I was back in my home. There were more creepy black purple voids, no pink haired gods floating around, although her banana peel had stayed. I finish my regular daily excretion, wipe up, wash my hands (and properly, if I was the ultimate demonstration of humanity for this deity I had to be at my best. I made sure to use lots of soap, really got in between my fingers. I did my all) get dressed and go out.
Somebody had watched me empty my bladder and rectum. I didn't really mind that. I was the first to volunteer for any demonstration, a natural teacher's pet. I'd happily go in front of the public and humiliate myself for a good cause. That was fine.
I shudder and squeeze my hands together. Magic is real. Or superscience, which is essentially magic anyway. I shake my head. I couldn't wait too long or I might be punished. I go forward.
My wife was in the kitchen cleaning up a pot that had once held a delicious tomato soup she made, her beautiful black hair hanging lose behind her, a stylish black top that fit perfectly a cute low cut red skirt that really fit her curves. I go up to her and hug her hard from behind, relaxing in her warmth and closeness.
"Hey." She says.
"Hey." I say. I hold her tight and nuzzle her neck. For a moment I can forget the situation I was just in.
"I love you, but I can't clean in this position."
"Oh, sorry." I pull back, wait a moment, and speak. I really wanted to know what she thought. I trusted her with everything and didn't want to enter this without her perspective. We were two joined as one, and would be so in insane land.
"Suppose I was magically transported to a fictional universe, like, say, marvel. What would you want me to do in this fictional universe?" Yay technicalities. I wasn't allowed to tell her what was happening, but hypotheticals weren't mentioned which meant they didn't matter I hoped. If not pinkie could just throw more fruit at me.
"What do you mean do?" She says, scrubbing the metal pan as she speaks.
"I could, like… gain psychic abilities. Get cool super items. Bring back lots of wealth."
"I wouldn't want you to have psychic powers. I think there's a reason we can't read each other's minds." She'd moved onto a metal tray now, pouring steaming water over it to get the fat out, once home to her delicious and well made spicy chicken.
"Fiiine." I say, putting a little exaggerated and fake exasperation into my voice. "I can get you Magneto's helmet. That would make you resistant to psychic powers."
"I dunno." She says, thoughtfully. "I couldn't wear a helmet everywhere. It wouldn't look that good on me either."
"Ok, I can get you a holoemitter or something subdermal so it looks normal." I say, some real exasperation in my voice now. She was really picky.
"Ok, I guess that's fine then." Her job finished, she looks at me. "Could you finish up with the dishes?" I look down. The tray still needed some scrubbing plus there were a few forks there. Fork heads up, thankfully, so no heads touching dirty bottoms. This wouldn't matter in the long run. I'd either be back as a superhuman who could buy a new fork for every meal or be dead. But we had a routine.
"Sure."
"Thanks." She walks out, and kisses my cheek as she leaves. I pause and then realize she hadn't given me an answer. I calle out after her.
"So is there anything you'd want me to do?"
She calls back, her voice booming through the house.
"Sleep with wonder woman. You can learn all sorts of sexy tricks from her."
"Why Wonder Woman?" I call back. "She's not even from Marvel."
"Isn't she? She's a super hero though." Oh really, you don't know?
"Yeah, but she's from DC. With Superman and Batman and Constantine and Green Lantern. Different universe."
"Is she? Ok I guess."
"Why her?" I ask.
"Because she's awesome. Jessica Jones from marvel is just some weird scientific experiment. Wonder woman is from space." She said those last words with such intense enthusiasm that I couldn't bare to correct her on this.
"O. K." I said, pronouncing each letter.
"Plus, learn some cool skills. If you're there for a while you can learn something there that can earn us lots of money."
"Yay money." I call back.
"Yay money!" She returns my words to me.
I fix those last memories in my head and rush on. I didn't want to tax the patience of the pink one. I went to my computer desk, picking up a warm top, hiking boots, and some better outdoors weather clothing on the way, and leaned over, covering it from sight with my jacket and grabbed both my hard drive (2TB, packed with useful stuff) my portable phone charger and cables, a usb cable, my tablet and my phone. I stuff them into pockets. The tablet will be the most useful of them all, allowing me to access a great number of modern appliances that would otherwise be forbidden to me.
My job done I then turn and go to pick up my wallet.
As soon as I touch it, I'm back in the purple black void. Instantly a banana hits my forehead.
"Oww, hi there." I say, waving to her.
"Got everything?" She asks.
"Yep, thank you for your kind help."
"So, you have 1000 points as a budget to buy stuff."
