A/N: Hey, guys! Sorry I took my sweet time updating this. I also want to apologize profusely for the length of this chapter. It's about a hundred words shorter than my usual minimum requirements. However, I felt I would rather have a shorter chapter than a longer one filled with pointless, unnecessary fluff. Anyway, I'm still getting this story rolling. I look forward to hearing from you all. Input is welcome.

Ivy awoke from her nap to the sound of gunshots. In Gotham, this wasn't exactly a rare occurrence. But these shots were much closer than usual. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she slid off the couch and followed the sounds.

She wound up in the doorway to the kitchen. She watched with a furrowed brow as Joker aimed his pistol at the oven and repeatedly pulled the trigger. "Stupid, ungrateful bitch," he muttered to no one in particular.

"Are you okay?" Ivy asked, not that she particularly cared. Mostly she just wanted to go back to the couch and try to make up for the sleep she'd lost from Harley's visit the previous night. But it was hard enough to sleep around here, between the hyenas and the inconsiderate henchmen. Add in the fact that Joker was now violently assaulting the appliances, and she was pretty sure she'd never get any rest.

Joker actually jumped at the sound of her voice. She wondered briefly if he had forgotten altogether that she was there. Then he rolled his eyes, gesturing at the destroyed oven. "It doesn't work," he growled in frustration.

Ivy raised a brow at him. "Probably because you shot it, J."

He gave no indication of having heard her. "Harley always cooks, see," he explained. "I mean, it's awful food, Red, but at least I don't have to do it. And whenever she runs off like the spoiled brat she is, I always end up breaking something in the kitchen. Last time it was the blender. I put a grenade in it after I couldn't figure out how to turn it on."

Ivy rubbed at her temples, trying in vain to prevent the onset of the headache she was starting to get. She'd been here for maybe six hours, and the clown was already starting to drive her crazy. She blinked long and hard, and when she opened her eyes, it was to see him staring straight at her. He pointed with the gun to the remnants of the oven. "Make me lunch," he snapped.

Ivy's mouth literally fell open. She may have been staying with him, but she sure as hell wasn't going to allow him to boss her around. She wasn't Harley; she had some shred of dignity. "Fend for yourself," she sneered right back, crossing her arms over her chest. Joker glowered at her, and she actually felt herself preparing for an assault. But in the end he only holstered his gun and turned away.

He stormed out of the room, still grumbling to himself. Ivy glared after him. He was so intolerable, she honestly had no idea how Harley had spent so many years with him. She certainly didn't see the appeal there. He was probably the least attractive man she'd ever met. But Harley just fawned over him like he was Brad Pitt or something.

Sighing, she left the room and returned to the couch. Three days, she reminded herself. It was only three days. And it was all in the best interest of Harley. Once she won the bet, Harley would be forced to be away from the clown for a solid month. Ivy was really hoping that would be enough time to convince her friend not to go back at all. Maybe, without his constant influence on her, Harley could realize what a strong and independent woman she was capable of being.

Or maybe Ivy was getting her hopes up all for nothing.

She reached for the remote, settling into the couch and tuning into the news. It was all the same, politics and gang wars and which of her unlikely family had been dragged off to Arkham. Today's story featured a lovely clip of Batman taking down the Mad Hatter, better known as Jervis Tetch. She felt bad for her fellow rogue, really, being taken back to the prison they all called home.

When she grew bored of the news, she went to change the channel to her favorite gardening show. But when she went to grab the remote, she found it missing. Looking up, she saw the Joker hovering over her, glaring down as he clutched the device with both hands. "My show is on," he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He proceeded to plop down on the couch, shoving her out of her way.

Ivy let out a cry as she fell right off the couch onto the floor. She pushed her hair back out of her face, intent on giving Joker a piece of her mind. Before she could say a word she was suddenly clobbered by the two hyenas, who pinned her down and started licking her face.

"Good boys," Joker murmured nonchalantly, never even looking over at the scene. It took Ivy a few minutes to get the animals under control. Usually, she preferred any form of wildlife to humanity, but these creatures were the exception. Pushing herself back to her feet, she smoothed out her green dress and glared at the clown.

"Do you have no consideration for anyone but yourself?" She growled, crossing her arms tightly.

Joker barely even glanced at her. "No," he replied instantly. "No, not really. I mean, does anyone else really matter but me? I'm the Joker, sweetheart. I'm the best damn supervillain this town has ever seen. So, I don't really think I'm obligated to care about anyone else."

Ivy actually snarled at him, turning on her heel and storming out of the room. She went into the bathroom, slamming the door as hard as she could. Once she was safely locked inside, she slid down onto the cold tile floor. It was no wonder Harley was always so depressed. Living with the Joker had to be intolerable. She was struggling just to make it through the first day. It was enough to drive even the sanest person into the depths of madness.

She knew she had to stay strong. At least in front of him. The second he detected even a trace of weakness, he would pounce on it. That was what he did; he took people's weaknesses and vulnerabilities and he twisted them around, used them. It was the way he had turned Harley from a successful, promising career woman into a codependent, pathetic mess. He had played on her fears of failure and being alone.

Well, Ivy would certainly not allow him to play her in such ways. She stood up, using the mirror to fix the smudges in her makeup. She would survive this weekend, and then she would make Harley realize she didn't need this constant abuse. And then, if it all went according to plan, she would never have to deal with the Joker again.