Hey, Hi, Hello.
Welcome to part two of 'Leave'. This isn't the final part- I'm extending it onwards into a short story. This chapter/part was nearing 6000 words without the bulk of the lemon (that I haven't finished, gomen! T/.\T ) so I decided to at least get something of this out for you guys. I'm so sorry! The song I thought would fit this chapter is 'Everything's An Illusion' by Mayday Parade.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto, this song, or the picture.
WARNING: An insane consumption of sake, a mention of violence, and cuss words. OOC-ness, angst and fluff, too. Lots of those things.
Anything in bold is important or with emphasis.
This is what flashbacks or memories look like.
'This is what song lyrics look like.'
This is what thoughts look like.
~LEAVE~
'I try to sleep but
my eyes are open.
I can't think 'cause
my heart is broken.
There's a bottle
right next to me.
I'll down a few drinks
just to take the pain away.'
'My tongue is weak
and every time I
try to speak I can't
say nothing, nothing at all.'
'You're something to remember- I wish that you were here by my side.'
'I spend hours trying to make it through the day.
I don't know if I'll ever be the same.'
'It's hard to think when loosing someone only makes you wanna scream.'
~LEAVE~
A man sits at the bar.
His silver hair is wild, gravity defying as it always has been. His hitae-ate covered his left eye and his black cloth mask concealed the lower portion of his face. A glass of sake sat on the bar's surface before him. It was half full, and three empty cups were just beyond it. He had been sitting there for a while. He takes a deep breath, willing the sake to numb his feelings, and scoops up the half full glass into his hand, yanking his mask down and downing it faster than eyes could follow. Within the space of another half-second the mask is back in place and the glass is now empty.
One hand is pressed to his forehead and with the other he signals the bartender to come his way. The bartender, attentive to one of his best customers, is moving to serve him as quick as he can. Another glass of sake is poured and the man says something to the barkeep before he leaves again. "This is my last glass. Here's the money to cover it," he tells him, his hand moving to withdraw his wallet.
The barkeep shakes his head, chuckling. "No, Ojii-san, it's on the house. You've become one of my best customers over the years."
The man nods. "Thanks, Ichiro-san." His form relaxes again. He knows the barkeep only used call him 'ojii-san' jokingly, because of his silver hair. And, at 32 years of age, he wasn't considered 'old' by civilian standards. Sure, he was getting on in years as a shinobi, but he painstakingly maintained that he was not old, just older.
He downs the last cup of sake and stands. He had built up his resistance to sake over the years by drinking so much of it, so he was very far from feeling tipsy from the half of a bottle he had downed. But he planned on fixing that when he got home, so he could drink at his own pace without worrying about anyone seeing his face.
He's almost back to his apartment, to his goal, when a young chunin appears before him. "Hokage-sama requests your presence immediately, Hatake-san," the chunin says. Hatake-san? He must be newly promoted.
"Hai, hai," Kakashi says. "I'll be there." With those words, he turns on his heel and continues his way up to his apartment. The young chunin gapes after the silver haired man as he leapfrogs up the brick wall, window sill to window sill, landing on another window sill, this one on the tenth floor, and slipping through. He knew the Hokage requested his presence immediately, but that didn't mean much to him. He'd have a glass of sake first, then take a shower and change clothes so he didn't smell like a walking brewery.
Almost an hour later, he arrives at Hokage tower. Yes, he thought, smirking beneath his mask, Naruto is surely furious now. He greets the assistant at the desk and walked to the office door, knocking twice before receiving permission to enter. As he does so, he begins, "Maa, Naruto-sama, I apologize for being late. You see, I had to help an old woman-"
"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Naruto yelled, throwing his desk lamp at Kakashi's head. Kakashi ducked, of course, and he managed to catch the lamp. He sits it down gently on the ground next to his feet, which is when he notices the additional two presences. "And I can smell some of the sake. You've been a drinker for too long, you're going to kill your kidneys!"
"Maa, I've been drinking like Tsunade-sama for many years, I don't think that-" His words fade off as he makes eye contact with one of the people in the room. Naruto keeps talking, but Kakashi didn't really hear any of it. No, he was too busy drowning in the memory of when the man before him, Uchiha Itachi, left him with a broken heart.
~LEAVE~
I sucked in a pained breath as I fall forward onto my knees, barely managing to keep enough chakra focused in my hands and legs to keep myself above the water. My whole body aches with the phantom pain of a blade digging itself into my skin, over and over and over again. Seventy two agonizing, mind shattering hours of being stabbed into again and again nearly broke my will. In reality, it was only a few seconds.
And to think it was my precious Itachi, whom I treasured even after all he had done to me, all he kept doing to me, who inflicted the wounds.
The more I think about it, the more I wish it would just end. All of it- caring about him, wishing so badly that he would just come back even though I didn't want to care about it and wishing I could drink myself to death. And Itachi was still so beautiful, so heart breakingly perfect in every way. He was an Akatsuki member, responsible for the murders of innocents, and I still couldn't bring myself to hate him or even dislike him for it. I knew how fucked up that was, too, being head over heels in love with an S-rank criminal who killed almost his entire family.
I just wanted to give up all of it.
~LEAVE~
-ITACHI'S POV-
He looks so broken. Just like the last three times I saw him.
~LEAVE~
Of course, mere days after our...disagreement, I was given the order to kill my entire family.
I couldn't just leave Kakashi without some sort of parting, so I bargained with Madara to get thirty minutes, free of his presence, to go and say goodbye to Kakashi. The only person I could ever fall in love with, the only person I was in love with, and I had to break his heart just so he wouldn't try to pursue me. I was sure he wouldn't, and it wasn't necessary to do any more damage, but of course Madara insisted.
So here I was, about to crush him completely. I knock on his apartment door and only moments later he's before me, leaning against the door frame and eying me with a curious look. "Itachi-san? What is it?" The tone in his voice is carefully controlled. Not emotionless, but more of politely disinterested.
I have to force myself not to flinch. My mouth is dry and my palms sweaty, and I try to mentally prepare myself for the words about to come out of my mouth. This was only the beginning in one of the biggest lies I would ever tell. This was the very beginning as my life as an S-class criminal. "May I come in?" I hear myself ask. The cold tone in my voice almost surprises me. He hides his flinch almost perfectly.
He doesn't say anything, just opens the door wider and steps to the side to let me in. I step past him quickly, taking in the apartment. This was the first, only, time I would ever get to be in here. I might as well do my best to memorize it as well as I could. I take a deep breath, breathing in the smell that surrounded me. It was just like him, like he always was, the scent of rain and smoke. He moves past me, gesturing wordlessly for me to follow him into what appeared to be the living room.
He takes a seat on the couch and offers me a seat, too. I just shake my head at this. Already, since I left Madara, ten minutes had passed. It would take me about seven to get back to him, back to our meeting place. I only had thirteen minutes left, certainly no time to even begin with any pleasantries.
"Well, Itachi-san, mind telling me why you are here?" He asks, just a hint of annoyance in his voice. I don't blame him. I would be the same if someone who was unbelievably cruel to me came and pretty much invited himself into my home with no explanation.
I allow myself one more deep breath, letting my eyes slip closed. There's a sort of tense silence and the only sound in the room is my slow exhale. Twelve minutes left. "I'm here to make sure my feelings are clear," I answer, opening my eyes again.
He frowns at this. "Haven't you already?" He asks. There's bitterness in his voice. Eleven minutes.
"I am only making sure it gets through to you," I tell him, feeling my heart pound in my chest. It thuds almost painfully against my rib cage. I can feel its steady thudding in my fingertips, in every nerve ending and vein. "Your intelligence isn't one of your better points. So I feel it necessary to describe, in whole, my emotions in regard to yourself."
His visible eye narrows. He knows exactly what is about to happen. Ten minutes left before I have to leave him, hopefully forever. I don't think I will ever be able to face him after what I'm about to say to him.
"Simply put, you are not worth much. It was bad enough when the Hatake clan dwindled down to you and your father, but then it lessened even more. Now there's only you. Your father wasn't the best but he was certainly better than you, even though he nearly brought the downfall of Konohagakure. You have a long negative history. Your mother's death caused by you, your father's suicide after his failed mission, and then the whole ordeal with Uchiha Obito. You didn't manage to save him, so you took his Sharingan. Tore a hole in my family. My aunt cried for weeks. And your other team mate, Rin, left you too. She saw what little worth you held," I pause, torturing myself by looking him in the eyes and holding his gaze. He looked so pained, like a hurt animal. Eight and half minutes left.
"Even if I were to reciprocate your shameful feelings, there is no way the Uchihas would soil their name by associating with anyone such as yourself. You have little worthwhile abilities, nothing special. The only reason you have what you do is because you stole it," I inform him. Tears are slipping down his face, darkening his mask. I feel the familiar ache and I long so desperately to just take it all back, tell him that I didn't mean it at all and I loved him. Dread settles in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't. Six minutes are left. I feel like the time is slipping between my fingers, dwindling down and disappearing from my grasp. Five and a half minutes. There is a pause as I wait for him to say something, anything. Five minutes.
Panic begins to build in my chest. He wasn't saying anything. Why? I was running out of time. I needed him to say something. I needed to make sure he was thoroughly discouraged, like Madara told me to do. Four and a half minutes.
And then he breaks the heavy silence between us. "Just leave then," he whispers brokenly, tears sliding down his face. My heart aches at the sight.
"Okay," I murmur. My voice is emotionless, cold, devoid of any comfort. Just like me. Just like I always have been. I don't deserve him, not with all that I have done and will do. He's an angel, a little piece of perfection that just so happened to cross my path. I turn and leave him just like he told me to, just like I always have. Decisive, calculated steps. Not a glance back.
-KAKASHI'S POV-
"Why." My voice is quiet, but it's heard by everyone in the room. Naruto seems a bit taken back, almost surprised. I level my gaze with his. "Why?" I repeat.
"I read the Sandaime's files. It didn't go into detail, but I knew an incident occurred between you and Uchiha Itachi a couple of days prior to the Uchiha Massacre. I understand it's a touchy subject, so I didn't push it before. Now that Itachi and Sasuke have returned and are asking to stay permanently, and be re-instated as full time ninja, I need to know the full story," Naruto explains to me. He gestures me to take a seat in one of the arm chairs in front of his desk. After a weary glance at Itachi and Sasuke, who are sitting on the only couch, together, I take a seat. I keep my posture rigid, ready for movement.
"Must I do it in front of them?" I ask him. "And why could you not simply ask him?"
"Kakashi-sensei, yes. And I tried. He only told me that it wasn't for him to tell," Naruto tells me. He seems surprised at the venom in my voice, both him and Sasuke. Itachi's just looking at his hands folded in his lap. Naruto leans back in his desk, seeming completely at ease. I don't know how he can do that, just seem so calm.
"Even now, and you want to make things as painful as possible for me, Itachi," I say flatly, glaring over at him. He has the decency to look almost rueful at my words. I look back to Naruto, and upon seeing the warning look he gives me, the one that tells me to just get to the point, I tell my story. "We worked ANBU together, sometimes. We received a mission to go retrieve an important scroll from a little temple in a country on the border of Fire. It was highly coveted, and so many people were after it the Hokage sent us to get it. Just in case." I laugh almost bitterly.
"Well, we got it. We were coming back, closing in on the border and about a day from Konoha, when we were attacked. There were eight enemy nin, four for each of us. I dropped mine and went to turn back to him. He was about to kill one in front of him. And...there was another one behind him, ready to stab him through with a katana. I lost it and protected him from the blow, ending up with the katana buried to the hilt in my stomach. He was in shock, so I took out the other two after removing the katana and then sat down. I opened my mask at the very bottom to let the blood I spit into it to drain out. Itachi...regained himself and patched me up. Then we disposed of the bodies and headed out."
"About thirty minutes later, once inside of the border of Fire, I collapsed. I woke up in the hospital," I tell him. And now comes the beginning of the hard part. I pause a little bit, looking at their faces. Sasuke and Naruto look curious, interested, and Itachi looks almost...pained. I wonder why. I sigh silently, telling myself to just get it over with. Like ripping off a band-aid. "Itachi was there. He told me he was leaving, that he was only there because the Hokage ordered him to remain until I regained consciousness. I asked him to stay. He told me no, and that he wouldn't be visiting again."
"He did visit again, but just once. I woke up in the middle of the night. He was there, and I ask him to stay again. He says no again, tells me he doesn't know why he came. I manage to persuade him to at least stay for a few more minutes. When he's there he reminds me once again that he didn't understand why he came, and lets me know he wasn't sure why I wanted him there, anyway. And I didn't really know why either, just that I felt better with him around. He asked why I saved him from the blow. I was honest, that I did it automatically." I know I have every inch of attention on me. I press on, ignoring the feeling in the back of my throat.
"He told me that I confused him, because whenever he saw me he felt weird. I thought of what it could be, but I dismissed that option almost immediately. And he left me again. Not long later, I was released from the hospital. I went to see the Hokage. He asked me to retell what happened on the mission. I told him. He, like Itachi, asked me why I did it, when Itachi was perfectly capable of dodging himself. This was after having ample time to think about it. And I was honest, though this time I knew," I say, speaking slowly. It was hard for me to even think about this, much less tell others. I look down at my feet.
"And what was that?" Naruto asks.
I swallow my pride and pain and tell him, "Love. I was, and am, in love with him."
Naruto's eyebrows fly up into his hairline. His cerulean eyes are filled with surprise. I glance over at the two Uchihas- Sasuke looks surprised, and Itachi looks oddly pained. I wonder why? Perhaps he regretted not hurting me more, though I'm not exactly sure how he would have managed that. He would have found a way, though, I'm sure. I return my gaze back to Naruto just in time to see him speak. "And, um, what did he say?" Naruto asks.
"Essentially, he told me to go for it. Said that he suspected he returned the feelings because he refused to leave my bedside. Apparently, it wasn't an order from the Hokage. As soon I was dismissed I went to find him, Itachi. And what follows is something I want to forget. Well, actually, to be perfectly honest I would be grateful if I forgot all of this. Anyway, I find him. Ask him why he lied about it. He asks me if I could just shut up. I told him I was sorry and that I didn't intend to make him angry, that I just wanted to know why. And...he told me that if I didn't want to make him angry, I should just leave him 'the fuck alone'. According to him, I was comparable to a lost puppy. I should know better because I had already made so many mistakes. And I hoped he wasn't talking about what I thought he was. Even if almost seven years had passed, it was still a touchy subject," I say.
Sasuke's frowning. "What was?" At a little glare from Naruto he looks at his feet and mumbles an apology.
"When I was a genin I was on a team with Oita Rin and Uchiha Obito. I got promoted to jonin later, when I was thirteen. Recently after the promotion, I was given the assignment to lead them on an important mission 'for the benefit of Konohagakure'. I fucked up and Obito died. My left eye had been damaged earlier in the mission, so as he was dying he had Rin transplant the Sharingan into my own eye," I explain. "And it was what he was talking about. He told me of how when he was a child, he remembered Obito's funeral. His aunt crying over his grave because I was unable to save him. She was heartbroken, cursing the person who did that to her child. He didn't stop making me hate myself there, either. He went on about my father, how he was a disgrace to Konoha and I was no better. I left then, and that was the night I first started drinking."
"Three days later, Uchiha Itachi shows up on my doorstep. Invites himself in. Tells me he's there to 'clarify his feelings'. He gives a speech about how little I'm worth. A giant inkblot on Konoha's history. I caused my mother's death, my father committed suicide after the failed mission that almost brought Konoha's downfall. The ordeal with Uchiha Obito. Tore a hole in his family, aunt cried for weeks. Rin left me because she realized that I had little worth. If he were, in his own words, to reciprocate my shameful feelings, there was no way the Uchihas would soil their name with someone such as as myself. I have little ability, and the only reason I have what I do is because I stole it. I told him to leave and he did. No more than a week later the Uchiha clan was massacred and he...was gone. Left," I finish. "And there you go, Hokage-sama. The story behind what you read in the Sandaime's files, the reason I don't want to be here right now, the reason I've been attempting to drink myself to death for the past eleven years. May I please just leave now? I rather feel like drinking again."
Naruto has the decency to look sorry for me. "Hai, Kakashi-sensei. You may. But, one last question...did you know why the massacre occured?"
I stand from my seat. "Thank you, Naruto-sama." He shakes his head, waves his hand, as if he's telling me the title isn't necessary for me. "...Naruto-kun. And yes, the Sandaime Hokage-sama informed me, after the massacre itself occurred, that it had been planned for a few weeks. Before we even went on the mission."
Pity is in his eyes. "Dismissed, Kakashi-sensei. Just...have baa-chan or Sakura-chan check out your kidneys tomorrow, okay? They should be at the hospital all day."
I nod and bow slightly before turning to the door. I open it up, feeling tears already welling up in my eyes. The door closes behind me, echoing through the office. I manage to keep my composure and prevent the tears from flooding all the way from the Hokage tower to my apartment. As soon as my front door closes behind me, though, it's like flood gates are released.
'Please take notice,
these words are hopeless...
This is ripping me apart
and I can't keep it up anymore.'
After the initial flow of tears, which I spend leaning against my front door pulling at my hair in frustration, I settle into my couch with a cup and a bottle of sake and begin drinking at a semi-steady pace. I remove my vest to be more comfortable. About a fourth of a way through I just ignore the cup and begin drinking straight from the bottle. Once my fingers begin to feel numb and the bottle's empty, I go into my kitchen and get another two bottles.
I'm halfway through the third one when there's a knock on my door. I'm beyond the point of trying not to be so direct with my drinking habits, so I just slouched to the door. The bottle dangles from my fingertips as I open it. "Hai?" I ask.
It's Genma. He raises his eyebrow in surprise at my appearance- disheveled, steadily becoming drunk. Numb. He opens his mouth and says, "Hey, Kakashi-san. I'm to escort you to the Hokage tower immediately." He can smell the sake and he sees the bottle I'm holding.
I breathe out slowly, briefly annoyed. Now what? I nod. "Just a moment. Come in if you want," I tell him, turning on my heel and leaving the door open behind me. He steps in hesitantly after, drifting into the living room. His eyes narrow in on the cup and the two empty sake bottles and he takes a deep breath. It smelled heavily of sake, I know. I put on my flak jacket and slide on my shoes. I take one last swig of sake before heading out with Genma. I don't bother to lock my door- no one would try to break in.
Five minutes later finds me in front of the door to the Hokage's office. I was on the cusp between being just tipsy and then completely drunk, so my thought process was a bit muggy and I had to actually put effort into keeping myself looking composed and sober. I knock once, twice, three times on the door. From within, Naruto gives me permission to enter. I twist the knob with one hand and push the door open, stepping inside the room.
Naruto and Itachi are the only ones there. I don't even look over at Itachi, just keeping my eyes to the front. "...yes, Naruto-kun?" I ask. There's a hint of a slur in my voice, not too pronounced but definitely noticeable.
He eyes me carefully. "Kakashi-sensei...Uchiha Itachi and Uchiha Sasuke have been placed on probation for the next year. They need to be in the hands of a capable guardian. I am taking on Sasuke as my charge, and you have been assigned Itachi."
I bristle. "If I must." Why was this happening to me? Is everyone out to get me? Today isn't my day, though it started out well enough. I returned from an easy mission, finished my mission report and turned it in, went home and relaxed for a couple of hours before heading out and drinking. That's when all this shit started. The past eleven years haven't been my best.
Naruto nods. "You must. You may leave now. Come back tomorrow in the afternoon for more information."
I nod, turning swiftly on my heel. I don't say a word. Itachi follows me silently out of the room, keeping quiet. I exit through the nearest window and continue on to my apartment. I don't bother to look back to see if he's following me. I don't care. I just land on the ground in front of my apartment building and head up the stairs to the tenth floor. He follows me all the way up, silent as ever. I open the door to my apartment and step inside. He closes the door behind himself and looks around.
He sees the three bottles on the table, two empty and one just under halfway done. He winces, making a face. He steps in further, watching as I sit down on the couch and take the bottle in hand. I yank my mask down and take in a mouthful of sake, making sure to pull my mask back up in place and put the bottle back onto the table. I lean back into the couch and sigh. I stiffen as I feel Itachi sit on the couch next to me. I open my eye slowly, glancing over at him to see him-
crying?
What the fuck? Why was he crying? I frown and my brow furrows. Uchiha Itachi was crying on my couch, in my living room, in my apartment? I must have misjudged how much sake I had already had. There was no way this could be happening. I blink and look around, rubbing my eye. What was I supposed to do? Talk to him, comfort him? How would I go about that if I was even interested in doing it?
Well, might as well go for it. I would be living with him for the next year. "Um, why are you crying?" As soon as the words leave my mouth, I internally cringe. How fucking stupid of me, just out right asking that. He only cries harder, burying his face into his hands. I feel all of my past feelings welling up- the want to comfort him. Well, fuck. I thought I was past that. "Uh, listen, I'm not the best at-"
"I'm sorry."
The words are muffled and his voice cracks, but it still sends me reeling. I blink wildly. What? "Yeah, ye-wait, what?!"
"I'm sorry," he repeats. I blink twice before reaching out to grab the sake again, this time getting several mouthfuls before stopping to breathe. I put it back onto the table and turn my whole body towards Itachi. He's halfway curled into himself, his hands still held to his face. Was it strange that I wanted to reach out and hold him? Probably, seeing as how he essentially ripped my heart out and walked over it repeatedly.
"I'm completely confused, and I doubt it's because of all of the sake I've had and the fact I'm half way inebriated. As far as I understood, you absolutely hated me. What's with this sudden regret?" I ask. I probably seemed surprisingly sober for having consumed, to his knowledge, around three bottles of sake.
He lowers his hands, turning to look at me. Tears streak down his flushed face. He seemed so much older, stressed out. So life hasn't been very easy for him, either. "I have never, not a day in my life, hated you."
"I must have had more than I thought," I murmur. "Perhaps five bottles? 'Cause you did inform me I was not worthy of even being in your presence, Itachi." His name burns coming out. He cringes at my words. Then, after a brief moment of silence, he leans over to me. He's only inches from me, our thighs almost brushing together. I stiffen almost immediately, and he definitely notices because he winces, reminding me of a stray puppy or hurt animal.
"I never wanted to say those things," he whispers. "Madara told me he would kill Sasuke if I didn't make you hate me. It was near impossible picking between those two options. Please, please..."
I'm not sure what he was saying please for, but I didn't really care. I lean forward into him, moving my arms to wind around his waist and pull him closer. He looks shocked, confused, but he doesn't make a single effort to move away. "Then you failed...I can't hate you, Ita-chan. No matter how hard I try, and believe me, I have..."
~LEAVE~
TA-DA.
This was really the only place I could stop this. I am SO SORRY! about the wait. Hopefully the lemon will be done soon. Please enjoy this for the time being! Love you guys 3 review pretty please!
