make sure he gets there. I have this mess to clean up."

As Gobber slapped him across the head and led him away, they had to pass the fire patrol.

"Quite the performance," Tuffnut snickered.

"I've never seen anyone mess up that badly. That helped!" Snotlout chortled, leaning forward to emphasise his statement.

"Thank you, thank you, I was trying," Hiccup snarked as he trudged away. Astrid watched the exchange with an indifferent look, and Fishlegs looked very uncomfortable. Gobber shoved Snotlout to the ground by his head – Ruffnut watched silently, before sighing and walking across Snotlout's chest to follow them.

"Have fun with your loser husband!"

Ruffnut whipped around and marched back, delivered a swift kick to the arrogant boy's groin, then turned and went back.

The walk was relatively silent besides the crunch of dirt under their feet, and the clunk of Gobber's fake leg. None of them looked at each other, nor did they say a word, until they approached the house.

"I really did hit one," Hiccup stated.

"Sure you did," Gobber replied.

"But he never listens-"

"Oh, it runs in the family."

"-And when he does it's always with this disappointed scowl, like somebody skimped on the meat in his sandwhich." He turned and began to imitate his father's thick accent. "Excuse me, barmaid, I'm afraid you've brought me the wrong offspring. I ordered an extra large boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side. This here, this is a talking fishbone!"

Ruffnut couldn't help it; she snorted loudly, but covered her mouth when they stared at her. "Sorry, sorry, but that was a really funny impression."

"That's me, the comedy genius," said Hiccup.

She hummed. "Mmkay, I'm going to bed. Night."

"Night," the two men chorused as Ruffnut opened the front door and closed it behind her.

"Now, you're thinking about this all wrong," Gobber said to his apprentice. "It's not so much what you look like, it's what's inside that he can't stand."

Hiccup stared incredulously. "Thank you for summing that up."

"Look, the point is stop trying to be something you're not," Gobber said in a sage-like tone of voice.

"I just want to be one of you guys," Hiccup pointed out sadly, before opening the door and entering his house. Once the door was closed and he heard the blacksmith hobble away, he crept up the stairs to see if Ruffnut had fallen asleep yet.

She had.

Silently cheering in his head, he went back down the stairs and headed out the back door. He was going to find that Night Fury, even if it was the last thing he did.


Hiccup grumbled and kicked at the dirt; of course he would lose a dragon in the woods. Why wasn't he in the least bit surprised? He stared at the map of the island drawn in his sketchbook and tried to mark a few more estimations of where the dragon had landed. Eventually, he gave up and scribbled angrily across the page.

"The Gods hate me," he grumbled himself. "Some people lose their knife or their mug, no, not me, I manage to lose an entire dragon!" In a fit of frustration, he slapped at a tree branch. But luck just wasn't on his side today (or ever) and the branch swung back and slapped him in the face.

His eyes wandered to the scenery, and caught the fallen tree that the branch was attached to, then to the area in front of him. Trees tipped over, a large ditch dug into the dirt, as if something had fallen and skidded, that led over the hill ahead. Curiosity was one of his greatest curses, so he obviously needed to investigate it. He tumbled through the mess and got on his knees and crawled up to take a peek over the hill. gasped and crouched out of sight when the first thing he spotted over that hill was a massive black body with wings.

The Night Fury.

Nerves wracking his body, he pulled his tiny dagger from inside his vest with shaking hands. Knees wobbling, he crept over the hill and tumbled down behind a rock. Breathing heavily, he shuffled to his right to get a better look at the beast he had caught. It wasn't moving.

"Oh wow…I-I did it. Oh, I did, this fixes everything! Yes!" he laughed. "I have brought down this mighty beast!" As he said this, he placed his boot on the dragon's leg and yelped when it jostled its limb. He tumbled back into the rock, his heavy breathing returning with gusto.

Still alive.

Hiccup stood on shaky knees, staring the dragon in the face. Its eyes were a piercing acid green that made a shiver crawl up his spine, a feeling he hated. "I'm going to kill you dragon...I'm going to cut out your heart and take it to my father. I am Viking…I am a Viking!"

He had no idea why he was talking and shouting at it, it probably didn't understand him anyway.

Hiccup raised the knife above his head, preparing to plunge it into the beast's flesh. But his eyes fluttered open and landed on the Night Fury's face; it stared back in obvious fear, but undaunted, and soon made a defeated noise and lowered its head to the ground. He struggled to get his previous mindset back, but the look the Night Fury had given him was burned into his eyelids. It reminded him so much of a lost child, or…maybe just himself.

His arms fells to his sides in defeat.

" I did this…" he whispered.

He turned and prepared to leave it, but hesitated; he could always release it…

Confidently, he took the ropes in hand and began to cut them away. One by one, they fell loosely over the dragon's body, and at the opportune moment, it pounced on him like a giant cat.

He panted and tried to back away as far as he could, but it just kept coming closer. Hiccup stared into its eyes, fear evident in his own, then letting his head fall back against the rock and turned away from it. If he was going to die, he didn't want to be staring into the face of his killer.

RRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA AAARRRRRRRRRRRR

Hiccup cringed and slid further onto the ground, trying to get away from the terrible noise. When it stopped and he opened his eyes, the dragon backed away and soared into the trees, out of sight.

Shocked and startled, he stood on shaky knees and made an attempt to walk away from the area. He only made it about five steps before he groaned and collapsed face-first into the dirt.


Ruffnut didn't leave the house for the rest of the day, not wanting to face any embarrassment from her tribe. The exhaustion from that morning and the lack of sleep only further encouraged her to stay in.

Staying in turned out to be a great idea, as she had a lot of time to simply relax and avoid any stress from everyday life as a married sixteen year old who simply wants a little privacy now and then. Tuffnut had tried to get her out of bed by throwing rocks at the window, to which she responded by throwing one of Hiccup's old daggers at him. He left her alone after that.

She was carving arrows out of branches when she heard the front door open and close, then footsteps beginning making their way up the stairs; Hiccup was home, obviously.

"Hiccup."

"Oh, Dad. Uh, I have to talk to you Dad."

"I need to speak with you too, son."

Ruffnut could smell an awkward conversation arising from the upstairs area.

"I've decided I don't want to fighting dragons-"

"I think it's time you learned to fight dragons-"

"What?"

Ruffnut covered to mouth to muffle her snort.

"You go first-"

"No, no you go first."

"Alright. You got your wish: dragon training – you start in the morning."

Ruffnut's eyes widened and her laughter only increased with her dread. Oh, this would just be a recipe for disaster.

"Oh man, I should've gone first. 'Cuz I was thinking, you know, we have a surplus of dragon fighting Vikings, but do we have enough bread-making Vikings or small home repair Vikings-"

"You'll need this-" Stoick obviously dropped a weapon in Hiccup's arms judging by Hiccup's grunt of struggle.

"I don't want to fight dragons!"

Well, that was a first.

"Oh come on, yes you do!"

"Rephrase: Dad, I can't kill dragons."

That was an understatement.

"But you will kill dragons."

"No, I'm really, very extra sure that I won't."

"It's time, Hiccup."

"Can you not hear me?!"

"This is serious, son. When you carry this axe, you carry all of us with you. Which means you walk like us, you talk like us, you think like us. No more of – this."

"You just gestured to all of me."

Ruffnut buried her face in her pillow to smother her laughter and cover her red face; this was too good.

"Deal?"

"This conversation is feeling very one-sided-"

"Deal?"

A sigh.

"Deal."

"Good. Train hard; Ruffnut will be there too, so watch out for each other. I'll be back…probably."

"And I'll be here…maybe."

The door shut and the house was bathed in silence. Ruffnut was still snickering into the pillow when Hiccup entered their room.

"I going to assume that you heard all of that, judging by the fact that you look like you broke your spleen from laughing."

Ruffnut's cackle dissolved into a coughing fit, which then dissolved back into laughter.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I am here for your comedic pleasure." Hiccup grumbled, climbing into bed next to her.

"Both of you claim that you have nothing in common," Ruffnut said, wiping the tears of laughter off her cheeks. "But just from hearing that conversation, I disagree. A lot."

"Ugh."

Ruffnut blew out the candle and they both shuffled underneath the covers, trying to get comfortable.

"So…Dragon Training, huh?"

"Uh, yeah, apparently. Do you think Gobber will notice if I neglect to show up and hide in a really inconspicuous place?"

"Probably. Nothing gets past Gobber except for the left socks that the trolls steal. Why does he even have left socks in the first place? He doesn't even have a left foot."

Hiccup paused and sat up in thought.

"What?"

Hiccup turned to look at her with wide eyes. "How have I not noticed that?!"

They looked at each other, paused, then burst out laughing all over again.

They have never gotten along this well, and she couldn't help but enjoy it.