Prologue: Emotions
(Part II)
...Yet Like
Im Soo Jin
Happiness is strange, isn't it?
It's so. . .out of place.
In a world so dark, so unreal, happiness is strange. You never know the difference between being happy happy or just fake-happy. Humans are sloppy that way. The never know, they never see.
It's easy to take advantage of that.
You know how they say smiles will get you nowhere. They have never been so wrong. Smiles will get you everywhere.
Especially if you're a killer.
Killing is detestable. But sometimes a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do.
I am a bad person. A very bad person.
But it's who I am. It's lovely to accept who you are, isn't it?
We humans are unchangeable, after all.
It's better to accept this and move on. Unless you want to wallow around in despair.
Ha.
I make myself fake-laugh.
Hyeongje says that we are the angels of death. The sǐwáng tiānshǐ. We lay the final judgment on the people. We are the rulers of their fates.
I think that's supposed to make us proud of what we do.
It doesn't.
It just reminds me of what we do. Extinguishing lives.
Poof.
Death.
The worse thing about it is that it is so ridiculously easy. Death is always hovering above our shoulders. We just give him a little push. We just whisper, our voices as soft as a feather – 'He needs sleep. Won't you help us give him some?'
And he descends upon his victims willingly. He lets them sleep forevermore.
So easy, so easy.
I dream sometimes. Of how life was before hyeongje found me. Whenever I feel a flicker of unease over a kill, I remind myself of them. Of how much better this life is than the Black Hole.
At least here, I have a family; however screwed up it might be. At least here, I don't have to wake up every day thinking that this was the day my life will end.
This makes me fake-happy. I fake-smile in the darkness.
Ah, fake-bliss. It's so peaceful.
I am broken beyond repair because I'm human. And humans are fragile creatures. I am so broken.
But do I deserve to be broken?
Me, who has snuffed out the lives of countless other broken souls?
Morality is an alien subject.
A monster that hides behind a fake-happy façade. That's me.
I was comfortable with this fact. I had spent countless hours thinking and decided that yes, I was at peace.
Until I met him.
Something drew me to him. I seek something in him. Companionship.
I don't like it.
I am losing grip on who I thought I was.
The fake-happy façade is slipping; the monster is rearing its ugly face. I am afraid.
Because now, I don't know who, or even what, I am.
useless author's useless a/n:
(Korean)
Sǐwáng tiānshǐ: Angel of death
Hyeongje: Brother
Please review/follow/favorite it if you remotely like it ^-^ But the updates are going to be slow, mind you. I, being an idiot, have decided to start multiple writing projects and I can feel another plot bunny making its way inside my head, Ugh. On top of this, school. Kill me, please.
So, I need motivation. I will only continue if y'all want me to. Savvy? SO SHOOT ME A REVIEW!
