Matt noticed that Kelly had not been out of his office much this shift. Casey walked out of his office and headed toward Kelly's office and glanced through the large glass pane and saw that Kelly had his head buried in paper work. Before Casey knocked on the door he reached into his pocket to pull out the cigars that he was going to use as a bribe to get Kelly to talk about Anna. Since Anna's death Severide had been keeping to himself even more than usual. Instead of going to the squad table Kelly usually went to his office to be alone or he drilled Squad to pass the time between calls. Casey felt that it was time to see if he could reach out and talk to Severide. The last time that they had any conversation was a few weeks before Anna's death.
Matt knocked on Kelly's office door only to be greeted by a sour look as Severide glanced up from his paperwork until he saw who it was. Matt pulled out the cigars from his pocket and waved them at Severide. Kelly expression changed as he pushed aside his paperwork and waved for Matt to come in.
"What's up?, Kelly inquired as he pushed the chair back and turned to face Matt.
" I thought you could use a break. I splurged and got two Cuban cigars and thought you might want to enjoy the weather and share a smoke with me." Matt replied as he tried to make the offer sound casual.
Severide nodded and gave Casey a small smile as he rose to follow him down the hall and out to the bay to the outside. Kelly felt the eyes of most of the house on him. Since Anna's death Kelly had intentionally kept to himself trying to keep it together at work.
Both the lieutenants walked out and leaned on the back of the chief's truck to smoke the cigars. Casey threw Severide one of the Cuban cigars and offered him a light. Kelly took a puff and inhaled deeply as he relished the rare treat. Casey followed suit as he tried to figure out what to say next.
Severide gave Casey a sidelong glance and saw that he was trying to figure out what he was going to say next. So Kelly decided to break the silence first, "So is the cigar a bribe to get me to talk about Anna. Cause I don't need anyone's pity. I am good."
Matt studied Kellys face before replying, "Maybe we haven't talked much lately. So I thought that I would just take a break and see how you are doing. We don't have to talk about anything. We're just two guys sharing cigars."
Severide looked relieved and replied "I know everyone is concerned. But like I said I am good. Really." But then something in Severide's face changed and a tired look fell over his face as he decided to talk. If anyone knew what he was going through it would be Casey who had lost Hallie.
Casey watched in silence as he took another puff of his cigar and did not reply to Severide immediately. He wanted to wait to see what Kelly would say next.
Kelly continued and asked Casey point blank, "How did you get through Hallie? I mean, I thought I knew what it was like when I lost Andy and Shay. But Anna was different …..," Kelly's voice broke as he looked at the ground.
Matt nodded, "I get it. I really do. There were times after Hallie died that life just seemed well empty. I didn't have the energy to make an efforr. It gets better with time but at first it hurts and there is not a damn thing that anyone can do about it. Kel, you just have to take it a day at time as cliche as it sounds. There is no right or wrong way to get through this. I took some time away, would that help?"
Severide shook his head as his face reddened in an almost angry look, "Hell no, I don't want more time to think about things. That is the only thing I seem to do when I am alone. I thought about going to see Benny but he didn't even make it to the funeral. He said something about one of the boys needing him to take them to the doctor. I know that was a lie. I mean he is my old man and he couldn't even show up for the funeral. "
Casey looked up at Severide and let him continue, "Why do I even bother going around him?"
"The same reason I still miss my dad even though he was an ass. Benny is your dad and you want him to be a standup guy. Trust me every father's day is the same for me I go out of my way to avoid thinking about it. I thought this year would be different with Louie." Casey let his voice drop off as it still stung to think about Louie being with is biological dad. He knew it was the right decision but it still didn't sting any less 4 months later.
Severide took a long puff of his cigar, "Enough about Benny the thought of him is ruining my cigar. How are you and Dawson doing? I noticed that you have been a little off the last shift or two."
Casey looked around to make sure no one of 51 was within ear shot then replied to Kelly's question honestly, 'We've been fighting since her father has been around more. It all started when we went out to dinner and Ramone asked Gabby to move in with us. He moved in a few weeks ago and he's been demanding ever since. He even butted into one of our arguments. I told Gabby about Hallie's stuff I found and she acted hurt but said nothing was wrong. Ramone overheard our discussion and asked me why I was upsetting his little girl under his roof." Matt paused as he started thinking back to the incident and it made him mad all over again.
Severide could see by Casey's body language that he was on edge thinking about his father-in-law. Casey took a deep breath and continued, "I ignored his demands and closed the bedroom door and asked Gabby to follow me. She did but Ramone slammed his door and ended up making Gabby feel guilty about the whole thing." Matt shook his head and continued as his face got redder and his mouth set in a look of defiance." So last night you know the lady who talked me into being an alderman? She came to the apartment to talk about some of the upcoming agendas going before counsel and our strategies to get them passed. So in the middle of our conversation Ramone comes over and sits down next to her and started flirting with her. She tried to blow him off but he just became more aggressive. I cut the meeting short and made and excuse because I could tell that she was uncomfortable. She ended up leaving by saying she had to get going anyway. I was pissed but tried to keep the peace with Ramone who kept asking for her number. I told him that it wasn't good to mix my alderman duties with my personal life. Ramone ended up walking away and said he would ask Gabby for her number. Gabby and I had words over her dad this morning. She said he was just adjusting to the divorce and to give it time. The hell with that. It's my house and I my wife and I want him to respect that."
Severide nodded in agreement then grinned, "You can talk to Mouch about how to get rid of a roommate. He helped out Otis when he was living with me and Shay."
Casey flashed a bright smile at Severide at the thought of using Mouch to get rid of Ramone. It was good to see his friend back to normal. Then Casey realized that he had been complaining about Gabby when Kelly had just lost Anna. "Man, I shouldn't be complaining. I wasn't thinking. Sorry."
Severide reached over and clapped Casey on the back, "Nope this is the most normal conversation I have had in a few weeks. We're good. I am tired of people tip toeing around me like I will break. As far as you and Dawson having problems. You guys will work through her dad being a jerk. I envy you guys and hope I find someone, after Anna." Severide took a deep breath and exhaled and looked away to keep from breaking down.
Casey nodded, "I know it's a little hurdle and Gabby and I will work it out. This is for keeps." Casey touched his thumb to his wedding ring and made a promise to go talk to Gabby right after he and Severide were finished. Then Matt continued to speak, "I am here for you man. If you need to get away or talk say the word. We'll go to the lake and pound backs some cold ones and fish. We got through Andy and shay and lifted each other up. Both Gabby and I are here for you now as well. "
Severide started to answer but was cut off by the alarm. Both the lieutenants put the cigars out and ran to the bay. In the days, weeks and months to come Severide would have good days and bad ones too. Sometimes the grief seemed too much to carry by himself. But then Kelly remembered that he had a family that was not blood but had been forged by fire. The only thing that he was certain of, Benny and he were not the same type of man. As much as it had hurt to watch Anna die, 1000 men could not have driven him from standing by her side. Kelly was a better man for knowing and loving Anna. He carried Anna's memory and legacy with him. Somewhere she was looking down and Kelly hoped that the life he lived would make her proud.
