It was like the whole world had gone cold, like I'd never be happy again. I woke from the nightmare, my clothes drenched in cold sweat. My hands shot to the spot vacant next to me. I let out a long groan, my eyes filling like wells as reality hit.

I usually got five seconds of peace when I woke up, before everything came crashing in on me.

I had woken up like this for years. A fear tearing at my heart as my stomach sank. It sounds cliche, that's true but it's how I felt as I stared into the darkness of my room.

I managed to drag myself out of bed, to try and knock some sense into myself. I managed to drag myself into the hallway to the long line of doors along side mine. The rooms of the house were occupied by at least one person, you might find two...on those nights where a boy had sneaked into the girls dorm.

My feet made soft taps on the floor as I walked quickly to the kitchen, my heart just about ready to burst out of my chest. I felt like I was in a horror movie, where something would grab at my feet and drag me down to the gate of hell.

"pull yourself together," I told myself, grimicing as the coffee maker started up with loud sounds. If I was caught out of bed it'd be a good hit from the head. She hadn't liked me much from the day I checked into this place at the age of two. I didn't hold it against her though, I had come from the lowest streets of Tulsa and had no intentions of dragging myself out of this hell at any point soon.

My thoughs went blank when the room turned silent again. I fumbled around with the cups placed into the cupboard by a few boys. The cups stacked high, made it hard to keep quiet but I managed it with little ease.

Nobody knew, beside schools, that I was living here. Not even a few people from the gang. They never questioned why I hadn't invited them over for a few drinks. They all assumed I hadn't because they're greasers-and everybody knew greasers can't be trusted.

I finished making up my cup of coffee and got back to my room safely. I didn't dare turn on the main light of the room in fear somebody would walk by and discover my insomniac patterns. Instead I sat in the chair for my desk and began thinking. I wondered what life'd be like if my dad hadn't killed that Soc...if I had told somebody that I wasn't living in the ideal location for a teenage girl.

Then my mind went to the fact I'd be allowed in this place for only two years more. I began panicking, my heart racing quickly as I wondered where i'd find myself at night once I hit the age of eighteen.

I can't say when the panic left me, but it must've at some point because I found myself staring at a picture of three hoodlums. Two of them were dead, one was still alive. I picked up the frame and studied the black and white picture carefully. The picture was taken in the back of a pick-up-truck.

My eyes started feeling drowsy as I finished the last sip of my coffee, the picture still in hand. My coffee had gone cold a while back, I hadn't any intentions of heating it up either. I looked at the clock, 6:30. The regular time for me to fall back to sleep for a few more minutes. So I did just that.

I slid under the cold comforter, sending chills up my body as it fought against the cool air to be warm. I began drifting back to sleep, the coffee cup still on the table. My mind wondered to it quickly but I was in the middle of two worlds and couldn't bring myself out of it. I was in the middle of peace and chaos.