"Hate To See Your Heart Break"
a J/C songfic inspired by Paramore's fantastic song. The song lyrics are italicized, and I do not own them, I do not own the characters, but I do own the plots of these fics.
Chakotay
Resolutions—Fair Haven—Counterpoint—Workforce
There is not a single word in the whole world
That could describe the hurt
The dullest knife just sawing back and forth
And ripping through the softest skin there ever was
How were you to know?
Oh, how were you to know?
Kathryn, I started to feel my heart falling when I first saw you on the viewscreen. I felt as though the currents running between our bodies when I beamed onto the bridge of our ship could power the warp core all the way back to the Alpha Quadrant. My heart leapt when you held your hand out to mine after I told you the "Ancient Legend." Now I know that you could never stop being the Captain. I knew it when she retreated.
And I, I hate to see your heart break
I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close
But I've been there before
Love happens all the time
To people who aren't kind
Kashyk. It was so much worse than when Q wanted you to have his baby. It drove me to endless rounds of boxing on the Holodeck. I think I boxed more then than when I was on Boothby's boxing team at the Academy. I told you that I'd found peace in you, in standing by your side and easing your burdens. What I didn't know was that I'd loose my peace to a rage stronger than the one that led me to join the Maquis every time you were in danger or another man sniffed around you. And when other men found you reciprocating their feelings… The rage consumed me completely.
And heroes who are blind
Expecting perfect scripted movie scenes
Who wants an awkward silent mystery?
How were you to know?
The only thing worse than your passing dalliance with Kashyk was Michael Sullivan. Sixty-five years knowing that you were playing with him on the Holodeck… Some nights, when you were asleep in your quarters and I was tossing and turning, I'd go to the Holodeck and use Michael as my punching bag. It was a good thing that holograms didn't sustain injuries or even bruise, because he'd have been a perpetual bloody pulp if he'd been a human. You couldn't have known what you were doing to me. And eventually, you denied yourself his holographic comfort. You didn't say anything, but I knew. I could see it in your eyes. I wanted to protect you from everything.
Oh how were you to know?
Well, how were you to know-oh-oh?
And I, I hate to see your heart break
I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close
But I've been there before.
Quarra. My heart shattered when you were so happy there. Living a life that could never be yours because of the career you chose, the career I thought you loved. You didn't remember anything of the life you'd left behind, unlike on New Earth. You were a different Kathryn. Happy, settled, working a job with normal hours that allowed you to go home and be with someone you loved.
And I, I hate to see your heart break
I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close
But I've been there before
For all the air that's in your lungs
For all the joy that is to come
For everything that you're alive to feel
Just let the pain remind you hearts can heal
Oh, how were you to know? (How were you to know?)
I couldn't help but ask you—on the Bridge, I couldn't handle asking you in private—if you were sorry I'd come to "rescue" you. You said no, but once again, I'd hurt you. I gave you love you would not, or could not, reciprocate, I'd made you aware of the times you'd bruised my heart with other men, and now I'd taken you away from a fully formed, however brief it was, life free of the weight of command. One day, I want to heal your heart, not be the reason it cracks open.
Oh, how were you to know?
And I, I hate to see your heart break
I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close
But I've been there before
And I, I hate to see your heart break
I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close
But I've been there before.
