I got up in the morrning to find Sebastian was still out on business. Everyone knew that was a lie though what he really was on was some skany whore in a different state. What did I expect though I was never good enough for anyone lately. Not even my own brother and father could look me in the eyes and say they loved me. My mother well she and Luke had moved out to the country side and we still talked but we never talked face to face. Words could not ever explain how much I loved her, she didn't even have to say anything I knew I was her pride and joy. What did it matter though I was her daughter the youngest and her only girl at that she had to love me in a way. I wanted love not the friend or family kind not even the kind me and Sebastian had I wanted real love. Not poision that everyday I had to learn to swallow and take down that killed me slowly. Sighing I picked myself up out of bed and walked over to my vanity and chair. Sitting down I smoothed out my silk night gown and looked in the mirror. My blood red hair hanging down elegantly, blazing like fire against my glass like skin. The piercing green of my eyes went with the dark ring of gray going around them and of course making my features darker in a way. I was all natural in every way with my color of hair and everything else even though some people would like to try and argue otherwise. That's when my eyes drifted to my scared arms, poking ribs and brusies that were fading. Nothing about me was beautiful not anymore I wasn't some seventeen or eighteen year old godess anymore I was just me. Me is someone I didn't want to be. Slowly I refreshed my face with the special wipes Isabelle had reccomended for me saying they did wonders on her pores when she had been younger. Off came dirt and grime my other wipes had missed and I threw them all in the trash making my way to the bathroom. Pulling my hair up I splashed the cool water on my face and proceeded to brush my teeth for five minutes after removing my teeth whitening strips I wore at night. A lot went into my job and if anything it was important to have pearly whites. Yes they could always photoshop my body but I prefered to be all natural like all my other friends. Even if they tried though I have to sign a release form allowing them to send the photos out and if I even ever see a slight thing they did to fix me I make them undo it. I'm different from most model's you see most are like "Yes totally photoshop me!" but that dosen't make them any prettier in real life. What it does is make them liar and I want to be considered beautiful for who I really am not because some machine went and fixed everything society thought was "wrong" with me. Not that I was beautiful anyway but I guess a girl can try. Depression starting to take over my mind I trudged out to my kitchen and looked through the cabnits. "Damn it" I said under my breath searching for my diet pills. Sebastian had set the rule very clear I had to be a even one hundred pounds by the time he came back or I would regret it. Suddenly I remember where they had gone. My brother had found them yesterday and stuffed them into his coat pocket. "Jonathan!" I screamed to no one and grabbed my cell phone. I had to be at work in two hours and I needed those damn pills to take with my hour work out and then my cleansing session before I left.

After four rings he picked up the phone his voice groggy obviously I had woken him up. It was six in the morrning though he should be used to this by now. "Where are my pills?" I hissed into the phone and I heard him inhale a sharp breath. "Clare" he began but I cut him off rudly and desprate to have them back. "Please Jon" I whimpered into the phone crying "I need them more than you think." He sighed and I heard the sound of my pill bottle on the other end no doubt he was debating the effect if he did bring them. "Clare if he's hurting you" he was so stupid since when has Sebastian not hurt me in some way. "Just bring them or else he's going to hurt me worse you ass" I said and hung up. I knew I wouldn't have to worry Jon couldn't take it when I did that he always came when I said that kind of stuff. Thirty minutes later during my work out there was a knock on my door. "Come in!" I yelled out and Jon came in pill bottle in hand. Desprate and greatful my sweaty self jumped off the treadmill and walked over to him. Before I could even grab them he opened the bottle and dumped them in the garbage disposale. Screaming I ran over and turned it off grabbing a small little pill that had been untouched. I turned to face him and pushed him against the counter making a glass slam to the ground smashing pieces landing in my legs but I didn't care.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE HE'S GOING TO KILL ME I'M GOING TO GET FIRED YOU- YOU JERK OFF!"

Jon looked at me concern in his eyes as I picked the piece of glass out of my leg. Good thing they were only little pieces and I had nothing to worry about. All of a sudden I felt light headed and had to lean against the counter as I took the pill and threw the bottle away. He went to put a tender hand on my shoulder but I stepped away "just go please." Nodding he said goodbye sadly and closed my door leaving me alone in my dark apartment to wallow in self hate.

A little over an hour later I was walking into work pretending like nothing was wrong once again "how are you darling?" Jia asked me and I just smiled at her "i'm fine you?" we exchanged good morrnings and I started my ascent up the giant glass staircase leading off every where. Half way up I met my friend Isabelle and we began walking together. Out of all the girls Isabelle was the most beautiful of us. None of us said it out loud but it was a set agreement Kaelie however seemed to think she was the prettiest. It was quite funny actually to see her make a fool of herself while trying to prove it. Kaelie was no match for Isabelle's tall stature inevitable body and not to mention her raven hair that could slice through you possibly with one whip of her head. As we walked her chocolate eyes stared down into my mine seeming she was wearing some heels which she always did. Isabelle really didn't need heels she was already a giant compared to me but obviously guys were taller than her so she didn't see it as a problem. Her black heels clacked against the pure glass stairs as she chatted about the awful date she went on. While she talked I couldn't help but wonder how she hadn't slipped or feel yet being on this glass in those.

"Anyway long story short he was actually a fifty year old man with a lazy eye and wig"

"You're kidding!"

"No it was turly horrid!" she giggled

We both manged to be in hystric giggles by the time we made it to the room for our photoshoot. Pushing open the doors Isabelle walked in her game face on me behind her. Sometimes when she entered a room people stopped and stared like she was god like they were right now. This always happened when we were working with a new crew. I could feel some eyes on me though which happened to sometimes. "Well?" I called out sweetly then glaring "close your damn mouths and get to work!" Isabelle and I walked over still chit chatting to our seats and took off our coats crossing our legs like the lady like people we had to be. Magnus bane our long time friend since high school and owner of our company came over smiling. "Ahh" he said happily "my two most sucessful and wanted models have arrived" I rolled my eyes and laughed "yeah right magnus." It was now his turn to roll his eyes playfully a huge smile on his face "you're beautiful babes don't forget now go get in your pantie sets!" Izzy and I got up when my best friend Simon walked over giving me a huge hug making me feel slightly better. "Mind if I watch" he asked wiggling his eyebrows I slapped his arm and Izzy looked at him amused. "Perv!" I called out walking away from him over to my costume director and Izzy making her way over to hers. Simon and her wouldn't admit it but they totally had the hots for each other. Not that he hadn't totally struck out with her about five times. I always asked why she said no when she liked him and her reply was always the same "he's too nice and I'm not ready for a good relationship yet but thanks clare." Everytime I called bs but whatever it was her life. Alec handed me my outfit and grimanced at the sight of me. "Shut up lightwood" I said rolling my eyes stripping down to my already on under wear infront of him. Now I know what you're thinking CRAZY but no he's gay and Izzy's brother so actually it's ok. Turning around I slipped off my bra putting on the other one and then doing the same with my under wear. "So" I began while he adjusted the straps for me like he always did "how are you and magnus?" He began to blush and I knew it was going good he didn't have to say anything. "And speaking of people did you and maia switch between me and Izzy again?" I asked raising an eyebrow. He looked at me guilty and blushing of course they did usually maia did my outfitting but sometimes Alec forced her to switch with him.

"What do you expect me to do? I don't want to dress my sister in stuff like this! she practically still a baby to me I don't even like her dating!"

"Okay Alec I get it big brother instincts"

He guided me back over to my make-up area and sat me down at the same time Isabelle arrived at hers with maia. She took one look at her brother and muttered "pussy" under her breath. "Heard that you hootchie mama" he said smirking at her both of them shaking their heads. Alec and Maia began working on our hair and appling make up to our faces. Alec ended up pulling my bang back hair sparying them in a bump and then started curling the hair that hung down to my mid back. Isabelle had the same thing going on with her bangs but her hair was pin straight and unlike the mint green bow in my hair hers was a red one. Looking around I realized all the other girls had pink bows on and slightly different outfits. "Why do we look like sex objects and they just look like they're modeling for regular underwear stuff?" Izzy and I asked at the same time. Maia and Alec shared a smirk but they wouldn't tell us. A moment later while I was having blush and lip gloss applied to me someone brought out my black heels and I strapped them on standing up when Alec with done with my touch up. Five minutes later when Izzy was done she came over and stood with me that's when Magnus came running over something fluffy in each hand. Oh god I thought as he made his way over and finally I realized he were the specially picked angels in this photoshoot. Hurrying us Magnus strapped on our over the top sparkly, pink, fluffy wings. "Girls you're on in ten by Alexander" and with that he walked away winking at him causing alec to blush. "How cute" I cooed and Alec took my arm in his hands. "Clary" all three of my friends said looking down at my arm "i'm working on it" I lied. Sighing Alec brought me over to the stand and began covering them up.

"Remember my offer?"

"I can't just leave Sebastian and come live with you guys that would be wrong and he'd find me plus why would I let you set me up with someone remember when you did that in high school?"

"I didn't know he was trying to make a clone of you!"

"Yeah well anyway thank you Alec you're sweet"

I leaned over planting a soft little kiss on his cheek and walked up to the stage with Isabelle so we could begin the shoot. But Alec, Magnus and Izzy's offer laid in the back of my mind the whole time. Could I really do that?

Yay im in the Christmas mood so this the last chapter for today it took forever to write so yeah it'll start picking up soon I promise love you guys I know this probably won't get popular but for every person who even looks at this makes me feel better about myself :)