Now that I know Jesse is a single, parent, I notice how hard he really works. Not only does juggle being famous, he carries on the flag of life and waves it for the whole world to see. Maybe he isn't a stranger, hes just very private but nontheless, he's a dad. He's really a dad. I still don't know what I want to think of him right now and I feel so troubled in his presence. It's like I feel the heavy weight of him on his own, doing it all. With no help. I wanna cry because I care so much about him and can't stand this image I see. I never wanted to see this but it's already here infront of my eyes and he's really doing the best he can. Jesse pulls us into the parkinglot of the museum and as we get out of the car, he goes into his trunk for a stroller. I ask if I can help him with anything and he faces me asking, 'Would you carry the diaper bag for me?' I nod and say, 'Anything you need.' Jesse kind of glares into my eyes, then goes to unfold the stroller. I just stand there with the diaper bag and now Jesse pulls out his son. I quickly ask, 'So whats his name?' Jesse sighs and says, 'This little guy is Drew Adam McCarntey. Well, he had his mother's name but I already change it to mine, since she refuses to be apart of anything.' I stand there so shocked but smile when Jesse shake's the baby's hand and says, 'Say hello.' The baby doesn't speak up but obviously doesn't look too scared. I smile now and say, 'Nice to meet you.' Then Jesse put the baby into his stroller and buckled him up. I walked beside them both still wondering if this is really happenning. We enter the museum, Jesse pays my way and then we walk on. The things we learned and saw was fantastic in my opinion and Jesse seemed somewhat intrigued as well. Then after we left, Jesse invited me to dinner. I had no idea what was instore for me though. Jesse obviously did his best to privately enjoy a meal with me and his son but paps had finally caught up to him. I wanted to panic and ask Jesse what to do but Jesse gently faced into my eyes and said softly, 'I apologize, I guess they finally caught me. Just in case they wanna know who the mother is of this baby, try not to turn your head so they can't identify you.' I sighed asked, 'Would you be angry with me if they found me and thought I was the mother?' Jesse sighed as well and said, 'Well youre not the mother and I don't wanna put through all that.' I then smiled and said, 'Well yea, I wouldn't ever try to be the mother and lie about it but I wouldn't be upset about it either. I totally understand about your job and I care too much to be angry at you.' Jesse looked a little relieved now and said so sweetly, 'I just don't think a girl like you deserves to put up with it. It's not even your problem, its mine. I got the girl pregnant, stupidly!' I tried to comfort him and said, 'Jesse, you just made a mistake, We all make mistakes. I made many and if I could take any of them back, i'd gladly do it but actions and words are like leaves. Once leaves blow away out of their pile, its hard to gather them all back. You can't gather back your past but you can focus on the future.' Jesse seemed a lot happier and said, 'Well that was real and sweet of you to say. It's like you understand me completely!' I felt myself shying off and said back, 'Well i'm going to understand you no matter what it takes. You obviously are struggling to keep your job and still be a good dad. I don't know what woman would have the nerve to leave you or her son but I can promise you're not alone in this.' Jesse continued to smile and then the baby cried.

This was all so real and fast for me but I can't complain. Not only did I have a good talk with Jesse, I felt like he wasn't a stranger anymore. It seemed like he trusted me and I hope he did because at this stage in my life, i'm desperate. Yea I had planned to move on from him but seeing him in this condition, leaves me no choice but to bleed love for him and carry his heart on my sleeve. There was always a purpose I knew I needed to fullfil in life other than what I was focusing on but now my focus has shifted and I only see Jesse's baby in my eyes. I really don't even see Jesse, I see through him. He is no longer the actor and performer I obsessed over all this time. He's just a normal, guy with hurt and pain. Emptyness and lonelynees. So lost and afraid. Like the deer you find on the side of the road. I laid in the bed of my hotel just asking God, 'What are you doing? Why did this happen this way?' So many questions I had. I turned to my side wanting to fall asleep but I knew inside me I didn't wanna leave back home yet. The next day I waited around to see if Jesse would call again and if he was okay or busy. It wasn't until 11, that I got a call. He sounded frantic and when I asked what was wrong, he said, 'I got a call last minute to try out for part in a moive, I have to be there at 1pm and there is no babysitter on such short notice. I'm actually freaking out and took the chance of calling his mother but naturally, she chooses to scan my calls. I don't know what to do!' I took a deep breath and said, 'Jesse, calm down. It's okay. Um, could I maybe help out?' Jesse then sighed with relief and said, 'You have no idea how great that would be if I could drop the baby off to you. Normally my mother or sister would take him but both of them already had plans today.' I felt very nervous and said, 'Well i'm very sorry to hear that. I will gladly watch Drew for you. I hope you get the part!' Jesse had more noise going on over the phone, some crying and then he said, 'I'll be right there.' I hung up, sat back on the edge of the bed and took a very big, breath. This was all so fast and crazy. Was I really going to babysit for Jesse? I had to think of a plan and fast. What would we do together? Where would I take him? I've been a nanny before but not for Jesse. I mean, i've had a crush on him but does he only consider me as a friend? I'm very confused now. Jesse showed up nontheless with little Drew and before he left, he kissed his little, cheek quickly and said so adorablely, 'Daddy loves you.' Then Jesse stood up, kissed my cheek and said, 'You are a total Angel. Thank you.' I felt so blood red and watched him rush quickly back into his lexus and speed off. I faced little Drew in his stroller and then he started to cry. I picked him up out of the stroller and said, 'Aw, its okay. Lets go inside and eat lunch.'