"I could give fuckall about who the fuck you are. Where's the bloke with the parachute ears? You look like his fucking bellboy compared to him." Malcolm was in an unusual state. He's used to hammering down inept politicians but even he was a little intimidated by this so called alien Doctor, though he would never admit it.
"I can assure you it's me, Malcky." The Doctor grinned.
"Don't you fucking call me Malcky I've told you many times that is not a name you fucking...oh christ it really is you." Malcolm sunk into his chair. "Well why the fuck do you look like a Twilight character?"
"Usually I would take that to heart but I'll choose to ignore it coming from you, Malcky." The Doctor said as he walked further towards Malcolm's desk.
"We have this thing we time lords like to call-" The Doctor then jumped ontop of Malcolm's desk before hunching over to now be face to face with Malcolm, "-regeneration! A little trick we have so to say. Helps us cheat death. Though I would gladly stay dead if it meant I'd stop hearing all those awful, dreadful words you colorfully employ."
"Right so you so call 'regenerate' from an annoying wanker to a criss-cross gimp. I wish I could renegenate into a fucking bazooka and blast you off my fucking desk. OFF." Malcolm now stood from his chair and began to circle around his desk while watching the Doctor happily jump off into Malcolm's chair. "Oy I didn't mean get comfy on me fucking chair."
"But I love me a nice Dauphin Malcky! I can at least give you credit in your office taste." The Doctor, ever since meeting Malcolm, had learned to never take him too seriously. He got off on being very cheeky towards him for the result in irritating Malcolm a bit more. Malcolm put his hands on his face and let out a reluctant sigh before saying under his breath, "I'm dealing with a fucking half queer man baby."
"Hey! I can speak baby. And I can tell you with confidence I've had very delightful conversations with some. More so than some adult humans actually..."
"Can you shut it for five seconds? Now...I've got 3 days to groom you and bloom you into a respectable public figure. The PM wants to hold a press conference where you'll be taking questions from the sack shit journalists this country so vehemently holds. They're going to go for your scrotum and end with both your bollocks being shat out of you arse, if you even have those."
"My reproductive organs aside Malcky I can assure you I'm well within the arts of proper oratory explanation! Would you like to hear me explain which gases make up the horse head nebula?! It's quite brilliant actually. You see, most nebulas have a certain amount of..."
"CAN IT SPACE BOY. WE'RE NOT HERE TO HEAR CARL SAGAN GIVE A HAND JOB TO THE UNIVERSE." The Doctor spun around in his seat laughing hysterically.
"I'm-haha...sorry Malcky...the way your eyes just pop out you...HAHA!"
"...christ on a fucking coney this is going to be hell surrounded by pig manure."
