Taylor lay in bed, tossing and turning in the middle of the night as the rumble of the city streets echoed across her thin walls. She was dreaming of her mother again, the same dream she always had. She saw her mom leaving, walking out the door, trying desperately to say something. But Taylor couldn't hear it. She kept repeating herself, but no words were coming out of her lips. Taylor tried to walk towards her, but she just kept getting farther and farther away. Taylor ran to catch up to her, wanting to know what she was saying, that final goodbye before she left. But just as she got close, close enough to touch her hand, to clutch the delicate fingers within her own, to hug closely the mother that had raised her to be who she was, the mother who Taylor resembled so closely, before they could grasp each other, darkness flashed. A screeching of tire wheels were heard, glass shattering and flying across the night sky like diamonds. Screams pierced her eardrums. Then the darkness lifted. It was her, in a room alone. A wall surrounded her and something unknown. She wasn't sure what was beyond that wall, but she was sure of one thing. Her mother was gone. Forever. Taylor cried, but no sounds came out, it was just her alone in the room with the wall.
Taylor awoke with a start. She was sweating from head to toe. She sat up and looks towards her sister's bed, making sure she was asleep as she wiped the tears from her own eyes. She had that dream at least once a week since her mom died and every time it had the same affect on her. She tried to shake it off that morning while getting everything ready, but it seemed to hit her harder today. She thought that maybe it would get better once she got to school.
She got there and went through the motions, which wasn't hard, it was only the second day and all they had to do was turn in their signed parent forms that say they agree to the rules. Half of the students forged those anyways. So as she walked into anatomy she expected it to be the same way. She shuffled into the classroom and sat down in her seat. She didn't know who her partner was; they had been absent in that class the first day. Who missed the first day of school? She had come to the conclusion that it was probably due to some schedule mix up. So when the curly haired basketball player slid into the seat next to her, you could say she was a little surprised. She was so not in the mood for this.
"Hey Taylor," said Chad casually as he passed his permission form up.
"Hello," she answered without looking up as she shuffled through papers in her folder, finally pulling out the pink, signed slip of paper and passing it foreword. Her elbow grazed the pencil on her desk, causing it to roll off. She reached down to grab it, but not before Chad, who snatched it up and handed it to her.
"Nice move," he said smiling as he held it out for her. She said nothing as she went to take it, his hand lingered a little too long on hers. She coughed uncomfortably as she looked foreword. They hadn't really had a civil conversation since the after party. That night Chad got completely smashed, which reminded Taylor too much of her father. She flipped out on him and left. She knew she might have been overreacting, but she didn't care, she couldn't handle seeing people like that, especially after her father was like that almost every night. So she built up an emotional wall towards him, something she had gotten really good at. It was so easy for her to hide her emotions, it all started when her mom died. She saw her whole family fall apart, completely shaken by the whole situation…that she never cried. Not in front of anyone anyways, ever. She didn't shed a tear at the funeral. She felt as though, from then on, that she had to be strong for them.
Chad looked at her confused, it was so obvious he had a thing for her, and so obvious she wasn't interested. She was unlike any girl he had ever been with, she intrigued him. He thought she was beautiful, and smart. It was more than just a physical attraction to her that drew him to her so strongly, much more. And he knew that she felt something, how could she not? Not after what they went through with each other last year. He just looked at her, not realizing she had caught his stare.
"Is there something on my face?" she asked impatiently as he snapped out of his gaze and looked her in the eye.
"Uhh…nope. Nothing at all," He flashed a smile at her, "So are you busy this weekend?"
"Too busy for you, as always," she said this coldly once again without even looking up from her paper.
"Why do you have to be like that, what did I ever do to you? Its not like I hooked up with someone else right in front of you, I would never do that."
"You're still talking about that silly party, I'm over it," she had run out of things to shuffle through, she even had her calculus binder out, and had shuffled through that, even though they were in anatomy.
"Ha, ya right you're over it. If you were over it you could actually look me in the eye when we talk now," and with that he turned away and focused on his own papers, slightly beaten down. Taylor was red, looked around to make sure no one had heard that little spheal and tried to get through the rest of class about as focused as she could, today was not turning out so great.
Come lunch time the day had not gotten any better, and the dream was still on her mind, she shuffled around her gross school lunch oh chili cheese fries and just looked down at the bright red table.
"Hey Tay, you alright?" asked her best friend Gabriella who was sitting there doing her math homework that had been assigned the period before.
"Ya, rough night that's all," she said as casually as she could. To tell you the truth, Gabriella had never even been to Taylor's house. No one had. She never invited people over, and when they asked, she just came up with a sly excuse for them not to. Gabs did know that her mom had died, but she was the only one. Taylor didn't live in the neighborhood of the school; she had a variance, or permission to go. Her apartment was in a rundown neighborhood south of the school, she didn't want people to know where she lived.
"Want to talk about it?" Gabs asked concerned, she knew how Taylor could be, reserved and not really wanting to talk about her feelings at all, Gabriella tried her best to coax it out of her, but rarely did that go anywhere, so she usually gave up, if Taylor didn't want to talk about it, so far no one could make her.
"Nope, Ill be ok," she plastered a fake smile on her face, another thing she was really good at.
"Want to stay the night this weekend?" And that caused a real smile to go over her face; she loved staying the night at Gabs.
"Did you even have to ask?" with that the conversation took off, and Taylor's day became a little bit better.
Later that day Taylor was at work, looking through at the clock, it was her turn to clean the kitchen today at home, but her boss had asked her to stay late. She really needed the money so she agreed to do it but now as the seconds and minutes before her dad would be home crept closer, she was becoming more and more uneasy. Her and Neveah took turns cleaning the kitchen, well her little sister tried anyways, but tonight was her turn. She kept watching the clock hung on the wall. It was 8:45. Her dad got off of work at 7:30; the bar was fifteen minutes away from his office, which means 7:45. He spent at least an hour there, that means 8:45. It took him around 6 to 7 minutes to find which car was his depending on how many beers he had had. That means around 8:51. She cut a piece of bread for a sandwich she was making for a customer. The bar was ten minutes away from home, that means around 9, it took him 3 minutes to park, 9:03, 2 minutes to get to the apartment, one minute to actually figure out which key was the right one, then he's in. That's means at around 9:06 he was due home. She would never make it, even if she left now. Her stomach did a flip as she wrapped up the stupid sandwich and absentmindedly handed it to the lady who gave her an impatient glare and asked for her change.
"Oh I'm so sorry," Taylor said with her practiced caring voice. She handed the lady her change, turned around to go to the back and rolled her eyes. If she had the guts she would have spit in her sandwich. Taylor looked around; most people had left for the night. There were not many people left at the local Duck and Decanter, the small sandwich shop where she worked, maybe she could ask her boss if it was ok if she left now, she didn't see the problem with it, she was staying here on her own accord anyways. Just as she was about to ask her boss if she could leave, when she herself came striding around the corner like she had been looking for someone, when her eyes landed on Taylor she stopped suddenly.
"Taylor McKessie, just the girl I was looking for, I'm going to need you to close up." She said this in a way that really doesn't have a way out, if she wanted to be any clearer she could have said, Taylor you're fucking closing up or ill kill everything you have ever loved. You pretty much have way out.
"Oh but Ms. –" Taylor tried before getting interrupted, it seemed she didn't want to be able to hear an excuse that would actually be valid, so she cut her off.
"Please Taylor, Ill pay you double, and I really have to go, my child is sick and my sister has to be somewhere so I have no babysitter," she said without even a hint of urgency, almost like it was a lie, not that Taylor would for one second question. Taylor sighed, looked at the clock, which read 8:55, and her stomach was in knots. She knew she had to close up so she just nodded, and with that, her boss was gone.
A half hour later Taylor was practically running to her car, hoping, praying that above all odds she could beat her dad home. Maybe he got a flat tire. She was keeping her hopes up, she knew if she got home and if he had been drinking that anything could make him mad. That was the last thing she wanted as she pulled into her parking spot, and got up to her door as fast as she could. She pulled out her apartment key, only to find that the door was unlocked. She opened the door with her cold sweaty hands and stepped inside. She had a cold sweat running down her face, the kind you get when you are so incredibly nervous that you are surprised you can function. She looked around the semi dark room, looked towards the kitchen that was clean. Maybe Neveah cleaned it. A seven year old? Doing chores on her own? She highly doubted this. She turned around to see her dad behind her, staggering along, looking extremely angry.
"Uh, hi dad, I had to um—" she didn't get to finish her sentence before he interrupted. When he was drunk he was no longer the loving caring dad that she was used to, he didn't even seem like the same person, he was a man driven by despair and hatred, and she hated to be in his way.
"I asked you to do one thing, one fucking thing and you couldn't do it," he growled angrily as he came toward her slowly.
"Dad, I'm sorry, I had to work late, they asked me to close down I couldn't say no," her voice was shaky now as she backed up, giving some space between him and her.
He was angry now; you could see his face curl into a distorted scowl. His face was red and sweaty, and he even had a beer clutched in his hand. "DO YOU THINK," he exploded suddenly, out of the corner of Taylor's eye she could see Neveah run over and close the bedroom door, "THAT I WORK MY FUCKING ASS OFF, TO KEEP THIS FAMILY IN THIS APARTMENT, JUST SO YOU CAN GO OFF, COME HOME WHENEVER YOU LIKE IT, AND THINK THAT YOU DON'T HAVE ANY RESPONSIBILITIES?"
He wasn't himself and she knew it, but nonetheless she hated who he was and she just wanted to get away. She felt hot tears swell in the corner of her eyes, as her face grew hot with humiliation.
"No dad," she said quietly trying to back away more, but hitting the kitchen table, "I don't think that."
"ALL I WANT TO DO IS COME HOME TO A CLEAN HOUSE, THAT'S ALL I ASK OF YOU AND YOU JUST WONDER OFF AND DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, YOU ARE SO FUCKING STUPID!" He screamed in her face now, spit flying occasionally onto her face as she brought one hand up to shield herself from him. She could smell the alcohol on his breath and just wanted to get out of his way. She was crying now, she couldn't help it; she hated to cry in front of people. She felt weak and defenseless, she cowered under her father.
The hot tears ran down her face, "Dad, no it's not like that, I swear I didn't have a choice!" her voiced raised a bit, a bad decision on her part.
"DON'T FUCKING YELL AT ME!" He said angrily. He raised his hand and smashed the beer bottle against the thin wall, spraying beer and glass all over the both of them, "I'M YOUR FATHER AND YOU WILL TREAT ME WITH RESPECT, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"
At this point Taylor had lost her voice, she didn't think she could speak even if she wanted too, he was scaring her right now, she just nodded in reply. She watched in a daze as her father backed up, and walked into his own room, stumbling a bit as he went. Before he shut the door he turned around and said, "And clean that fucking mess up, it's the least you could do after how you acted tonight."
Taylor was left in the kitchen, tears streaming down her face, looking around and thinking about what had just happened. She was in shock as she picked up the shards of thick glass carefully and threw them away. She didn't want to vacuum out of fear that her dad would think she was being insensitive to others that are sleeping by making noise. So she swept it up as best she could and went into the bathroom. She looked at her tearing eyes in the mirror. She couldn't go into her room like this, she was afraid Neveah would see her crying. She pulled some of the thin toilet paper off of the wheel and cleaned herself up. She calmed herself down by telling herself it would be ok in the morning and he wouldn't even remember it.
Ten minutes later she crawled into bed, but not before checking to make sure that Neveah was sleeping. Although she could tell that she wasn't, and was pretending to by shutting her eyes really tight, she humored her and left her alone, maybe it was best if they didn't talk about it. She fell asleep that night, listening to the world outside that went on like nothing had happened.
