2.
Sam POV
I feel groggy and unsure of where I am when I wake up. I open my eyes and there is a strange white glow that surrounds me completely. I realize that I am floating in the air, held up by some invisible force. There is nothing to see except the while light, everywhere around me. It is not a sharp light, but not dimm either. Just not unpleasant to look at. There is also a faint humming.
I feel safe and held, comforted. I don't really want to move, and I am not sure I could if I tried. I just feel like lying here and letting the soft light touch me.
I try to remember, and the memories come slowly. The walls and roof collapsing on me is the last I remember. Did I die? Is this a kind of afterlife? A holding place, perhaps?
I suddenly remember something - perhaps my team mates put me in the Furling healing device. That makes the most sense. So I was either dead or very badly injured, and the device fixed me. I feel no pain, so it must have finished its work. Why is it still holding me here, then?
I feel a prickling sensation along my spine, up my neck, and into the back of my head. Perhaps the device is still repairing some nerves. I close my eyes and relax, enjoying the peace.
Suddenly I sense a presence. Someone is here with me. In me?
~Samantha,~ a voice speaks into my mind. ~Where are we?~
~Who are you?~ I ask, and the answer comes to me almost immediately. ~Jolinar.~
~Yes, that is correct.~ She sounds confused, as if she doesn't underand how I would not know she is there. Which makes sense, I guess. ~The ashrak. Did we both die? I tried to protect you, save you. I am so sorry... Wait, this is not a sarcophagus.~
~Very perceptive,~ I answer dryly. I'm more than a little chocked that Jolinar is back.
~What is this? Where are we?~
~At least you are asking, and not just taking the information for yourself!~ I answer, a little sourly. I may have forgiven Jolinar, but that does not mean I don't still feel a little angry that she pulled information from my mind without asking.
~I apologize for doing so - it was necessary. I feared the Ashrak.~
I sigh - and realizes Jolinar has not taken control from me.
~I am not Goa'uld. Was that not clear from what I told you before?~
~I know you're not. Listen, a long time has passed. This is going to sound weird, but you died almost four years ago.~
~That cannot be so!~
~It is. Believe me, it's as strange to me as it is to you that you're back alive in me.~ I decide to explain a little. ~Back then, when you took me as host. You did manage to protect me from the Ashrak and save my life. You died. Now, four years later, I went on a mission with my team to this planet to study some Furling ruins. There was some sort of accident and I was either killed or badly injured. We'd found an alien device that we think was used for healing. My team mates put me in that - I think - and I was healed and brought back to life. And so were you, apparently, even if I thought you'd been absorbed completely.~
~After four years there would have only been the parts directly connected to your brain and nervous system left. Little more than tendrils. Those never gets absorbed. I guess it is possible this device has rebuilt me from those. Impressive.~
~No shit!~ I snort. I make a decision. ~Listen, don't take this as an invitation to stay - I haven't begun to sort out how I feel about having you back in my head - but I do think it would be easier if you just looked at my memories to get up to speed, so to speak.~
~Thank you, Samantha. That is very much appreciated,~ Jolinar says, sounding genuinly thankful.
~Just don't make it a habit to read them without my permission.~
I feel as if I am slowly floating down towards the ground, and the white light is dimming, and the humming is fading. ~Looks like we're fully healed and ready to be let out. Listen, I don't know how the others will react to your presence. We are allies with the Tok'ra, but - well, long story. I just think we should wait before I introduce you, so no taking control and flashing my eyes or using the boom box voice. OK?~
~Understood. O... K. Wait, you have met the Tok'ra? You are allies? In that case...~
~Later,~ I cut her off, partially because the machine has now shut off and I am finding myself on the floor in front of my team mates, and partially because I am not ready to talk to her about Martouf and Lantash. Their deaths. Or my feelings about it... them.
"Sam?" Daniel asks. "Are you okay?"
I nod. "Yes. I feel a little groggy, but otherwise I'm okay."
"Amazing!" Daniel exclaims. "You were dead, do you know that?"
"Most impressive. It functions as well as a Goa'uld sarcophagus," Teal'c says.
"Welcome back, Carter." Jack grins, relieved. "Good thing that damn contraption worked!"
"I very much agree, sir." I smile and stretch. "Everything feels fine. We really need to study that device, sir. If it doesn't have any side effects, then it could be one of the most valuable finds we have made."
"Agreed, but didn't you say it was experimental?" Jack asks.
"I... I think it was still a work in progress, but everything seems to work. A prototype is probably a better word for it," Daniel says.
"Yes." I nod.
"Possibly. Well, we're going back now, then someone else can study it," Jack decides.
"I'd like to volunteer for that mission," I say.
"So do I," Daniel add.
"SG-1 is a front-line team. We don't have time for long science missions. This was an exception," Jack says.
I yawn, then almost wince as Jolinar lets out an agonized, mental scream.
~You shot my love!~
I make a small hop, as if I had stepped wrong on my foot. "Oops, better pay attention to my surroundings." I make a half-grin. "I must admit I'm a bit tired. It's going to be good to go home and get some sleep."
Jack nods. "Makes sense you're tired. Getting killed and then resurrected must take a toll." He frowns as he looks at me. "All right, guys - let's get back."
I look down myself and notice that my uniform looks rather worse for wear - torn and bloody, and covered in dust. I have other concerns, though - my distressed just-returned-to-life symbiote. As we walk back to the gate, I try and talk to her.
~Jolinar, I had to. He was zatarc. Don't you think I was devastated too?~
It takes a while before she answers, with barely held back sorrow. I almost start crying just from the waves of sadness coming from her. With my own mourning still fresh, I am glad the others are not looking at me right now and that raindrops have started falling. Very appropriately for my mood.
~I know. The Goa'uld are to blame,~ she answers with a flat, mental voice. A voice that suddenly turns furious. ~They and Ren'al and her ilk! They did not even give my love a chance! Lantash my beloved is dead! I had hoped against hope we would spend eternity together! Dear sweet Martouf is dead! It feels like my heart has been torn out and stepped on! I will kill Ren'al! Why did she not even let Lantash try to heal them both? And Lantash was injured - injuries a symbiote only gets when they are removed against their will!~
~I was lied to. I asked again and again, and they said they were looking for a way to help them. Anise thought the zatarc programming would have been gone after the zat shots. Lantash should have been allowed to try and heal him, but Ren'al says she didn't want to risk Lantash's life.~
~Lantash would rather die than give up on a host without even trying! He would never have left Martouf willingly, and the injuries I see in your mind - both in Martouf and Lantash - clearly proves that Lantash would not have been injured in the shooting. His injuries must have come when he fought against removal from his host!~
~Oh, my god! If that is true, then Ren'al is a murderer! She killed them both!~
~I am sure she has convinced herself and the Council she only did it to save a valuable symbiote - whom she never liked. She liked Martouf even less. She wanted me, and for a short time we did have a relationship, but I had left her before I became mated to Lantash. Ren'al was always too willing to do anything for her goal, and ignoring the casualties along the way. Did you know that her mate before me died because Ren'al goaded her into a suicide mission that Ren'al was the only one from the Council that wanted?~
This way Jolinar ranted and raved, sometimes about her hate for Ren'al, and sometimes about her lost loves Martouf and Lantash, all the way back to the Stargate. My heart hurt from the grief of both Jolinar and myself, and I could no longer separate my fury of Ren'al from Jolinar's fury. The only thing cooling us was the now steadily falling rain.
When we returned to the base, I had to ask Jolinar to block me out of her thoughts, because otherwise I would not be able to function, and definitely not be able to conceal her presence. Which I wanted to do, at least for a little while.
