a/n at bottom

Chapter Two
In which Pokemon are acquired and named, a red-haired passerby boy is met, and Mr Pokemon's secret is revealed.

ooo

"Meganium! Mega! Mega!" squealed Meganium, pointing excitedly at the screen with an antenna.

"Yes, that's you," said Silver. He brushed her out of the way.

She barged back in the way. "Megaa!"

"Yes, of course I'm going to choose you, just calm down! God, you're worse than Ethan."

"Who what?" said Ethan. "Man, this is so awesome. I'm playing as myself and I'm so awesome." Feraligatr looked at his screen; DR DUDE still hadn't managed to find the stairs and escape his room.

"Do you know anyone who nicknames their Pokemon?" said Silver, staring at his DS in confusion. The message on the screen read, 'Give a nickname to the CHIKORITA you received?'

"Ga..." said Meganium, also looking confused.

"Uh..." Ethan said. "No? Who does that?"

"Raligatr," said Feraligatr, shrugging. Apparently it was just another of those game oddities.

"I suppose I'll just do the sensible thing and nickname her Meganium," Silver said. He frowned. No-one in real life nicknamed their Pokemon, so why did people do that in these games?

"Mega!" agreed Meganium.

"Noo!" said Ethan, shoving his stylus away from the 'No' option. "You have to give it a nickname, because it's a game and it's fun! Sausage is a fun girl, she's totally give her Pokemon nicknames."

"She is?"

"I know Sausage very well," said Ethan, nodding. "Uh huh. How about... HOTDOG? BRATWURST? BURGER?"

"Nium..." said Meganium, a little offended. What was he trying to insinuate?

"That's not funny, that's just stupid." Silver scowled. "And you can write names in lower case letters, so stop shouting."

"How about HARD ONIX?"

"Niii!" said Meganium, headbutting him.

"Sausage isn't an idiot," said Silver. "She'd give her Pokemon nice names that are easy to remember. No dick jokes."

Meganium nodded vigorously.

"BOOBS?"

"No."

"BUTTOCKS?"

"Shut up."

"Meg." Meganium slapped Ethan with her antennae.

"TOFU? QUORN?"

"What?"

"Because she's a leafy vegetarian sausage," explained Ethan. "It's funny! Miss Sausage loves it."

"Ganium..." said Meganium, giving him a puzzled look. She wasn't sure what to make of this. Should she be insulted?

"Don't worry, this is strictly game-only," Silver told her. "Fine, she'll be called Tofu."

"Yeahh!" said Ethan, high-fiving Feraligatr. "Okay, I still need to get my Pokemon. Where do I go?"

"Gatr gatr." Feraligatr pointed at the stairs on the DS screen.

"Huh?"

"Gatr! Ga... grr...gragrhhhh."

Ethan still couldn't understand what Feraligatr was trying to tell him.

"Ferraarrghh!" growled Feraligatr, taking the DS away from him. He poked at the direction buttons with a claw.

"Cool, thanks dude!" said Ethan, watching DR DUDE talk to his virtual mother. "Oh wow... it's a bit creepy that they programmed in my mum..."

"Lyra's not your sister, is she?" said Silver. He was leaning in to watch Feraligatr play as well. "They used the same house and character for Sausage's mum."

"I don't think she's my sister," Ethan said, looking profoundly creeped out.

"I suppose they were just lazy, then."

"Rali," said Feraligatr contentedly. He handed the DS back to Ethan. DR DUDE was now standing in a Pokemon lab, chatting to a game-version of Professor Elm.

"Blah blah Mr Pokemon blah blah," read Ethan. "C'mon, where's my awesome Totodile at?"

"Have you ever played one of these games before?"

"... no..."

"Just keep pressing A. Hurry up, I want to get out of this town." Silver directed Sausage out of the lab, where she was promptly met by a familiar-looking baseball-capped boy. "Oh for the love of Entei, why are you in my game? I picked Lyra especially so this wouldn't happen."

"OH YEAH, FUCK YEAH," said Ethan, leaning over and watching his virtual self prance around Sausage and Tofu with a Marill.

"Urgh, just go away," muttered Silver at the screen.

Ethan poked him. "Why wouldn't you want me in your game? I'm already so offended that you chose to be Lyra and not me, you ungrateful dick."

"Just pick your starter and shut up!"

"Wait a moment... I don't even have a Marill..."

"No-one cares."

"Cool, got my Totodile!" said Ethan, high-fiving Feraligatr again. "What do you wanna be called?"

"Frrgatr?" said Feraligatr with a slightly confused shrug.

"Okay, BIGBOY it is."

"Gatr!" Feraligatr gave a toothy crocodile grin. Another high-five ensued.

"Are you ready yet?" grumbled Silver. "I finally got your alter-ego and your Marill out of my game, and I want to start this game properly."

"Mega mem?" Meganium pointed at a red-haired character on the game screen. The sprite was next to the professor's lab, in a little hidden corner.

"Aha!" said Ethan, pointing at it as well. "It's you! Or someone who looks at lot like you."

"My hair is significantly better than that," Silver said, glaring at it.

"Go up and talk to you?"

"Play your own damn game," said Silver. He was getting rather impatient. Ethan had insisted that they go through the whole game together, challenging gyms and all that at the same time, but he'd also insisted on a marathon play-through without any breaks or sleep. Either way, it was going to be a long hard few days. He walked Sausage (at an infuriatingly slow walking pace) up to his in-game lookalike and pressed A to talk.

"Ni ni ni," Meganium giggled as game-Silver shoved Sausage out of the way. Silver sniggered with her.

"Rude!" said Ethan, sneaking a sideways peep. "Domestic abuse! Oh hey, here's Lyra and her Marill. Kinda weird that they just replaced Lyra with me in your game... like, we're not actually the same person, are we?"

"Are you?"

"Am I?"

"Well, are you?"

"Am I...? Fucking Entei, my whole life's been a lie! I'm just a failed clone of my best friend!"

"Sucks to be you," said Silver. "Hey hey, go up and talk to me by the lab. I want to see me shove you over."

"Okay," Ethan said, walking DR DUDE over to game-Silver. "Fucking hell, why am I so slow? This is taking foooreeeverrr..."

"You have to wait until you get the running shoes or a bike," Silver told him. "Apparently you're physically unable to jog until you wear the right shoes."

"Yeah, I also can't walk diagonally," said Gold. "DR DUDE, I'm disappointed in you."

The group watched as game-Silver shoved DR DUDE out of the way.

"That was great," Silver sniggered. "Do it again!"

The same thing happened.

"Gatr!"

The same thing happened again.

"Gatr!"

"No!" said Ethan. "DR DUDE's had enough shoving for one day."

"Ethan, you can never have enough shoving for one day."

Meganium and Feraligatr nodded, Meganium beaming happily. (Feraligatr didn't beam. He just grinned terrifyingly.)

"You guys are horrible," said Ethan sadly.

ooo

"Sweet Entei, my first Pokemon battle!" wooped Ethan. "This is gonna be so cool!"

"It's a Pidgey," said Silver. "Pidgey battles are not cool."

"Every battle is awesome, so shut up. Okay, so how do I battle? Do I give commands and shit?"

"Yes, you command one move each turn. See, look at the bottom screen. Just press whichever move you want your Totodile to do."

"He's called BIGBOY."

"No, I'm not calling anyone that."

"But-"

"Especially not you, Ethan."

"Even-"

"Even during sex."

"Ferali," said Feraligatr, pointing at the part of the screen that said 'Scratch'.

Ethan pressed it. "Woo!"

"Gatr!"

The Pidgey sprayed some sand into BIGBOY's eyes. And so the round was over.

"Do I... just do the same thing this next round then?" asked Ethan, confused. "Where's the strategy? Movement? Leading tactics? How do I get BIGBOY to counter or dodge?"

"... You don't."

"Huh? But what's the point in that? All I get to do is select one move each time and Pidgey gets to have exactly one move right after me?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Man," said Ethan, closing his DS and looking at it with a bemused expression. "I thought these games were about battling!"

"This is virtual battling. It's not the same as real life battling! You just have to get used to it."

"Man," said Ethan again. Meganium gave him a comforting neck-wrap.

"Look, just finish knocking out that Pidgey and hurry up, because we need to get to Mr Pokemon's house. I'm already at Cherrygrove!"

"Okay, okay, dude, calm down." He opened the DS and continued ordering BIGBOY to scratch the Pidgey. "Why didn't I train BIGBOY with some water moves or anything decent before rustling up Pidgeys to practise on?"

"Because you're a moron."

"God, rude!"

A few minutes of silence passed, in which Ethan slowly made his way to the other end of Route 29, Silver watched him, and Feraligatr munched on pretzels.

"Go BIGBOY! My little angelcake just learnt Water Gun. I'm so proud," Ethan sniffled.

"Fuck off!" exclaimed Silver, breaking the peaceful (and somewhat sniffle-filled) atmosphere. He'd just opened his DS again and had let Sausage take her first step into Cherrygrove City.

"I won't!"

"Shut up, you. No, I don't want a tour of Cherrygrove, you moron! I know what a Pokemon Centre is! Just... go away... fuck..." Meganium patted him on the back with a stubby leg.

"Hey, this dude's pretty helpful!" Ethan said, pointing at the 'helpful' Guide Gent showing DR DUDE around Cherrygrove.

"Oh, you've finally reached Cherrygrove then. Good."

"Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that it takes me longer to walk there in real life."

"Ethan, I'm not sure if you've got it yet, but these games aren't literally real life."

"... nope, I haven't got it yet. But I think BIGBOY might be dying... he won't stop beeping at me when I run into Pidgeys." Feraligatr looked a bit worried at that.

"Go use the Pokecentre then!"

"Nah, we're still on the Awesome Tour Of Awesome Cherrygrove."

"I. Hate. Tutorials," said Silver between gritted teeth. "Just get this fucking Guide fucker to stop talking to me!"

"There there," said Ethan, adding his own hand to Meganium's efforts at reassuring back patting. "It'll be over soon. Drink your beer. It'll relax you."

A few tense moments followed. Finally, Silver breathed out. "It's over. That moron's gone away and left me his old sweaty running shoes!"

"Old sweaty running shoes are the best!" said Ethan, only half-sarcastically.

ooo

"Do you actually know someone called Mr Pokemon? Who is seriously called Mr Pokemon?"

"He likes Pokemon," Ethan informed Silver.

"I see. That explains everything."

"He really likes Pokemon."

"Good for him."

"He really, really likes Pokemon."

"... seriously?"

"Kris told me she caught him wanking off to pictures of red Gyradoses this one time."

Silver didn't know what to say to that.

ooo

"My Togekiss!" Ethan shouted happily upon receiving the mysterious egg from Mr Pokemon.

"You're not supposed to spoil the surprise," grumbled Silver.

"I gave the egg to Elm and then he went off and studied it and then while I was staying in Violet he gave it back to me and then I carried it around for a bit and he hatched into Togepi! And then he evolved 'cos he loved me so much and then..." Ethan happily droned.

Silver was halfway to punching him before remembering that domestic abuse was not okay. He looked at Feraligatr instead.

Feraligatr punched Ethan.

"Ow! Sheesh, I was just telling you guys about my life and Togekiss because I thought you'd be interested but apparently you just don't care about me. Huh."

"That sounds about right," said Silver, and he was rewarded by Feraligatr punching him (lightly) as well.

"Thanks, big boy. Oh... we have to walk all the way back to New Bark now?"

"That's what Mr Pokemon says, yes."

"All the way? That's so... far..."

Silver stopped and looked at him. "But... you ... how did you manage to make it in real life!? I can't believe you actually managed to walk round the whole of Kanto and Johto, and you're so lazy you can't even spend five minutes pressing buttons to get a game character to walk."

"What can I say?" shrugged Ethan. "I'm just that awesome!"

Silver glared at him. "You're a lazy idiot."

"I'm a lovable sexy lazy idiot! Also I cycled most of the way."

"Cycling is still tiring…"

"Fer gatrr!" growled Feraligatr, taking the DS from Ethan and replacing it with a can of beer and some popcorn. He walked DR DUDE back down south to Cherrygrove City. He'd had enough of his trainer messing around, damnit! He wanted to get BIGBOY to evolve into a mighty and powerful Feraligatr sometime this decade!

ooo

"Aha!" exclaimed Ethan once Feraligatr had handed back his DS. He carefully balanced it on the beer can in his hand. "It's you!"

"It's me," Silver confirmed, watching Sausage and his in-game self have a deep and meaningful conversation on his own DS. It consisted of deeply meaningful insults and abuse.

"It's you!"

"Ethan," said Silver slowly, "how much personal information did you give Game Freak?"

"Huh?"

"Don't you think it's a bit… strange that everyone who plays these games are going to know exactly when and where we met, and exactly what conversations we had, and exactly what moves my team knows, and-"

"Nah," said Ethan dismissively. "I just gave them a quick outline, I didn't tell them anything really private or weird."

Silver was not particularly reassured by this. Ethan's idea of 'private or weird' was somewhat different from most people's. "Ethan."

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember that time when you emailed Kris with a list of links to the… videos… we were watching the day before?"

"… yeah? Maybe? Uh, actually… no?"

"And then she went on Johto News that afternoon for a live-broadcasted interview?"

"What's your point?"

"And then she made a really hilarious off-hand statement about how 'Ethan and his boyfriend watch loads of really weird stuff, like one of the links he sent me was full of-' "

"Oh yeah!" said Ethan, remembering. "That was really hilarious!"

"No, it wasn't!" Silver exploded, spilling beer over Meganium and causing Feraligatr to topple over into a bowl of pretzels. "It was not hilarious! It was the complete fucking opposite of hilarious, you incredible fucking moron! How do you still not get it?!"

"Dude, if it makes you feel any better, I didn't give Game Freak the porn list, okay?"

"It doesn't make me feel any better! That was just an example! Stop taking everything so literally!"

"Okay," said Ethan, munching on a handful of popcorn. He carefully tried to find a good middle ground between begging Silver desperately and pathetically to feel better, and insisting that that incident was, in fact, really hilarious. (Which it was.) "Uh… I already apologised for the Kris on TV thing, so I thought you'd moved past that by now. And that's why I didn't say anything like that to Game Freak! Or the interviewer last week! Or the one before that! I still think it's pretty funny, though."

Silver glared at him. Technically he had accepted the apologies, both from Ethan and Kris, so he wasn't meant to still be sulking about this. But. Still. "Humph, just shut up."

There was a silence. Ethan wasn't sure if it was safe to open up his DS and continue playing, or whether the happy cheerful music would just plunge Silver further into enraged fury.

"Me… ganium mega?" asked Meganium curiously.

"No!" shouted Ethan and Silver at her at the same time. Silver looked mildly surprised, and then relieved, that Ethan was taking his side.

"You're too young for that!" Ethan continued sternly. "And, uh, also because it's very important to respect Silver's privacy and it's very rude to go on national television and gossip about his sex life," he continued further in response to Silver's glaring.

ooo

"Oh yeah, I was about to battle you," Ethan said, opening up his DS. "I mean, DR DUDE was."

DR DUDE sent out BIGBOY. The redheaded passerby boy sent out a Chikorita.

"They gave me a Cyndaquil in my game," said Silver, frowning at his DS.

"Well, you took Tofu already so you can't take her again, and it'll be pretty stupid for you to fight you with a clone Tofu."

"That sentence didn't make any sense, but I suppose you're right. God, this is so embarrassing battling my cartoon self."

"Yeah, your hair is pretty embarrassing."

Silver shoved him. "That's not what it looks like in real life, and you know that! Stupid unrealistic cartoons…"

"Also, wow, you're such a huge dick. Were you actually like that the first time I met you?"

Meganium nodded cheerfully.

"I don't speak like that," said Silver in disgust. He'd finished the battle, Tofu tackling the enemy Cyndaquil to surrender, and was now reading the Passerby Boy's closing speech.

"Yes you do."

"This is… urgh, horrible. How do you actually like seeing yourself in this game?!"

Ethan and Feraligatr posed together, a synchronised pose that would have made Team Rocket proud. "Because we're awesome!"

"… what the… I can't believe you two rehearsed that."

"Megaaa," said Meganium, who was also enjoying seeing herself immortalised in game form.

"Freaks."

"You're just jea- no goddamnit!" yelped Ethan. "Nooo! BIGBOY! Come back to me! Don't go into the light!" Feraligatr grabbed his jaw in anxiety as well. The sight of the huge crocodile monster looking so concerned about a tiny Totodile on a DS was quite amusing.

"How did you manage to lose?" said Silver incredulously, after snorting at Ethan and Feraligatr's reactions. "That was the very first and easiest trainer battle in the whole game."

"The first fucked-up bizarre virtual game trainer battle I've ever done, so yeah! This is so… gah! No-one battles like that in real life, goddamnit!"

"Clearly," said Silver smugly, "I'm such a strong battler that even my fake game self can beat you with a weak baby Chikorita."

"Nium!" protested Meganium.

"Shut up, I beat you in this battle in real life!" said Ethan.

"What? No, I beat you, you idiot," Silver scowled.

"Oh… yeah."

"You'd better not forget it, wimp."

"BIGBOY!" moaned Ethan. "Please don't leave me…"

"… I'm not drunk enough for this."

ooo

"When do I get to name you?"

"You don't. My name's Silver."

"Aren't you Italian, Silvano?"

Silver glared. "You're not naming me BIGDICK."

"You're such a killjoy," Ethan whined. "I think it's a great name! It's such a great name that I was gonna name myself that until you vetoed it, so I dunno why you're so hung up about it."

Silver looked at him for a moment, considering him. "… I don't know why I bother trying to reason with you."

ooo

a/n: WELL I WAS PLANNING ON MAKING THIS AN EPIC FIC but then holidays ended and work started and love lives continued and not-being-alone-at-home-all-the-day happened, and... that's basically as much as I've written so far, and probably as much as I'll write in the next, uh, year. Or so. I dunno. Whenever I get round to it!

Also, this is fun, but I think I prefer the usual "how they got together and Silver being a dick with Issues"-type of thing that my other couple of Huntershipping fics were on. I mean, established relationships are cute and it's nice to see them being relaxed and cheerful and stuff, but it's not really as interesting or as amusing to write or think about. I'm sure you know what I mean...?