39 & 13 Means Abridging Finale:
On a serious note, I'm somewhat glad at the turnout this came out. Full disclosure, everyone should at least already know that I used various jokes from the original abridged series, (such as Shark dating his motorcycle) and finally, I'm not sure if people remember what happened in the original, I mean, this ain't my plot. Sorry if that sounds condescending.
Also, does anyone read these anymore?
Vile: Disclaimers on the first page. Any bolded cards are-
Yo Vile, I'm really happy for you, but 39 & 13 Means Love doesn't belong to me.
Yuma and Kotori were cornered by Cathy and her Number.
"Cathy!"
"The girl with a cat's mind complex!"
Cathy smiled wickedly.
"You are correct. Now, I'm going to take Yuma and claim him as the true ZEXAL OTP! And there's no one that could stop me! And Yuma, you should remember that confession I made to you in Episode 9! You said it with mutual feelings!"
Yuma was a bit shocked.
"I said no such thing!"
Flashback, Episode 9:
The two were dueling in this episode.
"I LOVE YOU YUMA!"
Yuma drew his card, where he shouted to the sky.
"I love you too!"
Back in present time:
Yuma just looked at her shocked.
"Huh, I thought that was the voice of my Kotori impression. In my defense, I didn't even notice your confession."
Cathy was a bit seething now.
"Ok you skank, after you stole him, you turn him against me? Then prepare yourself for me to give you the beating of your life Kotori!"
"The only one who will be beating me would be Yuma if he ever was into bondage or S&M!"
An awkward silence filled the air.
"WHAT?"
Astral then whispered to him.
"Yuma, what is bondage?"
Yuma then shouted at him flustered.
"SHUT UP!"
*Short Guitar Solo from the English Dub theme of ZEXAL*
Take a chance to make it all the way,
Take a chance, forgetting yesterday
Take a breath, my heart will lead the way,
Take a chance, I'll take a chance in today!
Cathy and Kotori then were dueling against each other. Yuma was just excited.
"Aw man, a cat fight! As awesome as it is, this is just isn't good. She needs help!"
Yuma then turned to Astral.
"You go help her! She can only use those numbers when you're around."
Astral sighed.
"Fine, but only cause she's your girlfriend."
Let's go back to the duel with Cathy and Kotori.
"You won't beat me Cathy!"
"Says the person who's [bleep] will be beaten by 3 kitten type monsters."
"Wait a minute, did you just summon a whole bunch of monsters in one turn?"
Cathy just smugly looked at her.
"Yeah, so?"
Kotori scowled.
"That's against the rules isn't it?"
"Actually, no."
Yuma just shouted in the background.
"Damn it Cathy! You didn't complete the reference!"
Cathy smirked.
"And unlike the original abridged episode, I'm using these monsters for a great purpose!"
Her eyes narrowed at Kotori.
"Xyz summoning…"
Kotori reeled back in shock.
"Oh god, here it comes!"
The galaxy portal opened, where the three balls of light flew in, making Cathy smirk evilly.
"Xyz Shoukan! Nanbazu Kyuujuu!"
At this point, the summoning description would be inserted here, however, I don't feel like doing that.
"Nya!~ I'm here to win Number 39's heart!"
Kotori then scowled at her, where Number 13 was also scowling.
"That's it! You're a dead cat!"
Suddenly, 2 lights flew into a galaxy portal, turning into a bright light.
"Xyz Shoukan! Arawareyo, Nanbazu Juusan!"
Suddenly, the empress took the field and was seething at Number 90, where she started yelling.
"ALRIGHT YOU [bleep]ING DAUGHTER [bleep]HOLE [bleep]! I AM GOING TO TEAR OUT YOUR [bleep]HOLE AND [bleep] IT UP SO MUCH WITH MY ROD THAT YOU'LL BE BLEEDING OUT OF YOUR [bleep]ING [bleep]Y [bleep]! THEN, YOUR [bleep]ISH [bleep] WILL BE [bleep]ED UP SO MUCH YOU CAN NEVER [bleep] AGAIN YOU [bleep]!"
The entire cast was taken aback with the large amount of censored curses that came from Number 13. Number 90 just yawned, quite frankly bored at what had happened.
"Are you done?"
Suddenly, a bright light was sprouting from the ground, forming into a warrior monster.
"Oh no."
Empress Love then had a VERY satisfied look on her face as she saw Hope.
"YES…"
The Warrior Number then rose from the galaxy portal, taking his counterpart's number by the hand.
"You little-"
The male number then spoke in a tremendous booming voice.
"Thou art shall fall for thy ignorance and arrogance! My lovest belongs to thy Empress Love!"
Yuma just yelled in the background.
"Ha! Vintage Kibou ou Hope!"
Kotori then threw her hand forwards.
"This is the end of you! Double Attack!"
Cathy then had an evil glint.
"You have fallen right into my trap card! Now on the next turn, I shall claim Yuma and Hope as mine!"
The monsters then felt weaker because of Cathy's trap card.
"Oh no! The dark power!"
Kotori then started getting desperate.
"That's not good! I need to save Hope and Love!"
Suddenly, it just came to Kotori.
"Wait a second, I know why you're after me in the first place Number 90! You're just jealous at Vile's writing ability which far surpasses your own ability to write a proper fanfiction!"
The number glared at her.
"You skankbag! That's not at all true!"
Kotori then held out an iPhone that had a screen on it.
"Then what is this all about, nekomusumemistress90?!"
The number card was shocked.
"How did you find my fanfiction profile?!"
"It's simple really, I've never seen such terrible Catobingushipping material, ever on this site, most of them being the life scarring lemons, that are so cliche and generic it was cringeworthy!"
Yuma then looked at the Number's fanfiction profile.
"Oh god! This is pretty nas- Wait a second, most of these are plots from other people's fics! She is also a plagiarist!"
The female number then started apologizing.
"I'm sorry! I am so sorry for stealing the fic ideas! I was just wanting to be noticed in the ZEXAL community like Vile has! He had done so much with ZEXAL it's not even funny! HE has over 20 reviews each fanfcition! Why can't I?"
Kotori then started getting bored.
"Yeah, let's do a comparison. Vile has mostly T-Rated fics, you contain mostly MA, Vile comes up with his own ideas while you rip on others, Vile comes up with the best pairing situations while trying his best to keep the characters in character, you make the characters ridiculously out of character just to become part of your fandom, and finally, he can do anything he wants and still be a bad[bleep], you're just [bleep]y with reviews."
Kotori then stuck her hand out.
"Also, I am a Fanfiction moderator [bleep]! Now, I should probably finish this duel...but that's crazy!"
Love then clapped her hands, making her staff vanish. She herself became an energy stream before coiling around Hope's neck and reforming, her arms wrapped his neck while she floated behind him. The first season theme of Yu-Gi-Oh then started playing in the background.
"Now, Kattobingu daze, ore! Emperor Hope, attack nekomusumemistress90 and wipe out her remaining life points and remove her from the fanfiction world forever!"
The two Numbers flew toward their target, slicing her straight down the middle, causing her to explode violently.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-"
Yuma then cheered.
"She totally won that duel."
Scene cuts to sunset!
Yuma and Kotori were sitting next to each other, her head on his shoulder.
"I love you, Yuma. I love you so much."
"I love you too, Kotori. I always will."
Meanwhile, Astral was off to the side, looking at the newly collected number cards.
"Now, let's see what the future holds for us."
As he placed his hand over the cards, he got 2 completely different visions.
"Odd…the first vision was one with a child. The second one is one with a completely different girl. She was pink and had a blue eye. What does this mean? Has the author changed the space-time continuum?"
Astral then looked at the two in the sunset.
"Well, it doesn't matter. 39 + 13 may equal 52 normally, but in their case, it equals love."
A laugh managed to escape him as the new couple enjoyed each other as well as the sunset.
