A/N: WOW! Thanks for all the feedback here and on lion_lamb. It really means a lot. I always want to write more when I get reviews. As just a little disclaimer I'd like to say that I mean no offense to anyone with whatever I may write. There is a lot of swearing in this story (I'm making Edward a bit more of a smartass)…I think in this chapter alone he says the 'F' word over 50 times but it's all in good fun. I also apologize to Madonna for making fun of her (she was the first celebrity to come to mind). So you have been warned, the humor is dark and the language is bad and there is sex and drinking and all that other fun stuff…that's why it's rated M.
Read & Review PLEASE!
And enjoy!
XOXO
- Jill
Edward's POV
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Other than the girl that I just could get out of my mind the library had remained fairly empty for the remainder of the work day. The storm had hit it's peak at around three in the afternoon, concluding it's uproarious symphony with howling winds and torrential downpours so heavy that I could barely see the cars driving cautiously by outside. It was all quiet on the western front, however, as I flipped the library sign to "CLOSED" at five o'clock sharp. I stared out the thick glass of the front door into the quiet streets of the city. Branches were strewn about all over the place and I thought about what a bitch it would be to navigate my way home in such a mess. It'd be like trying to fuck Madonna without wanting to put a bag over her head. . .period.
Still, as I stared pointlessly into the oncoming evening I couldn't get the girl from that morning out of my head. What had been her problem? I obviously didn't have that effect on all women,
Unless Jessica is hiding a penis that I'm unaware of. I thought with a shudder.
The girl had been so quiet and so withdrawn that it had almost been pathetic, and I would have probably felt sorry for her if she hadn't pissed me off so badly. I wanted to know WHY she hadn't said a single word the entire time she had been in the library. Sure, it would have been fine if she had wanted to browse in silence but she hadn't even given me a "good morning" or a "thank you" throughout our entire encounter. It bugged me and I hated being bugged. I was so intrigued that I had made some alterations to my schedule so I was scheduled to work the next Tuesday when she was bound to bring the books she had checked out back.
This is how stalkers start, Edward. I thought to myself as I tried to remember her appearance as well as I could.
She had been pretty in a way that seemed to be a sort of lost art form nowadays. Now, it seemed, the more girls looked like a Barbie doll that had been caked in cooking oil and left out on the surface of the sun to bake into the exact color and texture (and sometimes, to my dismay, the scent) of beef jerkey the "prettier" they were. If that was pretty then I wanted as ugly as you could possibly get. I loved girls who looked like they actually knew the meaning of a word as complex as, "because" and who didn't judge their self worth by how far they could stick a banana down their throat or how fast they could tie a cherry stem in a knot with their tongue. Bella didn't seem like the kind of girl to judge fruit to throat ratio.
I wanted to know why she had been such a cold-hearted bitch to me. Was it just because she really was a bitch? Maybe. Maybe she just didn't like men. Maybe she was a lesbian! That would be fine with me, I had nothing against lesbians. Lesbians were cool! In fact, they were on the short list of people I DID like. They were listed right before the lady that still gave me candy at the bank and right after my grandma who forgot when my birthday was so she would send me twenty bucks at random intervals throughout the year. Maybe she was deaf. No, that couldn't be it, she had nodded when I had asked her questions.
Maybe she could just read lips really well.
Maybe she was foreign.
Maybe she was an alien sent here to piss me off.
Maybe she was a ghost.
Then again, Jessica had talked to her, and she had opened the door. Most ghosts were content to just glide through solid surfaces.
Maybe she was a fancy ghost.
Maybe she was so floored by my good looks and her immediate desire to fuck me that she had been rendered speechless.
Maybe you're an idiot and should realize that you smell like a wet dog and your hair is so disheveled and thick that it probably wouldn't be a shock if a friendly wood nymph hopped out of it, tipped his hat with a friendly "Evenin'!", gave a wink and ambled off to grab the daily paper… I thought.
Maybe she was a dude and wanted to conceal her manly voice.
Maybe I had, somehow, pissed her off in a past life.
Maybe…
"Hi Edward! Ready to go?!" Jessica's shrill, unexpected, voice about made me piss my pants.
"Jesus-tittie-fucking-Christ Jessica!" I exclaimed loudly. Her eyes widened at my outburst as if I had just stepped on a puppy,
"I'll take that as a yes." She squeaked. Michael followed her as they exited the building,
"Might want to lay off the caffeine, Edward. It's making you a little jumpy." Michael said as I closed the door behind me and allowed him to lock it. I ran a hand through my chaotic hair as we walked down the steps,
"I'll keep that in mind." I said quietly as I folded a piece of gum into my mouth. Thought I was fairly certain that the day I gave up caffeine would be the day I would shrivel up and die.
"Goodnight guys!" Jessica said as she skipped off toward her black Grand Prix. I always knew it was hers by the pink fuzzy dice swinging annoyingly from the rearview mirror and the black seat covers with the large, red cherries embroidered on them.
I unchained my old bicycle and climbed on. The seat was wet and I knew I had a joke about pissing myself coming my way from either Jasper or Alice whenever I got home. They didn't live with me, I just had a suspicion that they would be present whenever I unlocked my front door.
"Have a goodnight Mike." I said as I pushed off and began to pedal my way home. The trek wasn't as bad as I had formally anticipated. It was way easier to navigate through branch covered streets when I was sober as opposed to being totally inebriated. And yes, I did know how difficult it was to do it totally sloshed.
I took the ride home as an opportunity to think up more reasons as to why Silent Girl had been so…well…silent.
Maybe you're just a fucking creeper who should swear off girls. Maybe you should try guys. I thought to myself. I shook my head, That would take too much time and I'd be no good at it
I mean how do you even anticipate differences in guys' penises? I had spent most of puberty looking at a wide array of different breasts and other beautiful parts of women's figures. Besides, the only other penis I had ever seen had been Jasper's and that had only happened because of A)Boredom B)Way too much alcohol C)A dare and D)A shocking need to battle at that precise moment and a severe lack of swords. Put it this way, my sister still can never see a sword fight without laughing.
You're a sick fuck. I told myself.
I coasted into my apartment complex severely pissing off the driver who had been attempting to make a left hand turn into a 'DO NOT ENTER' section of street.
"I knew it." I muttered as I saw my sister's flashy yellow Porsche parked out in front of my building. "Alice sure doesn't like anything ostentatious now does she?" I said sarcastically to myself. I parked my bicycle on the bike rack, gave my Volvo a little pat and then stood there for a second staring at Alice's car. I thought for a moment and then signed my own death sentence by taking my gum out of my mouth and sticking it to the hood of her precious little vehicle. With a chuckle I took to the stairs and began the climb up the three flights to my beloved apartment.
My apartment really wasn't much but it wasn't exactly drab either. Carlisle always wanted Alice and I to feel like we would be taken care of but not spoiled and the good doctor always seemed to find a happy medium. (Okay, okay, our vehicles weren't exactly a happy medium. Carlisle had gone a little overboard with Alice's car and mine as well. He liked things that went fast and looked pretty and Alice's yellow Porsche and my silver Volvo had filled both requirements.) It was a one bedroom, one bath place with a nice kitchen and spacious living room. Alice had, of course, insisted on decorating (and, in the end, I was glad she had) so most of my possessions matched and I had a full set of towels and dishes.
I unlocked the door and let myself in,
"Finally!" My sister's ever happy voice filled my ears instead of the nice quiet I usually came home to. Jasper was walking out of the kitchen with a drink in his hand,
"I'm sorry man, I tried to stop her but she is a persistent little…thing." He said with an intense look of apology on his face. I liked when Jasper talked, he had a nice southern drawl that he hadn't lost in his time away from the South. It was an oddly soothing sound to hear which was probably why I enjoyed playing guitar with him so much. Alice took her purple high heels off of my coffee table and sprang up quickly with a giddy smile on her face,
"Been dipping into the cocaine again, Alice?" I asked with a stifled chuckle as I tried to make my to the kitchen. I was pixie-blocked however by my four-foot-something sister who had the most mischievous look plastered on her tiny features,
"Go change we're going out!" She sang. I shook my head,
"You can go out, I just had a hellish day and I'm not going anywhere." I said trying to push past her. She was unbelievably strong, however, for such a tiny thing.
"I don't think so." She said shoving me back. I landed with an 'oomph' against my wall.
"Okay been dipping into the cocaine AND steroids?" I said rubbing my shoulder from where the elf had slugged me.
"Rough day hmm? Seems like you need to go to 'The Pub'." She said with a wink. Jasper just laughed his 'you-are-on-your-own.' laugh and concentrated on draining his soda and watching my failing attempts at escape.
Ah, 'The Pub'. The place Alice, Jasper, and myself went when we needed to get thoroughly hammered. The joint was just the location for college students and twenty-somethings to go and drown their sorrows in cheap alcohol that may or may not have been illegal at some point in time. They had something for every sort of drinker: Margarita Mondays, Tequila Tuesdays, Whiskey Wednesdays, Thirsty Thursdays (random drink specials throughout the night), Fuck-it-all Fridays, Shit-I-can't-remember-my-name Saturdays…and they were closed on Sundays. You know, for church and all that sort of fuckery.
"It's Tuesday! That means Tequila Tuesday and that also means no way Alice. You know what happens with me and Tequila…we don't exactly have that steady of a relationship. I get all weird and fucked." I said. Alice just giggled, which was usually her answer for everything,
"Maybe it's about time you got fucked!" She cheered. Jasper choked on an ice cube. I glared at her viciously.
To be more specific nights that involved me drinking Tequila always started out nice. Tequila always deceived me, it always made me think it was going to be all nice and loving but it usually turned nasty very quickly and I'd end up being it's bitch while it fucked me over just for the hell of it.
Tequila was an evil, sadistic, bitch.
"Alice…" I groaned but she pouted. I couldn't stand it when she pouted no matter what age she was. I looked to Jasper for help but the Texan wasn't about to say a word. It was me against the pixie and I had the feeling it wasn't so much an invitation to go drink with them as it was a blatant order.
"Come on Edward. Just got changed and we'll go and you can tell us all about your awful day." She said with a smile. She had a point, a drink and a conversation couldn't exactly hurt.
"Fine, you maniacal little bush baby." I growled. My sister bounced and I stalked off to my room to change into some pub appropriate clothes.
Five minutes later we were on our way to our favorite drinking place which was conveniently located within walking distance of my apartment. Alice babbled on and on about her classes as we walked the short distance to the bar. She was working on her senior year of college and was hell bent on getting out of there with a 4.0. I never anticipated she would have any sort of problem with getting straight A's. Just because Alice was hyper didn't mean she wasn't smart.
Jasper pushed open the familiar doors of the bar and allowed Alice and I took walk in ahead of him. He was always such a gracious bastard. Alice skipped off toward the jukebox and Jasper and I made our way to the bar,
"So what was so bad about today?" Jasper asked me as we sat down and ordered the night's special. The bartender poured a tequila shot for each of us and I looked at mine with obvious uncertainty. I thought about walking out of the bar and just going home but I was fairly certain Alice would have been waiting to drag me back again. So, with a big "Fuck it." I downed the shot swiftly then followed it up with the salt and the lemon and an audible "GAH!"
"I don't know if it should have bothered me as much as it did but…there was this girl." I said,
"A girl at the library? You don't say" Jasper said with a chuckle. I punched his arm playfully,
"Let me finish. This girl comes in and she won't say a word to me! Not even a "hello" or a "thank you" or anything, she's just completely silent the entire time." I complained to Jasper. Another shot met my lips and I was fairly certain my sober, rational side, threw his hands up in the air, gave up and went home while my drunk, irrational self began to emerge.
"Sounds like a bitch." Jasper said taking his second shot as well. I nodded a few times beginning to feel all nice and warm,
"You see that was what I thought too. I just thought she was another fucking bitch that didn't want to waster her fucking time to even fucking say hi to me." I drawled. Apparently I said "fuck" much, much, more when I was nearing the point of being hammered.
"If that was WHAT you thought. What do you think now?" Jasper said ordering up two more shots for us. I shook my head for a second, severely pondering what I actually did think.
"I think she's beautiful man." I said, "I mean really, really, beautiful. I didn't see all of her but what I did see was really pretty. I think may she's just shy, maybe she's foreign. I don't know, I have a whole list of possibilities." I said with a slight slur,
"You should probably try and talk to her again. Practice makes perfect." Jasper said trying to make as much sense as was possible.
"You know, I think you're right. I'm going to be try and be really nice, I think that's the best route to take. Maybe she'll like me then…she's really beautiful Jasper. I think." I tipped my third shot to my lips, thought about it for a second, and did it anyway.
…and that was all I remembered.
I regained consciousness some time later with my head stuck in my toilet and the strong stench of my own vomit filtering in through my nose. I glanced around me and saw the familiar eyes of my sister staring at me as she held my hair back.
"I thought guys did this for girls." I said with a laugh. She smiled at me,
"I think it can work both ways. You need to throw up more, I know you have more in you than that." She said. And, without another moment's hesitation, I threw up the rest of my stomach's contents into the porcelain bowl.
"What happened?" I croaked as I flushed the evidence down the drain and stood up on my own two wobbly feet.
"You and Jasper had about three tequila shots each. Which would have been fine if you hadn't downed them all in about fifteen minutes. Then you two proceeded to wander up on stage and sing and play guitar….well, actually, surprisingly well." She said handing me a toothbrush complete with toothpaste. I began to brush vigorously to get the taste of vomit out of my mouth,
"We 'id wha'?! Wha' 'id we 'ing?!" I asked with a mouth full of toothpaste. I was impressed that Alice was able to understand me perfectly,
"You slurred a song about a girl named Bella. Um…something like, 'Just give me a voice to go with your eyes, a sweet melody to open the skies. I don't got all night babe, no, I'll run out of rhyme. Silence is golden, yes, silence is golden, but even gold can tarnish with time.' It was pretty poetic whatever the hell it was you were saying." Alice said. I spit the toothpaste into the sink, ran the water for a second, and shut it off.
"I don't remember that at all." I said wiping my mouth with a towel. Alice smirked,
"I wouldn't expect you to. You were severely plastered. Jasper was following rather well on the guitar though, which surprised me considering he normally doesn't like to play other people's guitars when he's sober." She told me. I nodded,
"When did we leave?" I asked her. I was starting to come back to reality and I was feeling slightly embarrassed for singing about a girl I didn't even know.
"Uh…well, people really liked your song and Jasper's playing and they clapped so much afterwards that Jasper felt the need to pull his pants down…so we left." She said. My eyes widened and I laughed,
"So where is the no-pants-Texan?" I asked with a chuckle,
"Passed out on your bed still in his boxers." She said with her hands on her hips, "Next time, let me at least get ONE drink in before you two start your shenanigans." She scolded.
"Sorry, Alice." She rolled her eyes and hugged me quickly before skipping off toward the kitchen.
"I was going to make Jazz some toast…would you like some?" She asked. I needed to put something in my stomach,
"Sure." I called. I sat on the couch and put my head in my hands.
I needed to know why she haunted my thoughts.
And I secretly wondered if she would haunt my dreams.
Bella's POV
The floor lamp was emitting a low humming noise that was oddly comforting. I could hear Charlie snoring in the next room, exactly 32 snores per minutes. He had left the television on and I could hear the music to the opening credits of 'The Andy Griffith Show'. So much noise for the nighttime, so much noise when it should have been silent.
I held the almost finished book in my hands. He had been right, I had really liked the story. It was different, and I liked different. I would read it three more times before returning it to the library.
I stopped for a moment and thought about the boy in the library. I hadn't really looked at him, it was difficult for me to make eye contact. I wondered why he had been so nice to me…it always made things so much harder when people were nice to me.
His voice had been a kind, tired, bass. It had been colored with nerves and a hint of confusion. I liked the way he chuckled. It was nice.
He smelled like coffee and books, two of my favorite things.
He had green eyes.
And he had said 'Hello'.
It was sad that I wouldn't know how our voices would sound together. I desperately wanted to know how our 'hellos' would have meshed. Like rock n' roll and piano music I figured.
It would be too hard for him to understand. It would be best for me to just remain silent.
Silence is golden after all.
