Chapter 2 – Realizations

In Pittsburgh - Cal

"Excuse me, sir?"

I looked up from my newspaper to see one of my many nameless attendants standing in the doorway. I had too many of them to even bother with their names and I really didn't care. "What do you want?"

"Sir, breakfast is ready and Mrs. DeWitt-Bukater hasn't come down for breakfast. I sent Marie up to check on her earlier and she didn't answer the door. Marie said it was locked and didn't want to disturb her, but that was an hour ago. Would you like for me to try to wake her up or would you like to?"

I shook my head at Ruth's stupidity. She was still in a deep state of shock and mourning after Rose's private memorial service that I held to remember her. I paid for it when we got to Philadelphia. I figured it might give Ruth some closure, but she was worse now than she was at the memorial service. "I'll do it. Thank you." I watched as she curtsied and quickly left the room. After staring out the window for a brief moment and shaking my head at Ruth's stupidity, I put my paper on the table next to the leather chair I was relaxing in. I took one last sip of my juice before I grudgingly made it up the stairs to wake my most unfortunate houseguest. I beat on Ruth's door as I waited for her response. "Ruth? Wake up. It's time for breakfast." I knocked again, no answer. "Ruth?" I jiggled the door handle and it easily opened. She hadn't locked it. After opening the door and peering around it, I saw her, still sitting in the leather chair facing the window that she retired to last night after dinner with a few business acquaintances and their wives. Again, I shook my head and walked over and yanked the curtains open, revealing bright sunlight into her dark room. "Did you not get into bed at all last night?"

"Mr. Hockley." Ruth blinked a few times, taking in the sudden change in light. Pulling the curtains closed, she turned to face me. "I find that I am unable to sleep. The stress of it all just overwhelms me. What is one to do? I feel that I am just in an endless circle with no way out."

I walked away from her, looking for any reason to escape her room. She was more than I could handle and quite frankly, I was getting tired of the mood swings and the crying. She was dressed in the same dress she had on at last night's dinner. "I'll summons one of the attendants in here to get you ready. Honestly, Ruth. You really must snap out of this all. It's been six months since Rose died after the ship sank. Rose is dead and there isn't a thing anyone can do to bring her back. It's past time that you move on."

Ruth's icy gaze shifted up towards me, "Six months ago, I lost my daughter. My only daughter. You can go out and find another debutante to marry. I know that there are hundreds of other girls who would give up their lives to be what Rose was to you, but unfortunately, I can't just go out and find another daughter as easily as you can find a new wife."

"And your point is what exactly?" I yawned and then looked at Ruth. I knew it was rude and I could practically hear my mother's voice in my head telling me to be nice.

Ruth stood up quickly. She could have killed me right then if her eyes had swords in them. She pointed her finger at me, "You will find another fiancée to carry on the Hockley name. I'm sure Nathan already has someone in mind for you, Mr. Hockley. That fiancée should be my daughter, but for whatever reason that Dawson kid killed her. He's going to have to live with that for the rest of his life as I am going to have to live with it as well. Had she just gotten in that boat with Molly and me, everything would have been okay. That Metcalfe girl that Rose befriended survived didn't she? So tell me, why didn't my Rose?"

"Fate, Ruth. Fate. Rose wasn't meant to survive. Just like the other lost souls on board. They weren't meant to survive either. There is nothing any of us can do to prevent our death from occurring. When our time on earth is up, it is up. Nothing we can do can change fate. Our fate has already been predetermined. We all have a predetermined fate that we are given at birth. Who we are is predetermined. The path we follow is always of our own choosing. One's destiny can't be changed, but it can be challenged. Rose challenged it and lost. You know that as well as I do, Ruth. Rose's destiny was to die young. My destiny was to live as was yours. I wish there was a way to change it. Perhaps then you'd be easier to deal with."

Ruth's icy look quickly melted into an angered one, "What do you mean 'fate?' My daughter's fate was to freeze to death in the middle of the north Atlantic? My daughter's fate was that her body was never to be found? My daughter's fate was that she was going to be killed that night? My daughter's fate was that she was supposed to marry you and bear your children and carry on the Hockley name and that's all you wanted out of her. Here you are, six months later, acting as if she never existed and I'm just a guest in your home."

I turned to exit the room, "You are a guest in my home and she was going to bear my children. However, she'd still be here if she should have just stayed with me. She could have had the life that you wanted for her. The wealth, the riches, the lifestyle and the society functions that you crave so much, but that all depended on her actions. Had she just stayed with me instead of being a whore with that filth Dawson, she would have lived. I got on a lifeboat remember? She didn't."

I shut the door and walked down the hallway before Ruth could finish her sentence. I had it up to my ears with that woman. I was looking forward to the day she'd leave, but I did tell her that she could stay with me as long as possible and apparently I was going to have a houseguest for a very long time. As I turned to go down the stairs, I heard her start crying once more. I just shook my head and walked downstairs.

Ruth

I had to sit back down. Every time Cal entered the room, my energy drained. After he left, and especially after this time, I felt the room spinning and a wave of nausea always swept every time we parted company over a confrontation over Rose. I put my hand to my forehead to cry yet one more time, only the tears wouldn't come. I had cried myself out. My heart still ached for my daughter and the life she would have had with Cal. The parties, the society, the money, the status and everything else, she gave up for a night of lust with that kid. That Dawson kid took my daughter away from me and from Cal.

I stood up when the attendant came in the room. She chitchatted with me about the weather, the upcoming holidays and the New Year's holiday. "With the New Year comes a new start. After everything that happened, we all need one."

I nodded weakly at her statement, "Yes. I suppose we all do."

She finished dressing me and left me alone in my room. I walked over to my bureau drawer and pulled out a few newspaper clippings I was saving. One was a clipping about the sinking of Titanic, one was about the inquests and one was about my daughter's funeral. Cal evidently had a reporter covering the memorial service. I thought it was tacky at first, but now I was grateful to have a memento of my daughter's service. I was in such a state of shock that I had forgotten or blocked most of what went on. I sat down on the edge of the bed and held the article between my fingers. Rose's picture was at the top of the article with another one of Rose and Cal towards the middle. I began to read the headline and the familiar feelings of grief and sadness washed over me. 'Pittsburgh Steel Tycoon Nathan Hockley's Future Daughter in Law Laid to Rest Earlier Today.' I didn't think I could go on reading, but I did. 'In a shocking twist of fate after Caledon Hockley arrives in New York City following the sinking of the Titanic, Nathan Hockley and his son were forced to bury the younger Hockley's fiancée earlier today in a private ceremony held at an undisclosed location. Rose DeWitt-Bukater died as a result of the now infamous Titanic disaster at the tender age of 17. She did not make it onto the lifeboat, but instead chose to spend her last minutes on earth helping others. According to witness testimony given under strict confidentiality to the newspaper, she was last seen guiding an elderly couple into a lifeboat after helping many immigrants from third class as well. Rose even gave up her lifebelt to a young woman who stated she could not swim. Their engagement was made public in England over the winter months. The Hockley-DeWitt-Bukater party was on their way from England to New York City then on to Philadelphia, PA for the engagement party to be held shortly after the scheduled arrival of the Grandest Ship in the World and her maiden voyage. Her voyage was cut short after hitting an iceberg in the early hours of April 15th. Hockley managed to survive the sinking as did Rose's mother, Ruth DeWitt-Bukater, but young Rose's life was tragically among the nearly 1500 lives lost. Flowers from all across the United States were used in a lavish memorial service to celebrate the life and legacy that Rose will leave behind. Caledon spoke briefly but the grief of losing his fiancée was too much for him to speak longer than he did. The elder Hockley was quoted as saying, "We come together on this sunny day to not only say goodbye to a dear woman who spent her last minutes alive helping the less fortunate, but to the woman who was to become my future daughter in law but also to celebrate the life and legacy she lives behind. It is a tragic day indeed and my thoughts and prayers go out to not only Mrs. DeWitt-Bukater and my son, but to everyone who's lives were touched by tragedy after the sinking.' Rose's body was never found.'

I put the clipping back on the bed as I reached into my drawer one more time for a handkerchief to dab the corners of my eyes. Just when I thought my tears were dried up, they surprised me again by appearing. I couldn't believe that Cal spun Rose's final moments into a light that made him come out the winner. It just made me physically ill that he would even conceive of doing this to Rose, to her memory and to me. "The Hockley family always gets what they want. Too bad he didn't want my daughter bad enough." I muttered under my breath. I put the clippings back in the drawer and after checking my reflection in the mirror one more time, I headed downstairs to breakfast.

I managed to sit through breakfast with Nathan and Cal talking mostly business. I excused myself after breakfast to take a short walk around the block. I wasn't gone very far from the house when a man selling Titanic memorabilia on the side of the road caught my eye. I hurriedly walked across the street to see what he had.

"G'day miss. How may I help you?" He had a thick, English accent as he spoke.

I scanned over what he had. "Just looking if you don't mind. My daughter perished aboard the ship's sinking. As morbid as it may seem, I have nothing to remember her by. Almost all of our possessions went down with the ship. Our photographs, her clothes, everything."

The man took off his cap and stood up from behind his cart. "Miss…I am so sorry for your loss. What was her name?"

I swallowed a lump in my throat, "Rose. Rose DeWitt-Bukater. She was to marry Caledon Hockley when we docked in New York. We were headed to Philadelphia for the engagement party when the ship sank and she was taken from me."

The man nodded, "Your daughter was the future Mrs. Hockley?" I nodded, he continued. "Anything on the table, please take it. No charge."

I stepped back as I looked at him. Cal's legacy superseded him wherever he went. "Thank you, kind sir. I appreciate what you're doing." I picked up a miniature replica of the ship then decided to put it back down. I came across a selection of newspaper clippings about the sinking that were on the table. One was a front page article from the New York Times and another one was from a different paper in New York but it had photos of the survivors after the sinking. I scanned the photo. "I know this girl." I pointed to the Metcalfe girl. "She was my daughter's friend on board Titanic." I read the caption below it. "Seems this was taken at the inquests." I started to put the article back on the man's table when I saw the background of the photo. "No!" I stared harder. There was my daughter. "No, she's dead." My heart began to race. "It can't be her!"

"Miss, are you alright?"

I pointed to the photo, "No, I'm not. She looks just like my daughter." I stared harder at the lady behind the Metcalfe girl. "It is her." I began to feel faint and then everything went black.

Cal

"Ruth!" I lightly tapped her shoulder. "Ruth! Wake up!" I started to shake her harder than necessary, trying to wake her up. It was then that she finally started to stir but didn't wake up.

After I kept shaking her, she started to stir in her bed. "What?"

"Wake up. One of the policemen here in town had to bring you back home. Quite embarrassing really. What in God's name were you doing sleeping in the street? You are out to cause this family as much embarrassment as humanly possible aren't you?"

Ruth was a bit disorientated, but as soon as she was fully awake, she sat straight up in bed. "The man, the newspaper. Where is it?"

I turned around and found an article on her bureau. I held it up, "This?"

Ruth nodded, "Give it to me." I handed the paper to her. She pointed to a photo. "Look."

"It's James Metcalfe's eldest girl. I met her on board Titanic. So what?" I remembered the last time I saw her. She had one of the officers on board try to tell me I couldn't be alone with her. I laughed to myself at the thought of someone trying to tell me what to do when no one could do that. I was a Hockley. We made our own rules. "What is your point of your embarrassing display out in the street, Ruth? You found a picture of the Metcalfe girl? So what? I already knew what she looked like. I don't need a reminder."

Ruth pointed again. "No, look behind her. Who is that?"

"Some girl. Why?"

Ruth shook her head, "No, that's Rose. See!"

I looked at the grainy photo. I couldn't make it out. In a passing glance, I could see how Ruth thought it might be Rose. Since the sinking, Ruth had seen Rose in a few different women, some leading to embarrassing results after Ruth's ranting became more than I could handle. "Ruth, honey, Rose didn't make it remember? The Titanic sunk and she was killed. Do I need to get Dr. Stanford again?" I kept my thoughts about sending her to a sanitarium to myself. My father would not approve of my idea in front of the staff.

Ruth tried to get out of bed and one of the attendants held her down. "That is my daughter, Mr. Hockley, and I am going to find her. I told you that my daughter was not dead. I told you and Nathan both but you wouldn't listen to me. You pushed me away thinking it was the deliriums of a woman overwhelmed with guilt at the passing of her daughter. I told you that Rose was alive. That picture proves that my Rose is alive and you have to find her. Cal, find my daughter!"

I stepped back away from the bed and took one of the attendants with me, "Summons for Dr. Stanford at his earliest convenience. It's an emergency."

She curtsied, "Yes sir."

After listening to Ruth rant for another half hour about Rose being alive, Dr. Stanford showed up and gave Ruth something to help her sleep at my insistence. I was nearing the end of my rope with Ruth before I asked Dr. Stanford to knock her out as I can handle Ruth a lot better when she's not conscious.

He walked with me out of Ruth's room so we could speak privately. "What set her off this time?"

I pointed to the bed stand. "Hell if I know the real reason why. The officers that brought her home said she was looking at some guy's news stand or something and they found her asleep in the street. They said Ruth found a newspaper article about the sinking and she believes her daughter is in one of the photos and it's so sad really that the woman hasn't come to terms with her daughter's death."

"Grief does take time to accept for some people. Sadly, some never accept it." Dr. Stanford slowly nodded, "Grief does different things to different people." He handed me a brown bottle. "Give her two of these with a cup of tea right before bed if she becomes agitated again. They'll help her sleep. Please let me know if she needs anything else and as my professional opinion, I would highly suggest that you take the articles about the Titanic and hide them from her until she's fully over this. Keep her away from anything that would remind her of the sinking. No inquest hearings, no sailing. Nothing. Any more grief I'm afraid will send her over the edge to where there is no coming back. She'll have a complete breakdown and need to be housed in a sanitarium."

After briefly considering taking Ruth to the docks and buying her a first class ticket back to England in hopes of having her committed to a sanitarium after her breakdown, I thanked Dr. Stanford and he walked out with one of the attendants. After Dr. Stanford left, I mentally kept debating on the issue of having Ruth committed on the grounds of insanity, I decided to remove the articles I didn't want anyone to find out Rose left me for some pauper and died as a result. Insane or not, people would listen to Ruth and I had a reputation to uphold. I waited until Ruth was asleep and collected the articles from her bed side table. I took the one she just found out into the reading room where the setting sun supplied ample light to read. I scanned the article and my gaze focused on the photo of Metcalfe and her husband. "It can't be. Rose is dead." I studied the photo of the girl behind the Metcalfe girl. "It can't be." I watched the article float to the floor as I was in disbelief at the thought of Rose actually being alive.