Hey there again guys! I'm back, and I don't have to talk through achievement gets this time! Zelda reinserted the telepathy disabler with more advanced firewalls...

Zelda - You're welcome.

Anyway, let's do Review Responses and then see what happens when newly equipped alternate me meets Kirito in the most embarrassingly funny way possible. BannaMan-Desu - Well, hey! I'm glad you like humor. I'm not even kidding in the summary, this thing will be full of hilarity. You might even break your funny bone! (Absolute silence) Aw, come on!

Zelda - you could have done better. Anyway, thanks for the review. I am really glad that the first one wasn't a criticize review as it often is with ZK's stories...

Ive published a couple stories I had to delete from criticizing reviews. So thank you! I'll try making this funny.

Zelda - We don't own SAO or its characters. Except ourself. Having an alter ego is confusing with possessive nouns... Enjoy this. Everyone had better because the first paragraph's embarrassing.

Chapter Two: (More) Boys, Boars, and Bloodred Warning Signs

Well, I thought, that was easy. Making Kirito fall over is always an effective start to a friendship, right? Anyway, said thing happened. When he got up (the avatar. The avatar!) and looked at me, he seemed surprised I was already geared up. "Heading out already?" He questioned.

I put my hands behind my head in embarrassment and an attempt to make the situation less awkward. "Yup. I wanna see how far I can get."

Kirito looked confused. "You can't buy that good of gear without a lot more col. Where'd you get it?"

"Uh..." I had hacked the system to give myself an insta-col deposit. I had an essential unlimited amount. "I kinda hacked the system."

Now he looked shocked. "But the game's been out twenty minutes."

"It's complicated." I held out a hand. "I'm Zelda."

"Kirito," Kirito replied, although I already knew that. But he didn't know that I already knew that. It would be weird if he knew that I knew that, right? But you knew that.

Easy easy ee-zeee! We're already going to go hunting together. "So, do you want to go out hunting together? I can give you the hack."

The kid looked interested in hacking the system. "Sure!"

A short while later, the two of us left the Town of Beginnings and headed to the fields. I had helped Kirito find a decently Elucidator-esque one-handed sword (though I didn't tell him that's why I liked it), but with a simpler handle and white blade, and decently dark-colored armor. Don't ask why he likes the color black. He just does.

Still surprised by how stupidly easy this was, I showed him how to do the sword skills Horizontal and Vertical. I was amazed by how perfectly Kirito explained it in the anime: you get into position, then you feel all tingly, and the skill unleashes. It's also weirdly satisfying. He wanted to go deeper, and I eventually taught him how to do Sonic Leap and Vertical Square, though he couldn't exactly perfectly do the latter.

He got the hang of it eventually, and we were both level 4 in a couple hours. We used our crazy money supply to reforge our weapons, then said goodbye for the night and logged off.

I cherished that logout button, knowing it would soon be gone for a while.

-...-

Two months later, the two of us had made it to Floor 9. Given, we had died a couple times, and I'd always freak out, but it was the beta, so it was okay. We were going to try the Floor 9 boss when everyone in-game got a message saying the beta was closing in a couple hours at six.

"Well, I should probably go soon," Kirito said. He opened his menu up. "Do you want to meet somewhere in the real game?"

I know it's been two months, but I really think it's funny how easy this is. Plus, on a cooler note, I haven't seen an emotionless side to Kirito yet. "Sure. How about the alley leading out to the north side of town? The one next to the weapon shop we bought your sword at." I marked it on his map.

"Great. You'll be there as soon as it opens, right?"

"Duh. I wouldn't miss it for the world." Even though I knew the opposite was true: If I did come, I'd lose the world.

We said goodbye and logged out.

-...-

Another month later, SAO came out for real. Whenever I went out, I heard almost everyone talking about it. If they didn't have it, they'd be talking about the beta testers, or what the game had inside. I was mostly inside the apartment, though, so I really never went outside.

The day SAO was going to start, I tried sleeping in as long as possible. I managed to sleep until eleven, then ate food slowly as possible. When I finished, it was almost noon. Since I had nothing better to do, I grabbed some of the magazines in the bedroom and read them. Time passed faster doing that, and before I knew it, it was 12:50. I ran to the bed, hooked up the NerveGear, and watched the NerveGear's internal clock. The second it counted 13:00 hours, I said, "Link start!"

The now-familiar senses check and account login scrolled past, and then I was back in SAO, for good. The plaza was full of almost all 10,000 players. I knew it would be hard to find really anyone in this crowd, so I just headed to the alley where Kirito and I were scheduled to meet.

Only a couple minutes later he entered the alley, followed by Klein's avatar. "Sorry I'm late, I have some extra baggage with me," Kirito basically deadpanned. Klein muttered something along the lines of "I'm still here."

"It's fine," I assured him. I had already re-bought Moonstar and my gear from the beta, and Kirito had managed to get his sword back but not the armor. Klein had a basic katana and basic armor. "C'mon, I wanna go level up."

"Well, aren't you hardcore," Kirito said. "This is Klein. Klein, this is Zelda." I smiled at him. "Let's go."

We taught Klein the basics, and everything went pretty normal (minus the part where I figured out my pain reducer is broken. Can you believe it? Any pain/wounds I get here I'll actually feel, heightening my 'don't get hit' sense.) all the way until 5:30.

Blood red warning signs filled the sky above us, and the GM Kayaba Akihiko appeared. "Hello. My name is Kayaba Akihiko."

"We knew that." I whispered under my breath, while opening my menu and tapping an extra tab I had titled 'Hacks.' It was really big, and I was surprised the system Cardinal hadn't found it yet. Like, WTF, Cardinal, it's been a month since the beta. Anyways. I didn't really listen to Kayaba's speech that much. I was looking through my list of hacks for the one entitled 'flyhack - loudspeakerhack - systemhack.' I was the hack I'd created during the last couple minutes of the beta and by far my best work. The flyhack enabled weightlessness but control over your body, giving the flying impression. Kayaba was probably using a legal version of it now. Loudspeakerhack was another one Kayaba was using, where your voice is amplified to reach the ears of all people in the plaza. Systemhack was the most unstable but necessary hack I had: as it suggested, it let me hack the system of Cardinal, letting me put players on the blackmail list, erase their data (thus ending their lives), and give them items, but at the cost of putting myself on the blackmail list. The blackmail list was a place GMs could put troublemaker players, and the system would seek the player out and force log out the player, then either expel or suspend them from playing the game.

My right hand hovered over the button. By turning this on, I'd challenge Kayaba in system control, becoming a hacked-in GM. But I would also be giving Kayaba the chance to erase and kill all players. But I would be able to log us all out... No, the best scenario from using this would be to kill all 10,000 of us. I lowered my hand and waited for the mirrors to be sent to our inventories, letting Kayaba Akihiko take control of the game.

Everyone picked up the mirrors, and they all reverted to looking like their real selves. Kirito looked at me after getting over Klein (finally, the avatar is gone) and noticed I didn't look any different. "Wait.."

I shrugged. "I made my avatar look like my real self."

"The only way to get out is to beat the game," Akihiko reminded.

Before he continued, I wanted to try something. "What? This is like EverQuest! When's the last time you heard of smoeone beating EverQuest?" I yelled. People looked at me.

Kayaba thought a moment before answering, "When's the last time you heard of someone playing EverQuest?"

I shrugged in defeat. "That's fair..."

As he finished up his speech, I grabbed the arms of Kirito and Klein and dragged them away to the edge of town. "Okay, guys. I'm leaving fro the next town because this one's gonna be spawned out soon. Klein, you can stay back with your friends. Kirito, you're coming with me."

The two boys looked at me like I had read their minds (which I had). "Did you just read my mind?" Klein asked. I grinned.

"Maybe," I replied. "See you later Klein!" Kirito and I ran out of town.

He asked a question as we ran. "So, why are you coming with me? I don't want to be responsible for another person's life."

I smirked back at him. "And who here has better weapons and armor, plus apparent telepathy?"

He rolled his eyes at me and we both continued running to the next town, to get stronger, because that's the only way to survive in a game like this.

Zelda - Ta-DAH! This adventure is FINALLY on the road!

And guess what else?

Zelda - What?

This adventure is being cut short!

Zelda - What?

Well, I have four - actually, five, other stories to work on, and since Zelda looks into them for me, we'll be busy for a while. My guesstimate on the next update is around a month and a half from now. I know I just started this story, but my others are lagging behind, so i need to give them attention first. Thank you for understanding! I guess we'll see you later!

Zelda - Bye...

[Achievement get - You let the game take its original course. Great job, Einstein, isn't that why you're even HERE?]

Zelda - Hey!